The clown in your dreams
by Daruku Janubu
Summary: After a terrible mission, Allen is on the brink of death and his friends are in anguish, but in the middle of the night, a mysterious white clown will visit them on their dreams. And maybe they’ve known someone long before they knew their name.
1. The silence before the act

Pairings: None, just friendship, but feel free to interpret as you wish

Disclaimer: I don't own -man, if I did I wouldn't be dying to know what happens after chapter 178

**Chapter one**

**The Silence before the Act**

Silence. Everyone kept in silence. Worried expressions in every face, even the cold samurai had a frown. Their bodies were bandaged and sore. But they were all alive. Lenalee, Lavi, Kanda and Link. But that was what made them sad and mad, because they were alive, because they didn't even receive any life threatening wound, and because it was all thanks to the young exorcist that was fighting to stay alive.

Lenalee was trembling at the idea of losing an important piece of her world. She remembered that he had mentioned a bad feeling that morning. He said that something felt out of place. But she thought he was being a little too nervous because of Link's constant supervision. They where suppose to retrieve a fragment of innocence that a group of finders were protecting in the south of Russia. The only reason as to why four exorcists where assigned on one single mission, was that there was a really big number of akumas in the area. It was supposed to be an army of level twos and level threes. The attacks weren't even coordinated, so they thought it was just a common raid. They didn't know it was a trap, and they went directly at it. Well, maybe no one but the young boy did. She wanted to help him, she tried desperately to, but even with her crystallized innocence she could not be of help. She shuddered at the memory of his pure white innocence died in crimson red as he laid on the floor looking at them, pleading for help for once in his life, and she could not do anything about it.

"_It's my fault… I should have paid him more attention, I should have taken him more seriously… please, don't take him away…" _she thought as a silent tear fell down her cheek. How his mangled body was forced by crown clown to continue fighting, how the mask covered his eyes preparing to try one more attack before finally his conformers body had crossed over the line of humanly bearable. Lenalee covered her mouth, she didn't knew if she could resist the tension for much longer _"Please be alright, please!"_

Lavi looked at her. He knew exactly what she was thinking, and knew she was wrong, but couldn't say it out loud, because, to be honest with himself, he guilty as well. _"No… I can't think that… it's not like we could have known he was being serious…"_ he remembered how the young boy had being acting very weird lately. Especially after they were told about the fourteenth _"He kept a far away look in his eyes, as if thinking of something else, and whenever he encountered a mirror or a window, he just glared at his own reflection"_ Lavi tried to convince himself that it couldn't have been avoided, his teeth were pressing tight enough to make sure his jaw was going to be in pain later. It was impossible to have been prepared at all for such a well laid trap. Even Kanda, that was always prepared for everything, always on guard, fell for it. Looking up to said exorcist with his single emerald eye he was impressed to see a little of anxiety in the eyes of the samurai as he moved his eyes to the door of the infirmary. Fallowing the example, he looked also. It had been five hours now. Five hours since they have come to stand there and no one had come out. How he hated to be a bystander, and more when the enemy forced you to be a bystander for a friend's demise. If the boy died, Lavi knew he was not going to be able to act very bookman-like about it, you could not pretend that someone's death, someone that became like a little brother for you, was just ink on a piece of paper. The young apprentice for bookman sighed, and proceeded to try to distract his thoughts by playing with the bandage on his arm.

Kanda continued to look at the floor. He was doing his best not to look again at the door. He couldn't understand what he so nervous about. The stupid beansprout always survived this kind of things. Heck, the boy was like a cockroach, you could stomp on it a thousand times and it will still be able to move around. But he could not deny what his eyes saw. How that pale body hit the floor; how the blood pooled underneath it, how the light started to fade from those pleading eyes. He shook his head. He had to stop remembering that, if he did, if the beansprout died, he would be haunted by the images of the boy he could not help. That was what bothered him more than anything. That all he could do was watch helplessly as the clown exorcist fought those level four to save them. To save them from their own mistakes. From his own mistake! He should have been able to notice that trap, he should have thought about it… but he kept himself thinking of how annoying the dawn rabbit was being that morning. And how pathetically angst the beansprout was being. He knew better than that. But he didn't want to trust the young boy, because he was the host of the fourteenth, for all he knew, the idiot could be trying to lead them on a trap himself.

Kanda sighed; he knew he was lying to himself. He couldn't bring himself to belief the Walker boy a traitor. An idiot, yes, but a traitor, it was impossible. So that was not an excuse for his actions, and he knew it. But he could not bring himself to say he actually cared about the boy either, he was too proud to say it, to proud to admit that the younger exorcist had become, eventually and in a sort of forced way, part of his family. A part, like the idiot rabbit, or sister like Lenalee, or annoying Komui. He couldn't be like Lavi and openly say that he thought of the boy as a brother, he could not say that he had purposely being trying to severe all relationships with the boy, just so that when the time to eliminate him came he wouldn't have any doubts. But he could not lie to himself. And if someone didn't come out of THOSE DAWN DOORS HIS THOUGHTS WERE GOING TO DRIVE HIM CRAZY!

Link just sat there with the others in the waiting room. His charge was under delicate surgery and he had to keep himself as near as possible. But he couldn't deny that even if he had not being forced to by his superiors, he would still be sitting there. After all, the first injury that Allen Walker received was because of him. Because, inspector Howard Link, proud member of the assassination group "Crow", had being imprudent enough to allow a disgraceful creature such as a Noah to sneak behind of him and almost kill him, but Walker had been fast enough to cover for him, but not without injuries, for the candles of the Noah did graze his left temple, not a serious wound, but the first step for all the chaos to begin. He tried to help as much as possible, but they were outnumbered by three times the amount of akuma reported. That and the group of twenty-five finders had already being killed. It was such a horrible picture, even thought it wasn't gross, just the clothing of the fallen members on the floor. They had being fooled. The finders had being dead before the call to inform about the innocence had being made. There had being an innocence, in fact, it was still present when they got there, and Link was witness of how hard Allen had fought to try and recover it from the hands of the Noahs, that kept mocking him as they fought. But the inspector could see the little nervous glint on the eyes of the cursed family members. Obviously Walker was someone they had to be careful with. But it wasn't their intention to fight him at all. Their intention was to put all of his friends in the middle. Link pressed his fist till the knuckles became white, he had being the first one to fall on their trap, the others that had being taking by surprise from the sudden attack, fell one by one. Allen, being the only one who had expected more than the others had his innocence activated before the battle began. For those who could not offer support on the precarious situation, it was obvious that they had not being the target of the Noah at all. It was Walker. They laid that trap to eliminate Allen Walker, and with him, destroy the access to the ark and also one of the most promising warriors of the organization.

Link felt terrible, but not because of his broken leg, or his several bruises, but because he had allowed a fifteen year old child to protect him. Because to his eyes, Allen Walker was just a poor unlucky child and he could not help to bring him to this unlucky end. And yet, the young exorcist fought. How was the Walker boy able to pull out the strength to destroy three levels four all by himself was beyond him. But something was certain, almost by the end of the battle, somehow, Allen Walker's face showed a deep fear; as he looked for help, help that none of them could offer. It was just before crown clown used crown belt to envelope the body of his conformer taking control of it's movements, forcing the already half dead boy to continue fighting, just like it happened on the attack at the order, only that this time, Walker really didn't look to be allowing it. Link would have had recognized that he felt dread when the mask fell over the eyes of the boy, because for an instant, Allen, didn't seem to be Allen anymore. Out of nowhere the young exorcist pulled such strength in just one attack, that he literally obliterated the akumas. It was amazing and frightening at the same time. And then, the boy just fell on the floor, like a discarded doll. His innocence back in his arm as his body hit the floor. All of them that had been unable to move where suddenly free from their binds, so they ran to the fallen boy, hoping that he was still alive. The exorcist called their comrade's name, telling him things like "Hang in there" or "don't you dare die on us". But he wasn't that naïve. He saw the wounds, and knew for a fact that inside the infirmary, doctors and scientist of the black order were making the impossible by trying to give life to a dying body. The most they could do was try to delay the obvious result.

But if he was so sure, why was he here then? If his charge was already going to die he should be on his room preparing a complete report notifying inspector LeVerrier about the demise of the fourteenth Noah. But even thought he would not say it out loud, he really wanted to believe that this poor unlucky human, could pull a last lucky card from his bloody sleeve. _"Just for once… just for once, prove me wrong Walker"_ he thought.

For two more hours they were put under the pressure of the wait. All of them about to go crazy at any moment, and then suddenly, the doors opened; revealing two figures, they were Komui and Matron.

Lenalee looked at his big brother and the first thing she notice was his very down looking face, she could have sworn that she saw a single tear fall from the corner of his eye, but it was hidden by the shade of his hair. His white hat on his right hand. his left hand adjusting his lenses. Matron looked very sad, her nurse clothes covered with blood stains. Lenalee feared the worst.

Lavi looked at the third figure coming from inside towards him. Bookman looked at his young apprentice at the eye, the old man's grim face making Lavi's blood run cold. Bookman lowered a little his head as he started to walk past 'Junior' whispering something in other language that only Lavi understood.

"_You're allowed to record the end of this file" _Lavi felt his heart stop for a second at his grandpa's words.

Kanda stood still waiting for Komui who was looking at each of their faces with a sad expression.

Komui's face stopped on Link's, the inspector's face was saying he already had an idea of what was going on. Then his eyes went to his beloved sister, who seemed about to brake down. How he hated to do this. He was the only one to blame, had he investigated properly, he wouldn't have sent them into a suicide mission, but what was done, was done.

"Brother?" she said, her voice braking.

He looked at her again, and them bowed his head to them all "We've done all we could" he said, his own voice trembling "But it is not enough"

All of their eyes centered on him. Was Allen dead then?

"Allen Walker's injuries were far too serious. We've tried all, but he had slip into a coma. His body's condition is deteriorating very fast from a massive internal damage. We're afraid that if this continues, he will die by tomorrow night, all we can do is delay it… we're utterly sorry" He said. Everyone stood in shock.

And so, there was silence again. Silence…

Ooo

Well I hope you've like it so far. Please review to know you're opinion about this. And thank you for reading.


	2. Prelude: enters the clown

Disclaimer: I don't own D. grayman

"talking"

"_thoughts"_

_Flash back_

**Chapter two**

**The prelude: **

**Enters the Clown **

"_I mean it guys, there's something near us, and it's looking at us, stalking, ready to take advantage…" _

"_Walker, if you're trying to insult me, please be direct"_

"_I don't mean you Link" the boy looked confused at the young inspector "But I'm surprise you consider yourself a stalker"_

_The inspector turned his head away from the boy, embarrassed by his chose of words._

"_Waaah! Two spot is stalking us, Lenalee, Allen hide before he takes advantage!" yelled Lavi in his oh-so-unique style. "Yuu! We have to protect the children!"_

_Said samurai was already taking his beloved sword in hand; ready to cut off the ears of the greatly annoying rabbit. The other three exorcist forgotten behind as the two started the much known routine of comedy and threat. _

_Allen sighed as his foot sank in the cold snow that covered the place. It was supposed to be spring at that time of the year, and this lonely bleak plateau was supposed to be covered by the flowers. But for some reason, the whole area had stopped changing seasons in winter; so for almost a whole year, nothing but strong winds and snow could be found on this deserted place. Allen frowned, something wasn't right. Lenalee noticed his expression and decided to try to help him. _

"_Allen-kun, is there something wrong?"_

_The boy looked at her, and nodded slowly._

"_I feel like something is out of place. I don't know how to explain it. It's more of a hunch than anything, but I think we may be going somewhere dangerous"_

"_Well, that's a normal statement to make. We're going to retrieve a shard of innocence, obviously there's many akumas around and that is a normal thing to be feeling unrest about, Walker"_

_Allen sighed again "I'm aware of that, but because of that I feel so nervous" _

_The little quarrel ahead of them stopped as the older exorcists of the group decided to hear this out._

"_Nee, Allen, you're not scared, are you?" commented Lavi in his cheerful tone._

"_No, I'm not scared… it's just that…" the boy looked around trying to grasp the words to explain himself "It's just that, there's supposed to be a great amount of akumas, but… my eye doesn't react at all" rubbing his cursed eye, Allen tried to concentrate but there was nothing at all._

"_Ch" the four looked at the sword exorcist "That shouldn't surprise you. Don't you remember, when we got the little brat the same happened. Don't be a coward. The enemy obviously won't allow us to have the advantage anymore, which includes your eye, so you should expect it to happen many times in the future. It's just common sense, stupid bean sprout" At the mention of the offensive nickname, Allen glared at Kanda, but to the surprise of the young samurai, the boy just lowered his head and sighed yet again. _

"_I know that… but, that time, we almost die. If it hadn't been for Timothy's ability and much luck, we would be dead already, if you didn't notice that Kanda" the boy was obviously getting a little edgy about it "What if something happens again? Is frustrating"_

_Lavi had a serious look in his eye as he heard his friend's reasons._

"_Allen" his voice as soothing as possible "It's not the same, ok? This time, we are four exorcist, one of them a critical, meaning you, and one of them a crystallized type, meaning Lenalee. We also have a great group of finders waiting for us; ready to call to the order in case problems should arise. We have information from those finders, and we are aware of what our enemy is and what it is about. Shall anything happen, we are already prepared for it" the older boy put a hand over the younger's shoulder in a playful way "besides, if you and Lenalee here, fight together, not even a level four can stop us" _

_Allen looked at Lenalee, who smiled at him reassuringly. He nodded softly. But had one last troubling thought. _

"_But… what about my eye?" _

"_Well, if the enemy were to be intelligent, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if they had already prepared a spell over every single akuma raid they may do. After all, without the egg, they do have to be careful of how they use the akuma they have left" _

_Link's reasoning, helped him to relax. At least he wasn't alone on the mission. The young boy decided that it wasn't worth it to make his friends nervous about this. So he put on a soft smile and said cheerfully "Ok" and put his edginess to the side, at least for the time being. He could worry after locating their contact finder. _

"_See? Everything's fine. Better get going, right Yuu? What do you say?_

"_Ch" murmured the samurai._

"_By the way, 'Ch' isn't even a word, now is it Bakanda?" commented Allen with his dark face._

"_SHUT IT OR I'LL RIP YOU'RE INSIDES OUT BEAN SPROUT!"_

_As the two started to fight, the others relaxed for Allen seemed to be back to his normal self… or at least they thought so… _

Ooo

They didn't actually thought if they wanted to be there, but when Komui had asked if they wished to see him, no one could say no. They knew it was going to be a horrible sight, but that wasn't enough to wake their dull senses. As they walked slowly inside the room, they saw the retreating members of the staff. Some doctors and nurses, some scientists even one finder. All giving sympathetic looks at them. Some of them silently thanked God for not being exorcists.

The group of four followed Komui towards the room the young exorcist was in. Kanda frowned at the intense smell of blood that came from the place. Link on his part took notice of the many dirtied clothes the nurses were taking away. Lavi was recording everything he saw and heard as they walked, trying to prepare himself for what he may see. And Lenalee, well she was just trying not to forget how to breathe and walk. Her hands held each other very tightly, trembling. Komui cursed himself thinking it was a bad idea to let them see, but knowing they had the right.

As they neared the room, they heard a voice, a little constipated voice of someone that had obviously being crying; it was soft and sounded as if it was trying to give comfort.

"It's going to be alright (sob) I'm sure it's uncomfortable (sniff) but it'll be alright, ok? Allen?" Lenalee recognized that voice immediately for she had heard it in that state many times lately.

"_Johnny…"_

Komui breathed in one more time before entering the room, signalizing the others to enter.

They knew the sight was going to be bad… they didn't think this much…

Ooo

"_Exorcist-dono" yelled a finder as he ran to them "Over here"_

"_Is that our contact?" asked Lenalee looking at the man._

"_Mmm… Are you Bisk, our guide?" asked Lavi when the man was in talking distance._

"_Yes sir, my squad leader send me to take you to the village that we are hiding in, sir!" the middle age man answered lively._

"_Very well, we shall fallow you" Link turned to Allen "We're very near the village, so far so good, right Walker?" _

_Allen wanted to smile at the inspector who seemed to be trying to act nice to help him, but he couldn't shake the feeling of dread that came to him. This finder gave him the creeps, but he couldn't know if he was a human or an akuma. He couldn't use his eyes to scan him and he couldn't just use Crown Clown. If he was human his claw would kill him. And if he were to use his exorcism sword, there was a very high possibility that he ended up with a trauma for life. That and a certain inspector may accuse him of becoming a Noah and going berserk on his comrades. _

"_Yeah…" replied the boy following his friends. Without them knowing, he was slowly preparing to activate his innocence at any moment. Something was going to happen and he wasn't going to allow his important people to be hurt._

Ooo

They were shocked at the sight in front of them.

Lenalee couldn't make her legs keep her up any longer so she fell on her knees, tears falling freely from her eyes. She felt as if the world was in sudden stop motion, time irregular and irrelevant. The other's in the room weren't even noticed, only the boy on the bed, and the many machines that were keeping him alive. More than ever, she knew she was going to loose someone important, and felt unable to do anything. If only she could go back in time. If only her innocence could make that happen, she would have done something, anything. Suddenly the puzzle of her life felt incomplete, but this time, she knew that she could not replace the piece she was going to loose. Didn't matter how much, Allen wasn't just someone she knew, he was already far too important for everyone, far too indispensable to let go.

Kanda stood by the door, leaning softly against the wall. His face not showing any expression, but his wide eyes allowed to see how much he was feeling. He wanted to deny what his eyes were seeing. This was supposed to be the 'traitor' of the organization, a dangerous threat and the great hope of many finders, and some exorcists. He was suppose to be an annoying as hell comrade, the one who would make him mad for no apparent reason, his bickering partner (even if he wouldn't saying out loud he quite enjoyed making the bean sprout's loose his calm and cordial self), the only person in the organization with the guts to answer back… he wasn't supposed to be unable to move, on a bed, dying. This was wrong.

Lavi's jaw was hanging open. He was a bookman's apprentice, therefore he had seen thousands of injuries, deaths and many things he will never tell, but this wasn't like that. Never had he actually cared so much about someone that was on their dying bed. Also, he had never seen all those machines around one single body. It made Allen look even more fragile and sick Time was slipping away from the boy's hands. Lavi put his hand on over his mouth feeling suddenly very ill as his nose registered the smell that invaded the room. Death. He knew it very well, but to feel that emanating from the body of the 'Destroyer of time' was almost surreal. Allen couldn't die, he hadn't completed the prophecy yet, he didn't have the right to die yet. _"The record can't be left incomplete, you stupid bean sprout"_ his mind screamed as his bookman side tried to pent out some of his anger.

Link just looked forward. He might have been the most prepared for the sight. He had known that Walker was going to die, he didn't wish for it, but it was going to happen. He also knew that they were going to use many machines to try and delay the process, although he didn't know the purpose of each machine. He noticed the only two members of the scientist group that stayed behind. Reever the squad leader who was looking sadly at his young subordinate. The boy, that everyone called Johnny, seemed to be recovering from a break down. Link looked at the others that entered with him. The exorcists' moral was on the floor, and the supervisor couldn't have looked more pitiful. He could only imagine what the other members of the organization; finders, exorcists on mission and scientist were going to be by tomorrow night. The inspector sighed; a report won't be enough to explain it all. His mind started to try to describe the scene.

In the middle of the white room, in a hospital bed, lay the young exorcist, the hope of the whole organization and maybe the world, unconscious and surrounded by weird machines. His right eye was tightly shut. The left one covered up. His once white hair was mostly dyed pink because of the blood from the heavily bandaged wound on his head. His right arm was completely bandaged as well as his neck. His left arm was resting over a comfortable pillow, black bandages covering many parts of it. There was a white sheet covering from his chest to his feet, but part of a weird bandage was visible, the piece of fabric was covered in weird symbols. Many machines were connected to his body. One of them was the one that read his heart beats, the others who knows what their purposes were. There was a weird thing hanging from the ceiling. It looked like a talisman used by the finders to stop akumas, but it had other color and was projecting the barrier right into the area that was covered by the sheet on Walker's chest and stomach. There was a disgusting tube connected to Walker's mouth. The tube thing was taped with adhesive to his mouth and the end of it was connected to a pump machine.

Johnny, who had just noticed their presence, saw how Link was looking nervously at the thing in Allen's throat. The young scientist cleaned his tears and the snot from his nose. Then, walking to Allen's bedside, he smiled softly at the sight of Timcampy resting next to his owner's head on the pillow, rubbing his golden body at the hair of the young exorcist, beckoning him to wake up. The smile disappear from Johnny's face _"Sorry Tim… he's better of unconscious" _the images of the poor boy as they tried to help him while his broken body twitched in utter pain as his mouth let out sad moans was really going to hunt him forever, but he wanted to be of help so he forced himself to stay. Johnny bent a little and patted the boys head in a brotherly way.

"Don't worry" he said to the people at the door "He's unable to feel pain" the voice of the young genius was cracking as he talked "he can't feel it anymore (sniff)"

Komui walked to his comrade and with a solemnly expression and looked at the squad leader

"Reever, please take Johnny to his room" then looked at the young man "Johnny, you need to rest. You've been of much help. Take the rest of the night and tomorrow to recover"

The boy shook his head, but Komui insisted saying that Allen wouldn't want to see him like that. That statement convinced the scientist to go to his room, but not before saying good night to everyone, Allen included.

"I'll be back in the morning… hope you'll be better" the moment Johnny put a foot out of the room, he was running away crying all the way to his room.

"Uh… I'll go for him. Then I'll make sure he gets some sleep" said Reever as he excused himself from the room.

Komui walked to the side of the bed were Johnny had been a moment ago. Then looked at the group near the door and mentioned with his hand for them to get closer.

"Komui, what are those things?" asked Link leaning onto his crouch while stepping closer. Behind him, Lavi helped Lenalee to stand up as Kanda walked by them.

"Told you his injuries were severe… This machines read his vitals, they help the doctors to know the grade of deterioration of his body" the supervisor pointed to a group of machines that had cables attached to Allen's body.

"What do the tube does?" asked Lavi, feeling very disgusted of the thing on his friend's mouth.

Komui looked at them before putting on a supervisor mask and started to explain the purpose of the machines.

"Well, this tube is connected to this pump, an air pump. You'll see, Allen-kun's lungs received severe trauma, and one of them was punctured. Because of that, little after Allen-kun arrived he was unable to breath" his words were like a cold shower on their heads "This machine's purpose is to pump air into Allen's lungs, literally forcing them to breath, for he can't do it himself anymore" The group looked silently at the thing pumping the air at the same moment as Allen's chest raised "The tube had to be introduce down his throat to allow the air to enter, that's why it's taped" Lavi was feeling sick again, almost wanting to throw up, and by the looks of the others, they felt it also.

Ooo

_When they were going to enter the town, Allen couldn't control his agitation anymore, and suddenly, and to the surprise of his comrades, the young exorcist activated his innocence._

"_OI! What do you think you're doing Stupid bean sprout?"_

"_Say what you want, I can't go on with this feeling, something is wrong and I don't care if you think I'm crazy"_

_Everyone looked at him shocked by the sudden change of tone in his voice. He was deadly serious._

"_Allen-kun, I think it's not very wise to do that. You'll get tired and in battle you'll be distracted"_

"_But, Lenalee…"_

"_You aren't trying anything, right Walker?" _

"_No I'm not!"_

"_Saa! Allen, relax, everything's alright, if activating you're innocence makes you feel better, then do so" said Lavi smiling. Then suddenly he gave a slap to his own face "A mosquito?" he said looking at the dead insect._

"_Ch, great, first snow, then a scared bean sprout and now insects" commented Kanda annoyed as he gave a slap on his neck._

"_How are there insect in this cold and harsh weather?" thought Lenalee as she hit one on her hand._

"_Is this because of the innocence?" asked link to Bisk as he killed one on his forehead._

_Bisk looked at them smiling "Yes indeed, this is one of the reasons that we came to investigate, it's not only the cold, but there seem to be many mosquitoes here, even thought there's nothing to feed of" _

"_They don't attack you" said Allen, getting edgy again._

_Bisk raised his hands trying to calm him down "Relax, please exorcist dono. That's because I'm covered by a special repellent. When we get to our hideout, I'm sure my squad leader will give you some" the man laughed softly_

"_Hey, Allen, you aren't being attack either, right?" asked Lavi trying to scare them away._

_Allen looked around him "No… maybe Crown Clown is scaring them"_

"_It's very probable, the power of the innocence might push them away" said the man before continuing walking towards the village "let's hurry, the akuma army that was spotted by our team shouldn't be very far, we need to prepare"_

_The group fallowed the finder as they tried their best to keep the blood suckers away._

"_Nee… Maybe we should copy Allen and use innocence to scare them away"_

"_I doubt that'll work Lavi-dono. Walker-dono's innocence covers most of his body and because of being a parasitic type it also emanates from his body, but your equipment type won't be able to keep them away that easily"_

"_Ah?! Now I'm jealous of you bean sprout! I wanna innocence like that!" whined the red haired exorcist as he moved dramatically his arms around._

"_I doubt that" mumbled Allen as he kept his eyes fixed on the finder ahead of them._

_They just stared at the young boy and his innocence, feeling his distress very clear. They thought that maybe Allen's intuition could be right, but if it was just him being nervous they would loose energy for nothing. There was an akuma army getting closer by the minute, they couldn't take the risk. The group decided to allow the Walker boy to do as he pleased and continue to do as they thought best. In time of war, there was no place for maybes; they had to do as it was best for the success of the mission. Or at least they thought so._

Ooo

Komui moved to point the machine that was hanging from the ceiling.

"I'm sure you recognize this" he said looking at them.

"A Talisman" mumbled Lenalee. Her brother nodded.

"A great part of Allen Walker's inner organs were damaged. There was a huge internal bleeding, we couldn't stop it, no matter what we did, so…" Komui looked very uncomfortable of what he was saying "The scientist's team came up with this idea. This Talisman works like an akuma talisman does. It stop it's objectives movements. But in this case, it's been modified to be used on humans, more specifically on certain parts. This talisman's purpose is to keep all of Allen's inner organs together" Now they were going to throw up. Keep organs together? Did he mean like with duck tape? "His whole system was collapsing, so using this barrier; we were able to literally paste the organ tissue together… it's like an envelope for them, that way the blood would stay inside and continue to work normally…"

Komui could see how much this was affecting the young exorcists; even Kanda was a soft pale green. And the inspector looked disgusted out of his mind.

"Unfortunately, this process is not like Miranda's Time Record. We can not stop the decay of the tissue and the bleeding; we can only delay the process. If only Miranda was here…maybe we could buy some more time… but we can't bring her back…"

"Why not niisan?" asked Lenalee recovering her voice after the horrible explanation.

"Since Allen-kun came back… since he fell into the unconsciousness, the doors to the ark had gone crazy" Everyone looked at him confused "Don't look at me like that" he said crossing his arms over his chest "were not sure what is going on either. Although, we believe that maybe the player might be giving subconscious orders to the ark… maybe…in some part of Allen-kun's head he is trying to move the doors"

They all thought the same thing.

"_He isn't sure if he opened it"_

Ooo

_If only they had being more conscious of their surroundings. Why was Allen able to feel so edgy about it all but they didn't even notice something wrong? How could they have known that those dawn insects were part of an akuma's abilities? It was nonsense. It was impossible to know that a level four was actually able to create bindings like that. _

_If only they had activated their innocence, those silly 'mosquitoes' wouldn't have stung them, therefore, the akuma wouldn't have being able to capture them in their spell. That barrier was something impressive. Not only did it stop their movements, but it also limited the air supply. With the air running out quickly, not even Kanda was able to fight back. His great and mighty tattoo could cure him from any sickness, any wound, but it couldn't save him from something that was not exactly an attack. His body's wounds were already healing,if not for the tattoo he'll be dead already, but not even his mark would save him from asphyxia. They were fooled, completely. Their guide had being a Noah all along. "Dawn cat woman" thought the samurai as he saw from his prison how the bean sprout fought the candle girl. _

_Allen was distracted by Road Camelot, the oldest Noah, so he didn't noticed his friend's predicament. His eyes were concentrating on the innocence in Road's hand; he had to get it back. The trapped warriors became mere spectators of the battle as their lungs started to struggle. That was when the boy finally noticed they weren't moving at all, as the last akumas, three level four, made their appearance on the stage._

_It was then that Road got Allen, piercing one big candle into his stomach. The boy coughed some blood from the attack. The Noah girl got near to his face, and Lavi was sure that she told him something that made him become very pale. As soon as the girl took forcefully the candle from Allen's bleeding wound he turned around and at full speed went to attack the level four. Floating in the air, Road laughed maniacally, as her hand crushed the piece of innocence into dust. Lenalee was witness of the pain in Allen's face as Road laughed, he was feeling guilty again. But they were at fault, more than the boy was in fact. _

_When the young exorcist started to fight the futile battle with the level fours, the two Noahs took their leave. Road opened up one of her doors and she and Lulubell went through it. They knew Allen wasn't going to survive. They didn't need to make sure of that much._

_To the audience, the battle was mostly one sided. The akumas were having the time of their existences by playing with the poor boy. Crack, hisses, moans, terrible agonizing but silent cries. And yet, he stood up again, and again. The four onlookers were starting to feel their lungs in fire. They couldn't do more than to hope for a miracle. That was when something called their attention. Allen seemed to be distracted. Be it for the pain or any other reason, the akumas took the advantage. One gave a savage punch just were Road's candle had punctured. The other hit him in the head and the last one on his right arm. Blood was pooling from Allen's mouth, head, arm and stomach. As the Akumas separated from him, the exorcist started to fall to the ground._

_All of them looked at their friend, his face a contorted in pain as he fought to push his exhausted body up with his only working arm. Blood was covering his head, arms; body… even his innocence was red by now. His cursed eye was crying blood. They didn't know why, but Lenalee remembered that he once said that just looking at a level four was hell. How she hated that eye, now more than ever. But what really made her shiver was the look that that eye, no, both eyes held. Allen was looking at them, his eyes shinning with fear. The expression shocked them all. They had never seen Allen so scared before. His mouth was moving without words, he was begging. Pleading for help. _

_Kanda couldn't look anymore. He started to push at the bindings, he didn't care if he run out of the little air he had left, he wasn't going to let the bean sprout die so easy._

_Lavi and Lenalee fallowed his example, and tried to break free, using all of their strength that by that time was almost none. Link tried to move, but he was much more hurt than the others, so it took all of his energy just to look at Walker._

_Those eyes. Those eyes definitively were not meant for Allen Walker's face. The destroyer of time shouldn't beg, shouldn't plead… shouldn't die. Desperation invaded their minds. And then… Then Allen stood up. Leaving them cold, unable to move, just look._

_Crown Clown enveloped its belt on his fearful conformer as it took control over the body. A bright light enveloped them, exorcist and innocence, as they draw their sword, and with unbelievable strength and speed, they attacked one last time. The belt tied the akumas together in a row, the child like weapons screaming to be let go, and mercilessly, the sword of exorcism went right through the three. It was a priceless sight. Three impaled level fours squirming as light shined from their insides and break them apart. It took just 10 seconds for the critical exorcist to stand up, concentrate and destroy the most dangerous akuma level known. _

_The bindings disappeared and they received finally the so much needed air. But they couldn't celebrate it, for the boy's body was falling to the floor, his innocence barely able to retain him from crashing into the snow covered ground. _

_They run to him, hoping that he was still alive. What they saw was something they will never forget. They pale body shivering on the cold ground. The blood was pooling around over the snow. His eyes still held fear but the light was starting to fade from them. His mouth was twitching as his body was, but he seemed to be trying to form words, with all the blood it was difficult. They had to take him somewhere, but where?_

_The boys left arm made a last attempt of rising up, the fingers moved weirdly, as if touching. His mouth moved again. Lenalee kneeled to allow her ear to be near enough to hear._

"_wa….shi…wa….i-ori..." she heard as the others got closer._

"_tsu….ke..u….dou…ko ni….ai...wo…" his voice getting lower with each word " ts…ida….ni…kisu…wo…" _

_Then his hand fell to his side unable to move anymore. His eyes were starting to close, his breathing to stop. They were desperate. And then, a light appeared from the sky. And a door to the ark opened a little ways from them. _

"_g-g-go…. H…om…e…" was the last words they heard him say. _

_With no more option, and no time to be gentle, Kanda took the job of taking the trembling form in his arms and ran to the door; after all, he was the one in good physical condition. Took him only three minutes to arrive to the Head quarters and yell at everyone for help. The fear gripped a hold on every heart._

Ooo

"The last thing he did before we came was opening a door to the ark… maybe he wasn't sure if he did it or not, and maybe that's why the doors went crazy" commented Lavi trying to change his train of thought a little.

"It's very possible" Komui noticed that they got a little too agitated because of his mention of the doors "In any case, the doors are useless for now. Miranda and Marie are on a mission on Africa and to get here without the door they'll take more than a week. Chaoji, Krory and Timothy are on a mission too, on the Germany. So we can't bring them right now… in any case, without the doors, we can't do much. Maybe if General Cross was still with us… he could have helped his apprentice but…" the supervisor lowered his head, why this had to happen to this boy, wasn't learning about the fourteenth and having lost his master enough? "I'm sorry to say that we can only keep him like this till tomorrow night"

"Ch" everyone turned to look at Kanda who seemed very much angry and frustrated at the moment.

"Is there something you wish to say Kanda?" Komui said knowing very well what Kanda was about to say.

"Why?" it was simple, but held accusation towards the supervisor.

"Why?" answered Komui as if he didn't know what he was talking of.

"Why keep him alive just to die?" that was the question Komui didn't want to answer

"Kanda" warned Lavi a little angry at the samurai.

"Shut it. It's just nonsense. Everyone in this place have to fight hard battles but if their time comes to die, they should be allow to" explained the Japanese exorcist in a cold tone "Why keep him alive like that?" pointing at the unconscious boy in the bed Kanda frown deeply looking at Komui "Why make him suffer more than necessary? It'll be easier for everyone if you just let him go"

Lenalee trembled at the fierce words of Kanda. Was he right? Was it really better to let Allen-kun die… why force him to live in hell for twenty four hours more?.

"SHUT UP!" Lavi yelled taking a hold of Kanda's shirt collar "Don't you dare suggest we allow him to die!" Lavi had a crazy look in his eye "I don't care how much you hate him; you have no right to say that!"

Kanda only glared at him and said "And is it your right to deny him rest?" his voice was so cold that everyone in the room felt his words sting. Kanda's coldness turned Lavi's fire down.

"I didn't say that…"the young bookman looked at his feet unable to look at Kanda's eyes any longer.

"Shall I remember you were on a hospital ward?" commented the inspector.

"For respect of those that are hurt and more so, for Allen-kun's sake, you shouldn't scream like that" both exorcist looked at the Chinese girl and knew they made a mistake with their little outburst.

"Well Supervisor Komui, I must say I also wish to know the answer for Mister Kanda's question" The Chinese man looked at the inspector with serious eyes.

"Truth to be told… when he arrived we fought to keep him alive, but then…"

Ooo

"_Komui, there's a call from the higher ups" Reever shouted in the middle of the frenzy of doctors, scientists and nurses._

"_What?! We don't have the time for this, Allen-kun's life is at stake here!" _

"_They said it was about Allen Walker's sake!"_

_Komui turned away from the scene and run to the golem on a separated room._

"_What do they want?" he whispered to the squad leader._

"_No idea"_

"_Yes? How may I help you Sir?"asked the supervisor with a respectful tone, he was used to this act._

"_Komui, we've been informed of Walker's actual state, apparently you've been helping in the surgery room for what I can see"_

_Komui frowned "Yes, indeed, that's the reason for the stains, were doing our best, and if you excuse me sir, we must continue, a life is at stake" The man turned around and was about to leave._

"_About that" said the dark voice "Supervisor Komui, I don't care what you have to do, but you must keep Allen Walker alive" Komui felt his blood boil "He is very important, the doors have gone crazy, we have lost track of many finders, investigators and officials inside the ark, so we can't let him die till the ark allows them out, you understand?" _

"_But Allen…"_

"_I he must die, he shall die. One Noah less is nothing bad at all. But we won't loose people because of him. At least; keep him alive long enough for us to figure something. That's all" and the communication was cut. Komui never felt so much hate for someone since they took her sister away. _

Ooo

"Because of the problems with the ark, the higher ups want Allen Walker to stay alive so that the doors won't disappear and they can find the ones lost inside" The man felt the hate in the eyes of the exorcists "But I didn't do it for that reason"

"Niisan?" Lenalee looked at him sadly. He smiled and looked at Allen.

"I did it, because I thought… If there is just a little chance, no matter how little, that I can help Allen-kun… after all the nightmares, I wish to give him just one more chance" Komui looked at them with that brotherly smile that made all exorcists feel at home "I want to believe in miracles, I want to believe that this boy can pull out a miracle, no matter how unreasonable it sounds. If someone can, that's Allen-kun… after all, he's done it before" His words gave their tired hearts a little hope. Lenalee smiled. Her brother was right, Allen had brought the word miracle back into their lives, and they should believe that he could survive.

"_A miracle? Heh… I wish I can record that"_Lavi samiled relaxing, Allen would pull through… he just had to believe, even if that was the most difficult thing for him.

"_Maybe" _was all Kanda thought, maybe the bean sprout could do it… but for Kanda, every maybe came with a maybe not.

Link only sighed. Believe? Well he would really want to see if Allen could prove him wrong, it'll be an interesting gamble that for once, won't leave him only on boxers.

"Well, as I already told Johnny, you four should go to sleep now. I won't hear a word of it, you need to sleep, you're all too tired, specially you Kanda, and don't look at me like that" the supervisor smiled again "I can assure you he'll still be here by tomorrow, you can come by then. Besides if something happens there'll be an alert on the medical ward… yes I would tell you if that happens"

The man paid no attention to all their whining and threatening and pushed them out of the room and then out of the medical ward. "Just go to sleep, it'll make everyone best"

Unable to fight more, for they were very tired, they started to leave. Link went to his and Allen's room thinking about his report, while Kanda and Lavi walked Lenalee to her room.

Komui looked as they left and then went back inside, back to Allen's side "You feel guilty too Tim?" the man said looking as the golden golem pulled softly from the hair of his new master "Let's just hope he's dreaming somewhere" he bent and patted the boys head "where there's no pain nor fear" a single tear fell from his eye "I'm truly sorry for this Allen-kun… I have too much work to do, and can't stay even thought I want to"

Ooo

"Don't you worry Lenalee, Komui is right, he'll pull through!" Lavi told her with a happy face as she entered her room.

"Yes… I'm sure… Thank you for keeping me company guys, goodnight" she said.

"Goodnight" they answered as she closed her door. Then they turned to leave.

"Nee… Yuu" Kanda just 'Hn' him "Do you think he'll survive?"

"Ch, maybe…maybe not…"Kanda looked at Lavi noticing suddenly that the bookman Junior looked very scared.

"You know… I said he'll pull through… but to be honest I don't believe in my words… Damn it… I'm not supposed to be this doubtful… I'm suppose to believe in him"

Kanda looked at the hall they were walking in, he knew what he was referring to. He felt like that, and surely Lenalee felt like that too… Link, well, maybe not him. The samurai sighed and said "Believe in him or not, doesn't matter. At the end he'll just pull through. Whether we say something or not, he'll just be fine to annoy us again" and with those words Kanda turned a corner towards his room, leaving a surprised Lavi standing alone in the hall. A smile crept on the face of Junior.

"Yeah… It's easier to believe in a fact than in a supposition" he told himself "Very intelligent Yuu" he chuckled a little "Who would have thought you actually cared for his so much? But I'm already the older brother, and Lenalee beat you to the place of the little sister, haha, you'll have to be the annoying cousin" putting his hands behind his head he started to walk to his room "Nee, Allen, you better wake up… I won't forgive you if you break our family apart…"

Ooo

For the four of them it took very much to fall asleep. But finally they got free from this world of consciousness and fear. But unaware to anyone, in a room on the medical ward, on a bed a young boy lay sleeping as his Golem nuzzled against his face to rest. And because no one was there, no one saw the light shining softly from the cross on his left hand, slowly enveloping his form, and suddenly disappearing.

Ooo

Darkness…

The stage was prepared. But the main character wasn't ready. In the middle of complete darkness there was only one spotlight, shining above a broken form. It looked like a puppet whose strings have been cut. The main Character was enveloped in light and softly the destroyed form started to raise, pieces falling into place, repairing, preparing the boy for the act. The clothes, the toys and finally the mask. What a lovely clown. White the color shining bright. The main character was ready to start. Showing a big smile, he bows to the darkness, somewhere someone claps at the performance of grace and fun.

From somewhere a soft voice recite, soft light and dark verses of an unknown song as the figure danced around skipping, playing around:

"Dreams be the circus,

I'll be the Clown

White with a glow

That may leave you blind

Look at my face

And I'll make you laugh

So hard and so loudly

That you'll wish to cry

Dreams be the circus

I'll be its Clown

Look at the scene

It's my last act

Allow me to show you

What live is about"

_Let the show begin…_

The light went of, the figure disappeared and the sound of clapping could be heard in the background. The first act was going to start….

Ooo

Well, that was all for now

Hope you enjoy it till now

The last is a little poem I wrote, I know it's not that good but, I had to put it anyway.

This was one long chapter to write, sorry if I took some time to update.

"niisan" means big brother.

Well, I got to go now

See you in the next chapter, don't forget to review with your opinions.

Thank you for reading


	3. First Mask:Happiness Part I

Well, here is another chapter… I'm not really so good at writing in English so please excuse me for the bad grammar and vocabulary usage.

Oh, also, for those who wish to see a few pictures, go to my profile, were I'll be updating a few references to the story.

Pairings: None, just a strong and heartfelt friendship… but you are free to interpret as you wish.

Disclaimer: I don't own D. grayman

"Talking"

"_thinking"_

_Dreaming_

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**First Mask:**

**Happiness**

(Part I)

* * *

"If you hear my voice whispering in your dreams, it means that I still remember you and that I hope you haven't forgotten about me"

* * *

_She was walking slowly through a dark hallway. A few candles lit it barely enough to avoid tripping and falling to the stony floor. She continued walking without knowing where she was going. In the middle of darkness she saw the light of the moon shining bright at the end of the passage. She hurried her steps to try to reach the room at the other side. But when she reached it she wished to turn back._

_The room was completely empty except for one thing, a black coffin that was left in the middle. Around it some candles and a few white flowers were laid, offerings to the death. The lid was closed, but because of the color and the cross over it, it was obvious it belonged to an exorcist. Her heart started to beat faster as fear gripped it. _

_With wobbling legs she got near the coffin. Her hands touched the lid softly; trying to convince herself that this wasn't real. She kneeled beside the black box. It wasn't so big, but it wasn't so small either, the size of a young body. "His size" she thought. _

_She looked around the room, no one was there. No friends, no family, just the lonely remainder of a lost comrade and the flowers that told her that at least someone cared. She couldn't take it anymore and without a second thought she pushed the lid of._

_She shouldn't have done it. She should have known that seeing his face now wasn't going to be easy, but she couldn't help herself._

_And so the tears started to flow._

_He looked so peaceful and yet so sad. His face had been cleaned but it still showed the wounds of his last battle. His hands resting over his chest as he slept for eternity. She chocked with a sob as she tried to avoid screaming, for the pain she was feeling was indescribable. In her agony, she heard someone whispering behind her, a few shadows appearing._

"_Is it the boy they call traitor?" one voice said._

"_Yes, he died; they say no one was there" answered another voice._

"_Well, that he deserve for betraying everyone" A commanding voice said. She knew it too well, it made her body tremble in fear every time she heard it "He was a Noah, the fourteenth, a monster with human face, death suits him just well" Leverrier's voice said so full of venom that she could almost taste it._

"_Shut up" she said softly. _

"_Nothing but a sacrifice, at least he fulfilled his job"_

"_Shut up!" she said a little louder, covering her ears with her hands._

"_Not worthy of even being called a human being, just a weapon of God"_

"_SHUT UP!" Her eyes looked at those shadows with hatred, tears burning down her cheeks "How dare you! What do you know about Allen-kun  
?! You are the monsters! You didn't even know him at all!" _

_The shadows remained in silence as she glared at them, but suddenly she felt something taking a hold on her arm and pulling her to the open coffin. Her shocked face a few millimeters from Allen's as his cold hand pulled her closer. His eyes held the same dreadful look she saw that day in the battle field, only that now they were dull, dead. _

_His mouth got near her ear, she could feel his cold breath on her skin, and even then his words burned her soul._

"_And did you know me at all?" he whispered, his voice hoarse from pain. _

_She saw soft tears fall from his eyes as she felt all the weight of his words. She wanted to tell him something, but felt that no words could make it right. She wanted to protect him, but she never got the chance to express it, for suddenly, a fire lit up all around her and she felt strong hands taking her away from the coffin that was already being wrapped in flames. The boy inside looked at her with those pleading dead eyes. She screamed to be allowed near, but someone kept dragging her away, the coffin and the body inside slowly becoming ashes as the black smoke filled the air._

"_ALLEN-KUN!!"_

* * *

Lenalee waked up screaming. She quickly covered her mouth in an attempt to not disturb anyone's sleep. Breathing in and out, she tried to calm herself down. _"It was a dream… nothing but a dream…"_ she reasoned _"Allen-kun is still alive… he will be ok…" _she wanted to believe so. She really wanted to, but if her resolution was already weak her dream made it feel even feebler. Lenalee used the long sleeve of her pajama to clean the tears from her face (a.n.: she's using a winter version of her pajama from the attack to the order) she shouldn't be crying… she couldn't give up.

But her dream…

The Allen in her dream….

The corpse in her dream…

Another tear fell at the memory of those eyes. His eyes that held so much grief. And those words that hurt her so much.

"_And did you know me at all?"_

She bit her lower lip in frustration, the answer to that was simple. No need to think it twice.

"I don't"

In the year and so he had shared with them, they actually didn't learn much about the enigmatic boy. Yes, they knew he was an abandoned child, also that his step father was who took him from the streets and that when the man died, Allen tried calling him back as an akuma and ended up cursed. They knew he was Cross Marian's first and only apprentice and that he really didn't enjoy the time he spent with the recently deceased man. Till there they knew him enough to make a profile and description on report. They also knew him as their hope, the guy who will always smile at them when they were down, the 'always walking forward' boy. But aside from simple statements, they knew nothing more, enough to say what he was, but not who he was.

Allen loved to play cards, another statement they knew about. He loved poker for he had the perfect poker face. No one could fool you so easily with such a gentle smile on their face. You couldn't get to know what he was thinking while he could easily see inside your head.

It used to fool her too but not for long. Now she was able to see his smile and even thought it still cheered her up, she knew it wasn't real. And that made her arrive to her conclusion.

"I don't know you at all" she repeated as she covered her eyes with her arm "I thought I knew you, but maybe… maybe we just knew the Allen you wanted us to know…" she thought back towards the first time that Road Camelot appeared in front of them. She remembered the reaction of Allen as that akuma self destructed, that crazy look in his eyes when she saved him "Was that the real you? Was that a part you didn't wish to show?" then she remembered his eyes, fearful, scared in the battlefield "Or were that you… I wonder, did your mask started to fail on our last mission?" she felt some fresh tears falling down her cheeks "Were you scared of the dark?" the image of the boy the night he refused to show her his cursed eye "Did you had horrible nightmares or sweet dreams in your sleep? Or was it only pain?" her eyes closed as she rubbed the tears away with her sleeve "I want to know… I really wish I had the chance… Who were you? What your favorite color is? Who are you now? Trivial stuff, that doesn't make much difference but that make a person who they are… I want to know Allen Walker's real face… not the exorcist who always smiles… you have to live… you have to, because I still don't know enough… and you never said anything, nothing at all"

The memory of the time they had worked with Miranda came to her mind. How he commented he used to do street performance as a child, then asked her about her, and she said things that were much more deep, feelings included. He was always like that. He liked to talk, but not about himself. And he was ironically able to understand others with easy. Why? She kept pondering for a while.

It took her some minutes to calm down, her tears had already dried or been cleaned by her sleeve. She sighed, her arm still over her eyes as a soft smile appeared on her lips _"You'll pull through" _she said to herself_"You'll be alright and this time I won't let you go till I have forced all those things you keep inside…And once I know the real you, I won't doubt at your words … we won't allow this to happen again"_

She stayed like that for a few minutes to make sure she was convinced of it. Then sighing once more she lowered her arm and finally opened her eyes. The sight that welcomed her wasn't something that she could have expected.

She felt her blood run cold as her body tensed and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. Just a few breaths away from her face was a mask; a big white smiling mask, looking at her. She was about to scream from the shock but a gloved white finger pressed on her lips softly as if telling her not to do so. The masked being began to draw back. Once it stood away from her bed Lenalee was able to see the complete silhouette of her guest who, by the way, seemed to be making dancing-like pirouettes while looking at her, as if greeting her in its personal way.

As her eyes adapted to the soft light of the moon, the picture became clearer. She was able to tell that this being was mostly dressed in white and immediately she recognized it as the picture of a clown. It had a white theater-like mask. It was very simple, no details at all, just the expression, the eyes and mouth. It was carved with an everlasting smile that was between creepy and lovely. The clown's clothes were a little bigger than necessary in some parts, but nothing exaggerated, giving it elegance on its movements. It was wearing a white long sleeved shirt which collar was tied by a big stripped bow. A white vest covered the chest; it had weird buttons, a little piece of fluffy clothing on the shoulders and funny decorations at the end. It had a pair of pants with diamond like patterns and on its feet was a pair of very interesting shoes with bows. The figure's hands were both gloved, but the right had a white glove and the left a black glove. It was the only piece of black in the whole picture, but Lenalee didn't pay much interest on any of those parts, the only thing she kept looking was the clown's hair. It was completely white. The same white that only one person she knew had. Her eyes widened in realization and disbelief.

"_It can't be Allen-kun" _she told herself _"He is unable to move, its impossible… this must be a dream…"_

Scared at the possibility that this creature could be an illusion or even an enemy her hand went to rest on the crimson rings around her ankles, preparing to invoke her innocence at the first sign of threat. She looked at the clown, and said "Stop right there!" her demanding voice took the clown by surprise before he could complete another spin.

She was impressed to say the least; the figure had stopped, frozen on the spot. The arms wide spread as its whole weight was balanced on the tip of one weird shoe. The clown's mask was facing her and it seemed to be looking at her directly in the eye, she noticed a soft shudder run down the body of the creature.

"Umm…."

"…."

She looked at the figure again; she could swear the mask was starting to sweat as he shook on the spot.

"…"

The being was almost begging her in his silence. His hands trembled from the great effort that was taking him to obey her command.

"Y-You don't have to stay like that… I just meant for you not to run away… you know?" as soon as she said that the poor figure fell to the hard floor in a dramatical way. She almost laughed at the sight. It felt like being in a circus and looking at the young performance of a mischievous clown, but she had to stay alert, for this clownish figure could be a Noah in disguise or an akuma, and she was alone in her room and in pajamas so she had the disadvantage "Now, stand up and tell me, who are you?"

The clown boy, for she guessed it was a boy, put his hands on the floor and pushed himself up with a soft jumping motion. Standing straight he looked at her, and then tilting his head to the side he brought a white finger to his head as if thinking. She looked at him waiting for an answer, but the clown was taking a little too long for her liking. "Who are you?!" she yelled, a little edgy from the weird attitude displayed in front of her.

The boy looked at her with that ever lasting smile of his mask as he shrugged in an innocent but exaggerated way, as if saying 'Who knows'

She wasn't about to give up just yet.

"Are you an enemy?" her voice wasn't as aggressive anymore for this clown's actions and soft movements seemed familiar and none threatening.

The boy held up his hands in front of his face shaking them as if saying 'no' with all his might, then spin around and put both index on the borders of his smile. She felt that he was trying to make her feel at easy with all those movements that became a little frantic by the second, showing that the boy was really nervous at the possibility of making her angry. _"That type of reaction is clearly his"_ shaking her head she allowed herself to drop her guard a little. _"It must be a dream if Allen-kun is here"_, she thought. Lenalee allowed herself to smile at the funny behavior that this 'imaginary Allen' was performing for her. It made her happy to have him there.

As soon as the boy saw the smile on her face he jumped up and down as if celebrating that he made her smile. His enthusiasm was too contagious to ignore, and soon she was laughing softly. The clown was ecstatic at the sound, so happy that he got near her, bowed and he took her hand to his masked face, as if giving it a kiss. At first she was alarmed at his closeness but soon she was blushing; it was embarrassing to be treated like a lady… more so if the gentleman was a clown. But it was alright, for Allen was known as a clown, and a gentleman. She could wonder about the bizarre combination for hours but the enthusiastic clown decided to bring her out of her thoughts by pulling her up from the bed by the hand.

She looked at him confused as he let go of her hand and started to dance around her. The young girl was started to let her imagination fly, filling the silence with a music that wasn't there. This clownish Allen moved with enigmatic grace almost making her fall prey to his hypnotic movements, but she was able to concentrate on other thought that intrigued her. What was the reason for his silence? The boy hadn't said anything since he appeared and didn't even introduce himself. Was Allen playing some kind game?

"Excuse me…there a reason for you to be here?" she was really happy to see a lively , maybe imaginary but alive, version of Allen visiting her in her dreams, but normally her dreams tend to move forward to somewhere and to tell her something, not like this. It almost lacked that aura of dreams, as if she were to be awake. And it made her nervous.

The clown boy continued to dance around till he reached her door. Once his hand was over the door handle he turned his face to look at her and with a finger told her to keep quiet. She stared as he opened the door and went outside closing it behind him. Lenalee stood in the darkness of her barely lit room, not knowing what to do; she wanted to see that mask again, just to assure her that he was there… even if it wasn't real. She kept looking at the door hoping in silence that it would open again and to her surprise it creaked open slowly. _"This must be a dream"_ she thought. The masked boy's face appeared and looked at her. Then with one black finger he beckoned her to follow and soon he was out again.

She was a little scared of what may be waiting for her, but she really didn't wanted to be alone, so she quietly followed the mysterious clown.

* * *

She kept near the clownish figure as he guide their way. They've been walking for a long time and she was starting to doubt that he was taking her anywhere. The new headquarters where still a little confusing, so she wasn't very sure where they where. A few minutes ago, the clown boy took out of nowhere five white balls and had being juggling as he walked. At first it was amusing, now… well she felt slightly bored. At least thanks to the big windows on the hall she was able to see some details of the appearance of her companion.

It seemed that there were many mask like decorations around him, different expressions on each. The piece of fluffy clothing on his back now was more like a piece of the cloak of Crown clown, but it barely reached his middle back. It was as if the many pieces of clothing were trying to tell her who he was, as if he wasn't trying to hide it at all; even the buttons of his vest where shaped like Timcampys for god's sake! Why did the clown keep in silence? Was it part of his game? She decided that maybe she should try to confirm his identity at least.

She looked at the back of the clown's head and ignoring his perfect juggling she asked.

"Are you Allen Walker?"

As the words left her mouth the clown stopped walking and the balls he had just thrown to the air fell one by one on his head. Apparently they were a little heavier than she thought since they made an impact sound as they contacted with the boy's head. When the last had hit the clown brought his hands to his abused head as he, again exaggerating, pretended to be in awful pain. Lenalee didn't even noticed that the balls hadn't even touch the floor before disappearing, she just covered her mouth in embarrassment for having caused that reaction and possibly hurt her guide.

"I'm sorry…" she said, no knowing if it was ok to touch the bumps that appeared on the boy's head "I just…"

The clown turned to see her; that smile still there as he took a white hammer out of nowhere and strike himself over the swellings and falling comically to the floor again. She sweat dropped at him _"Note to self, remember: this boy takes his act as a clown very seriously"_

The bumps on his head disappeared as if by art of magic, leaving his white hair as before.

The boy stood up and faced her again this time bringing his face to hers till it was at the same distance as when they met. She sweat dropped again as she smiled forcefully _"another note to self, he doesn't know about personal space"_

Lenalee guessed this was his way of showing he wasn't very happy of having been hit.

"I-I just wanted to know if you were Allen-kun"

The boy draw back and gave half a spin going back to the same place as before he got hit by his toys, and just as the time when she asked him his name he shrugged dramatically communicating the fact that he didn't know.

She sighed following him as he started to walk again, this wasn't taking her anywhere… suddenly an idea came to her mind.

"If can't say, maybe you can show me" he tilted his head towards her that he was listening "Can you take off your mask? If you're Allen-kun I'll know it" the clown just turned to look ahead of him, she frowned "Come on! Just take it off, please"

The clown turned a little to look at her and brought a hand to his masked face. She looked at him with expectation. He took a hold of his mask and started to take it of as his head turned back to look to the front. The happy mask stayed in his right hand and his uncovered face kept hidden from her looking ahead.

"Would you please look at me?" she said in an attempt to see the face of her friend.

The boy threw the mask to the air and catches it with his other hand making it spin by the chin on the tip of his index finger and taking a hold of it. And just as he was turning again to look at her, just when she saw the shadow of his nose, he covered his face with the mask, successfully denying her to see any of his features. Then turning around he bowed mockingly as if he had just finished a trick

She lowered her head in defeat as she felt disappointed that she fell for the clown's mischief "I guess that means you won't show me your face"

She sighed again when she heard the clown clapping at her as if she had solved a riddle.

She looked at him with an irritated expression trying to scare him. He got nervous and moved his hands trying to calm her.

He made a stick and three balls appear. Then as he walked backwards he managed to balance the balls one over the other and the three over the stick, and if that wasn't enough he balanced the stick on the tip of his white gloved ring finger. His other hand was moving around as if trying to make her put all her attention on the trick. She giggled as she followed him, he put much effort to make her smile, and after all, no reason to stay angry at a dream, right? During the weird journey he kept making tricks to her to help her deal with her suspicions.

* * *

After who knows how much time, Lenalee started to recognize the area they where in. Somehow, the boy had found another way, a very long way, to reach the Medical Ward of the headquarters. And by the look of it, they were going to the Intensive care ward. There was only one patient at the moment, a very important patient, but that patient was walking around with her dressed up as a clown or at least she thought so. As if on cue, the clown turned to look at her and went through the doors that she didn't wished to cross till the as before, he beckoned her to follow her inside before closing the door behind him.

This time she wasn't sure whether being alone would be worse than whatever may be waiting for her at the other side. She really didn't want to repeat the scene in her last dream. She wouldn't be strong enough. What was going to great her this time… a coffin… a corpse… a dying Allen?... God, she was shuddering at the thought. But she didn't follow the clown to stop at this point; sooner or later she'll have to go, so better sooner than later… right?

She touched the cold handle on the door and closed her eyes preparing for what may lay behind. She turned it and entered the room as fast as she could.

After a few seconds of not hearing screams or smelling burning stuff, she decided to open her eyes. And she saw nothing… nothing at all, just darkness. She felt fear creeping in her spine. There was nothing, everywhere was just pitch black empty space. She shuddered, she wanted out, but the door had disappeared. The poor girl closed her eyes tightly as she held her head trying to escape the amount of memories that darkness brought to her mind, so vivid, so real, she didn't knew if she was sleep or awake anymore; and just when she thought she was about to break she heard a clap.

The sound surprised her and made her open her eyes instantly. Where there was only darkness now was one spotlight on the center of it all, and under that spotlight was big lonely mirror waiting for someone to look at it. Scared to stay on the dark side (a.n.: star wars! …mm… sorry) she run to that only light.

Once she was in front of the big mirror she saw it was very beautifully decorated, and it was themed for a circus, which didn't surprise her by now. The mirror was so big that she had to draw back a little to be able to see its top. And to her shock, there, on the top of the mirror, sitting as if waiting for her to notice, was her clownish guide.

She felt like shouting at him, _"Why did you leave me alone in darkness Allen-kun"_ Lenalee wished she could hit him just a little to show how upset she was. But before she could voice her discomfort, the clown indicated her to keep quiet. The elegant figure stood up on the top and bowed welcoming her to his stage. Then let he fell behind the mirror. She was scared that he may hurt himself but he soon he reappear keeping from falling by clinging to the upper part of the furniture. She was really getting tired of his antics. But this time, his hand pointed to the crystal's surface, as if telling her to look at it.

She decided to play along one more time, and looked at where her reflection should have been. But there wasn't any. She got closer to the mirror searching it with her eyes; and saw how, slowly, her reflection appeared and became blurry. Lenalee gasped when her blurry reflection became the image of a little girl with her black hair tied up in two pigtails. The little girl was dressed in an old fashioned exorcist uniform, and had a really sad face. She recognized her own image when she was a child, and recognized the first uniform that she had ever worn. _"What's going on? That's me… but it was many years ago"_ her hand reached to touch the surface of the crystal as her reflection copied every move she made _"It's the same clothing I used when brother came to the organization and I started to go on missions" _her lips trembled a little as the sad eyes of her younger self found her own. The eyes that were covered by the sadness of war, in a time where she had just started to understand how much pain she was suppose to endure.

Lenalee closed her eyes, those weren't good times. Yes, her brother was there. Finally, after so long of being alone and waiting, she had her brother with her, but she still held sadness in her heart. She started to love the people around her, those who shared her destiny and those who wished to help her in hers, but she also learned the pain of loosing them… try and tell an eleven year old girl that all the people she love may die while she sleep. Little Lenalee had a really hard time coping with reality.

The girl stopped her memories before she would feel too depressed and opened her eyes as she felt a warm feeling on her shoulders.

Her eyes focused on the mirror again. Behind her little self was the taller reflection of the white clown who had both hands on each shoulder in a comforting way, the clown was leaning down a little so his masked face was resting besides Lenalee's. She felt those warm hands on her shoulders and turned a little to found that the clown was indeed behind her, his face near hers as he looked with her to the image in the crystal. Lenalee turned again to face her younger self and gasped at the figure of the boy. The clown had disappeared, even thought she knew he was besides her, and in his place was a little shadow being. It was slightly shorter than her young reflection and seemed human. The short shadow boy tapped the shoulder of the little girl and for the first time since it appeared, the reflection of Lenalee moved different from her real being. The shadow took the hand of the girl in his and pulled her along as they disappeared in the darkest depths.

The Chinese girl was very confused from all this weird things happening around her. She wished Allen would explain them to her, but when she was going to voice her questions she felt the pair of hands in her shoulders tightening their grip as she was suddenly pushed rudely against the mirror.

Lenalee yelped as she made contact with the surface for instead of a hard impact she just went through it and started falling. Turning around with all the strength she could master to see the light from the crystal she saw in shock the figure of the clown looking happily and waving a hand at her as she fell. The clown had planned this, and she fell for it, whatever was waiting for her couldn't be good. This dream was starting to become a nightmare.

* * *

OOO

Well, I was debating whether to make a really long chapter or end it here. So I decided to end part one here. But don't worry, I already have the draft for the second part so, I'll be updating it, maybe tomorrow. As you may be able to see I'll be treating each persons dream individually, as part of scenes from an act. So first I'll end Lenalee's in the next chapter. Just to give you an idea of how it goes, the next person I'll write about ... The order is been already decided, so look forward to it.

Oh, yeah, don't forget if you want to see an **image of the clown of dreams**, you can see the link on my profile. I'm thinking of making more illustrations for this story, maybe even an story board, just to help understand a few parts, maybe later ….

Don't forget to leave your opinion in the reviews.

I think that's all…

Well, Hope you like it so far. See you in Part II of The first mask: Happiness!


	4. First Mask:Happiness Part II

Hey! First of all, I'm sorry for have taken a whole week when I said I was going to update soon… you'll see, I just didn't thought it'll take me so long to write all of this… And it's a possibility that this chapter becomes a little confusing.

--

Thing happening between Lenalee and the clown

--

_Things happening in memories_

_--_

"_Thoughts"_

"_**Voices inside of the head/ voices from the mirror"**_

I think that's the basic to understand it, but if you see it too complicated please let me know.

Pairings: None, no matter what you see, this story is not meant to have any pairing just friendship. But if you wish, you can interpret as you want.

Diclaimer: I don't own D. gray man

* * *

Chapter four

**First Mask:**

**Happiness**

(Part II)

* * *

Lenalee groaned softly as she stirred from her little black out. When her body reached the bottom of the endless pit she lost consciousness. The young girl opened her eyes, and to her utter frustration, there to welcome her, was her annoying clownish guide. Who, by the way, acted as if he had not just pushed her into the greatest fall of her life. He was looking at her closely, crouched in front of her. His smile was still present as he waited for her to recover her senses.

She felt like glaring at him but knew better than to scare the dream clown by now, the only thing her wrath could achieve would be a funny trick on his part and more frustration on hers.

Lenalee turned to look better at the things around her, maybe that way she wouldn't strangle him. She had landed on the floor of a little room. There was a door on the right wall, a dresser and a bed on the left wall. The floor was made of wood and on the wall near her was a window with nice curtains. The whole room had a warm and welcoming feeling, and Lenalee felt a little nostalgic about it.

A gloved hand was offered to her. She thought whether it was a good idea to accept his help or going to search her way out of this dream. The clown boy seemed to read her thoughts on her doubtful face for he started to nod his head in a frantic way. _"So you think I believe you didn't do it on purpose? Common Allen-kun, you were there waving at me"_ she frowned deeply, making the boy sweet drop slightly as he scratched the cheek of his mask. How nervous that smile seemed now. The clown offered his hand again shaking it a little, urging her to take it. It looked like he couldn't afford to loose more time.

Lenalee looked at it and since she didn't had a clue of where they were, she decided that she couldn't lose anything by going along with his game. After all, she had already fallen into raw darkness, what more could he do to her? The guide helped her on her feet and cleaned the imaginary dirt on her clothes with an inexistent duster. She glared at him slightly, not enough to alarm him, but enough to let him see her feelings.

"Where are we?" she asked aloud. The boy faced her and pointed to the outside of the window.

The Chinese girl leaned to look better and saw the streets of a lively city. The houses were constructed tightly together and the streets were covered in cobblestones. People were strolling by minding their business. For some reason it all looked very familiar. She turned to Allen and found him looking at something on the side of the bed. The clown boy raised a white finger to tell her to stay quiet and with a black one told her to come closer. Lenalee did as he asked and went to the other side of the bed. What she found made her gasped.

There, hiding on the other side, resting against her bed, was the little version of her. The same she had seen on the mirror's reflection. The only difference was that the little girl was on a casual black dress and not in her exorcist uniform as before. Little Lenalee had a really sad face and her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had being crying for a long time. Allen's white gloved hand went to the girl moving as if to pat her head, but each time his hand went through the image. When the boy looked at her partner she understood his message. These were only images, just memories. But the question was, from when?

Her answer came when she heard the sound of the door opening.

When she saw the two figures that entered her heart skipped a beat as soft tears burned in the corners of her eyes.

"It… it can't be…" she mumbled as the two men neared the girl on the floor. The clown boy skipped to Lenalee's side not caring at all for the fact that he went through two bodies. "It can't be them…"

Suddenly, it was as if she was part of the audience and these images were the actors and actresses that played their parts without acknowledging the presence of those looking at them.

--

"_Miss Lenalee, please cheer up, is such a beautiful day" said an elderly voice. The man who spoke had dense grayish beard and thick eyebrows, but he was obviously going bald. He looked in his middle fifty's but his body seemed in perfect condition under his finder coat "It'll be such a pity to waste it inside this inn"_

"_Yeah, miss Lena how about a little walk around the city?" The one who spoke this time was a young man of maybe twenty years. He had black short hair and was wearing his finder coat also. He walked to the window and opened it breathing deeply "Ah! What a beautiful summer day!"_

--

Lenalee smiled sadly as she looked at the two men who were trying to make her little self smile. The clown looked at her, expecting to hear an explanation. She didn't think it, the words just came out.

"They are Alexander and Romario. When I started to take mission after brother came to be supervisor, three years after they took me to the organization. I was eleven so he really didn't want me to go with just anyone. So he searched between the finders till he found some people he could trust in" the smile on the boy's mask encouraged her to go on "Alexander, the older one, had a little daughter before he came to the HQ; she was killed by akumas, so he became a finder in her memory. And Romario had a baby sister he had to say goodbye to before joining. They both took me in as family… they and…their squad leader"

She felt a soft pressure in her chest as realization hit her.

She knew now when she had been in that place. It was in her 5th mission. It was the second time she recovered innocence and it was the first time she had to lose someone so close to her. In the other missions she'd seen many finders die, but this was the first time she had been responsible for the death of one of her most important people. Joseph was his name. He was one of the most kind and dedicated finders out there. He was the leader of the squad and had always taken good care of her. Her brother trusted him deeply. And he loved little Lenalee as if she were his own daughter. But he loved her maybe too much, for he couldn't help running in the fire's way to protect the poor child from an akuma attack. Joseph perished while covering her, his body consumed by the virus, as his comrades trapped the monster with their talismans. It was the first time she felt so lost since her brother came back. The last thing she saw before her became dust was his smiling face. The girl was devastated.

--

"_Miss Lenalee, if our leader was here he would have been very sad to see you like this" reasoned Alexander with soft voice, he obviously wasn't used to give comfort "he would like you to be happy and go on. He did what he did because he believed you'd be able to survive to smile again" the voice of the man had a persuading edge to it and made little Lenalee wake from her trance._

"_Alex is right. Come on Miss Lena, let's go out for him. Let's enjoy the sun that we can see thanks to his effort" the young man said getting annoyed looks from his elder who obviously wasn't pleased with being called Alex by the boy._

--

Lenalee smiled. Romario was the most enthusiastic guy she knew. It was like a dark haired finder version of Lavi. Alexander was more serious, and normally kept reprimanding the younger for his oblivious attitude and for calling him Alex, because Alexander was a noble name that deserved respect for its history and blah, blah, blah…, a little like Kanda did. She lowered her head at the thought that came to her mind. If Romario was like Lavi and Alexander was like Kanda, then maybe Joseh was like Allen, always thinking about others well being before themselves. Always throwing themselves in danger's way.

That made her remember that ut of her dream world and away from this imaginary version her sub consciousness had conjured up of the clown boy, the real Allen was fighting to stay alive. She felt a little scared as she wondered whether there had been any changes in his condition.

Lenalee felt a tap on her shoulder. The clown was indicating her that the two finders and her younger self were leaving them behind, which apparently wasn't part of the plan, so she found herself being dragged by the hand. The two fallowed the memories out of the room, down the stairs and out of the door of the inn.

_

* * *

_

--

"_Where are we going Alexander?" asked the little girl to the man that held her little hand in his. The man smiled at her trying to make her smile also, but the girl just kept her sad expression._

"_Well, we are going to an event that our leader of squad had wanted to take you" the man noticed the sadness growing in the girl's face at mention of the deceased man "But for today, we will all be happy and enjoy as he wished us to do so, ok?"_

_The little girl nodded slowly and asked "what kind of event?"_

_The young boy took her hand from Alex's and with a quick move hoisted her over his shoulder "It's the most awesome place for any child!" he said as he pointed a great amount of people, going down the street "It's the town's fair!" his enthusiasm obvious as he skipped following the mass of people with little Lenalee. Alex just stared and sighed, he was having a hard day._

"_Stupid child, YOU BETTER DON'T DROP MISS LENALEE!" he yelled as he run after them._

--

Behind them, the clown and the actual Lenalee sweat dropped."Yeah, things were like that usually…" Lenalee run after them, and this time she noticed that Allen was following her lead.

* * *

--

_The fair was full of people and everywhere you could find different stands selling food and goods. Also, there were a great number of people making street performance. There was a fire-eater on one corner, a puppet and a storyteller, some clowns and jesters. A mime and a singer were in front of fountain and an orchestra and many others in a little park. Yet Little Lenalee didn't feel like being there at all._

--

"I felt empty inside, even thought Alex and Romario did their best to cheer me up… I couldn't forget that Joseph wasn't there anymore" she explained to the clown as they walked "I don't remember this day much… I only keep the memory of being very perturbed by Joseph's death and that Romario and Alex tried to make me smile… I just wanted to be alone for a while… but aside from that everything's blurry… wonder why it was…"

The two watched silently as the three members of the order mixed between a mass of people "Wait!" Lenalee's hand went to the clown's arm without thinking and taking the boy by surprise "I think I do remember this part, come over here" she dragged the white figure to the side of the fountain and told him to wait there with her. And just as she expected, a minute or so later, her younger self appeared right at their side panting slightly. The little exorcist child turned around to see the crowd pushing her guardians away from her as their desperate calls for her were covered by the mass of voices talking.

The clown boy looked at the younger version of the girl he had recently given the leading rights to with curiosity. Then looked at the actual Lenalee, his mask still smiling as his body language told her he didn't get what was going on.

Lenalee felt somewhat better to know that at this part of her dream, she had the control over what was happening. It felt nice to know that she knew something that Allen didn't in this memory lane. Only because of that she felt that sharing with her imaginary comrade about that piece of her past wasn't bad, besides, she was slowly starting to recover her memories of that day, as if every step the little version took, she remembered it more clearly.

"I said I wanted to be alone, didn't I?... It was nice to share with Alexander and and Romario, but every time I saw at their faces I was able to tell that their smiles were faked. They were trying to make me feel better, even thought they were hurting for their friend's death." She said looking at the masked boy "_We could say they were sporting smiling masks just as yours Allen-kun… but yours was definitely better at that" _"I felt guilty to be such a burden to them, and decided that if I left them for a while, I may be able to sort out my feelings and maybe they will be able to stop hiding behind their smiles…" shaking her head she sighed " I was young and confused, I didn't thought that I may end up worrying them more because of it" then looking at the back of the head of the little girl she said "shall we follow?"

The clownish Allen nodded his head in agreement as they went after the run away girl.

* * *

"I'm not quite sure what I may have been thinking, but I believe that it was between the lines of 'Joseph is dead' and 'it was my fault'. I think I wanted to find a good place to hide and cry my heart out till I couldn't anymore, but in a crowded place like a fair it was impossible to find such place" Lenalee looked at her disoriented younger self "I must have been lost in more ways than I thought… but I felt so scared… so depressed… so… could you stop that?!" she grumbled in frustration.

For the past few minutes, her ex-guide had been juggling his white spheres not stopping at all to give her a signal of been listening "are you even paying attention to what I'm saying?" the boy nodded softly as they continued walking "Then, are you going to stop?" he shook his head in a 'no' "You really like to do it then?" he nodded happily and she let out a tired breath she'd been holding without knowing "Well, if it makes you happy do as you wish, just don't hit yourself again, please" he nodded again, but suddenly and to her surprise, he threw all the balls to the air and they never came down. She kept looking up to the sky were they had disappeared but the gloved black hand that tapped her on her shoulder called her attention back. When she looked at him, she noticed he was pointing to a group of people that were conglomerated around something in a corner. Many were clapping and some where laughing. Lenalee saw her little self watching with something akin to curiosity in her eyes.

_--_

_The little girl tried to get closer to have a better look at the performance that was in display, for a simple moment distracting her mind of her troubling thoughts. But even as she tried she couldn't get near. There was too many people, many of them were grown ups and they blocked her view completely._

_The girl stood a little back from the crowd, her eyes going dull again as she turned to leave._

--

"I wanted to see what was at the other side of all the people but they didn't budge a little to let find out. I thought that I better should go… but the…" Lenalee's eyes went to the center of the conglomeration.

--

_The sound of something tumbling to the hard floor as a kid yelled 'FREAK!' was heard._

_The crowd started to leave slowly, many people making disgusted noises as they left._

_The young version of Lenalee got near to the dissipating group of people. Between them she was finally able to spy the center of all the attention._

--

Lenalee narrated it as if she was seeing again through her younger eyes.

"It was a little clown. I barely saw him, he took all his instruments and left the scene a little too fast for me to see him in detail… he run away from the place before I could say anything, but in his hurry he let one of his toy balls fall behind" She saw how her little self took the red sphere in her hand "I was taught to return things to their owner and even thought I wanted to be alone, I thought that I should give it to the boy"

The girl started to run in the direction she had seen the boy disappear.

"If I recall correctly he'll be by the river bank. Come on, let's hurry" the clownish Allen followed making pirouettes as they made their way.

* * *

"I saw the little tent near the riverbank, and decided to go there to see if the boy was hiding inside. I was surprised when I saw him outside, his hands over a big and colorful ball as if he were to be searching it for any tears"

_--_

_The little clown turned to see her when he heard the sound of footsteps from behind. He looked startled by her presence at first but soon he was giving a sweet smile. _

_Now that the little exorcist was near, she was able to see him better. The boy was slightly shorter than her, maybe younger. His face was completely painted in white and the mouth and nose were red. His right eyelids were blue and the left eye had a blue four pointed star painted on it His somewhat short brownish hair was tied up over his head creating a funny and messy bun, as the rest of it fell naturally. He was dressed in oversized clothing that almost seemed to eat his hands and feet. He had a big clown collar in his neck and a single big button on his chest. The clothing was colorful as the make up on his face. The little girl looked confused._

--

"I wondered how he could move with those uncomfortable looking clothes" answered Lenalee to the silence of her ex-guide.

_--_

"_Y-you dropped this" said the little girl showing the red ball to the smiling boy. The child looked to the side towards the tent were some spheres could be seen on the floor. He run to them and looked at them counting them with some difficulty._

"_on-one… two… thr-ree-four… ah… geez…" The clown child turned to look at her and laughed nervously "hehe… didn't notice… thank you" he took the ball from her hand and put it in the floor next to the others._

"_Why did you run?" the girl asked._

_The child clown looked at her and frowned softly as he touched the big ball he'd been looking at before. _

"_Had to make sure… that it could be repaired" the boy showed a little sewed tear on the side of the sphere._

_The little girl looked at it closer "Why did it break?"_

"_A boy used a slingshot while I performed, the rock hit it and I fell" his childish voice was coated with a weird faked accent that hid his emotions pretty well from showing in his voice. _

"_Why would they do that?"_

"_Guess he didn't like my act" the little girl saw how the child was trying his best to look happy, the painted smile helping him on that, but the frown in his eyebrows gave him away "I'm not so good yet" he said with a big smile "I'm learning to be a clown; I'm not so good yet!"_

_She looked at him_

"_Are you really not good?" at her question the boy looked at her confused "I wasn't able to see your performance, so I don't know if you're not good at it. Can you show me?" _

_The boy looked at her with a spark of hope in his somewhat blue eyes. "You wanna see me act?" she nodded softly._

--

"I can't really explain why I had offered to see his act. Maybe I had the wish to distract myself or maybe it was part of a morbid desire to know why the child clown deserved to be called 'Freak' and be thrown to the floor. My mind was divagating with dark ideas. His cheerful attitude made my gloomy head a little slow. Whatever my excuse may have been, I believe that the true was that the child inside me wanted to get out somehow, and needed it desperately"

- -

_He jumped up and down in his baggy clothes "Yeah! No problem Miss!" excitedly the boy went to retrieve his five spheres and the big ball then put the spheres inside his right pocket in his oversized pants. Then he turned to look at her and said sheepishly "um… would you care to give me a hand?" Little Lenalee looked at him blankly, he scratched the back of his head "I'm… kinda…well… short" his face would have been blushing had it not being painted white "I need someone to hold the ball still as I use that box to stand over it" the boy pointed to a wooden box at the side of the tent with his left mitten. _

_The exorcist girl nodded in understanding then took a hold of the ball as the boy brought the box._

--

"He looked so exited I just felt compelled to help him. Besides I couldn't loose more than I had already lost, right?"

--

"_I just need to hold it, right?" she asked a little nervous as the boy tried to set a foot over the ball._

"_Yeah, just that, wait a second" he had some difficulty but was able to finally stand over it "Ya! Now you can let go miss" she did as he said and the boy wobbled a little but soon recovered the balance over the ball. He spread his arms to the sides of his body helping him as he got used to it. She looked at the child impressed that someone shorter than her was able to do that._

"_Awesome" she said._

_The boy chuckled as he looked at her grinning widely._

"_Took me long to be able to keep my balance on it. My mentor normally leaves me over this ball before he goes to do his own performance so that I can practice"_

"_He leaves you?"_

"_Yep… I must stay over it all the time I can. Like a game, I mustn't fall till he comes back or I loose" the clown child laughed again "It used to be very difficult at first, I wouldn't stop falling constantly… I got mad at it, but he promised that when I got to make a good performance he would let me act by his side"_

_The little girl almost smiled at his words_

--

"He had such a spirit when he talked about this great wish he hoped to achieve. Compared to the mission that was given to the exorcists I felt that was a feeble goal. Compared to the training an exorcist had to go through, his was just a game, I thought 'This boy has never felt the suffering of the battlefield'" Lenalee smiled sadly "He was so lucky. And he was very good at it, he would get his wish" a frown appeared on her face "Some one younger than I, and I felt so jealous of him. Now I feel guilty of it, but at that time I felt jealous. He was a normal person, a civil. He wasn't going to see his whole family dying in front of him, nor would he die alone. I felt jealous and I hated it. So I try to distract my trail of thoughts by concentrating on his act"

--

"_Ok, I think I've got it" the clown searched his pocket and pulled three of his spheres "Now look closely" _

_The girl watched as the child stated juggling with the three balls while keeping his balance. Then as he grew more confident, the child took one and then two more spheres. _

--

Lenalee watched by her younger self how the child clown did a very interesting act then turned with a frown to her own clown "Are you bragging?" she asked as the clown stood with one foot over a big white ball. While doing so, he juggled three white spheres with his left hand, balanced one in the tip of his right index and the last one balanced over the shoe of his other foot. The clown was almost at the side of the clown apprentice as if mocking the young one for having difficulty "You know he is way more impressive for being so little right?" she said trying to make Allen stop his silly battle for her attention. The older boy shrugged as if saying 'OK, you win' and made all his toys disappear as he went to stand by her again "Thanks"

_--_

_Little Lenalee was mesmerized by the movements of the juggling spheres, and could almost feel a smile creeping on her lips. As if by one minute, there was nothing left of the sadness and the smile of the boy was spreading a weird virus in her. No more jealousy, she was too young to hold something like that in her heart, the only thing was that funny tickle in the stomach that tells you that you are having fun. He was inviting her to smile with him and was succeeding. But just when she felt she wouldn't be able to keep her laugh down, a gust of wind blew by and the poor clownish boy lost his balance, only for a second, but it was enough to make him tumble backwards to the floor, hitting his head in the process and then having all his spheres fall over his body. _

_The girl did not know whether she should laugh or feel worried. She got to admit that it was funny especially with his baggy clothes, but her kind nature made her feel bad by thinking it. "Are you OK?" the clown stood up slowly rubbing his sore head in the process untying the bun in his hair, allowing the brown bangs to fall over his white face. He turned to look at her and for a moment she thought he would cry, but soon he was giving her the biggest smile. _

_Little Lenalee looked at him, at how hard the little boy was trying to hide his obvious pain and sadness at having failed in his act. The girl felt suddenly very depressed as all the smiling faces of those surrounded her entered her thoughts._

--

"It was the last straw. I got angry all of a sudden. Everyone seemed to act as if nothing was wrong. Alexander, Romario and now that boy. He failed but he was smiling as if it could repair all wrong. I became desperate. I had failed and knew that smiles weren't going to bring Joseph back. Alex and Romario should have frown at me; they should have been disappointed for I let their friend die. And more than anything, they should have stayed at the inn mourning as they truly felt like, and yet they were out faking to the world that they weren't in pain. It was so disconcerting that I lost it" Lenalee sighed as she saw everything develop in front in her eyes.

--

"_Why?"_

_The boy looked at her innocently "uh?" _

_Her shoulders shook a little as a few tears fell down her face._

"_Why do you smile? Why keep smiling when you really want to cry?! Aren't you sad? Why does everyone smiles as if nothing happened" she yelled at him in frustration._

--

"Looking back I shouldn't have taken out my rage at him. The boy wasn't at fault"

_--_

_The boy's smile become serene and gentle instead of forced._

"_I've cried too long… I should smile from now on" he said softly to her with his eyes closed._

"_What?" she asked trying to clean her eyes._

"_Da… my mentor, told me that after you cry too much, you have to smile much too. You can't go on in life if you just do one of those. If you've been crying for long, you should smile from now on… or at least that's what he says" the boy cleaned his dirt pants a little with his hands._

"_But, why smile when you still want to cry?" she asked looking at him with her wet eyes._

"_Mmm… that is clown's job" she looked at him confused and he explained "The reason for a clown's smile is to give the audience the face they need to see, then they can be happy, and when people smile, the clown is happy. The great purpose of being a clown is making people happy. Whether our painted face is smiling, frowning, crying or simply doing nothing, the only think we want is to see other's happy… that's what I was taught" said the child as he gave a comical spin._

"_You only say what you were taught… just obey orders… just like everyone… why should I believe you… Is that at least what you think?" Lenalee had managed to say between sobs._

_Then boy's head turned down as if he looked at his shoes, and then looked up to look at her. His eyes had a warm expression even thought he wasn't smiling anymore. His face looked a little more tired and his mouth was relaxed in a soft line. It was like looking at the face of someone far older than her, she was startled when he talked without his faked accent. _

"_I think that when something bad happens, there's little to nothing you can do. You can't go back in time and change it. But if turning around you see a bunch of sad faces looking back at you, they will only make you miserable. Between all of that, someone's got to smile, or you'll be sad forever" the clown crossed his arms over his head and looked at the sky "I lost something important just when I thought I had found it… I was sad, so very sad. My mentor was supposed to be sad too, he said so, but he just kept smiling. His smile made me angry, why wasn't he loyal to his words? but at some time I felt compelled to let go of my sadness and smile, and because of it his smile became real" the words of the little boy entered the ears of little Lenalee and carved themselves in the bottom of her mind "You lost something too miss?" the girl looked startled "you said, 'Why does everyone smiles as if nothing happened', does someone near you has been smiling while you cried?"_

_The girl nodded cleaning the few tears that dared to escape her eyes._

"_When people smile at you, they are truly asking you to smile" the boy looked at her again "Maybe, the ones smiling at you Miss, need you to smile so that they can feel a little better with themselves. Maybe they don't know how to act, and they just want to know you are alright with them been there giving their best. For sometimes we all feel like we failed. But at least, if you smile back at the clown's smile, he knows that even thought he did it wrong, you enjoyed his performance" the little boy got closer to her and smile gently again, the accent present again when he said "I may be little and a clown, but I'm not so silly. Da-my mentor says that I've become very wise in the last year" the boy pouched his chest with enthusiasm "Even thought I still can't count farther than fifty and two" _

_A giggle escaped from her lips as a few last tears fell from her eyes._

_The sound made the boy smile widely as he brought a gloved finger to clean a tear from her eye. She looked at him and seeing his smile, she smiled back._

_The child nodded happily and offered her a handkerchief that was in his pocket. She accepted it and cleaned her tears, and snot. The boy laughed loudly as Lenalee pouted returning the item. _

_The child took it and making a fast movement of hand, the item disappeared. And with another movement he made a little flower appear. "For you, young miss" he said bowing at her. _

_The girl giggled and took the flower in her hand, and as thanks she started to clap._

_A happy smile was in her face. _

"_Didn't know clowns made magic" she laughed._

"_Hey! Making a sad person smile is already magic!" The little child looked at her surprised "I made you happy!" he said proudly "He's right! Girls do are pretty when they smile!" his comment made the girl blush softly, but she kept laughing with him._

_Then there was two strong voices calling from behind her._

"_MISS!!" she turned around to see her two guardians panting as they got near her and the clown boy, who timidly hide a little behind her._

"_Miss Lena! We've been searching for you everywhere, please don't run away like that" said the older man._

"_Yeah, Miss Lena, I almost had a heart attack and I'm the youngest, Alex should be the one with those things!" said the tired man as the older glared daggers at him. But their bickering never started for a nice sound filled their ears. They turned to look at the little girl with happy surprise as they heard her laugh a heartfelt laugh._

_Relieve washed over their features and soon they were laughing with her._

"_Miss, you're smiling!" commented Alexander taking her in a paternal hug._

"_Sorry to have worried you, I was just looking around and got lost"_

--

The clown boy looked at her as if accusing "Hey!" she exclaimed "I wasn't about to tell them that I had run away, they would have felt sad" Lenalee countered looking as innocent as ever.

--

"_I've been with him. He's been showing me his tricks. He made me laugh much" she said pointing the shy clown who was still behind her. _

_Romario looked at the boy and searched something inside his pocket "Here little one, thank you for having kept our young lady company" he said and gave the boy a silvery coin._

_The kid smiled and nodded._

"_Oh, I have something too" said Alex and took an almond paste cane "Here, for making her laugh" the child gave his thanks to the both adults as the older took Lenalee's hand in his._

"_Now, how about we go and look at some attractions?" he proposed, she smiled and nodded._

"_Yeah! I heard there's an eating contest every night, I want to give it a try!" yelled the younger man._

_Before going on, the girl looked back behind her, to the clown child, and waving the hand that still hold the flower she said "Bye" and smiling happily she mouthed a 'than you'_

_The boy waved back and saw them leave the area as he stood still._

--

"I enjoyed the rest of the evening, going around town, and even thought I was still a little sad, I smiled as much as I could, so that I would see them smile for real. From then on, every time someone smiles at me, I tend to smile too" she said looking at the clown boy who was standing behind the younger clown "I think that maybe his words were kept in the back of my head, although I didn't remember this day at all. I even forgot him. Somewhere inside the fair I lost the flower he gave me so I had nothing to make me remember. But more than anything, I forgot because of what happened after…" Lenalee smiled a sad smile "I would only remember my three friends clearly… because Joseph died in the mission before this time… and because Romario and Alex died in the mission after this time"

The masked boy tilted his head to the side as he paid attention to her every word.

"The next mission I received after this, they died in the battlefield. Ironically, Alexander died protecting Romario, and Romario died because of the reckless wrath caused after his elder's death. I was left in the middle of a field covered by the coats of dead finders. I think it might have been such a horrible experience that all this good times were erased" she said with an apologetic smile as she got near the boy in clown attire, she then looked at Allen and smiled a little "That mission was also the first time I met General Cross. He was going back after a mission and found me wandering the deserted place all alone. He took me back to he headquarters when I was barely conscious. Brother cried much when he saw me back" Lenalee turned to face the way her younger self had disappeared with her two friends "We better hurry or they'll get too far" she said pushing her memories of later times. She started walking away but felt that there was a slight difference in the atmosphere. And something wasn't going like she expected.

The clown wasn't following her anymore.

She turned around and searched for him with her eyes. She found that he was still standing behind the little clown child a hand on the shoulder of the waving boy. She noticed also that there was a weird feeling when she saw his mask. Suddenly the smile wasn't nice and silly anymore; it felt creepier and even devious.

"A-aren't you going to come?" she asked, a little of her nervousness present in her voice.

The clown shook his head and then snapped the fingers of his left hand.

As if by magic, all the images surrounding them stopped, as if time had stood still. Her surroundings were gray; she and the clown were the only beings that kept their color. The clown shrugged innocently, but the sensation she was feeling was not one of innocence at all.

"What's going on?" Lenalee was starting to feel as if she were in the middle of a nightmare again _"Allen-kun, what are you doing?"_

The clown raised his other hand and then slowly put it on the other shoulder of the paralyzed figure of the little boy. Lenalee stared at how the image recovered every color (a.n. like from gray tones to Technicolor) in front of her eyes. But the little boy kept still. Not moving from his position as he looked towards the place where the illusion of the younger girl had disappeared. The big clown pointed towards the boy while looking at Lenalee.

"I don't get what you're trying to tell me!" she yelled at him with growing desperation for the surroundings had started to be covered by thick darkness. She was feeling dread creeping in the back of her mind _"Please! Not darkness, not again, please!"_

Soon, all the landscape had been swallowed by the nothingness. Only the space surrounding the two clowns, Lenalee and the child's little tent was visible. Just as if the spotlight had come back and covered them with a gap of light in the middle of darkness. She really didn't want to get near the clown now, but the closer she was the farther the darkness became.

She frowned as she noticed that the clown's body was shaking with a silent laugh. Allen was laughing at her fear, and she felt a little betrayed for it.

"If you want something, then say it out loud! I'm tired of this! Stop playing around. If you're going to joke with me at least talk Allen!" in her rage, caused by fear, she lashed out with her words at the clown. She didn't even remembered to use the –kun after his name, she was that upset.

The clown stopped his laughing motions and the mask faced her, his happy smile seemed slightly down now. The boy shook his head. She felt somewhat bad for this reaction. Maybe it was because he seemed disappointed at her or because he just showed he wasn't going to talk, whatever the reason, she felt bad.

The clown raised a white index calling her for attention, then pointed towards the little boy in front of him as his black hand rubbed the child's head, the hair getting messier and messier.

It took Lenalee an instant to notice a difference with something she had seen. Till this moment, didn't matter what the clown touched, he would always pass through it. The only things he couldn't phase through were his toys and Lenalee for she was in the same condition. But, now he was touching the illusion of the boy, not only that, but he was ruffling his brown locks.

"Why… why can you touch one of my memory's?" she asked confused at the situation. _"The clown is solid to me. My memories are all just images and we can phase through them for we are solid here_. _Meaning we are real in this place._ _But he's been able to touch the child… does that means that in this dream, the boy is real?... or is it, that the boy hadn't been part of the images of my memory?" _

The clown noticed Lenalee's confusion and looked at the younger clown, who, to her surprise, raised his head to look at the older one with a tired smile. The older clown walked around the child and kneeled in front of him to be able to reach his point of view. The younger kept looking at the white being in silence.

The boy took a white cloth from one of his sleeves, then turned his masked face to Lenalee and with a hand instructed her to look closely. He proceeded to rub the clothing over the boy's waiting face. Slowly, all the paint started to disappear, as if it wasn't ever there. The pale skin of the boys face became visible.

Lenalee felt a weird pressure in her chest as she saw the little face becoming clean, and then how the white clownwent to stand behind the little boy and softly moved the bangs of hair out of his face.

She felt like crying out as all pieces started to fall in place. That sweet smile, that soft cream skin color, and finally the eyes that were clearer now without the make up to distract from their beautiful blue gray, all features of only one person she knew.

But it was impossible. There was no red scar in the left eye nor was the hair white as snow. Her body shivered as she made her best to deny her suspicions. But the white clown noticed her intentions.

Tilting his head to the side he brought one hand to his ear, as if he were to be listening to something. And as if invited, it soon came.

"_FREAK!"_ said the voice of the child from before _"freak!"_ said the voices of the disgusted adults that left after the boy fell. The word was said one, ten, a million times, as if the sound on the background was a broken record.

Lenalee looked at the child whose face had a somber expression and yet it made an effort to smile. She shook her head, she didn't like that face, she didn't like how much it hurt.

The dream clown put a white gloved hand over the shoulder of the boy offering comfort. The little one looked up at the young boy. A black glove touched the boy's hidden left hand and then raised said hand softly to show the mitten that covered it. As if communicating without words the child nodded and in a swift movement threw the mitten away. Lenalee gasped at the revealed hand.

"_**Can you deny now?"**_a voice asked inside her mind as silent tears fell from her eyes. The pressure in her chest too great to tolerate, she struggled even to breath. That hand, red, disfigured and so little, so fragile, it made her heart break. The white clown in the back moving as if he were the director of a morbid choir as the voices roared in the back. Everyone shouting "FREAK!" as the little boy looked at his hand in front of his face while tracing it with his gloved right one. His eyes were shining with something akin to madness as his mouth held the saddest phantom of a smile.

"SHUT UP!" she yelled "SHUT UP!" she felt so week so useless. She stood and run to the boy who was still smiling sadly at his imperfection, his shame. She kneeled till she was at his same height and took him in her embrace, crying as she held him close. She cried, for he was supposed to cry and he wouldn't do it. She cried for all those times he would just smile. Behind them the clown continued his act. She felt how the thoughts of her childhood, the jealousy, all those things screamed at her.

"_**This boy has never felt the suffering of the battlefield"**_ recited the voice of her childhood self inside her head _**"He's so lucky"**_

"I didn't know" she murmured as she took his little head in her hands nesting it against her shoulder.

"_**Someone younger than I, I'm so jealous. He is a normal person, a civil. He won't see his important people dying in front of him, nor would he die alone. I'm so jealous"**_

"I didn't know!" she said again feeling lost _"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"_

It was him, it was Allen. It was the Allen she didn't know. It was a part of him before the boy knew how to hide all of his feelings to the world. It was the part that made him shy of his left hand when they met, hiding it under a glove all the time. The part of his past that developed that sweet smile that would become his greatest lie. She had wished to know more, but now that she was finding out, she couldn't swallow all of it. She might not know much but this Allen's face was like an open book, and the suffering in it was beyond her comprehension.

As the word 'freak' was chanted in chorus all around, she held him near, her hands covering his ears, begging that at least he wasn't hearing all of it. She felt the soft breathing of the child in her ear.

"I've cried too long… I should smile from now on" the little boy whispered in her ear, his words sounded so broken when there wasn't that funny accent he used for his performance "I'm not so good yet" he mumbled "I'm learning to be a clown; I'm not so good yet" the meaning of his words becoming clearer. She held him with all her might, the sounds of voices disappeared and Lenalee looked up to see the masked face looking at her as she felt her tears making her eyes sore "Miss is crying, because she is sad…" the boy pushed gently to get free from her grasp and look at her eyes "You lost something too miss?" _"No… not yet…" _she shook her head_ " But I feel like I were loosing someone just when I'm getting to know him" _"I lost something important just when I thought I had found it" said the child as he escaped completely from her grasp and went to the figure of the white clown and pulled at his pants. The older boy looked at him "Making smile is the clown's job?" the masked boy nodded his face "Then finish the act" the white being nodded again.

Lenalee stayed helplessly on the floor as she tried to stop her body from shivering, trying to stop her helpless sobs. Her eyes followed the clown as he moved the boy back into the place before she had taken him in her arms, the white gloved hand made a circular motion over the child's face and soon it was painted again, and proceeded to cover the left hand with the mitten. And with a snap the boy's clothes started to become gray again, only that before he was completely trapped in time he gave her one last smile. The child froze in the same moment as he was when saying goodbye to her little self.

Dancing around till he was on her side, the older clown took her by the hands and helped her up. She was still too confused and hurting from the realization that the boy that helped her that day had been Allen. That the friend she thought she didn't knew at all had openly showed part of his real face back then, in a time before she even knew his name. But they had been kids… the time in your life when knowing a name did not matter. And yet her lack of knowledge wasn't the worst part of all, what hurt the most was that look in his face when she felt he looked older than her. Then It was weird but now it was clear to her. Allen wasn't aware of what being a child meant. What could have happened to him to make him look so older at such a young age?

The clown made her back a little away from time trapped little Allen. And when they were far enough to his liking he snapped his fingers again all the things under the spotlight recovered color and mobility. The masked clown told her with his hands to pay attention one last time.

--

_The boy waved his hand slowly even thought the girl had already vanished in the distance._

"_An impressive performance" sounded the voice of a man as a clapping came from behind the tent. A grown up man dressed in similar clothes as the boy appeared with a smile "That child went away very happy"_

"_Yeah… but I fell again" said the boy still looking at the direction the group went to._

"_Truth, but the objective is not to stay in the ball, but to make them smile as they see you" the child turned to look at the man "Besides, you can become better. All you have to do is continue trying. No matter how difficult it looks like-"_

"_-keep walking" said the boy with a smile._

"_That's right Allen. Never stop walking" the man ruffled the child's hair and gave him a tender look "But you did run away from the streets after you fell. Your mitten fell off right? You went away without telling me" before the boy could say anything about it the clown put a gloved index over his lips "Don't worry, I already chased away that silly boy who shot at you"_

"_Mana that wasn't necessary" said the boy fidgeting._

"_Oh, it was! No one messes with my boy" his voice had a reassuring hint that made the boy very comfortable "No one will call my little Allen a Freak! It's a fair for God's sake! If they want to call someone a 'freak' they have a great amount of people out there that would be happy to be called that! My boy is a clown, not a freak!" the grown up clown touched the tip of Allen's nose with his finger, and offered him a wet cloth to clean his face._

_The child chuckled at his stepfather's antics and accepted the cloth. The boy quickly cleaned his face, or at least as much as he could, a few white spots still there. _

"_Well, I say that you made a great show today, and you've showed me your improvement. So, from now on, we will be practicing together so that we can develop a dual act" Mana winked at him as the boy jumped with excitement. _

"_THANKS DAD!" it took a few seconds for the boy to notice what he had called the older clown as he just looked how the boy's face became red from embarrassment "eh… I… I meant…"_

"_Hehehe, you know, if you say it more frequently you won't feel so awkward when you say it by accident" Mana was laughing as he saw how Allen's face became even redder "Maybe we should include your blushing abilities as part of the act. With your white skin and those red cheeks, boy you look pretty hilarious!"_

_Allen turned around pouting "stop it" he mumbled._

"_Oh, poor little Allen is embarrassed of calling the big old clown his daddy" the grown up poke a finger at the child's red cheeks, but soon he stopped and smiled a normal and sincere smile as he said "But you know? I'm not embarrassed to call you my son" _

_Little Allen turned with a quivering lip._

"_Gonna cry?" asked the smiling man as the boy hid his face against the man's shoulder "You've been wanting to for all day right?" _

"_I'm supposed to smile" answered a little muffled from being digging his face in the baggy shirt of Mana's clown costume. _

"_Indeed, but if you don't let it out, sooner or later you'll start crying in the middle of the act. And if the make up get's smeared you'll scare the little kids" joked the man._

_Allen punched him softly on the chest making the man stop laughing instantly._

"_Mana… can I sleep with you tonight?" asked the scared boy._

_In a turn, the clown's voice turned serious "You should sleep in your own bed, you're a big boy already"_

"_Please" the little voice begged "Don't leave alone. I heard their voices…"_

"_I know you did"_

"_I felt so lost… I felt in the darkness of the alleys again… hiding…"_

"_Don't think of that. You'll never be there again" the man rubbed little circles in Allen's back._

"_I hit my head twice today"_

"_You hit it five times yesterday" _

"_But today it just feels worse. Mana… Please don't leave me alone when I hurt…" the boy fought to calm himself down "don't leave me when I'm more scared… I don't want to feel it again…"_

_Mana just hugged the boy tightly._

"_I won't" reassure the man as he stood up cradling the child as they shared a father and son moment "That's why the ones that love you are there for. So you can feel them near when you're scared"_

_Looking at the sunset Mana sighed "Let's call it a day. I'll tell you a funny thing that happened today and you can talk all you want about your day too"_

_The child nodded as he leaned in the warm and safety of Mana's embrace._

"_Wonder what we should tomorrow?" Mana asked to the sleepy boy in his arms._

"_I have an idea" mumbled the tired voice._

"_And what would it be?"_

"_I wanna enter tomorrow's eating contest" answered Allen as his stomach voiced his enthusiasm._

_The man laughed loudly as he went inside the tent closing the entrance "You little glutton" joked the clown as they disappeared inside._

_--_

Lenalee wasn't sure when exactly the change of scenery occurred but, from being inside the spotlight in that piece of space near the river bank and looking directly at the images that came to life, she found herself looking into the mirror from before she fell and seeing the images in it's reflection as if they were a recording.

It was confusing, but at least the final scene of those memories was somewhat encouraging. When hearing the name Mana and how Allen would always be so happy when he talked about the man, she would remember Allen's cursed eye, and how the boy had loved someone enough to feel that he needed him to continue living. She now knew why. Mana might have been the first person to show Allen what it was to be normal, what it was to be deserving of being love.

Lenalee cleaned her tears as they finally stopped. This last part wasn't from her memories. So it was either a part of a dream, or this wasn't exactly a dream at all.

The girl turned to look at the clownish boy.

"You brought me to see all of this?"

Balancing in the tip of one foot the clown nodded happily.

"Why?"

The clown snapped his fingers and told her to look at the mirror. She turned and saw the image of herself in her bed covering her eyes with an arm.

"**I don't know you at all" **it was her voice, those were her thoughts **"Who were you?"** Lenalee was surprised to see that the clown had access to her recent memories **"I won't let you go till I have forced out all those things you keep inside"**

"You… you did this to show me what I wanted to know?" she asked touching the surface of the mirror.

The clown appeared on her side and touched the mirror with his black glove.

The image became blurry and soon change into that of her nightmare.

Allen looked so peaceful and yet so sad. His face had been cleaned but it still showed the wounds of his last battle. His hands resting over his chest as he slept for eternity.

The image of the dead Allen made her feel cold inside. Then the voice of her childish self said

"_**He won't see his important people dying in front of him, nor would he die alone. I'm so jealous"**_

The image changed again to that of the corpse reaching out to her with that scared and sad look in his dead eyes as the fire engulfed the coffin. The voices of the shadows saying aloud:

"_**Is it the boy they call traitor?"**_

"_**Yes, he died; they say no one was there"**_

Lenalee brought a hand to the face of the reflection, controlling herself as best as she could. Everything was connected so precisely.

The image changed for once more. This time it was a recent memory, the picture of the intensive care room were Allen laid in that bed chained to all those machines as they kept him alive. And as she felt the pain of seeing him again in his dying bed, the voice of the little Allen said:

"_**But today it just feels worse"**_

" _**Please don't leave me alone when I hurt…" **_

" _**Don't leave me when I'm more scared… I don't want to feel it again…"**_

She felt a shiver as the guilty feeling grew in her heart at the words of the clown that taught Allen to live.

"_**I won't" **_

"_**That's why the ones that love you are there for. So you can feel them near when you're scared"**_

The images and voices disappeared after that last sentence.

Lenalee turned to look at the smiling white clown. Her heart beating calmly as she finally understood the meaning of this entire ruse.

"He feels alone doesn't he?" she asked at the masked boy "He has been reaching out to us; so that we could help him… he is scared of dying alone" a soft comprehensive smile in her calm face as she talked.

The clown nodded softly as he looked at her.

"I didn't think that being there could help at all… because I felt so guilty of looking at him, I thought he may be mad at us. But he really doesn't want to be alone in that dark room while he hurts" she giggled sadly closing her eyes "How silly of us. How silly of me" she said with a gentle frown "If I were in his place I would hate it too. Obviously he needs us now more than ever. What kind of friends are we?!" she exclaimed and looked at the clown "He needs someone with him, right?"

The masked boy nodded again.

"Then I'll go" she smiled sweetly at her guide "Thanks… even thought you really managed to scare me, I'm happy I followed you around Allen-kun"

The clown shrugged and with a snap a childish voice said:

"_**Making smile is the clown's job"**_

The clown bowed at her and as if guided by a weird instinct she clapped at him with enthusiasm.

The boy looked at her and then pointed to a door that had materialized to the left.

"I go there I guess" she said and received a nodding motion as answer "Well, then I guess I'll see you in the real world Allen-kun" Lenalee waved at the clown and went to open the door.

* * *

As soon as Lenalee woke up, she stood from her bed, put on her shoes and ran out of her room. This was the real word; otherwise she wouldn't feel the pain from her physical wounds. Her brother will get mad at her in the morning, but if she could give Allen the reassurance that he wasn't alone, maybe he would be able to fight against death. And if he could survive, then it was worth the effort. She would be by his side. Whether he live or die (and the thought pained her) she will be by his side, because no one deserved to fight alone; and no one deserved to be comforted more than Allen did in that moment.

For a moment she considered going to wake up the others, but she thought better not to. Lavi had a broken arm and needed the rest. Kanda's recovering was fast but it required much energy so he must have been exhausted. And Link… well, even if his leg had been alright he may not want to go with her.

Aside from that, something in the back of her mind told her that it wasn't necessary for her to call them. Besides, she had other things bothering her.

There had been so many things she couldn't understand in her dream.

Why didn't the clown talk at all? Why she wasn't allowed to see his face even thought she knew it was Allen?

Why were they able to touch the younger Allen?

Why were things so real?

How was she able to see a memory that didn't belonged to her?

And what was that odd feeling that came when looking at the happy mask? Why it made her so scared?

She shook her head as she finally reached the medical ward trying to concentrate in the present.

To her surprise, Timcampy was there, floating in the middle of the passage way. The little golden ball saw her coming and waved his tail acknowledging her presence.

"Is he alright Timcampy?" the golem nodded and swiftly went to bit her sleeve, pulling her towards the door, asking her to go inside, to go to his master's side, to not leave them alone again. She nodded "I know. I'll stay with you both; as long as I can I won't leave you alone"

The golem and the girl went inside to make company to the exorcist that was fighting ti stay alive.

* * *

Back in the darkness…

The clown waved at the girl even after she had disappeared through the link to her waking mind.

Then after he felt it was enough he leaned tiredly against the mirror. His figure shivering slightly as he turned to look at it. Then, hidden from anyone's viewing eyes, the clown took off his mask and pushed it inside the mirror phasing through it. Music started to sound in the background as if giving a little recess between scenes.

The main character searched inside the mirror that was more like his toy trunk. And after a few minutes he found what he was looking for. Pulling it out and jumping back the clown started to dance as he put a new mask over his face, energy recovered as got the feel of it, preparing for his next interpretation. Fixing the bow of his neck and stretching the folds in his clothes, the boy prepared to leave his little hideout. After all, to be able to go with the second part of his act, he needed to get his next character to participate.

A white door appeared as he raised his hand and with a few skips he went through it.

* * *

Well, that was it.

I'm sorry if it was a little confusing, I hope it wasn't that much.

I'll give you a little piece of info from the next chapter as an apology for having taken so long.

The next dream will be Bookman junior's past and nightmare, hehe.

Yeah, and the clown will be sporting another mask for this act… I'll see if I can update an image of the next mask.

Well, you know how this work, please leave you're opinions in your reviews, and again sorry for the bad grammar and vocabulary usage… I'm having a little of a hard time with that…

Ok, see you in the next chapter!


	5. Second Mask: Sadness Part I

Sorry for taking so long, work at collage is really taking a toll out of me… so I may take Langer than expected, but don't worry, I'm not giving up!

Disclaimer: Don't own D gray man

Pairings: As mentioned before, this story is not meant to have any pairings, just friendship. But feel free to interpret as you wish.

"Talking"

"_Thinking__/dreaming"_

"_**Writing"**_

* * *

**Chapter five**

**Second mask:**

**Sadness**

**(Part I)**

* * *

"Even if you look at it through your one and I look at it through my both, the world that we see is only one, then why do we see it so different? What makes the difference between 'you' and 'I'?"

_Lavi was a very clever guy. You had to be to become bookman. And he was able to recognize things, places and sensations that he had taken note of in his records. So when he walked up in this bizarre environment he knew he must have been dreaming._

_The time when Road played with his dreams was still fresh in his head and so was the sensation in the back of his mind that told him he was in an illusion. And even thought he was very proud of being able to realize this as a fact, he was still startled at how unbelievably real everything seemed. He hated the fact of knowing that it was a dream and yet had no control over it. After all, dreams were normally blurry images taken from recent or past memories that awoke in the subconscious and were the reflection of inner fears and doubtful thoughts._

_Lavi tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat. He was beyond convinced the he was inside a nightmare. In no dream, at least not his, the sky was tainted blood red and the ground cold blue, only a gust of wind as company. This whole place gave him an eerie feeling. He was aware that his greatest doubt and maybe, if someone forced him to admit it, fear, was related to a young exorcist that was possibly lying in his dying bed while he dreamed. _

_A soon as the image of Allen registered in his thoughts; he felt something pulling him to his knees. Lavi tried to stand up, but it was holding him with some kind of unearthly force. That feeling was mysteriously similar to the bindings that rendered him helpless in the battle with the level fours._

"_Damn! Even knowing this is just an illusion!" he yelled in frustration, there was no doubt, it was a nightmare._

"_LAVI!" the voice sounded very familiar and looking up to see who it was, Lavi felt a dead pound on his heart. Coming towards him, waving trying to call his attention, was the image of Allen. He closed his eyes, repeating to himself that it was just an illusion, that the real Allen wasn't there, but opening them he couldn't help but to think that if this Allen wasn't real then it was the best illusion ever created. Every single feature crafted from his records to form an image of the exorcist, so believable that it could fool his trained eye. Damn his photographic memory!_

"_Lavi, I've looked for you everywhere, where were you?!" yelled the boy as he got closer._

_Lavi felt the need to answer even knowing that he wasn't real, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. Lavi looked up and his eyes widened at the sight of another Lavi, this one wasn't wearing his normal sleeping clothes as he was. This one was wearing an exorcist uniform. The illusion faced the real being and said:_

"_He's not calling for you, he calls for me" the image smirked at the confused Lavi "He's calling for Lavi, not bookman. You stay there and record"_

"_What….?!" Lavi felt rage boiling inside him at those words "I'm Lavi! I DECIDED THAT IN THE ARK, I'M LAVI! I'M THE ONE HE CALLS!" he had gone through hell inside the game of the Noah of dreams to finally come to terms with his need to be someone, Lavi, no one had a right to say he wasn't, not even an imaginary self!_

"_No you aren't" answered the smirking fake "Because Lavi is supposed to be his friend, and yet, in the last battle, where were you when he needed you the most?"_

_Bookman Junior felt a cold shiver run down his__ spine at those words. Somehow, this was like an inverted version of his dream in the ark._

"_Now, tell me you didn't act like a complete bookman there? Or are you going to deny that you were a mere bystander to your friend's demise?" The illusion started to walk towards the waving boy, saying before disappearing "You're a bookman, you have other job to do, and even when you fake to be in grief for your 'friend' you know you didn't stop doing it at all"_

_The moment the figure of himself touched Allen's shoulder both disappeared leaving Lavi tied to the floor. His face was grim "I did not… I…. couldn't…."_

"_A bookman does not have a need for a heart. The history must be recorded clearly without the interference of biased ideas. You'll be bookman; you can't avoid your duties as such. People are just mere pieces of history's development, you're above that" the voice of the actual bookman resonated from within his mind as he looked up at the red sky and screamed._

"_I DON'T LOOK AT THEM LIKE THAT!"_

_Panting slightly from rage he stared at something that was appearing in front of his face. As if written with ink, appeared words, and the most disturbing part? It was his handwriting._

_He didn't really intend to do it, but soon he was unable to avoid reading it out loud._

"_**The destroyer of time had been acting weird, especially **__**after returning from his last mission. His ideas were not clear anymore" **__Lavi raised his head to look away from the words and noticed that a few meter away from him, his memories were being played in a soundlessly movie, they were discussing with Allen because he had activated his innocence for no apparent reason __**"His reactions have become impulsive and possibly dangerous. There's a possibility that the Noah that he is host of could be the reason"**__ Lavi trembled a little._

"_This are my records… this… but I… did I actually record it like that?"_

"_**His comrades try to act normally to calm him down. He seems to **__**accept this and relaxes. They are very nervous; he may become a problem for the mission"**__ Lavi was starting to get scared, he wasn't even reading anymore. The words read themselves as soon as they were written and it was his voice reading them, his most cold and uncaring voice. In front of him the images showed the passages he heard, as if in a theater. As if his records were the script for the act._

_The scene changed._

"_**They arrived to the village and **__**walked for a while. Allen Walker pointed that no one had come to greet them. The guide explains they're hiding. After a few minutes Allen lost it. He attacked the guide. Inspector Howard Link ordered to get him. Kanda Yuu and Lavi took a hold of him. Lenalee Lee protected the guide. Allen struggled to free himself and demanded to be let go. Kanda and Link refused without a second thought, something happened in their last mission that made them very wary of the boy. Unexpectedly, not even Lenalee Lee thought it'll be a good idea to do so and asked Allen to control himself. By now, it is obvious that the young exorcist is mentally unstable from all the stress he's been tolerating since his master's death" **__Lavi saw the struggle, he remembered how desperate Allen was at that time and how confused he himself felt because the boy got to the point of actually punching Lavi square in the face before stopping. Why wasn't the mention of that in his record? And why was his voice referring to Lavi as other person? __**"They dragged him along to the hideout of the finders. He stopped fighting. He acted obediently yet kept himself alert at any sound. His paranoia has become greater than any normal exorcist complex. His mental condition is far worse than expected"**_

"_stop it…"whispered bookman junior. He knew why those things weren't there, a bookman was supposed to __keep history without any bias, so any kind of personal thought or situation that occurred to him must be recorded as if it were happening from a third person's point of view. It was part of his training, and even thought he felt disgusted at himself, this was how his mind recorded things… those were not his memories, those were his records. Two different libraries inside his mind. Two different sections that even thought he fought he could not unify. _

_Piece by piece, Lavi was forced to see his own records from the battle. He saw himself in the ground, his arm useless as his body tensed from the lack of oxygen. He saw his other comrades trying to fight their way out of the invisible bindings. He saw Road piercing Allen through the abdomen with a terrifying candle. All the while his inner bookman telling the story in the format that the next generations will hear it. His friend was bleeding as he launched towards the level fours and yet his voice had no feeling, no care at all. He felt like a traitor._

"_**The destroyer of time fell to the floor. There were multiple injuries all over his body. He seemed to be in the limit already. His hands stretched towards his trapped comrades searching for help, but their situations unable them from doing anything…"**__ Lavi managed to cover his ears with great difficulty and closed his eyes tightly. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't want to see it anymore. The face Allen had at that moment would torture him forever, now he couldn't deny it. This was the first of many nightmares to come; his records will make sure of that. And though he was covering his ears and had his eyes closed, he still had the expression of his friend's face printed inside his eyelids and that damned voice of his was talking directly inside his head. There was no escaping._

"_I wanted to help…I wanted to help…" he repeated once and again "There was nothing I could have done… nothing…" he wanted to convince himself and yet he knew he could have done something. He could have believed in Allen as Allen believed in him. The young boy never stopped believing that Lavi would wake from his prison under the powers of the Noah, yet Lavi couldn't believe in him because he could not take the picture of Noah Allen from his head. So similar situations, so different reactions. _

"_**After the great flash of light disappeared, the body of the exorcist Allen Walker fell to the ground. Blood pooling around him" **__At this point, Lavi opened his eyes. The voice in his head stopped there. Why? There were more recordings after that, right? Lavi looked up and saw the mangled body of his friend on the cold bluish ground and noticed with some surprise that the body wasn't inside the memory, but it was with him in his dream stage. The young bookman got closer to it, so concentrated on his friend that he didn't even paid attention to the fact that he could move again._

_The body wasn't moving at all. The eyes were half lidded but glazed over. He reached to shake Allen's shoulder a little._

"_Allen sa! Oi… Allen, you should keep awake for a few more minutes…" he said with a nervous smile and feeling strangely sad even knowing this was a dream "You're supposed to open a door… and tell us to go home" he was feeling frustrated… his records said so…there was more than this!... why was this dream so unfair? "We are supposed to take you back and everyone will get worried about you as they tried to save your life" Lavi felt soft tears burning in the corner of his green eye. He wasn't supposed to cry, and frankly he rarely felt enough pressure to do so, but he felt as lost as when he fought inside Road's dream realm, it was taking a great effort not to brake down "Allen… you… you are supposed to be in a bed and fight for your life… and you're supposed to survive and laugh at us for making a fuss over you when it was obvious you were going to be alright…" Lavi shook desperately the imaginary corpse of his friend "Damn it, Allen you're not supposed to die!" Taking the upper part of the boy's body he held him close "Idiotic bean sprout, you can't die, you have so much to do! The history shouldn't say that the "destroyer of time" died without completing his prophecy!" He yelled as he held the body of the boy, rocking him as he shook with the desperation of containing the coming sobs. He knew he wasn't saying this to the body in his arms; he was talking about his real friend, the one who would soon be as cold as this illusion. This picture was the last straw. All the desperation he had always kept inside from all those times he wanted to scream and brake down as his heart was left aside had finally caught up to him and he was being overwhelmed by his restrained emotions. _

"_Damn it… damn it…" he mumbled through clenched teeth "… you should insult me for calling you bean sprout" he laughed bitterly as the first rebellious tear fell against his will "I want to wake up" it was a soft plead but he knew he wouldn't escape "but… I don't want to wake up to this!" He let his tears fall softly as he could held them no longer, all the time he continue to rock the corpse of the younger boy._

"_A bookman shall not have any emotion" sounded the booming voice of his mentor "He has no friends, no family, he lives only for the sake of preserving history. It's his duty to record it exactly as it happens" the rules that were imprinted in the most basic part of his mind laid their weight over his head "To him, people are just stains of ink in the papers of his records" _

_Lavi watched in horror as the body of his friend melted in his arms, his flesh becoming a pool of blood under him. He looked at it with rising panic and saw how the earth drank the liquid greedily till it was completely gone as if absorbed by a sponge. _

_Lavi looked all around himself, he wasn't in the desolated place from before. He was in an empty space, kneeling over an unending scroll. _

_Confused, Lavi gazed at the place where his friend had been a few seconds before. This dream was beyond cruel… he actually felt and smell Allen's blood as it fell to the parchment. It made him sick; it was the same smell of death that was inside the room in the medical ward. As he looked at the same spot he noticed that something was starting to appear on it. It was his handwriting and this time in reddish ink. Lavi's eye widened as he read the message over and over again. His cold voice read it out loud for him._

"_**Allen Walker died at 10:15 pm a day after his battle"**__ Lavi shook his head in denial __**"He**__**died from massive organ failure"**__ Lavi punched the scroll surface "Shut up!" he demanded but the voice continued __**"The funeral wasn't worth of great mention. Almost no one was there. The higher ups denied offering a proper mass for the fallen exorcist. To them he had betrayed them. Thanks to Allen Walker, the organization lost around 30 people with the loss of the ark. For this cause he shall be considered a traitor in the history of the Black Order" **__"SHUT UP!" Lavi started to claw at the parchment trying with all his might to erase the words "IT'S NOT TRUE! HE ISN'T DEAD! HE WON'T DIE!" hot mad tears fell from his eye; it was starting to sting "THAT HISTORY… THAT RECORD…It can't… it… won't…" Lavi felt himself finally realizing… he did believe that these records were to become true. In fact, this was what he had thought before going to sleep… he just wanted to deny it… as long as he didn't see Allen's dead corpse he would deny what was so obvious to his inner mind._

"_I'm such a hypocrite" he managed to say between angry sobs "Sorry ji-ji… I know that this is why you said I shouldn't have a heart" he laughed again "I'm so screwed up… nee Yuu-chan" he said remembering the words the samurai had said before parting ways in the halls "… you'll have to forgive me… I don't really believe it" his finger traced over the red letters on the paper "Guess this is how it'll end…"_

_Lavi was convincing himself that this was better, he wasn't as strong as Lenalee or Kanda in their resolutions… heck, he wasn't even as strong as 'Two spot' on that. He would have to admit it sooner or later. Soon his tears stopped. He will have to get used to this nightmares, cause there will be more. That was for sure._

_As he sighed and took the decision to search for a way out of this dream he noticed that the words were fading away being reabsorb by the surface. He touched the place where they had been seconds ago. _

"_What a bizarre illusion" with a confused expression he decided to stand up…_

_But a hand__ came out from the paper and took a hold of his neck. _

"_What…?!" he yelled as he was yanked towards a pool of blood from where the hand emerged. Tendrils of the dense liquid restrained his legs and arms to the floor, the hand was starting to apply pressure on his throat, Lavi struggled but it wasn't enough. He opened his eye and noticed that the blood was forming a figure in front of him._

_Lavi gasped __when he saw the face of Allen made out of blood, the expression of perpetual fear in his reddish features. The illusion pressed harder on his throat, Lavi felt he was fainting from the pressure._

"_a-A-Al…lenn…."he muttered with the last of his energy._

"_Why won't you believe in me?" was the last he heard before losing consciousness._

* * *

"WAHHHH!" yelled bookman junior as he bolted up from bed so fast that he tangled with his sheets and fell to the floor with a hard thud. The first thing he did when he noticed he was back in his room was check his neck. Everything seemed normal, although he was panting slightly "Phew" he sighed happily for being alive and breathing.

The boy picked himself up slowly and leaving his sheets aside he laid back on his bed. That was one heck of a nightmare… it was so real he actually had dried tear trails on his left cheek. It was a good thing that panda had his own bedroom or he would have been in trouble. Bookmen weren't supposed to cry about something like this, less about something that hadn't really happened yet.

"But something that may happen…" he said to himself. Lavi really was at a loss of what to do. He really liked the young boy. For a person like him, who had given up his own family, name and past, the members of the order had become the ties necessary for Lavi's existence. He wasn't supposed to, he really shouldn't care, it would be easier… but as it was proved back in the ark, he really never had a chance of avoiding it. And Allen Walker seemed to have awarded himself a big space in his 'inexistent' heart, as big as Lenalee's or Yuu's.

That idea brought memories, precious memories to his confused mind.

Lenalee was the first one to become special to him. From the very beginning she seemed to have taken the task of breaking his barriers down. She had taken him in as soon as he was declared exorcist. He was part of her world and part of her family, no one had ever made him part of anything aside from the bookman clan. He never knew the kind of love and hope that humans could share between their closer friends, no book could teach him that, but she showed him. Soon he was protecting her and making her smile with his goofy attitude as much as he could. Had he not have his bookman training he might have been too Komui for his liking. He laughed at the idea. He was always concern about her safety, that's why he couldn't wait for her to return to the ship on the way to Edo and why he almost cry bloody murder at Allen's master for almost taking advantage of her. She was beautiful, and needed to be kept away from womanizer guys, he couldn't blame Komui for that. At a moment he found himself startled to notice that it had become natural to be like that.

"You broke my first defense and I didn't even notice it…"

Kanda came next. It was Lenalee the one who introduced them. His first impression of the samurai was 'jerk'. So he decided that since Lavi's character was supposed to be playful, and if Yuu Kanda was a jerk, then he could be the most annoying brat in the house. It did work. Of course, he had to become faster to avoid the many times Kanda got too serious. But with time, his attacks where less aggressive and become more threats than actually physical violence.

It became a daily routine, and therefore, to defend himself Kanda created a nickname for his annoying comrade. Yep, Lavi became the "idiot rabbit". The more he called Kanda by his name, the more Kanda will call him by nicknames. It was such a fun game that somewhere along the way Lavi forgot he was supposed to just be faking playfulness.

"I got to entice Yuu-chan's friendly nature!" he laughed again. Everyone had become important. He cared for his friends and tried to deny it by saying that it was Lavi who cared for them, not him… that made him develop a little of an identity crisis, confusing his poor mind way too many times.

And then, he came. Allen Walker, the boy with the prophecy of "the destroyer of time". He remembered it well. His master told him about Allen's 'destiny' and his development in the black order. He said that the exorcist may become of great interest for their records and that they should tag along on his next mission. At that moment, Allen and Lenalee were out on the mission that brought Miranda to them.

He decided to collect information in the cafeteria about the new guy. His findings were very interesting.

From the side of the finders, everyone seemed to have a very good impression of the boy. They said he was very respectful and caring. Some even said honorable.

With the guards, comments like cursed and weird came along. They seemed to have a poor image of the kid.

"People saw him very differently from their points of view"

The scientists said he was a funny guy, interesting and very polite. That was when Johnny mentioned that he went with Kanda in his first mission. That perked his attention. Someone had a mission with THE Yuu Kanda and survived with all his limbs attached to his body.

Immediately, Lavi went to search for the Japanese young man, who by the way was eating his soba. As soon as Lavi found him he started pestering him till the smurai finally acknowledged his presence in a very aggressive way. Lavi asked him about his mission and his views of the new exorcist. The answer took him by surprise.

"_That cursed idiot__, he is too naïve for his own good. He'll get killed soon, but not soon enough!… he's so annoying and disgusting. He talks as much as you idiotic rabbit" _then pointed his Mugen to junior's nose_ "Be prepared if you face the bean sprout!"_

If he was to be honest, he felt jealous. Kanda was treating the new guy the same way he treated Lavi. He even gave the boy a nickname in their first mission; Lavi had to be a nuisance for almost a year to push the samurai to create a nickname for him. Yeah, it wasn't great to be insulted but it was a game that Lavi considered for his own amusement.

Soon after that conversation he was sent with his master to help the pair in Germany. He felt mad that Lenalee had been hurt so bad and blamed the boy for it. Why didn't he protect her? Bookman Junior even prepared himself to reinforce his barriers and not allow the boy inside his family as pay back. But when the child woke up, Lavi couldn't help but feel guilty and jealous (yet again) that the boy was very worried about Lenalee's state. Damn he was so worried he actually didn't care much about his own eye that had been almost destroyed. Lavi was dumbstruck by the way the child acted and talked about his beliefs.

"Took me a while to understand the type of guy I was dealing with, for a good while I just thought of him as a brat"

Then the missions started to come, the encounter with Crowley and the search for General Cross. Slowly the boy started to become a good friend and even worth of bookman's respect, which was knew to the apprentice who had never seen his master so interested in one single subject of investigation. Also, he found himself alarmed to see that he was almost completely natural with him in only a matter of weeks and it only took him a few months to reach the level where he didn't knew if he was pretending anymore.

It took him a year to realize that his friendship with the guys in the order was real, but Allen Walker had managed to become part of his true self's life in only half the time. Maybe that's why it hurt him so bad when they said that he died at the hands of the Noah, more when he saw Tim's recording. Lavi had never felt so depressed, so confused and so guilty at the same time; enraged and mad at the bastard that took his friend's life away.

He felt so bad that he actually hid one of the boy's poker cards, the ones he won by cheating, as a memento of his friend. He felt stupid, he was going against everything that meant being a bookman, but he couldn't afford to let Allen's presence disappear from this world. The only person he had ever looked at as a little brother… the only person that seemed to understand what it was like to wear a mask all your life.

When he heard the boy was alive it was as if someone had suddenly lit a candle in the middle of a dark room. There was hope again, and gave them all strength. And when he came back the whole room was illuminated, so bright he needed to cover his eyes.

"You brought a light… so bright… you made darkness disappear for a while" he thought to himself "But as the light… you are disappearing" he remembered when they came back, when his friend was suddenly under inspection as if he was a dangerous criminal. The face of Allen as he slowly started to sink into darkness was something that will bother anyone who saw it. And even then, he still managed to pull the light necessary to safe Lenalee and beat that level four by her side. It was the first time that Lavi and Kanda relied completely in his sword.

After all the pain and destruction, Lavi fooled himself to believe that everything would go back to normal. But it was too naïve of bookman's successor to think that way. Just when they arrived to their new home, the confession came. He really wished he hadn't been there.

The others knew about Allen being the host of the fourteenth but he knew why. He also saw the first reaction of the boy when finding out the truth about his father. Bookman Junior felt cold pierce his supposedly 'inexistent' heart when Allen asked his former master if his father did love him or if he only loved the Noah within him. Lavi saw his friend's world crash around him from first row as Allen tried desperately to keep the pieces together the best he could.

That same night, Cross Marian 'died'. In the next days everything went down hill. They were told everything, and Allen himself asked to be killed. Kanda started to avoid the boy and many people began to act a little wary around him. It was stupid to think that everything was going back to normal. It was as if everything was swirling around in a vortex of chaos. And in the center of the storm was Allen, left alone to deal with things no one else could understand.

"He started to act desperately after the mission of Timothy's innocence and he came back with that nasty scar… Crown Clown's blade… why? What did he saw? Allen… In the end, thanks to you, I admitted to be Lavi… but you never took off the mask did you? I saw you try… I know about trying… but you didn't succeed right?" Lavi closed his eye and relaxed softly "And now, you'll take our light with you… history will continue, but it won't be the same… and I'll be the one to see it all… somehow, it doesn't seem fair" Lavi calmed himself and tried to fall sleep again, but he was feeling uncomfortable.

At first he thought it was because of his thoughts, but then he recognized the sensation, someone was looking at him!

Bookman's apprentice moved quickly to try and sit up, but in the process hit his face against something else.

"ITE!!!!" screamed the red haired exorcist as he rubbed his nose "What the…?"

That is when he looked at the thing he had collided with…

But, let's face it, he wasn't expecting that sight!

In front of him, rubbing his face with a gloved hand was a clown dressed completely in white. Lavi had no problem in identifying every single detail in the clown's attire. Hours of reading books in night tend to do that… or make you blind, Lavi liked to think he was lucky. Anyway, for bookman junior it wasn't difficult to see between the lines here (or was it between the clothes?), even as the clown hid his face while rubbing it, Lavi already understood what was going on, and therefore he sighed.

"_Nahhh… another dream__?… how sweet"_ he thought as it was the only logical explanation. The facts were this: First, the clown boy's clothing had many hints in its pieces, that plus the white hair and the body structure could only point to one person. And since that person was so injured that he wasn't able to even stay conscious, it meant this guy was an illusion. Second: he had just woken from a nightmare, and it wasn't impossible to wake from dream to dream, especially when you were as confused as Lavi was at the moment. But the most important point that gave this farce away, and also the point that made him feel quite silly for not noticing in the first time, was that Lavi had a fractured arm in the real world, but here he had not even a scratch. _"Was I really that upset that I didn't even realized?"_

"Yo, are you alright, white-clown-chan?" he said in his common enthusiastic voice. Even if this was a dream he was hoping to make it a nice one at least.

The clown lowered his hands and looked at him nodding slightly. Lavi's eyes widened at the expression of that white mask. It was a little unusual but not unheard of, in fact it was like the second figure of the symbol of theater. It was a sad mask, such an exaggerated sorrowful face, with an upside down mouth and a deep frown in his eyebrows. It was so sad it was funny.

"Hey, why the long face?" he said casually trying to joke around. The clown pointed to his face and to Lavi's making some hand motions as to indicate the recent collide. Then he started to move his hands all around Lavi looked amused at the clown that seemed to be apologizing about the accident in a very frantic way.

"Nee, it's fine no real harm done" he said "Although, to be a dream it was quite painful!" The clown looked at him and tilted his head to the side as if to say 'What?' Lavi chuckled at his friend's illusion "Come on, I know I'm a little confused and all but I'm not stupid. It's obvious you're not real!" He said with the same voice.

A shiver ran down the masked boy. He began to tremble and Lavi could almost swear he could see tears on that mask. Oh great…. he just made a figment of his imagination cry!

"Hey!... eh, no need to feel bad! I mean… I'm not complaining at all, just saying statements… well, it's not so bad being a dream right?" Remembering his words later he will notice that they were quite illogical and stupid even, but at the time, Lavi just wanted to avoid making the dream weirder than it already was.

The clown boy seemed to calm down as he shook with unheard sobs. He then took a hand to his left sleeve and pulled a handkerchief out of it… well, it really was a handkerchief tied to another one that was tied to another one, that was tied to another one that… well you get the idea.

Lavi stared at the long white chain as the clown reached the last one. Then took it with both hands and blew his 'nose' hard. Lavi recoiled at the noise, it was obviously faked but it wasn't any less gross. The clown then offered his handkerchief to Lavi who refused it profusely "Nah! It's fine" he said pushing it away.

The clown shrugged and put the scrap of white clothing inside a closed left fist. Lavi pointed in his mind that the glove was black, more than probably to signify his innocence presence in the hand. The boy proceeded to push the many pieces of clothe inside his fist with one index. Soon he had introduced all the chain inside then shaking the fist he opened to reveal that all the handkerchiefs were gone. Lavi wasn't one to enjoy magic tricks but after a horrible nightmare this sympathetic act of entertainment was very much appreciated. So he clapped softly "Impressive clown-chan" he said, even thought the trick was very basic.

The clown shrugged as his face fell to look at the floor. Lavi noticed that the clown's attitude was very depressive as if there was a storm cloud over his head. It was interesting to see Allen in such a mood. After all, Allen only got that way when he was near his deceased master. A very hilarious thing to watch by the way. Lavi thought for a moment of what to do, the boy was just standing there in his own world and it was starting to become boring. If given the choice Lavi would have preferred to just go back to a dreamless sleep, but lately his dreams seemed to be working on their own accord. So the young apprentice of bookman thought it'll be best to play along.

"Nee, and tell me what can I do for you in this lovely night?" the red haired boy took a sit on his bed as he looked at his unresponsive guest "Anything in special you want Allen?" that worked. The boy came to live and seemed to have a bit of a tantrum at the words Lavi had said. Lavi looked with a sly smile "So I take it wasn't your intention for me to find out?" The boy continued his fit "Well, then you shouldn't have come dressed like that" he said pointing at his attire "Come on Allen, White hair, clown clothes, a miniature of your innocence cloak and… are those Timcampy shaped buttons?" he added with a smirk. The boy stomped a foot on the floor and pointed to Lavi with an accusing finger as if saying "_NOT FAIR!"_ Lavi just laughed "You know you're the easiest mystery to crack around here" he said between chuckles.

Noticing that the young man wasn't going to stop, the clown shrugged again.

"You give up?" the clown nodded "Then I do can call you as I want?" the boy nodded again "Alright bean sprout!" And the clown started his tantrum again making Lavi laugh so hard that he actually was in tears.

A few minutes later….

When Lavi had calmed down enough to be a little serious he asked the boy "But, seriously, what do you want me to help you with?" he asked, he felt very happy to be able to share a good time with Allen, even if it was just his hallucination. After all, it wasn't likely to happen when he awoke. Lavi tensed a little at the idea.

The dream clown looked at Lavi with that eternal sad expression, almost making Lavi fall into another fit of laugher.

Out of nowhere he could have swear he heard a soft music, it was as if the wind was whispering it to his ear, and the clown boy started to dance. His movements were a little dramatic and gloomy but that didn't compared to the grace that they held. Lavi was entranced. It was oddly captivating, as if it was inviting him to something, maybe sadness itself. The young bookman felt the soft sensation of a lump forming in his throat, but as he shook his head it was gone. The clown boy danced till he was at his door and with his hand he called Lavi to follow him. Lavi strangely followed obediently. And they both step outside.

* * *

During all the way to the Medical Ward Lavi kept bugging the clown boy. Making fun of his outfit and talking non-stopping. But more than nothing he kept asking/ whining for the clown to take of his mask. The clown refused one and again, and again, till in one moment he turned to the other boy who had just said "Common please!"

The clown took off his mask for the boy and the young bookman sweat dropped when he saw…. another mask under the mask. Allen did have many tricks that was for sure. But that didn't stop Lavi who continued bugging him, although he didn't got nowhere but to almost make the clown cry again and show his display of countless handkerchiefs.

* * *

Once they were in front of the door that belonged to Allen's room, Lavi sighed. He knew they were going to end up here; after all he had already memorized the whole map of the new headquarters making it easy to guess.

"I guess we'll enter" the clown nodded and went in first. Lavi took a deep breath and without anymore thoughts he entered. It was very, very dark and void. As the space of his last dream, but it didn't even have a floor. He felt uncomfortable. It wasn't nice to be surrounded by darkness "Nee! Allen! you better lit something up! Are you hearing me?" he called for his friend "OI BEANS PROUT!" Now, that worked very well. As soon as he uttered those words, the spotlight appeared. Lavi's trained eye immediately started to analyze the object in its middle.

Even thought he was a little far, the young apprentice was already keeping the image for his records. After all, the mirror was the most bizarre art piece he had ever seen or in this case dream of. Themed for a circus or an amusement park. It was beautiful, exquisite, in every detail, and creepy till some point for every carved figure in the dark wood helped to give a very devious total figure. All the decorations and the beautiful non-reflective misty surface…. "Wait a second?" he said looking at it closely "Oi Allen, your mirror is broken!" he yelled to the clown that was nowhere to be found. Then the exorcist turned around to call his friend again and he almost fainted when he noticed that the clown had been right behind him, almost breathing at his neck "Do you know about personal space?" he asked in a little annoyance. The clown pointed to the mirror with a black glove "Oh, yeah, it's broken" said the bookman. The dream shook his head and pointed again a little more franticly, they had to hurry… or at least that's what Lavi understood "Ok, ok"

Lavi looked at the mirror again. Nothing, just the darkness of the room. To be honest he was getting a little tired from this. Just a little. Was he supposed to search for something in the mirror or was he…. but then the image started to appear. Lavi saw his own reflection; it was impressively clear, almost as a photograph even thought the surface looked old and dusty. _"Wow, impressive_" he thought, but then the image blurred and another took its place. Lavi backed away a little but was stopped by a pair of hands on his shoulders.

The clown kept him in place as he watched a little version of himself. He knew that appearance very well, he had seen it in every reflecting surface in his childhood. It was his appearance when he was starting his travel with bookman, in the time when he used to wear the cloak his 'grandpa' gave him and didn't wear a bandana. Behind his little self and holding the boy in place as well was the image of the clown frowning down at the little Lavi "you….." the image of the clown disappeared and another one took his place. A little shadow, shorter than his young self, way shorter. The shadow shook little Lavi's shoulder making him turn around and follow the shadow boy into the darkness.

Lavi was gasping at this. _"Oh, oh"_ he thought as he felt the grip in his shoulders become tighter _"I don't think I'm going to like this"_ and boy was he right. Soon he was pushed inside the mirror and with a nervous smile and a scared voice he yelled at the clown that was looking at him as disappearing in the pit of nothingness "ALLEN, YOU TRICKSTER!!"

Maybe he didn't really understood what was going on…

* * *

Ooo

Well, that was another chapter, sorry to leave it like that but it was getting pretty long. Next chapter it'll be the dream and past.

I bet you're getting how this goes, more likely everyone's dream will follow this pattern, for now at least.

I hope you enjoyed this, it was difficult to try to write bookman records, but I hope it was nice.

See you next time! And don't forget to leave your opinion in your reviews


	6. Second Mask: Sadness Part II

Finally, I finished the second part. Sorry for the wait, but it turned out way much longer than I had thought. And as Lenalee's it may become confusing.

Disclaimer: Don't own D gray man

Pairings: As always, just reminding you that this story is not meant to have any pairings, just friendship. But feel free to interpret as you wish.

Now this follows Lenalee's dream pattern very much, but with slightly changes.

--

Things happening between Lavi and the clown

--

_Things happening in memories_

--

"_Thoughts_"

"**Voices inside of the head/ voices from the mirror/ records"**

Remember, if you found it complicated, just let me know.

* * *

Chapter six

Part II

Second Mask:

Sadness

* * *

It was really cold; at least it had to be for him to notice being barely conscious. His hands recognized the smooth texture that he had felt many times before. It was snow. His eye was closed but he was fairly sure of this. He was in a place covered by snow. But where the heck was that place? He didn't know yet.

Something soft started to tickle him on the nose; it was an annoying thing that was persistently trying to wake him up. He pushed it away, but it came back. Growling he decided to put an end to it. In a swift movement he caught whatever that thing was and pulled it with all his strength, strangely he found some resistance. That's when he finally opened his eye to see what he had captured. He sweat dropped at the picture.

In his right hand was the end of a very large chain of white handkerchiefs, and at the other end was a very nervous clown trying to recover his precious pieces of clothing from the grasp of the apprentice of bookman. The boy had been trying to wake the red haired exorcist for a while and had no better idea than to use his white chain to call the other's attention. Obviously, he hadn't expected Lavi to take a hold of it. And now, because Lavi wasn't letting go of it, the clown looked ready to have a tantrum.

As soon as the dream figure started to sob silently, Lavi freed the chain from his hand and took a sit. He was very mad at the boy, and wasn't in the mood to just let it go because the clown was 'crying'.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU PUSH ME FOR?" he yelled at the sad masked boy. The dream shivered in fear as he 'cried' harder "I'm not falling for it this time Allen! You better explain yourself!" Lavi wasn't about to give up, not even if his friend was… _"Wait a second, is he actually rolling on the floor?" _now, maybe it was time to give up "nee… mm… oi, Allen… its fine you know?" he said rubbing the back of his neck "It's just that it was uncalled for… but I'm not hurt… I think" he was sore, but since this was a dream, it could be that his brain was fooled into believing that he was hurt.

The clown cleaned his mask with his handkerchief, even thought he didn't have anything to clean, and then sat next to Lavi and bowed his head many times.

"Yeah, no problem" he said, taking his friend's actions as an apology. But to be honest, he had a problem. A BIG problem and it was making him very upset. He wanted to HIT ALLEN ON THE HEAD AND BRAKE THAT DAMN MASK! Just a little of course… but inside this dream world there wasn't any good motivation to do it. Now, if they were in the real world, Allen would surely get a good bump on the head and that would make it worthy. He smiled at the idea; he was starting to think like Yu-chan.

He was distracted by the possibilities of making fun of the grumpy samurai by copying him around when he felt a hand pulling at his shoulder. He looked up and saw the dream Allen looking at him with his sad face, waiting for him to stand up as he had done. Lavi took notice, for the first time, of the surrounding grounds. He looked around sheepishly for it was something he should have done the moment he woke up. His master would surely hit him for that mistake. Well, at least he could say he had an idea of were he was. It was an alley way, and he had a hunch of where in what place it was, but needed more to certify it. So, guided for his need to complete the picture in his head, he stood up, and without waiting for his companion to react, he run out there. As soon as he caught a glimpse of the main street, he confirmed his suspicions.

"London… London, England" he said to no one in particular. He was suddenly in his record library searching for any recording that may be explain this situation. An answer for: How did he was there? Why would he need to be there? The result wasn't that useful, he had being in London at least ten times in the past. But, of all the places his mind could take him inside a dream, why London? He searched his latest record to see if there was any mention of a festivity, but there wasn't anything worth of his presence at the time.

Lavi sighed, he was confused. He hated to be confused. From behind him he heard soft steps and turned to see the clown making his way out of the alley "Why did you brought me here?" he asked the enigmatic figure "Is something important going to happen?"

The white figure shook his head in negative. Bookman junior grunted a curse under his breath. That answer gave him less hints as to why he was here. The white haired boy just signaled him to follow his lead. The exorcist obeyed for he had no better thing to do "I don't like how easily he gets the control of the situation"

The dream boy stopped at the corner that connected the main street with another one and motioned for Lavi to look at it. Lavi was truly tired of this _"Why am I here for if nothing is going to happen?..."_the moment he looked at the other street, he had his answer, his head working a mile per hour to complete the puzzle leaving him gapping at the scene. He was shocked to see the little figure of his younger self, walking slowly at the side of Bookman, talking.

--

"_Name the city we are in" asked the old man._

"_London- England, part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain" answered the young red haired child._

"_Name the king of this land?"_

"_It's a Queen, not a king" said the boy with security "And it's Queen Alexandrina Victoria, who came to the thrown in June of 1837 at the age of eighteen years"_

"_Very well, Name the factor that is considerate the greatest problem of this city" That question took the child a few seconds of thought to answer. _

"_Overpopulation" he said with enthusiasm "In the last decade the population of the country had almost doubled its number"_

_Bookman stopped walking and put a hand over the boy's head looking very pleased._

"_Hum, it seems that someone has been studying this time, and you really got a hold of this language" the boy looked at his master with pride written all over his face "Then I'll tell you the rules for this mission, so be sure to record them well boy" _

--

"_I'm not here to see something about to happen… but something that had already happened?"_ Lavi had a nostalgic smile as he gazed at the scene in front of him "Ji-ji always said that phrase when he was about to assign me a knew name" bookman junior shook his head as the clown looked at him "Now I remember, the name he gave me that time, my 7th alias was..."

--

"_Alec" said the old man "From now till I say so your name will be Alec"_

_The boy nodded as he carved the new name in his mind._

"_The rules in this city are simple: no matter what you will always communicate only in English" the old man looked at Alec from the corner of his eyes "Can you tell me why?"_

_The boy nodded._

"_Because, people in this country dislike foreigners very much, and I could get hurt by them if they knew I'm from outside" _

"_Exactly" the master started walking again with the child behind him "When we reach the building where my contact will be waiting, you will have to stay outside, and for your security you mustn't stay in one single place for long. I trust you'll be able to care for yourself for at least an hour"_

"_No problem master. I won't get lost, and I'll be there in time" assured young Alec._

"_I trust on that, boy" Bookman continued to guide the boy around as he asked more questions._

--

"Then this is my first time in England" mumbled Lavi "Why did you brought me here?" hearing his voice the clown boy turned to him "Why bring me to an old memory?"

The boy only shrugged as if he didn't know the answer and was completely innocent of it all. Lavi sighed; he was doing that a lot lately. If only Allen could talk to him instead of just making mimics then things would be so much easier. But then again, a dream was the product of his own imagination, meaning that it was his fault if this dreame Allen didn't talk.

"Well, who cares, since we are already here" said the young exorcist bringing back his characteristic enthusiasm "Guess I should enjoy it and use this opportunity to show you how adorable I was as a little kid!" taking a hold of the clown's sleeve, Lavi dragged him after the two memories.

Lavi smiled when he noticed the obvious confusion on the clown's movements. He knew that Allen was going to make him go after the illusions of his past. It was the only expectable. So, he decided that to have at least some control on this dream stage, he should take the initiative. And boy was it hilarious to drag that gloomy clown around!

_

* * *

_

The two members of the bookman clan arrived to a little park covered completely in snow. The trees were dead and the cobblestone was much damaged. It was a low class neighborhood. Little Alec kept looking around inspecting his surroundings as only bookmen knew how. His master kept looking at his every move, obviously satisfied by the child's effort.

"_Alec" he called breaking the boy's intently gaze "Here is where we part. I will be going to that building" bookman pointed to an old construction that had all the look of being a low life gathering point "As you may noticed, you are not allowed in there" the boy nodded still looking at the place with his shining green eye "You will have to stay out here, but if you stay in front of it you will attract unwanted attention. Now do you understand why I told you to keep moving around?" the boy looked at the old man and nodded again "Very well, then don't forget your training. Remember this is also a test of your abilities, do this right and I will know I can trust more in your judgments" _

"_Yes, master" Alec looked at his mentor with determination "I got it, I'll be back in an hour as you have told me" with a serious look in his eyes, the boy turned around and started to walk away. Bookman turned around as well with a little smile on his face. _

--

"Oh, ji-ji I knew you loved me" squealed the apprentice. He was having the time of his life making faces and laughing at his master's expense. After all, since this was a dream he didn't had to be worried about Panda getting angry at him.

The dream clown was playing with his handkerchiefs tying and untying knots when he saw the little memory of bookman junior passing in front of them. He turned to Lavi and interrupted his fun by pulling at his sleeping clothes. The exorcist turned to his friend and saw him trying to make him go after his younger self.

"Geez Allen! I know I'm unbearably cute, but you don't have to be so desperate" Lavi couldn't help but to laugh when the clown face slapped himself. He knew he was being rather annoying, but he considered it vengeance for the little falling episode.

Laughing, the boy started to follow himself down the road.

"As I told you before, this was my first time in this country, so I had much to record" he explained as his younger self stopped in the middle of the street "I wasn't supposed to record things without bookman's permission but I had knack of disobeying that one particular rule" Lavi turned to the clown and smiled with a nostalgic feeling "The world is so different when you look at it through a bookman's eye. I couldn't help it, I just loved to record new stuff" _"The feeling of knowing I knew more than other guys… that I was more than other's"_ he added in his thoughts "I was kinda spoiled if I think about it"

The pierrot walked towards the little boy, who was looking all around. Lavi watched in interest as his friend took out one of his many scraps of white clothing and held it from the corners over the Alec's head. It was as if the clown was doing a magic trick. He turned the handkerchief around showing there was nothing. Lavi just nodded, this imaginary Allen sure had weird antics. Then, swiftly he pulled the white clothe away from the boy. Bookman junior was surprised to see something appeared over his younger self's head.

"Those…th-those are my records!" he stuttered walking near Alec and looking at the words being written over the child's head "How?" he asked the masked boy who just shrugged again as if he had no idea. Lavi decided to ignore him and started to read out loud _"__**"the streets are covered by a thick layer of snow, the cobblestone is barely seeable, but it is in bad shape"**_ wow! Those are really my words!" the clown nodded as he looked closer to them. The child, completely unaware of the two people looking at his thoughts, started to walk again.

_

* * *

_

The boy walked looking at how his foot dived into the snow slowly

_**"It's a really hard winter, the weather has being harsher than other years, I feel… oh, scratch that!... Alec felt the cold snow even through the protection of his boots"**_

--

Lavi laughed "I still had problems separating my personal thoughts from my records. Man was I really excited about becoming bookman at that time"

--

_The child continued to make his path turning around the street into a narrower way._

"_**Around 1.8 ºC or 35.4 ºF a bit colder than it normally should be in December" **__Alec looked up towards the sky and frowned __**"There might be a snowfall tonight. The temperature may descend 4 degrees like yesterday"**_

"_I'm sure master is already aware of this" he mumbled turning around to look at the way he came from "That might be the reason for his sudden need to hurry __in the morning"_

"_**This is an un**__**usual climatic change… normally the lowest temperature should happen at February. Now, point open for question… If the temperature is supposed to become lower in two months, till what degree will it descend if it is already this cold? What could cause this cold weather? Second question, if Scotland is the coldest place of this kingdom, and London is already this cold, would that mean that Scotland is colder than normally? Would it be affected by this phenomena?" **_

"_Mmm… I should ask master later"_

"_Hey, do yo hav' a penny you coud sher with a poor man?" the child turned to look at the person that had talked and saw a man in dirty clothes leaning against a wall. There was a bottle of whisky near the man __**"A man talked to Alec, he reeked of alcohol, must have been drunk, it could post a threat. The man was asking for money, more than surely to buy more liquor. The man had the age to be working; he has a good physical constitution, and doesn't look like someone who requires help to win money for his survival" **__the boy took a step back __**"He must have wasted his payment in getting drunk and partying with dancers or prostitutes, this is proven by the makeup that is scattered all over his dirty shirt"**_

"_Hey! Brat, I'm tolkin' to yo!" The man staggered to stand on his feet and pulled a pocket knife out of his jacket. Alec just looked intently at the man, not even slightly scared._

"_**The man stood up and threatened Alec with an old knife. It was **__**a rusted blade that had obviously being used many times. The man must have been a thief or in the worst case a street murderer" **__the man wobbled all the way till he was in front of the boy "Ya se'chin' foh problemns?" mumbled the man unable to talk properly. _

_Alec just continued to stare at him._

"_**The man lacked many teeth; they were changed by fake **__**gold ones. He was at least one and a half times taller than Alec. But he was overestimating his ability to tolerate alcohol" **__the man started to blink many times while unable to stand straight on his feet __**"His system was about to collapse in three, two, one…"**_

_Thud!_

_Alec turned to the side and looked at the man whose body was face down on the snow covered floor._

"_Humans really are violent and fool creatures" said the child to himself bitterly "Asking for money when he could work for it, how low" the boy started to walk away "Besides, I'll be bookman, I'm not allowed to help anyone, I can't get in the way of history's development"_

--

Lavi frowned at his younger self. That was truth; he wasn't supposed to intervene at all. And at that time in his life he really didn't cared for almost no one. He used to believe humans were the lowest kind of living beings on earth; idea that came to be the pillar of all his beliefs since his first four aliases, after witnessing two battles. That's why he really wanted to become bookman, because bookmen were above everything, above all the terrible actions of human kind. He used to believe that his master was the only human with a noble purpose and that he had to follow and share it. How ironic that by thinking that way he had become such a cynical and hypocrite person. He chuckled a little; there were so many things that at that time seemed so right, but now weighted so much on his shoulders. So many things he didn't really understand.

The clown woke the exorcist by waving a white clothe on his face. Lavi looked at him and the clown pointed to Alec's disappearing form.

Lavi thought his dream was about to end, because he remembered that after his encounter with the drunk thief he was supposed to turn and go back towards the place he should meet his master in, deciding to walk around to wait for the old man. That's why Lavi felt confused when his younger self turned to take another alley.

"Wait a second" he said to no one in particular "I'm not supposed to get deeper into the slums I…i-I-I mean, I didn't record that!" he run after the little version of himself without thinking twice, the clown followed him silently. This dream was really giving him many surprises.

* * *

"_**The streets**__** became narrower and narrower. The low class slum area was filled with beggars and pickpockets"**__ the child held his belongings close as he walked through a crowded alley and another street __**"It was better to stay away from the crowd" **__Alec turned many corners and walked many streets till he finally arrived to a tranquil and isolated place. The child sighed; it was nice to have some quiet time __**"The place was a space between many buildings, connected by two alleys to the main street"**__ he described within his mind "Nothing interesting around" he said aloud, just to hear his own voice echoing. Then he turned to look at the two alleys. The one he had come from and the one he hadn't gone through. "Better to go back" but just when he was about to go the same way he came from, he noticed something on the other way, something that called his attention._

--

"How weird" commented Lavi to his companion "I feel as if I can remember this… but it's also as if I don't"

--

_The boy walked closer to the small form at the end of the alleyway. He was a little surprise__d for he hadn't actually realized it was a human being from a far._

_There sitting on the ground or more like leaning against the cold wall, was a__young child covered mostly by snow._

_Alec looked at kid closely, from for a second he was unsure whether 'it' was a boy or a girl, but from 'its' body and face shape he deducted it was safer to think 'it' a boy. When he thought 'it' he actually felt a little bad; 'it' was used in English for objects or animals not humans, but that didn't stop him from__making the usual analysis._

"_**The kid, who will be referred to as a boy, **__**seemed to be in really bad shape. He had brown dirty hair and it seems that no one had cared to cut it. Much of it covered his face. It is impossible to see whether his eyes open or closed. He was dressed on clothes that were obviously not made for him nor for this weather; probably old rags he found on a dumpster. He's covered in bruises and has his whole left arm bandaged in scraps of clothing that must have being white once… long ago. It's difficult to put an age to this one… it's obvious he doesn't get fed very well if at all, he could be shorter for his age, but I'll put on the range of four to six" **__the young bookman junior frowned at his mistake, he shouldn't think of 'I', he wasn't part of it. The boy sighed and looked again at the other child. He felt suddenly curious about his background. It was an itchy feeling in the back of his mind that told him to complete the file he had started. As a good bookman successor, he couldn't ignore it. _

_Looking closely, bookman junior thought:_

"_**Name:?**_

_**Age: around four to six.**_

_**Social class: street urchin.**_

_**State: complete abandonment. **_

_**Nationality**__**: Presumably British. **_

_**Requires confirmation of data and filling blank spaces"**_

_The boy sighed frustrated with __himself; he hated to have incomplete records._

--

Lavi turned and saw the clown was looking at him directly, waiting for an explanation.

"That's one of the first exercises that bookmen in training receive, it is call 'profiling'. I used to do it with anything that called my attention, whether a living being or an unanimated object, as long as it was interesting I did it. It was a good way to train my mind to work systematically" Lavi looked at his pouting young self "But it also meant that sometimes I could get frustrated for the lack of information. In those cases I normally tended to ask… or do spy work" the exorcist chuckled at Alec "I could easily get in trouble, but if I didn't then I wouldn't be able to sleep. That's why, normally, I would only refrain to do it with things that ji-ji allowed me to profile. But as I said before, I didn't like to follow that one rule that much"

--

_The boy completely unaware that his older self had said it, decided to use one of his two means of attaining information: ask._

_Alec waved a hand in front of the other boy's face to see if he could get the child's attention. The little body on the floor just moved slightly but didn't look at the person who was bothering him. Alec cleared his throat._

"_Hello" he said talking slowly to help the child to understand "What is your name?"_

"…" _the boy didn't answer anything; he didn't even move at all. Alec asked again, but with same results._

"_**The child didn't answer Alec's questions, but he was conscious. Could it mean that the boy didn't understand?"**__ The young apprentice put his hand on his chin and thought "Maybe he doesn't speak English… maybe he is the son of a foreigner and that's why they had hurt him so much" it was a slim possibility but not completely improbable. London was a harsh city especially for a child so young. Alec decided to test his theory._

"_Comment tu t'appelles?" the boy asked in fluid French._

--

Lavi laughed "Hey Allen, could you believe it? I actually tried to ask in every single language I could remember. That tells you how desperately I wanted to know that answer, huh?" Lavi continue to laugh as his younger self asked in at least six different languages.

--

"_Come ti chiami?" Italian, the last language he knew so far.__ And yet, the boy didn't react to none. __**"The child hadn't answered to all the languages Alec used: English, French, Spanish, Portuguese, German and Italian. Alec didn't know any more at the moment so he stopped asking" **__the child was disappointed to see that he may never get a reaction from the wounded boy. "Well I guess that means you don't understand anything I say" Alec went back to English to avoid getting in trouble with his master "Then again it isn't as if that's impossible. I mean, that should be normal for such a young street urchin" _

_Suddenly the body of the child flinched, it was almost imperceptible, but it was there. Alec saw with surprise how the child made a great effort to raise a little his head "You… you understood?" he asked hoping to get a positive answer. The boy moved his head, nodding with great difficulty as he was finally able to face the stranger that had found him in that desolated hell hole. _

_When the bookman's apprentice finally got to see the face of the little boy he took a step back. It all made sense now; it wasn't that the boy didn't understood, it was that he couldn't possibly answer. __**"The boy was sickly pale, his lips and cheeks held a hue of purplish-blue. His eyes were unfocused as he seemed to struggle to see Alec's form in front of him. Under his eyes he had pronounced dark rings that could be caused by lack of sleep or possible sickness. Alec got near the boy to inspect his condition better"**_

_When the older boy tried to get closer he could see the look of confusion and fear in those vacant blue-grayish eyes__, storm like orbs. The child was having a hard time identifying the other boy's figure, and he obviously thought Alec was a threat. _

"_Don't worry, it isn't my place to do anything to you" said the young successor, but he wasn't sure whether he did it to give comfort or to remember himself what was his place. All he knew was that this child was a piece on the puzzle of history and he was just verifying his status for the records._

_As __he got closer, Alec started to feel a weird feeling bugging him on the pit of his stomach. _

--

Lavi noticed his younger self's uncomfortable face.

"You know?" he commented as he himself kneeled near the boy on the floor "No matter how many times you tell a child he mustn't feel bad about anyone else's reality. And it doesn't matter how many times he may try to convince himself of that. It is impossible for a human being to become completely heartless. At that time I tried to fool me into believing I didn't knew what I was feeling, but you can't deny the guilty feeling of looking at someone's suffering and trying to ignore it" Lavi looked at Alec as he kneeled at the side of the boy. The exorcist frowned "Not when you recognize an innocent in front of your eyes. This contact was a human necessity. Maybe I wanted to convince myself that the boy wasn't as bad as he looked"

While Lavi talked, the dream clown entertained himself tying and untying his knots. Lavi didn't mind him playing while he reflected on the past. Allen didn't understand the situation after all; and besides, something told him that from the corner of that sad eye, he was being observed carefully.

--

_The __older reached with his exposed fingers to the boy's face. He moved the brown locks out of the way. The boy's face was so young, but so damaged. He had a black bruise on his left temple. __**"The bruise seemed to be result of a log or a pipe being used"**__ Alec forced himself to swallow the lump that was forming on his throat, he was used to see many people wounded, but it was the first time he saw a child younger than him in such condition without an ongoing war on his country. His fingers touched the boy's face, he almost flinched away __**"The body temperature is below the normal rate… maybe 4-5 degrees lower…" **_

_Alec moved his hand to reveal the child's ear, then to his open mouth that was doing it's best to keep the air comming, and finally to the right hand __**"Ears, lips and fingers are tinted blue from the cold, his breathing is deep and slow"**__ he tried to touch the left hand but the child moved it away almost falling to the side in the process if it hadn't been for Alec holding his shoulder to stop his fall __**"sluggish movement" **__then he looked at the hand on his shoulder __**"His body doesn't shiver" **__then to his exposed throat __**"Very fast heart rate"**_

_Bookman junior__ knew what all those symptoms meant. He sighed as he took note of it on his records __**"Hypothermia and it seems to be the last stage" **__death by cold. How could this child get till that point? Alec felt that feeling on his stomach expanding to his chest "Bookmen are not supposed to help" he whispered to himself and suddenly felt so upset with himself he was almost too much to make sense._

--

"No matter what your age, no matter what place you came from, as long as you are still human, you can't avoid having a heart" Lavi could feel that sadness seeping to his already wounded mind.

--

_Alec moved his hand in front of the child's eyes. They were very lost, most likely __they were almost unable to see. Maybe they just perceived a blurry image; they couldn't even follow the hand in front of them. _

_Bookman junior shook his head__ "It's a lost case" he told himself "Better go now…"_

_He was about to stand__ up, when he felt something stopping him. His eyes flew to his shirt as he gasped silently. The boy's hand was attached to his clothes, with a weak but persistent grip. His blue pale fingers contrasting drastically with the brown of his clothes. Alec looked at the child, with a widened green eye. _

_The boy was looking at him__. His eyes seemed to have recovered a little of focus as they were directed to bookman junior's. Those eyes were pleading, they were asking, they were begging __**"The child mouthed something that looked very close to 'help'"**_

_Alec's face filled with fear. The child had interpreted his actions__ the wrong way. He thought Alec wasn't hostile and somehow seemed to have developed the little hope of finding some help on the gentle stranger that had not abused of his tired and broken body. The guilty filling suddenly enveloped his whole body. Yes, guilty, he wasn't going to fool himself anymore. _

_Alec tried to think of a way to explain, but he didn't know how._

--

"How do you tell a dying child that you are not supposed to help?" said Lavi fighting his sudden disgust to his younger self "I really I'm an idiot if I thought that way" the exorcist rubbed the back of his head "To think I thought this was ok as long as I became bookman"

--

_Alec was at a loss of what to do, he couldn't help, that was not an option "But if__ only I could, maybe take him to a church… or an orphanage…" __**"You can't help him!"**__ his inner bookman yelled at him __**"Bookman can't interfere with history, and if history says this child will die of hypothermia in this alley then that's what will happen, and that's final!" **__"But… maybe I wouldn't change it that much…" __**"Don't be silly, besides, IT IS A LOST CASE!"**_

_Alec wasn't going to lie to himself. There was no way, even if he helped, that a child this malnourished could have a chance of surviving hypothermia, less a third case. At that idea, the boy was able to convince his human conscience that it was just unavoidable. Deciding to accept what he wasn't able nor supposed to change he did the only thing he thought he could. _

_He put a hand over the other child's head and cleaning it from the snow he patted it softly, pitying the poor creature._

_At the soft contact something on the child change__. His eyes went dull again and looked down. His hand let go of Alec's shirt and fell to his side. His mouth became a tight line as he bent his head again. _

--

Lavi a lonely tear fall down his cheek. The boy had given up. Now he understood what that reaction meant. Lavi hadn't answered his pleading for help, and that boy had probably put his last hope on him. The moment he touched the child's head, the dying boy knew he wasn't going to be saved.

Bookman junior felt something rubbing his cheek. He turned and saw it was the clown that was looking at him with his sad face and cleaning the tear with a handkerchief.

"Thanks" he mumbled as he looked again to the scene. For a second there, he forgot that Allen was with him.

--

"_**He **__**will be better this way"**__ his bookman mind was telling him to help him appease his slightly disturbed mind __**"Even if you saved him, he would be mistreated again and eventually he would die anyway. The only difference is how long he'll suffer before it happens" **__Alec stood up and took many steps away, he noticed the child tried to move his hand but he didn't had any more strength. Alec gulped nervously __**"You want to be bookman, this can't stop you from achieving your dream" **__Lavi nodded __**"get over it, you'll see many kids like him in the future, you have to learn to accept it" **__his bookman part was becoming stronger with every word it wrote __**"This night there will be a snow fall, temperature usually descend at night, but tonight it will be harsher. The boy won't survive" **__Alec avoided looking at the child again as he turned around __**"Record"**__ his mind demanded, he took a deep breath __**"The boy in the alley died of a severe case of hypothermia during some time of the night after Alec found him. His name remained a mystery; but he will be considered of British nationality. Just another remainder of human's true nature"**_

_As soon as Alec was out of the Alley he started to run "Master would expect me back soon, I better hurry" he said it out loud to reassure himself that he wasn't feeling bad about what he just did… or more like what he didn't did._

--

"Geez… now I feel really horrible" Lavi said trying to find a little of comedy on his situation. He didn't found any. This was so alike to what he did to Allen… only that on the battlefield he really wanted to help… but wasn't able to.

The clown waved franticly at the distracted bookman trying to guide him out of there.

"Let me guess… more to see?" the dream Allen nodded "You know… this is by far the weirdest and most painful dream you know that?" the clown nodded again "Is it you wish to break me?" Lavi wasn't sure what it was, but when he said it the clown faced him, his sad masked face made him feel a little intimidated by it. It was something that told him that it wasn't right… maybe he wouldn't like the answer to his question. The white haired boy shrugged as he turned and run after the young bookman apprentice."Hey, wait up!" Lavi shook his eerily feeling and run after the white figure.

* * *

What happened next was really fast. They got out of the Alley and to the main street and suddenly everything sped up, as a tape on fast reproduction. The night came, Alec and bookman went to an inn, the snow fell, then it stopped and the morning came. Lavi felt dizzy about it all, it was too much information to view too fast to be understood. He had just revived a whole night in a minute. If he wasn't dreaming he would have thrown up. That clown better had a good reason to be on a hurry.

But, leaving that aside, Lavi and the white dream were facing a familiar picture, Alec and bookman walking together through the main street. But this time, Bookman junior had a really tired face. Soft purplish rings under his eyes revealed that he hadn't slept that much.

"Oh, yeah, I remember, that's why we came here" said Lavi with a weak voice.

--

"_You read them all?" asked the old bookman._

_The child behind him nodded and grunted an answer._

"_I don't hear you" said bookman. (a.n. that remainds me of spongebob's intro O.o)_

"_Yes I did Master" answered the tired boy. _

"_Huh" bookman had a smirk on his face as he looked at the younger one "You better get used to this. It won't be the last time you'll spend all night reading. Besides, it was just twenty books, you are lucky my contact couldn't afford to bring more" he laughed at the child's expression. _

"_But master, was it necessary to read them all in one night?" whined the young boy._

"_Now don't be childish" _

"_But master, I'm a child" _

"_Not anymore. Remember, you are a bookman's successor" Alec shut up immediately after his mentor said that "It's difficult to find those files, especially at this time. My contact made the favor to get them for us, but if they aren't back today, he could get arrested, and therefore I'll lose a connection of great importance" bookman looked at the boy and said "Remember Alec, my connections will become yours once your training is complete. You should never disappoint any of them" the child nodded tiredly._

"_Well, we'll repeat yesterday's actions. You'll stay out as I go inside to return all of this" the old man pointed to his big bag "Don't get lost, and don't get in trouble"_

_The apprentice nodded as his eyes closed sleepily._

_Bookman gave him a soft punch on the head, waking the child from his trance._

"_More importantly, don't you go and fall sleep anywhere" he said seriously._

"_Yes master" answered the boy rubbing his head. _

--

"Again?... hey!… Why I don't remember that? No way! This doesn't make sense!" he turned and pointed an accusing finger towards the unsuspecting clown's face "This is nonsense, how come I remember everything but that child on the alley, and how come I remember that night and all I learned from those books but I don't remember this morning?!" Lavi started to poke the clown's 'nose' "You better start explaining some things here Allen, you really owe me many answers!"

The white haired boy shook his head frantically as he brought his hands up in self defense. Lavi crossed his arms annoyed and tired with all the act of this illusionary Allen. The dream just seemed to sigh. They didn't have time for bickering. He pointed to the younger version of Lavi eagerness. The exorcist turned with a scowl but it soon changed into a frown as everything started to speed up again. Lavi barely noticed the clown moving his black glove in circle motions as time flew around them. The young bookman's apprentice closed his eye in a desperate attempt to avoid the disgusting feeling of wanting to throw up.

"_Damn! __Can't he warn before doing that?!"_ he thought as he covered his mouth. The scenery changed back to the circuit of alleys and to little bookman junior running through them. The clown made to follow the illusion boy, but soon noticed Lavi's sickened face. The boy clapped loudly to get his attention, which almost awarded him with a punch "Don't you know what the word 'consideration' means?!" the white pierrot shook his head in negative making the apprentice growl "All right! Let's finish this already!"

Lavi shook his head to get rid of the dizziness and checked himself for any side effects of the time warping travel he just had. He felt something weird on his right arm. It was something warm, like a light pressure… but aside from it everything seemed fine, so he decided to ignore it. His little self was escaping as he thought so he better start running or the clown may use that weird ability of his, and he was nervous of waking up with his dinner all over himself _"YUCK!"_ that would be a disgusting way to wake up.

It took a few seconds to notice that his younger self was guiding them through the same path he had walked the day before. "I'm going back there?" he thought confused "Why?!" he forced himself to answer it, he had to remember. The face of the little dying kid flashed inside his mind, and suddenly a bitter expression appeared on his face as he felt the same self loathing feeling from before. "How morbid…Did I really wanted to see that dead body?" he laughed softly. He felt disappointed. He really wanted to see he had been right, no matter how dirty it made him feel, he just wanted the satisfying feeling that came after making a winning bet.

And as the child turned towards the right alley, Lavi finally remembered that this was going to leave a bad taste on his mouth for a good while.

--

_The small bookman Junior, was standing in front of the place were that little form was resting yesterday. His jaw __fell open on a loud gasp. His only green eye widened. There, on the floor was… nothing. There wasn't a broken and frozen body. But there was the mark of its presence, the moved snow that was proof of it having been there. _

_The record inside his mind repeated loudly:_

"_**The boy in the alley died of a severe case of hypothermia during some time of the night. His name remained a mystery; but he will be considered **__**of British nationality. Just another remainder of human's true nature"**_

_Alec turned looking for the boy all around him. His record wouldn't, couldn't be wrong. _

"_**The boy in the alley died of a severe case of hypothermia during some time of the night after Alec found him. Name a mystery; British. Just another remainder of human's true nature"**_

_His head was screaming the unfulfilled record again. The young apprentice started to run through the nearer alleys, looking for the child. It wasn't possible. It wasn't…_

"_**The boy in the alley died of a severe case of hypothermia during some time of the night. Human's true nature"**_

"_I KNOW!" he screamed as he continued to run. He went all the way back to the first alley but found nothing. He was already panting, a hint of desperation on his face._

"_**The boy in the alley died of a severe case of hypothermia during some time of the night"**_

"_I was so sure…"_

"_**The boy …died of …hypothermia …the night."**_

"_I got it! I know it was mistaken, just shut up already!" Alec leaned against a wall; he was having a mayor headache. This wasn't supposed to happen to a bookman, if his master ever finds out… but… where was that boy? "Maybe someone got him somewhere safe?" he thought closing his eye. How he hated being wrong even if it meant the salvation of others… but then again, it was impossible for him to survive even if he was helped… right?... that only made his record half wrong, right? _

_Alec sighed trying to convinced himself that half wrong wasn't that bad, at least he was right on something. But when the boy stood straight ready to go back to his meeting point, something big and cold hit him square on the head, almost making him fall. _

"_AHHH!!! COLD!!" he yelled as he rubbed it away "A snow ball?" _

"_hanhahahahnaha" he heard an aphonic laugh from behind him. He turned slowly and what he saw almost made him faint. It was like seeing a ghost. There behind him, on his feet, as dirty and wounded as yesterday was the 'dying' boy laughing at him._

"_You?" he asked incredulously. His eye was opened and he had a perplexed expression. The child was very pale still but all the blue hue on his exposed skin had disappeared and his body was obviously shivering. Dressed in the same clothes, with the same marks of the beating he had received, but very much alive. The boy smirked revealing his two holes from his fallen milk tooth. He had lost a left canine and a central incisor. _

--

Lavi smiled softly at this memory "In that moment I discretely used my tongue to touch the hole were my pre molar used to be… I still was changing my teeth, hehe… could you believe I felt kind of connected to the boy because of that? For a moment there, I actually felt like child… a human child. A child like the one in front of me… the one I left to die alone…"

--

_Bookman junior couldn't help but smile __as big as he could, showing his own hole, in response to the child's smirk. But the boy just frowned deeply as he revealed his right hand that was hiding behind his back. Alec stared at the big snow ball on it. _

"_cod" said the child with his hoarse voice, his horrible encounter with death seemed to have affected his way to communicate "it cod!" he yelled as he threw it and hit Alec directly on the face. If only the boy wasn't so tired… well, he still cleaned himself in time to see the child sticking out his tongue "Jek!" the boy said before running away as fast as those little legs could take him. Alec just stood there, dumbfounded; he had just seen something impossible. "Cold… it's cold" he repeated the mysterious kid's words with the right pronunciation "Jerk…?" he chuckled "Well… maybe he's right on that one" The bothered boy turned around, looking to his hands started to make his way towards his and his master's meeting point. _

"_**The boy …died."**_

"_AHHHHHH!! I GOT IT I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG JUST SHUT UP!!!!"_

"_ALEC!" _

_The boy froze on his spot. That was the last voice he wanted to hear after this whole ordeal. Slowly he turned around and saw his master walking towards him with an annoyed expression, and that was never good._

"_M-m-master… you came looking for me… is it time already?"_

"_No, but it went faster than expected and I decided to get you" the old man lit up his pipe as he talked "By the way, could you explain what this whole racket in the middle of the street is about?" now, that was what had made bookman angry. Maybe he could lie and save his skin._

"_**The boy …died."**_

"_Well master… you'll see…"_

"_**The boy …died."**_

"_It was because…"_

"_**died."**_

_Alec was starting to loose it._

"_I was just…"_

"_**died."**_

"_AHHHHH!" he yelled in desperation, startling bookman so much that he let his pipe fall. Alec took a deep breath and understood he couldn't deny this, his master's face was showing that he wasn't going to escape this one "Master… what do you do when you make a bad record?" he decided to ask._

_Bookman took his fallen object and looked at his apprentice "Do you mean if the content is morally wrong?" _

_Alec shook his head. Oh, he was soooooo in trouble now "I mean if you record something that wasn't truth"_

_He didn't need to see the old man's face to know he was glaring at him "Care to explain with more detail?" now it was unavoidable. Alec swallowed shyly as he began to tell his little encounter with the dying child._

_When he finished he was trembling and soft tears were falling down his eyes. He was scared that his master might reject him as his apprentice and dump him somewhere. Bookman just look intently at the boy, his black eyes wide as he thought. Then he moved closer to the child. _

_When Alec saw him raise his hand he cowered a little, but when that hand fell he was taken by surprise. Bookman was patting his head caringly._

"_You idiot!" he said reproaching him "I told you before not to record with out my consent. Now you know why" his voice was low but somehow understanding "Now clean those tears. Remember, a future bookman shouldn't be crying"_

_Alec cleaned his eyes quickly and looked up to his master "It means I'm still your apprentice Bookman-sama?" he said with uncertainty._

_The old man nodded softly._

"_But I disobeyed… and made a mistake…" _

"_And I was waiting for you to do such a mistake" he confessed as he cleaned his pipe and lit it again. _

"_AH?!"_

"_It was due to happen sooner or later" he put his pipe on his mouth and left it there as he talked "That, Alec, was the most common mistake a bookman can make. We have too much knowledge inside our heads, it's impossible not to make a quick judgment and by accident or necessity record it as real. It's not supposed to be done and from now on I will not be this understanding if you fall on the same mistake" he looked at the boy from the corner of his eye and smirked " I bet your head is killing you right now, isn't it?" He chuckled when the boy pouted at him._

"_I can't shut it up! It isn't funny master!"_

"_Oh, I'm sure it isn't for the one who goes through it, but to the one looking, I assure you it's hilarious" bookman had the same sly smile as he exhaled some of the smoke._

"_Master!" whined the boy. _

"_Now, now, don't be childish, when you become bookman you will see this happening to your own apprentice"_

"_Yeah…yeah… but how do I shut it now?" he said "It's impossible that I'll go on forever like this!"_

"_Well the answer is simple" commented the old man "Since I didn't gave an approval for you to record it and since it was a mistake, all you have to do is erase it" the boy looked at him bewildered, bookman just sighed "Inside your head boy, all you have to do is shove it from your records to your memories and hide it on the deepest part, never to wake up again"_

"_My memories?"_

"_Yes. They are many times weaker than your records and they will fade easier, especially if you ignore it. A record won't disappear, your head is trained that way" Bookman started to walk away "Come, we have a train to catch. You can reorganize your head while we walk. Oh, and as punishment you will be reading all night today again" the boy whined saying he thought his master forgave him "I do forgive the mistake on recording, but I won't let your disobedience to my rules go that easily" _

* * *

Lavi saw his little self disappear after bookman. He sighed happily. Finally! his question about his sudden amnesia at that moment was answered. The reason he couldn't find his records about it was because there wasn't any, just memories. _"Two different libraries"_ he reminded himself. He never thought to search on them. He stretched feeling that warm sensation on his arm again. He was exhausted. He turned to see the clown but found him missing. Instead of the white figure, there standing at the middle of the street was the little boy. The one from the alley, looking the same way his younger illusion had gone. The face of the child was the epitome of sadness just like the clown's mask, thou without the exaggerated expression.

He felt a pair of hands pushing him closer to the child. The white pierrot had appeared, and letting go of his shoulders he went to stand near the small kid. He suddenly felt sad as well. This dream had been prepared to relate to his real situation. No matter the time, Lavi always failed to help in some twisted and unexpected way.

"Hehe… my own head is trying to make me die of guilt…let me guess… you want me to admit that I betrayed him… that I was bookman in that battlefield too" his face was somber as he talked "How useless of me…"

The clown moved behind the little boy and then looked at bookman junior, shaking his head, denying the exorcist's statement.

"Well, I it's the only logical answer! If making me feel like garbage then what the hell was this whole thing for?!" the clown shook his head again as if saying _"You're not getting it"_. Lavi felt enraged. First he doesn't talk, then he dares to criticize him for not getting it? Now this dream Allen was really pushing him to the limits of his patience… if only the real Allen…

That's when he felt a pain on his chest… his friend, his real friend… what was his condition? Where was he while he slept? For an instant, Lavi really thought this clown was his friend, but the real Allen was unable to be there… because the real Allen was dying back at the medical ward…

"_**The boy in the alley died of a severe case of hypothermia during some time of the night"**_

"**Allen Walker died at 10:15 pm a day after his battle… from massive organ failure"**

Two voices said on his mind. One his child self, one his actual voice.

"_**The boy …died."**_

"**Allen Walker died"**

"Wait, what?!"

Lavi looked around him, everything had disappeared, only the little space surrounding them was present; the rest was eternal and void darkness. He felt scared. He saw the clown's sad mask and he felt terrified. Why? He asked himself, but didn't have an answer. The white figure bent down and grabbed some snow with his gloved hands. Then he held them over the child's head waiting for him to look and then started to smear the snow all over the dirty brown locks.

Lavi held his breath. The snow wasn't falling. But the clown rubbed more and more. His eyes widened, he would have liked to stay ignorant, but the clown soon finished his movements and Lavi needed no more explanation. The boy's hair had turned white.

"Allen…?" he said but the child didn't move "Allen?!" but no answer came.

"Calling him that wouldn't make sense" Lavi turned around and found the fake illusion of himself, the one with his exorcist clothes, the 'Lavi' from his last nightmare "Yo, bookman, seems you're still a little numb" the fake Lavi went to the clown and glared at him "Doing your job I guess?" the boy nodded "Then I'll make mine" the 'clone' got closer to the boy.

"What are you doing?" asked Lavi confused by the copy's words.

"To be bookman you are pretty slow, aren't you?" the fake crossed his arms as he explained "You saw this memories state, his body is in a condition where he is unable to form proper sentences. I'm here to lend him the words he needs to express with, and also to see if you finally wake up, bookman"

"Oi, child" fake Lavi said, this time the little one looked up with his dull gray eyes "Comment tu t'appelles?"

The boy answered mechanically "Jen'ai pas"

The real Lavi frowned.

"Come ti chiami?"

"Non ne ho uno" came the answer.

Lavi bit his lower lip in rage, he got the message, there wasn't any need to say it so many times in so different ways. Why was that copy torturing him?

"What's you're name?"

"I don't have"

The fake Lavi caressed the boy's head as he stood up. "Guess that satisfies your inner bookman" Lavi looked at 'himself' with a scowl.

"SHUT UP!"

"Sorry, can't" answered the illusion holding up his hands in defense "I'm here to clarify some stuff. After all, I'm doing this for my friend. I do this for Allen Walker, because Lavi is his friend"

"I'M LAVI DAMN IT!" he yelled as he launched towards his reflection, but the fake evaded his attack easily and Lavi fell right in front of the little version of Allen. Lavi looked at the child's face directly. Those horrible wounds, those malnourished muscles, those tired dull eyes, it was hardly the friend he knew. _"Another time… another Allen… an Allen that isn't Allen"_ he looked at those stormy eyes; they were so lost it made him feel unworthy of looking _"A time when none of us had a real name?"_ How did he survive?

"Want a hint?" asked his fake as he kneeled near the boy. His hand went to the covered left arm but before he could touch the child recoiled and fell to the floor "Relax" whispered the copy but the boy denied "Hey! You! Are you gonna make yourself useful?" he called to the clown. The white dream got closer to the boy and rubbed his white dyed hair calming his trembling form, Lavi was impressed at how easily the clown calmed the child "Good" The fake took a hold on the material covering the hand and took it of with easy "Here, never enough, right?" he commented as he threw the now white clothes to the white pierrot who tied them to his chain "Now stay away" the copy turned to Lavi who was looking at the paralyzed small reddish hand. "Innocence, you don't think it would allow its accommodator to die from something like the weather, right? Even if it needed to make him suffer for longer, it wouldn't just let him die"

"It saved him" the fake nodded "but it's asleep" he said noticing the black cross on the little hand.

"Maybe, but this child is also the first case of an exorcist to be born with innocence, they are one" The copy pressed a finger on the red hand and the boy squirmed under the pain it caused.

"What are you doing?!" exclaimed Lavi, worried for the little one.

"As expected" The copy showed his finger to Lavi, it was coated red "What have you been doing little boy that made your partner let you suffer from near freezing to death?" the small child looked with fear at the fake apprentice who playfully put the finger on the child's forehead "Maybe…" he told the real Lavi as his finger slowly slide down the child's left eye and to his cheek leaving a read path "Maybe he's being cursed from the very start"

Lavi felt sick from his words and pushed him harshly to the floor away from the scared child "Don't you dare! No one is born cursed, no one!"

"No one is born with an innocence either" joked the fake, Lavi tried to go and beat the hell out of it when he felt something holding him still. It was the child's hand, grasping at his shirt as he had done on that alley so long ago. Lavi felt as panicked as he felt then.

"Help me" mumbled the child.

"Finally" exclaimed the fake from his place on the floor "Use the words given to you, oh! Cursed one" he laughed.

Lavi would have thrown him his most fierce glare but the little trembling hand called him back.

"Help me" he repeated.

"How?" asked Lavi finally able to talk.

When he asked the boy smiled softly, some light back to his eyes. The child then leaned his damaged body against Lavi's chest cuddling against it making bookman junior felt rather uncomfortable. His little hand holding with all the strength he could muster.

"Hold me" he said in a little braking voice, as if afraid that Lavi may change his mind "Please" he begged leaning more. Lavi was frozen on the spot… he didn't know what to do…

"He just told you" mocked the fake "Do you need it written to understand?"

Lavi wanted to answer something back but there where more important matters. His arms hesitated as he surrounded the child in an awkward hug "Is this ok?" he asked.

The child hid his face on his chest as he nodded.

"Can you tell me why?" he asked softly, Lavi looked down at his little hiding face "Why other children have adults that hold them when they cry?" Lavi didn't have an answer to that "Why they have somewhere they belong to?"

"Why do people pat their heads with so much care?" the little boy was trembling as his body shook with sobs, little Allen was crying "Why he patted yours with love while all I ever get is pity?" Lavi felt ashamed of his actions, he really was an idiot.

"Why they have a name? What happened to mine? Why no one came to tell me mine?" Lavi felt tears burning at the corners of his eyes "All I want… all I had ever wished for…"

The boy looked at him with his teary face; Lavi felt his own tears falling.

"Hold me, as if you actually cared. No more pity. No more killing me before I'm dead"

"Fake that you love something like I. Cause I'll never be tall, and I'll never be bright… and I may never have a name… but for once… even if it's just a lie… for once, please, help me think me human and please act as I were"

Lavi felt a pang on his heart; the heart he discovered he had never stopped having. Allen had done something like this for him before. When his inner bookman took over in the ark, Lavi almost killed his best friend, but as he pinned the clown exorcist against a pillar, the boy just embraced him, with his only available arm, trying to call his human side back, showing Lavi he was as human as everyone else… but… he wasn't a good human… was he?

"You are feeling bad right?" asked his copy as he walked to the pair "You are thinking this: When I decided to be bookman, I gave up my home, my family, my name and my humanity. Now I look at the child in my arms. His only wish was to have all that which I gave up… willingly… you are be feeling like the worst of scum"

Lavi cried harder as his illusion taunted him, he felt like a little lost child again "This is what you want isn't it bookman? You want to feel guilty, responsible of everything, even what you didn't understand. You want all the grief over your shoulders, so people can tell you what you know so well, that you are an idiot!"

"Don't talk!" whined the little memory of Allen "I don't want it!"

"You quiet! This isn't with you! This is between bookman and Lavi!" the copy looked at the crying apprentice and growled "I'm just doing what you wished LAVI!" Lavi opened his eyes when his reflection called him by his name, not bookman, just Lavi.

"All you want is to feel in grief, useless, to self pity yourself. As a part of you, I FEEL DISGUSTED!" Lavi looked at him slightly intimidated "You don't even actually feel bad about Allen, all you feel is the guilt of not having being of use! Of being the one that will have to record! I may be calling you a bookman, but the one who calls himself bookman is you!" Lavi was taken back by all the things he was being yelled "You say you want to be Lavi, but, isn't Lavi a bookman?!" the copy was panting by then "Doesn't matter what name you wear, every alias, every person, all you are bookman, and bookman is you. Because you never stopped being human! When are you going to understand! BOOKMAN ISN'T A BOOK! BOOKMAN IS THE HUMAN THAT READS THE BOOK!" Lavi heard those words and was finally starting to see the truth in them "Why are you so damn compelled to divide Lavi and bookman so much?! If they were both one, you wouldn't have forgotten the child in your arms, and you wouldn't have been bothered by a simple mistake, because you would have been able to understand that humans make mistakes. Your master tried to teach you that by excusing you wrongs, and you misunderstood it all!"

Lavi shook with sobs. How stupid could he be? _"Damn it… damn it…"_

The child on his arms saw him crying and frowned sadly as he covered his little ears. "SHUT HIM UP!!" he screamed "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR HIM ANYMORE!!"

As soon as little Allen yelled that, the clown appeared behind the other Lavi and took him by the arms.

"Hey! Don't, you can't! That memory won't have my words if you push me away" but the clown ignored him as he started to push him towards the dark void. The copy turned and shouted desperately to Lavi.

"LAVI! Listen! This is wrong! I'm part of you!" the exorcist looked intently at the strange development of situations "We were becoming the person we should be! But you divided us again! Please, don't let it happen again!" Lavi nodded dumbfounded "Don't let him get you! You must stay alert!" the reflection turned to the clown "Let go!" but no matter how much he struggled, he couldn't brake free. Once more he turned to Lavi "USE YOUR HEAD! Use it before it's too late for everyone! You must notice, this isn't a- ghaaaa!" but before he could finish he was pushed into the dark abyss.

For some weird reason, Lavi felt empty when that illusion disappeared.

"He med yo sad…Me don want ye sad too" said the child with the difficulty of his numbed tongue, then he pushed away from Lavi's embrace "enk yo… but I no good …" as Lavi watched the little boy walked towards his older dressed up self "don let 'im kill me befor I dead again" the white clown nodded as he used a handkerchief to clean his little self's head from the snow and the red mark on his face. When he was looking as he really was he turned to Lavi "sad ye no? no one eved hod I as ye do… in me time… no will do" Lavi stood up understanding that it was too late to change such a past. This was a dream after al… that's when looking at his hands, Lavi realized something _"I'm dreaming… how can I see his thoughts of that time if I'm dreaming?!"_ he looked up wanting to ask, but there was nothing there. _"Oh, oh… I doubt I'm gonna like this… again…"_ suddenly the light disappeared and only darkness surrounded him as he fell to it again.

"CAN'T WE DO IT IN OTHER WAY!!!!!!!" he screamed as he fell.

--

When he opened his eyes he was In front of the mirror again. Under the spotlight, the clown was looking at him with his sad upside down smile. He checked himself (again); he was alright (again), just that weird sensation on his arm (again xD). The clown offered his hand and he took it with some hesitation.

"You really like the part where I fall, right? Bean sprout?" he said to annoy him. The clown boy crossed his arms and snapped his fingers.

**I'll never be tall**

Was said from the mirror with that childish voice. Lavi let his smile fall a little "Yeah… sorry" Lavi sighed "This was a very weird experience… but I think I understand better now…" the clown nodded as Lavi explained "I killed Allen… twice… by recording it I gave up on him… I thought I could predict it, but Allen is unpredictable and all the things he's done should be proof enough of that. He fought to save me before… I shouldn't ignore it… but more importantly… I mustn't let my silly grief and self pity get in the way… because he deserves better than to be left aside, no matter how much central may think him a traitor or how big the influence of the Noah may be… I will not allow that to make me think him less human! And that way, both of us can learn. You heard me pal? I'll be the real me and help you be the real you!" After saying that entire speech he let out a sigh of relieve, yep! He needed that. There was clapping, his dressed up friend was congratulating him. He felt happy to finally have completed this clown's puzzle. "Well, I guess that means the dream is over?" the clown nodded slowly "Then smile up Allen! Cause as soon as I wake up I'll won't let you escape my trained eye! I'll go to see you and with these green shiny eye, I'll see how you pull through it!"

The white haired boy nodded excitedly and dedicated the exorcist a last dance of sadness. Lavi watched it with a happy smile on his face, he had needed to cry, to let all this out of his system, and all thought it was scary he was glad for this dream. When the clown stopped clapping was heard from the nothingness and a weir force pushed Lavi to clap as well _"A weird ending for a bizarre dream, just awesome" _

Bowing deeply to the audience the clown pointed to the side where a door had just materialized.

"That's my waking call?" he asked, the clown nodded "Well, then, we'll see each other soon" he said opening the door and before escaping through it he added "beansprout!"

Now that was a better ending.

* * *

The first thing he did when he woke up was scream his head off! Now he understood what that weird pressure on his arm was. Apparently, while he was sleep, he had rolled over his fractured arm and had all the weight of his body resting on it, thus resenting the poor damaged limp.

But even with that he couldn't help but smile. He couldn't help but laugh. Especially with his first thought "Oh, as soon as you wake up I'm gonna make your life a nightmare bean sprout, and you won't even know why!" he was ecstatic that he actually believed his own words. NOT the I'm gonna make your life a living hell, no, not that part, all thought he meant it. But the part of 'when you wake up' cause Lavi's heart had found the little hope he needed. It was easier to believe, when you weren't overwhelmed by grief. He owed that to his friend, not to just give up, but in Allen's own words: keep walking.

"Now, if only walking didn't pain so much, hehe" he stood up slowly, accommodating his sling so that his arm could rest comfortably against his chest. Then he went to his door and left the room, with no intention to come back till he had seen the end. He felt peace within his head, it seemed that bookman and Lavi had become one again… just like in the ark… but maybe even a little more than that. In the ark he had become human, now he had confirmed it. Both were starting to work together, both libraries would surely start to mix…will be difficult, but will be worth it…

That illusion back at the dream was really harsh with him, but maybe that was what Lavi needed, someone to kick some common sense into his head as Kanda would have said it. But he couldn't help to wonder…

As he walked down the path to the medical ward he thought about the dream… about how could he see someone else's thought and memories… something about the whole situation still caused him goose bumps. His fake self or maybe 'other sefl' had told him, more like warned him, to keep alert. Now, if you thought of it on a psychological level, dreams were modify pictures from the subconscious, a part of the mind that tend to notice things better than the conscious that usually was trapped by biased ideas, but could this mean that his own head was trying to help him?... the other Lavi seemed to have some kind of a grudge against the masked boy… could that be for the grief he was feeling, or was it something more?

"Nah… too confusing for a tired head… I'll think of it later" he said as he finally reached Allen's room. But as he stood out he heard a voice coming from inside, it was talking softly and he knew who it was immediately. He smiled tenderly. She was obviously the first to go against her brother's orders. He opened the door softly as to not startle her.

"And then he brought this big thing that-"

"Do I interrupt something?" he asked as he noticed her sitting on a chair next to Allen's unconscious body. He would never be able to forget how bad he looked that day, even if he made it through.

Timcampy was resting on Lenalee's head but as soon as he entered the Golem flew to greet him. Was it his imagination or that golden ball was getting bigger every time he saw it?.

"No, not at all" she answer to his question "I was just telling Allen-kun and Timcampy a few stories of my childhood" The golem flew back to her head and yawned as it nestled there ready to continue hearing her and recording it all to share with his master later, when he was up again.

"Really? Any especial reason for that?" he asked as he took a chair from a corner and brought it to her side.

She lowered her head and softly caressed Allen's bandaged innocence hand.

"I just realize that I had always asked him to tell me about him, to share his secrets with us… to trust us… but we don't do that with him. I've shared a little with him, but maybe it wasn't enough to make him feel it was worth the risk of saying more… I want to show him I trust in him deeply enough to let him know about me as much as I want to know about him"

Lavi was impressed by her words. Not by nothing Lenalee was the most intelligent person in their little group. One of the few reasons he knew she could protect herself from womanizer guys. But STILL! She was also too cute, too gentle… too innocent! SOMEONE HAD TO PROTECT HER FROM ALL THOSE UNWORTHY MEN- Lavi shook his head quickly and shivered "Too Komui for my liking" he mumbled.

"Huh?" she asked confused.

"Oh, nothing, I was just saying that you are right" now that he thought about it he never allowed anyone near his past… because he believed he was closer to bookman that way, but it was nonsense… maybe he couldn't go back to the time when he wasn't an apprentice but he could share what he lived as one. Which was part of Lavi as well.

"Mind if I join?" he asked "I think lately we have been putting to much pressure on him. I want to let him know that he can trust me also, and I wish to know more too" he gave her his goofy smile achieving to make her smile as he expected. It was difficult to make Lenalee smile when sad, the only one who could do it always was Allen, but then again the boy made everyone smile, even with a frown "_Proved on that silly dream of mine"_ but after that clown of a friend, Lavi was the best medicine the doctor prescribed!

"I don't see why not, but you got to share too" she said stating the rules.

"Of course! Lenalee Timcampy, Allen, get a hold on something because I'm going to illuminate your sad lives with the shine of my amazing existence!"

* * *

As soon as the red haired exorcist left the room the young clown slumped to the floor. His chest heaving as if tired. Exhausted even. The boy stood up slowly, his movements a little sluggish as he danced with clumsiness till he got to the mirror. He let himself fall leaning against its wooden frame. His sad mask turned to the side as he raised a white shaking glove to his face. There was a red stain on it. He reacted a little nervously.

The white haired pierrot turned to face the mirror, hiding his features from the preying eye of the audience. Then with his right dirty hand he took the mask off, and as he had done before he pushed it through the unreflecting mirror's surface. The mystical music started again, giving the spectators a well deserved interlude.

The young clown, didn't turned around, lazily his hand was searching within the mirror, he required a change of mask for his next act and time wasn't on his side, he better hurry. The show must continue.

And finally, the main character found what he was looking for.

He pulled it out, a new mask on his hand, a new glove and clean sleeve. As if new.

The boy put the mask over his face and jumped to his feet. He took a few seconds to get the feeling, analyzing his part on the next act. Somehow, despite his new face, he felt an euphoric emotion within himself. Oh, he really liked act three!

Looking at his renewed appearance he combed his hair with a hand and righted his shirt's collar. Radiant, Perfect, lovely.

The main character was ready.

A door appeared behind him. He was skipping with new energy, a new plot on his head. Time to get his new partner for the next act!

* * *

Well, that was the end of Lavi's side. If any of you has any question regarding this chapter, please leave it on a review so that I can answer them on the next chapter.

The next chapter will be a resting point. A little look on what is going on outside from the dreams. And after that we follow with the last two dreams.

So… Who is the next dream's partner? Cookie for the person who guesses right! xD

Well, hopefully, I'll have it soon.

Till then, I hope you enjoy this chapter and the few one-shots I'm working on!

Don't forget to leave your opinions on your reviews. And I apologize again for bad grammar and vocabulary usage… hope I'm getting a little better at that… but then again… maybe not.

Ok, so, see you on the next chapter!


	7. First Interlude

This chapter is a little recess from the dreams. It's meant to be 'a look on the outside' thing, so I hope it isn't so confusing. If you haven't noticed it yet, I tend to be repetitive, especially with my worry about making it confusing… please bear with me, I'm still learning.

Disclaimer: I don't own D gray man

Pairings: This story is not meant to have any pairings, just friendship. But feel free to interpret as you wish.

"_Thoughts"_

"Talking"

* * *

**First Interlude**

**Out of the stage**

* * *

In the outside world…

Komui walked around his office pondering the situation. He felt very anxious. Every single minute that went by was a second wasted to save Allen's life. How he hated to be the one in control around here when one of his men were at risk. Especially if it was one of his youngest men. Allen-kun was just a child for God's sake, why was he going through this?

He took a sit on his messy desk. He needed to calm down and think clearly. Even if it was horrible to admit it, he couldn't do anything for Allen at the moment. He could only hope, and that was always the most difficult part.

"Come on, Reever, where are you?" he growled in frustration. He had ordered the squad leader to make a quick report of the situation at hand and had yet to get an answer. Yes, komui had important things to be considering at a time like this because, unfortunately, losing Allen wasn't the most terrible thing that could happen. His hands shook at the idea.

Allen was the player; he was the only one able to control the ark. But being unconscious the boy wasn't able to move it. That was the problem. The ark's doors had gone crazy, closing up with a seal that only he could open. People had been trapped within the old machine. If they didn't find a way to open it, the people inside may be as good as dead.

"What's taking him so long?" he was losing his last thread of patience. He needed to know the relation of the people confirmed to be inside the ark at the time of this incident. The higher ups wanted to know it. But more importantly, he had a bad feeling about this whole situation. The golems of many teams had gone crazy almost as soon as Allen lost consciousness. Whatever happened, there was only one thing for sure: Allen Walker, at the end, was going to be considered a traitor. Even if the boy died, he would surely be accused of heresy and of complot against the black order. It felt so wrong to think that either way, Allen was already doomed. "Where the hell are you squad leader?!" he shouted in frustration. He was panting from anger, but soon a soft knocking sound came from the door. He turned and told the person to enter.

Reever entered the room looking as tired as ever, but also somewhat shaken. Komui didn't like how his voice sounded when he talked.

"Sir… we kind of have a problem" was all he needed to hear to know that something unthinkable was going to be said.

* * *

Inside the ark…in one of its white streets…

"Master! Master! Pwaaahahahaaaa" cried a young boy as he sat on the cobblestoned 'street way' "Master! Emilia! PWahhhhahaha!" he couldn't help but to make a tantrum. He's being lost for a while, maybe five to six hours and he was feeling quite hungry "Where is everyone?!"

A gentle presence appeared at his side and tried to offer some comfort.

_Master, please relax, there's no real danger around so you can try to calm down_

The master looked at the illusion of an older self with his teary face.

"B-b-but I'm hungry! We were supposed to be back at the order long ago…" the boy looked at the sky as he cleaned his tears with his coat's sleeve "Why are we still on the ark, divine possession?"

The innocence's spirit looked at his master and then to all the doors aligned to the walls.

_Certainly it is weird… but maybe it's nothing __to worry about. In any case, master should have done as his tutor told him and stay back near that fountain. _

The boy seemed to be about to cry again because of his innocence's words.

"But, but! General Cloud was taking so much time! What if something bad happened?"

The illusion shook his head.

_The general went in__ search of Emilia's squad; she was obviously going to take some time_

The boy growled at his companion. He didn't like to be reprimanded by a figure of himself.

"Yeah genius? Why didn't you say anything then?!"

_I did Ma__ster, but you just didn't mind at all_

The boy started crying all over again, this time yelling at the apparition for being so mean. But as he was going to shout again someone called to him.

"I knew I recognized that cry" the boy turned to look at the person who talked "Timothy, it was you. Why are you crying?" The boy frowned and cleaned his face, a scowl forming on it. He really disliked the old vampire guy; he was too kind with him only because he was the youngest exorcist. That could get him frustrated.

"Ara? Krory-san you were right, it was Timothy" great, so sailor man was there too. Just good.

_Master you should be happy, you've found some comrades, maybe they know how to get back, and maybe they've seen Emilia or your master!_

Timothy nodded and was about to ask when the two grown ups beat him to it.

"Say Timothy, do you know how to get out of here?" they said together with a sheepish tone. Timothy would have fallen if he had not been already on the floor.

"WHAT KIND OF GROWN UP PERSON WOULD ASK A CHILD THE WAY OUT? YOU TWO ARE REALLY LAME!" he yelled.

The two sweat dropped.

"Guess that means you don't know either" commented Krory "Sorry"

Timothy just crossed his arms.

"Why are you here anyway?" asked the sailor.

Tim tch-ed as answer.

"I was on a mission with master. Then suddenly a door to the ark opened in front of us. Someone called from the other side. He said there was an urgent need for my master's help. Master had her doubts, but it seemed important so she didn't give it much thought. And we ended up in here. Then we got separated, that's all"

_More like, you got lost for disobeying her orders_

"_Shut up" _thought Timothy and turned to look at his 'big brothers' only to find them gaping at him. He felt uncomfortable under their scrutinizing gazes "What?!"

Both men shook their heads and looked at each other before asking.

"Nee, Timothy-kun, do you know who called your master?" asked Chaoji.

Timothy thought about it for a while and turned to them with curiosity.

"Well… We didn't see him, but that voice sounded very much like clown aniki*"

The two became serious when he said that. Timothy only called 'clown' to one of his 'big brothers'.

"What's wrong?" asked the boy, nervous by their reaction.

"Timothy, a door also appeared in front of us, and we were also told to go back to the order, because we were required urgently" Timothy's face became worried as Krory talked. This was too similar.

"And the one who called us… was Allen-san" Chaoji closed his hand in a tight fist.

"That… is really weird… even thought we were called by him, and I've been trapped in here for so long, I never really got to see him at all" Timothy turned to look at 'divine possession' who shook his head saying he didn't saw anything.

The three exorcist though together, but in the end they didn't get any answer, and sighed in group.

"Well, I guess it's better if stick together" everyone nodded at Krory's words. And, helping Timothy up, the three exorcists started to walk.

* * *

In other part within the ark…

"They are near, I can feel them" growled a big man wearing a red robe.

"Koushi, don't get too hasty. We just have to try to avoid them as much as possible" answered a man with a weird face as he turned to the younger member of their team "Kiredor, are you positive we aren't taking the wrong direction?"

"Wrong or right, that doesn't really matter when there isn't a way out, don't you think so, Tokusa?" the man nodded at the young one's words.

"You are correct" then turned to his other companion who was constantly rubbing his left arm "Koushi, you better relax, if we aren't careful we might end up being scolded by Madarao yet again" the big man nodded as he let his arm fall to his side, cold sweat falling down his face showing his obvious discomfort "That's much better"

"Tokusa?" asked Kiredor.

"Yes?"

"Why do you think Allen Walker summoned us?" the man took a hand to his chin and closed his eyes.

"I wonder why. But looking at our current predicament we could say that he has something under his sleeve"

"Traitor" mumbled the tallest of the group.

"Definitely" agreed the other two "But we must be careful, we shall inform of whatever weird situation happens while we are trapped. If he tries something funny, he'll pay for it" the others nodded to Tokusa's words "Now, where to?"

Silence…

* * *

In other place different…but still inside the ark…

The white buildings of the ark were beautiful. No one could deny that. The ark was a master piece on itself. That was why it would be unforgivable if he didn't take the chance to capture it in charcoal on a sketch. He knew his apprentices would surely get angry at him. They would tell him not to waste time, and many other things, but he was a man of priorities. He knew he needed to get out, but he also knew he wasn't going to. It didn't take long for General Tiedoll to understand that he was trapped and that something outside was making it impossible to leave from inside. That was why, priority now was to stay calm, and nothing helped his nerves more than drawing.

He was busy making the details of a beautiful building's sketch when he felt a presence nearing him. He knew that presence very well, so it wasn't a surprise to feel the person lean against the wall he was leaning, just by his side, waiting patiently till he acknowledge her. He knew she did it out of respect. After many years, she was the only one that didn't just shut at him to stop drawing and pay her attention. No, that was normally Marian's and Zokalo's reaction, she was much more civilized. He could have kept ignoring her for a good while, and she wouldn't mind at all, but other was the story when it came to her little pet. The furry creature climbed to his shoulder and peeked at his drawing, making him smile. Lau tended to like his drawings. But, once he smiled, it was obvious he could not ignore the company any longer.

"I see you are here too" he commented, letting her know that he wasn't busy anymore and was open for a conversation. He used a thumb to pet Lau Shimin's head.

"I was going to say the same" she answered, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"He called you too?" she became serious when he mentioned 'he'.

"Yes. I guess the same might have happen to everyone here" he laughed softly.

"Yeah, I think so too. At least most of the people I saw said that. I must admit I'm quite surprised that he has such an influence over everyone to make them come" she nodded, silently agreeing "And I guess that includes us, huh?"

She sighed. The little monkey jumped to her head hearing her master's distress.

"Froi, have you seen my young apprentice?" he turned immediately with a surprise expression.

"You mean the youngest?! Oh, MY! You lost him?!!!!" he said overreacting as only he could "CLOUD!"

"I didn't!" she answered embarrassed at his actions "I told him to stay near a fountain while I looked for a group of finders, but he went and got himself lost"

"Oh, my… these things would not happen if he was my apprentice" mumbled the general playing with his index fingers.

"OH yeah?! What would you have done, oh so great tutor!?"

"I would have embraced him and kept him close to me for as long as I could so he wouldn't be out of my sight! As a good father would!!" he did descriptive movements with his arms to explain how he would have hugged the young boy… which made Cloud feel a little freak out.

"You know what? Forget it… I'm sure he'll be alright" she said trying to change the subject so she wouldn't have to hear his paternal rambles "Have you met with many finder squads?" he nodded "Me too. I've been leaving them on an open square, In hopes of keeping together and maybe calling other's attention"

"Heh, great minds think alike" he commented with a smile "I did the same" he packed his drawing materials on his rucksack "Come on. Let's get my group to yours. That way it'll be easier to keep them calm" she nodded following him "You never said anything about my last statement"

"You mean the 'as a father would' statement?"

He laughed sheepishly and answered "Nah… I meant the 'his influence includes us' statement" she looked "About the fact that Marian's apprentice does have much influence over us" she turned her head away, and he smiled gently.

"It's unavoidable" she said making him look at her "He is after all, the only living person Marian did care about. In his twisted and weird way, Marian accepted that child. I guess that even if he wasn't the greatest person, he was still our comrade, so it's unavoidable that we feel for his apprentice… especially after all the weird situations that he had been involved in" Tiedoll nodded.

"That could very well explain why we went inside the door without thinking it twice. Yet, I wonder, what pushed others to do so… and I really want to know: was it really Allen Walker who called us all here?" he looked towards the sky as they walked "For some reason I feel something is out of place…"

"You are right" she answered "Guess is better to stay together" he nodded "Let's get the finders, I'm starting to worry about Timothy" she covered his mouth before he could comment anything "And keep your parental ramblings to yourself Froi Tiedoll. Hearst is my apprentice and he will never be yours, so deal with it!" after that, a black cloud of gloom could be seen over general Tiedoll's head.

* * *

And yet, in other part inside the ark…

"Here you go, this will help with your headache Marie" A wet clothe was placed on his forehead and eyes, and he had to admit it felt quite nice. He could feel the buzzing in his ears starting to diminish.

"Thank you, Miranda" he said as he got comfortable in his sit against the fountain.

"You're welcome" she took a sit next to him as she looked up to the sky. It's been a while since they entered the ark fallowing a rather desperate call of help. She could have sworn that it was Allen-kun but she never saw anyone. And to top it all, once they entered, Marie was attacked by a terrible headache caused by a loud buzzing generated from an interference on his headphones that had left his sensorial abilities very unreliable, so she had been guiding them around.

She sighed. At first they thought of founding a way out, but they didn't found the door. That's why Miranda thought that it would be best to stay somewhere till Marie felt better, maybe someone would eventually appear. But she got them lost and lost… and then she became confused and nervous, and Marie's ears were in pain and she didn't know how to deal with all of this and…

She felt a hand taking her own and giving it a soft squeeze. She looked and saw Marie smiling with his eyes covered by the cloth. _"That's right, I'm not alone. Marie needs me right now. So I mustn't let my fears overtake me. Be strong Miranda!"_ All she had to do was wait and keep Marie comfortable. The ark was always full of investigators and finders, so, soon someone was due to find them. And if Allen-kun entered the player's room he would be able to see them from there…

"_Allen-kun"_she thought, worried. They heard Allen's voice. He was asking for their help. Something about an urgent situation. He sounded in pain. Where was he? Was he alright? He had to be… she would do anything to help Allen-kun. He was… he was the reason she found the purpose in her life… she'll do all she could to help… if only she knew…

"Un?" she turned to Marie in confusion.

"Marie? Are you in pain?" she asked wary of the answer.

"No" he said, but for some reason she didn't feel relieved "The buzz… it's gone… completely, but…wait!" he took the cloth from over his eyes and sat straight closing his blind eyes concentrating his energies on hearing. The man placed his headphones back over his ears praying they would work right this time and help him hear.

"Do you hear anything?" she asked, hoping a friend was close by.

The man opened his eyes with a perplexed expression "Marie?"

"Music"

"Uh?"

"I… I hear music" he said placing a hand over his ear "I think I have heard it before, when we entered the ark… but it was covered by the buzzing… the sound is clearer now…"

"Could it be… Allen-kun?" she asked hopefully.

"I'm not really sure… but it isn't the usual melody of the ark… I wonder what it is…"

"What should we do?"

He thought for a moment.

"I think our best chance is to get to the place where the music comes from. If it's close to Allen maybe we can get out" she agreed and helped him stand up, he was still a little unstable "I'm sorry for this Miranda" he said embarrassed of having to lay part of his weight on the shorter woman.

She only smiled.

"No problem Noise, you can trust me" he blushed a little but smiled, he really liked to have her as partner. Between all his comrades, he tended to prefer her company. She might be insecure and confused, but she was very reliable when the time came and she knew how to enjoy a moment of silence to rest. He was glad that in this time that he had to be lost, he was lost with her. And thought he didn't know it, she thought along the same lines. It seemed that when together they were able to be themselves. And so, they went on with their quest.

* * *

"Exorcists: Timothy Hearst, Arystar Krory, Chaoji Han, Noise Marie and Miranda Lotto. Generals: Froi Tiedoll and Cloud Nyne, yet to confirm Winters Zokalo. Third exorcists: Koushi, Kiredor and Tokusa. Presumably eight squads of finders, around thirty two finders in total. A team of officials, identities yet to be confirmed." He read and read, once and again, and again. How could the situation get any worse?

How? That's what he wanted to know. How?

How almost all his exorcist found their way inside the ark at the precise moment it went crazy? How did the generals ended there? How did three third exorcists were trapped inside? HOW?!!!!!!

He let himself fall on his chair as he felt himself being overwhelmed by panic.

"Komui?" asked Reever waiting for him to react "Chief Supervisor, what do you want us to do?" Komui looked up at the squad leader and sighed.

"I want the identities confirmed once more. Find out who the officials are and try connecting with any other remaining team on mission. If someone sees a door to the ark, I want them to report it and NO ONE gets near it, is that clear?" Reever nodded before leaving the room.

Komui leaned back on his desk looking at the report in his hand. "Allen-kun… you can't die… definitely… you can't, if you do, all our friends… all our comrades… all of them may disappear forever" he closed his eyes tight. He had to think about what he could do… but no matter what he did, time kept walking, morning was approaching and the time limit became more and more real.

* * *

Ooo

Well, that's it.

I hope no one minds the use of the word 'aniki' I know it's Japanese, but I kinda like it. I think it fits well with Timothy's attitude. Aniki means "big bro" in Japanese. Normally, it's used between none related people, where the younger one or inexperienced one calls to its companion aniki out of respect, admiration or care. I think that word fits Timothy quite well, so I will be keeping it.

And now! It's cookie time!

These are the prizes!

Two cookies for the ones who noticed that the order was already said in the first and second chapter.

One cookie for the one who just guessed it was KANDA!

And a cookie picture for those who didn't guessed at all xD

Hehe

Well, that was funny to write. So, yeah, next victim…. I mean, partner of dreams is Kanda Yu!

So see you next chapter. And don't forget, any questions and opinions can be post on your reviews!

Bye!


	8. Third Mask: Wrath Part I

Here it is, the chapter number eight! Sorry for taking so long.

Disclaimer: Don't own D gray man

Pairings: well, I never get tired of repeating this but, this story is not meant to have any pairings, there's only friendship intended, but you are free to interpret as you wish.

"Talking"

"_Dreaming/thinking"_

* * *

Third Mask:

Wrath

Part I

* * *

When it comes to the memories, I believe our fists remember better than our heads. How ironic, don't you think so, my friend?

* * *

The lotus flower.

_No matter where he went, no matter in what condition may be, he couldn't escape from it. Not even when he slept. _

_The samurai exorcist growled as he walked silently through the flooded path from his dream world. Floating nonchalantly was a pinkish lotto. He knew it very well. His life line and his nightmare. _

_The fact that it was there was proof that he was still alive, but also was __proof that he was still cursed. He looked away from it, he always felt disgusted of its curse. _

_He continued walking. __He couldn't stay still, he couldn't lose time. His flower was like a clock that counted down till the end of his life. He had to do so much before that time. He had many battles to fight, much people to defeat and a person to find, he didn't have time to be dreaming like this. But thanks to his last mission everything was a disaster. He could have gone to another mission and kept fighting but the idiot bean sprout had to go and play hero. As he walked, he knew he was wrong. He knew that if Allen hadn't done what he did they would all be dead, but he wasn't going to admit to that. He wouldn't admit, not even inside a dream, that he actually worried._

_He clenched his teeth, if he could at least fight__, that would surely clear his confused thoughts. _

_The moment he__ thought about it, the scene changed. He opened his eyes to find himself in the middle of a battle field and a great amount of shadows where looming over him. He smirked, just what he needed, entertainment. _

_He raised his hand out of instinct and to his surprise Mugen materialized out of thin air. _

"_Not bad" he thought as he felt as if he was really in battle. It was the first time he felt a dream to be so real even been conscious of it being a dream, but he wasn't going to complain about it. He launched at his enemies and slain them with the precision only years of training and discipline could grant. His opponents didn't have__the appearance of akumas or humans, they were shadows and attacked him with large claws. As he killed one, two more appeared. It was as if they didn't have an__end. But it suited him well, for he needed to let out some of his pent-up rage. The battle was long, but he enjoyed every second of it. And finally, after a long time, a nearly exhausted samurai stood alone on the dark battlefield. _

_He was amazed by how tired he felt, it was as if he had consumed most of his energy fighting. For a moment there, Mugen seemed to be guiding his thrusts; it was as if his hands had mind of their own. But he didn't care, he felt much better; this was more productive than just sleeping. _

"_Kanda!" that voice woke him up from his tired musings and almost made him freeze. _

_He turned around with a startled__ expression. There running towards him was the last person he had ever thought could appeared in his dreams. Allen Walker walked calmly towards him as if there hadn't been a battle there just a few moments ago. He was wearing the new uniform and seemed to be as calmed as if he had just ended writing a report. _

"_Bean sprout?" he asked rather incredulously but was able to hide it with his common mask of indifference "What the hell are you doing here?"_

"_It's Allen. And I think it's quite obvious I was looking for you, Bakanda" said the teen with a scowl "Komui has a mission for the both of us, so come on, let's go"_

_Kanda wasn't sure what was going on, one second he was on a battlefield, then he blinked and suddenly he was in the training grounds of the new HQ. He was speechless._

_The younger exorcist looked at his partner with some curiosity._

"_Kanda? You there?" he waved a hand in front of the elder's face in a childish way._

"_Quit it, idiot!" growled the samurai pushing his hand._

_The boy seemed about to start a gibberish fight (that Kanda would gladly follow) but instead he looked at the other closely._

"_Oi, Kanda, you alright?" he asked with interest._

"_What is that supposed to mean, bean sprout?" _

"_It's Allen! A-L-L-E-N even a little brain like yours should be able to understand it!" _

"_What was that?! You wan-" but before he got to finish he saw the serious expression in Allen's face._

"_Forget it, I was just thinking" he started as he turned around "Since you look so worked up and there's no one here to practice with, I was kind of wondering if you were sick or something" he said it with as much indifference as he could and added "Because it would be troublesome to have to look after your sick ass in the middle of a battle" _

"_What did you just say?!" The beans sprout seemed to have a death wish this morning… that's when he stopped in his tracks. Death wish. What was going on in here? _

_Was he still asleep? __He was, wasn't he? Everything seemed so real, even Allen. How weird he thought. Suddenly, he felt as if everything including the last mission had been a dream… meaning he was awake now… meaning that Allen was right there, bickering with him over a trivial subject yet again… was he right? Wasn't he?_

"_Oi… you are alright, bean sprout?" asked Kanda with a foreign feeling of care._

"_I was the one asking" said the other as he crossed his arms "I am not the one looking exhausted so I dare say I'm quite fine. How weird of you to ask" the boy turned and started to walk._

"_You coming?" __he asked. Kanda decided to go with the flow. If he had a mission he should go. He had a time limit to work with so he couldn't let his confusion stop him._

_He walked by the side of the younger exorcist, looking around as they went through a hallway._

"_Where's the annoyance?" he asked with mild interest._

"_A__h?" the boy looked slightly to the side "Oh, you mean Link? I'm not sure… he might be in our room writing a report or something" he said as if it was completely normal._

"_I was under the impression that he wasn't allowed to leave you alone" he uncomfortable with the silence. Allen wasn't Lavi, so he was able to stop talking for a while but the bean sprout was way too silent for his liking._

"_You think?" there was something in his tone, something that resembled disappointment, sadness… or something… Kanda wasn't really good at caring for other's feelings but it seemed to be important now "Well… I guess there's some times when he can leave… I don't need that much surveillance after all" the way he said it meant he was obviously hiding something. Kanda hated when people hid things._

"_Tch" __Feeling annoyed, Kanda turned to look outside the window. But when he looked at them he felt his blood run cold. There, on the blurry reflection of the windows, walking slightly ahead of his image was that of a shadowy figure. Kanda blinked trying to clear his vision, just in case, but it only made him see the figure better. It was grinning. He turned immediately to the side, but only saw the bean sprout walking calmly ahead. Then he turned back to the window and the shadow was gone, only the reflection of the younger was walking by his__own. He proceeded to rub his right temple. Maybe he was getting sick…_

"_Kanda, are you sure you are alright?" asked the clown boy, this time he failed to hide the concern from his words._

"_I'm fine bean sprout, stop asking" angry, the samurai walked faster and passed the other. He didn't pay attention to the boy's demand to wait for him. Bean sprout should be able to catch up if he wanted. But curiously, the boy didn't, and he only heard him shout at him not go that way. Kanda told himself he didn't care. But after that he felt as if he had forgotten something important._

_He walked and walked and finally noticed he wasn't really sure where he was.__ The room was very dark, but surprisingly he could see his hands clearly, so it was as if there was a light he couldn't actually see. He had an eerie feeling about it. His hands immediately went to Mugen, ready to unsheathe it and attack anything that could post a threat. But nothing came, nothing but darkness._

"_Kanda! What the heck's gotten into you?! We are supposed to go to Komui's office!" whined the teen as he panted from having run after his partner._

"_Silence!" demanded the samurai "There is something here" _

_The younger got serious and looked around the place, trying to identify anything that could have gotten his comrade on alert. But he didn't sense anything._

"_Kanda, there's nothing here" _

"_I know there's something" insisted the samurai, looking around the place._

"_There you go. There are you and me" said Allen joking. _

_The other growled in response, Allen was surely an Idiot._

"_Kanda, relax, you're pretty worked up" said the boy with the very present hint of worry._

"_You are the last person I would ever listen about relaxing, bean sprout" _

"_It's Allen" he answered "And I don't know what you are talking about, lately…"_

_But Kanda ignored him, for his eyes had met with another pair of eyes. There, standing behind the bean sprout, was the shadowy figure. The shadow's eyes, round and empty, looked deeply into Kanda's cold ones. Allen just looked at Kanda innocently asking him if he was Ok yet again, and why he was looking at him like that. Kanda saw the shadow creature grinning at him in a devious way, and suddenly felt he had seen it somewhere else. _

_Then like a bolt of lightning, he remembered. It was the smile he saw back inside the ark, when he fought the tall Noah. The angry Noah Skin Bolic. When the monster lost it, a weird creature appeared in his body… that creature had a smile like this thing… and that other Noah… the 'pretty boy' of the family, Tiki, he usually smiled at them like that… _

_Only one thought registered inside Kanda's mind "Noah" the exorcist pulled his sword out and pointed it at the creature's chest. _

"_Kanda__!!" asked a very startled Allen "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" Kanda blinked and noticed that Allen was standing in the way of Mugen, he almost laughed at his predicament._

"_Behind you, idiot bean sprout" he said deathly serious. The boy looked shocked as his body tensed and he turned with a swift movement to protect himself. Kanda saw how the shadow mocked the younger exorcist by copying his movements. He moved his sword in order to attack and save the idiot's skin if necessary, but no matter how much he tried, Allen was always in Mugen's way "Move idiot!"_

_Allen just turned to his comrade with a confused face "Kanda, there's nothing here" his words took the samurai by surprise, it was impossible he didn't see or sense that thing, it was right behind of him for god's sake!_

"_It's right behind you stupid bean sprout! Move out of the way!" something within him started to panic, and he felt as if Mugen was screaming for him to attack the monster. _

"_Kanda, please relax. You are losing your mind" In any other moment he would have been pleased by the boy getting scared by him, but right now, he could only see those empty shiny eyes mocking him. _

_His hands were trembling; his muscles were aching for him to strike. That thing was laughing at him. He had to destroy it. In order to continue, he had to destroy it. _

"_Kanda, please, let's go to Komui, he could help you" _

"_Move"_

"_Ah?"_

"_MOVE!" that's when he saw it. The shadow figure raised his hands and was going to try to attack him, he couldn't allow it. Something inside his mind screamed at him "DESTROY IT!" _

_He wasn't sure what happened when he closed his eyes, all he could hear was the sound of metal in contact with flesh and the feeling of having hit something. There was a warm sensation covering his hands. He opened his eyes and saw his hands. The blood that was falling through the blade of Mugen was drenching them. _

_He heard a soft moan and looked up. His mind froze as his eyes made contact with those of his younger comrade. Surprise met horror. Kanda took a few seconds to finally notice the whole picture. He had attacked the shadow thinking it was going to attack him, but just now he noticed that it was Allen who was trying to reach him… his hands were frozen on the spot, his mouth was open in a silent cry. Mugen had entered on his chest and exited from his back. His blood was soaking Kanda's hands._

_The boy coughed up blood as he looked down at Kanda's hands. Kanda flinched away when he noticed he was still holding Mugen as it impaled his comrade. He took a few steps back trembling slightly. He couldn't believe what he had done. He had attacked Allen. But, he only tried to… _

_And __that's when he finally saw the shadow behind Allen… it was bleeding as the boy was… his black blood mixed with Allen's red one. Allen's hands took a hold of Mugen's blade and the Shadow copied him. And Kanda finally understood what that shadow was._

"_what have I done?" he whispered to himself._

"_I… __Allen" he tried calling the boy "Don't touch it" if he moved the blade he might cause a hemorrhage "Don't try to pull it out, DON'T!"_

_The boy didn't hear him. He just took a hold of Mugen's hilt and pulled it with all his strength. Kanda heard some drowned cries of pain as he pulled the sword out of his body. The sight was disgusting. _

"_Stop it you idiot! I'll get Komui, he would do it" Kanda tried to convince him to stop, but the boy didn't care at all "You'll kill yourself!" With a last gasp he was able to pull the blade out of his chest not without producing a splash of blood to fall to the floor by doing so. _

_Allen barely raised his head to see the other exorcist. Kanda felt incredibly guilty by, blood run down the boys chin as his chest struggled to rise. Kanda knew he had done too much damage. "What have I done?"_

_The young one made an effort to walk towards him as Kanda only watched silently. Allen took Mugen in both hands by the blade and held it towards his friend. The samurai took the bloodied blade in his hands; he was feeling too numb to care. The boy pushed himself closer with his last strengths and leaned his whole weight against the older boy, resting his head on his shoulder._

"_Allen…" mumbled the samurai, but no silly comment came after that, no "finally, you got it!" or "was it so difficult?"__and the lack of comments made it even worse._

_Instead of any of those, he only heard a whispered word in his ear._

"_Why?" was the only thing the boy got to say, and Kanda felt the weird sensation of a lump in his throat, a sensation he hadn't felt in a long time._

_The body against him went limp and fell backwards. The exorcist watched it in slow camera, but also noticed that as the boy fell, the background broke into pieces and fell with him. And instead of falling into the stony floor, the body of his comrade fell into water and drowned in it. It was the same watered path he had been walking in before the battle scene._

_Kanda blinked many times. He looked down and saw the body of the young exorcist at the bottom of the, could you call it a 'lake'? whatever this place was. He was magically standing as if there weren't more than a few centimeters of water. He allowed himself to fall to his knees, feeling very tired._

_The exorcist looked at his hands. Mugen was gone from the picture, but the blood remained. He looked at the corpse under water and around himself. Floating near him, many lotus flowers appeared. Their pinkish leaves seemed to laugh at his confusion. It was all a dream._

_Kanda let out a sigh of frustration when he noticed that he was actually inside the same dream. For a moment, he actually believed he was awake… if that had been truth… Kanda took a hand to his throat, the lump was still there, and whenever he saw the body of his partner it hurt._

_He wasn't sure why he should feel this guilty if he was only dreaming, he knew that he hadn't really killed Allen, so why feel so bad?_

_He felt something hit against his hand. It was a lotus flower, but this one was different. Kanda looked at it and then at all the others that were floating. Different than the others, this one was completely white. Pure delicate white. It was the only one white. Kanda reached for one of the pinkish lotuses, the nearer and took it close to his eyes. As he held it in his hand, the lotus lost a few petals that fell into the water. It was his life. It was consuming itself as he dreamed, slowly, his time went away. Then he looked at the perfect white lotus. For some reason it made him think of his white haired bickering partner. He took it from the water with his other hand and brought the both together._

_Compared to the white one, his looked slightly sick. The pink petals fell slowly as he held the flower out of water. _

"_Time runs out" he said to himself, a bitter smile on his face. It was the classic smile that could never really be considered a smile. He had to wake up, he had to go on missions, he had to follow orders and get closer to his goal… or he won't ever get the chance. He looked at the white healthy lotto "Bean sprout…"_

_Sometimes, Kanda Yu allowed himself to be jealous._

_But as soon as he thought it, something weird happened. The healthy lotus began to wither. The white petals became tainted and started to fall. Kanda could only watch. In only a matter of seconds, the poor flower was no more. It lost all its petals so fast, it was impossible to believe it was healthy just a few seconds ago. His flower was still losing its petals, but it had many more to go… in just a glance, the white had died…_

_The lump came back with force and brought unexpected allies with it. Kanda hadn't shed a tear in years. So when a silent one fell from his eye, he knew something was very wrong. He lowered his gaze and faced the dead corpse lying right beneath him. The pressure in his chest was growing and he felt as if he was out of breath and the feeling was increasing. _

_The samurai started to choke. His lungs didn't seem to remember how to get air anymore. But that wasn't his only problem. As soon as he started to struggle to breathe, he found himself struggling to remain over the water surface. Whatever magic had held him there had vanished and he was starting to sink into the dark waters. _

_One breath, a gasp and then none. The water enveloped his figure so quickly that he barely registered it. Kanda found himself looking at the lotus flowers that were still floating above water. He felt panic rise within him as he fell deeper and deeper. Oh, the desperation of asphyxia._

_When His body touched the bottom, he fought to try and go back to the surface, but he just weighted too much, his body felt like trapped, it was as if he was been… held…_

_The samurai was suddenly turned around by a pair of hands. His eyes were wide open in unavoidable fright as he looked at the desperation incarnated. It was Allen, and his face held that expression. The expression that couldn't possible be his. The one he showed on the last mission, in the battlefield. Terror and horror found a new way to appear and they decided Allen's face was the right stage. _

_And then a horrible pain __shoot up from his gut to his whole body. He moved his head and saw how the 'corpse' plunged his own Mugen into his gut. The blood tainted the water around them and he became weaker and weaker. Allen mercilessly pulled the sword out making the samurai gasp from pain and before everything went black the dead boy whispered in his comrade's ear…_

"_Time's up"_

_And he fell into complete darkness._

* * *

Kanda opened his eyes fast and flinched slightly. He was sweating cold and his breathing was slightly ragged, but unless you were Kanda you wouldn't notice it. The young warrior laid on his bed, looking straight ahead as if he was completely in control, while inside his mind he was a chaos. He turned his face to the side of his bed. There on his table was his lotus, still there inside its little prison. And resting against his bed was Mugen, ready for his master to take it if he were to require of its assistance. There was no smell of blood or water around him. His room was as it had always been. That weird dream was over. He was finally awake.

The boy sighed, he really hated dreams, they put him into illogical situations.

"Idiot bean sprout. Annoys the hell out of me even when I'm not conscious"

The exorcist laid his head against his pillow and tried to relax. But no matter how much he tried, he just didn't feel like sleeping. He looked at the ceiling, at all the imperfections on the texture of the stones. It was so different from what it used to be when they lived on the other HQ. Kanda was a man of habits so the change of quarters got him on a bad mood.

Kanda wasn't a person who would dwell on the past. But sometimes, when he couldn't sleep like this, it was unavoidable to let his mind wander.

He knew he used to be a samurai in training… samurai used to be the pride of his mother land, Japan. But at determined time, somehow, he ended up in China. Many told him it was because of Japan been almost completely under the Earl's power. He barely remembered the man he used to call father, and the woman that used to be his mother. The few memories he held of them were flashes that seemed to decay with time. He remembered his mother cuddling him with care, his father giving him a wooden sword and teaching him the basics of samurai's law. He knew his parents cared for him… he just wasn't sure what happened… how he came to be alone or why he only recalled still pictures and said precepts. That's why he really hated to remember… what use did it make if you could not remember that which you considered important? the past should stay where it is, in the past. But once he started remembering, nothing could stop him.

He remembered the moment his life went from blurry to clear. The day he woke up after being the guinea pig for the Asia branch experiments. That day, nine years ago, the day the catastrophic event happened. Was the first day he learned of what he had become, and sometimes he thought he should have just destroyed everything around, just as any other would have.

Alma Karma… a word he considered taboo. The moment his eyes opened, he already knew he wasn't going back to be the one he used to be.

Kanda had a very difficult time coping with his new self.

"Shut up" growled the man "Just stop it" but he knew it wouldn't.

When he was taken to central and presented to the generals, many of them said the oldest general should take him under his wing. Kanda required much help. He was like an uncontrollable fire and he needed someone to control his flames or he could have burned everything and consumed himself in the process. But general Yeegar refused. The old man was known for his merciful side and he actually felt compassion for the poor condemned child, but he was conscious he wasn't the indicated. Kanda needed someone younger to deal with him, someone with the energy to teach his lost mind the limits of his new powers and to train him to control them.

"Tch" he could have laughed if he wasn't this angry "why him?"

Yeah, General Kevin Yeegar deemed right for general Froi Tiedoll to take the child with him. No one opposed. In fact, said general was exhilarated of having another cute pupil. Kanda wasn't and still isn't very sure how he actually managed to tolerate his master's exaggerated and cloying personality. The man was crazy! But somehow he managed. And his teammates weren't so much of a problem, luckily. Mary and Daisya were easy to deal with. His relationship with them was simple. Mary was a good warrior, even with his handicap, so he won Kanda's respect very fast. The samurai knew he could trust him in the middle of a fight and sometimes he could even come to enjoy sharing time with him. Daisya on the other part, was loud, lazy and problematic, but he was easy to annoy, so Kanda only had to ignore him to get the bell exorcist to play fool.

"Daisya…" Kanda missed him… a little at least. It was so weird when they found him death hanging from that post. Kanda had never really felt the death of a person so close to him. He even kept in silence for a good while. It was his way to mourn. Mary respected that and kept in silence as well. That made them even closer. Thought he wouldn't say it out loud, he knew Mary knew. That was what made it so easy with him. There was no need for words, and Kanda preferred it that way.

He came to enjoy his team, some times at least. But aside from them, he also developed weird and confusing relationships with others.

First was Lenalee. And he knew he could never care for anyone the way he cared for her. She had a special place within Kanda's mind. She kind of landed over the pedestal of his trust and obedience. The first person Kanda ever listened to or followed voluntary was her. Even now, whenever she called for him, he couldn't avoid paying her attention. Why? He didn't know. But when he first came to the HQ, he was very annoyed, and he had all the right to be. His life was a complete mess. He was cursed, then put under the care of a mad guy and now and more important than anything, no one seemed to understand that he wanted to be called KANDA not YU. No one but her. She was the first to understand and agreed to do so in exchange of him calling her Lenalee and not Lee. She was also the first one he felt related to. Maybe it was because both of them were Asian and had black hair? What ever it was, Kanda felt a connection. It was as if he was in home. When she was close he could believe it. She worried for him, even when he didn't worry for himself. She even called him part of his family, and he was honored to be considered part of it. Some part of his delusive mind needed that. She was the sister he never had. And as a good man and proud warrior, he should protect his sister's honor, and her integrity. She was his 'imouto' and no one would ever change that.

There were only a few people that could make Kanda react the way she could. And his care for her made her the only one he would allow to enter his room, to meditate with him, to talk to him when he ate, because NO ONE SHOULD DO THAT IF THEY LIKED TO BREATH, no one but her.

Sometimes he knew that Komui noticed and smiled to himself happy. Damn that supervisor, he knew that while Kanda was there, no one would ever get close to her. As his older brother, Kanda wouldn't allow anyone he doesn't consent to get near her. And that's why he almost killed the bean sprout's master when they caught him alone with Lenalee.

"That bastard"

Yeah, he cared for her, and she knew it… and sometimes, she took advantage of it.

The boy sighed in defeat. He couldn't help it. He still wondered, what went through her head when she decided to introduce them.

The day they met, the boy had a cheerful visage that was obviously faked. Kanda hated people when they lied, but this boy did it shamelessly. He took a look at her and then at him. He noticed she seemed to know he lied, but ignored it. But that was her being her self. But Kanda, being who he was, decided to treat him as the lying brat he was.

He turned around and said he didn't care. Later he would realize that he had awoken something dangerous inside that boy.

Lavi, bookman's apprentice, learned how to press Kanda's buttons. The red hair guy was more annoying than a bad cooked soba… the man was infuriating… Kanda almost killed him more times than he could count. How could someone find pleasure in playing near the wolf's mouth?! Obviously the boy had hit himself with that hammer of his in the head way too many times!

But Kanda noticed something strange in that idiot's attitude. After a while, his annoying nickname or rather, the way he said it, stopped being forced. It was as if he was honestly enjoying it. Although, he hated it, at least the boy was been honest, and that was something.

He decided to stop trying to kill him and just tried to scare him with threats. With time, he even came up with a nickname of his own.

The idea came from a silly story of his mother land… a story he particularly thought pretty weird.

Well, Kanda had never been good with using his imagination… so he actually couldn't see the rabbit on the moon's shadow… but still, the idea of a rabbit pounding mochi with a hammer in the moon was pretty unbelievable. But for some reason, it was just the perfect representation of the idiot apprentice. He had hoped it would be insulting enough to make the single eyed boy hate him, but it seemed to work the other way around… Lavi even said it was very cute of him (in a very embarrassing way). By then Kanda knew that something was wrong with that guys head; he just had to find out what.

He had a difficult time with the stupid rabbit, but he had to give it to the boy, when it was time for battle, even if he faked cheerfulness, he actually offered a decent enough backup.

But even with his annoying presence, it wasn't really enough to compare with the level of annoyance that only the bean sprout could reach.

Allen was another thing. It was whole different stage.

When Kanda attacked him thinking he was an enemy he was impressed by his abilities. More like, he wanted to tear him apart to test his resistance. Fortunately for the boy, Lenalee came to save him, because nothing would have stopped him, especially not after gotten all fired up by battle, but, as mentioned before, she was another case.

The first time they met inside the order was what counted the most, because that day Kanda met the closest to an equal he would find between his comrades. At that time, Kanda had been like a dangerous fire. Lavi, even thought seemed to have a like to play around fire, never go close enough to get burned. But that day, in the cafeteria, Allen Walker showed everyone he wasn't afraid of getting burned. He went and deliberately touched the flames and made an effort to show Kanda what was his place*. The samurai felt a sudden need to throw something at the boy, anything, so he did what he learned from his other crazy partner. He threw the first insulting word that came to his mind about the boy.

"Bean sprout"

It was interesting to see how the boy seemed to be ticked by it, but bit his first reaction back. Kanda mocked the stupid finder to try and intimidate the brat. Allen, on his part, showed him he wasn't intimidated in the least. No one had ever dared to hold his wrist with enough strength to make him let go of his grip, no one till he appeared. Kanda threw him a warning and told him he hated guys like him. The idiot just countered with a "Why, thanks". The fire was going wild within him; he would have killed him… had he not noticed for the first time that he wasn't the only one on fire in the scene. The bean sprout was burning as well. So that was it. The boy couldn't get burned if he was already burning. Kanda found an equal, and thus, a rival.

He hated guys like him, according to Mary, because they were alike… Kanda would have liked to differ, but sometimes it was difficult to deny.

Allen and Kanda, both were lonely warriors. Both wanted nothing to do with anyone, yet both protected anyone close to them in battle. Paradoxical entities that met each other by simple coincidence. Each like stray dogs tied by the leashes of their curses. Both hating themselves while they fought their destiny.

But there was one thing that made Allen Walker considerably more dangerous than Kanda Yu. And that was the mask the younger always wore around.

Kanda learned about Allen's mask in their first mission. He had to admit, it wasn't like the stupid rabbit's. The idiot apprentice of bookman was so bold when they met that Kanda knew he was a fake. But with the bean sprout it took a while. It wasn't till that moment on their first mission together where the boy snapped after the doll's heart had been taken that he realized it. And he noticed it, because in that instant, his mask fell. The face of pure wrath and bloodlust under the gentle mask was unsettling and was more truthful than anything he had ever witness. Something difficult to understand. In that moment, Kanda felt closer to the boy more than he had ever felt to any person. As if he could understand him.

The boy fell after his energy depleted, and Kanda didn't think it twice before going to his rescue. What an idiot, to run out of steam at the last minute. But maybe that made them even more alike.

Kanda yelled at him, and told him he hated his tenderness. Truth was that he hated how the boy hid behind it. And then said he hated people who couldn't keep their promises, truth was he wanted him to live up to his words… Kanda wanted to believe that the bean sprout was right and they could be more than simple destroyers… he wanted to believe it…

But things got more and more complicated.

After that, they went to search for their respective masters, and Kanda didn't meet with him till after he acquired the new form of his innocence. And obviously, the first thing they did was attempt to cut each other's neck. (Ah, the good times)

Then the whole ark deal came. And he was surprise to find that thinking on his comrades was actually becoming normal. He fought for their sake. Thought no one but Lenalee seemed to notice, but that was the way he like it. The battle he had with the enormous Noah taught him something, and it was that sometimes he could also play martyr like the idiot bean sprout.

Kanda growled from anger. At that time he hadn't thought it very well. It was after that battle when he noticed he lost the time he had left…that was one of the reasons as to why he wanted to have Mugen repaired as soon as possible.

When they finally came back home, not only did he have to tolerate the 'paternal' instincts of his master, but he also had to get over the murmurs and comments of the members when they learned about the bean sprout and his master being under investigation. The bean sprout, an enemy? Yeah, sure! Maybe he could be pretty dangerous when mad, but the boy didn't have what it took to be evil… or at least he used to think so.

The chaos of the level four attacked came right after, and not having Mugen at the time… having to rely on that swordsman wannabe should have been indignant. But surprisingly it was quite easy. And somehow, even as broken as he was, the bean sprout pulled through it and managed to save Lenalee and grant her the time for her to awake the power that slept within herself.

The end of the battle was the end of the old head quarters. Their lives changed so much in so little time. The next thing he knew they were moving into a new facility, and then came the standing order. When he heard the bean sprout agreeing with the 'superiors' about the Noah stuff, he felt disgusted. Even betrayed. For a while, he tried to ignore the boy as much as he could.

The idiot asked to be killed, and Kanda took that to heart. Even thought the simple idea was outrageous he was willing to follow the standing order. Kanda tried, and he could swear it, he tried to ignore and detach from him. The exorcist had to set his mind clear. Allen Walker was a potential enemy, and at the first sight of rebellion he should end the boy's life. But even if he tried to do so, he just couldn't. He needed to annoy him, he needed to fight him, he needed to… needed to… Heck he wasn't even sure of what he needed, but he needed to!

"AH! just shut up!" he turned to look to the darkest part of his room.

Darkness. That's what he felt in the mission where they got Timothy to join them. When Allen's sword pierced him and that akuma, he felt as if someone had turned off the lights. When the boy screamed in agony, darkness covered the battlefield. And then, something unbelievable happened. He saw how the boy touched that akuma's face with a tenderness he had never seen before. No matter how much the boy professed he cared for the akuma's soul, this situation was something different, it was the kind of 'wishing to save' care. And that was too damned wrong.

Kanda knew it was the time… he had to attack! He had to move. Something within his mind yelled at him "DESTROY IT!" and he was taken over by his instincts. He launched and barely registered how Mugen went easily through that akuma's head. But instead of hitting his comrade, it just pierced the cold stone behind him. Kanda had a second to look at his 'friend'. The eyes that looked at him weren't Allen's. Those eyes were the accursed golden of the Noah family. Kanda wouldn't admit it, no yet. He yelled at him, hoping with all his might that the idiot would snap out of whatever trance he was in. Because if he didn't he would have had to kill him. Fortunately, the boy reacted in time.

"heh, to wake up because of an insult, stupid bean sprout"

The samurai went to look up again. He got a taste of the darkness that day and though he hid it well, he got slightly scared. Those golden eyes, were something that left him wary, and because of it, he lost most of the trust he had in the boy.

He saw how weird he was acting during their mission on Russia. But, because he was more worried of the thing lurking inside of the boy, he allowed dangers from outside to get him, and he would never forgive himself for it. He allowed the idiot to act as a damned martyr as he always did. If Allen hadn't, his time would have come to an end before he had completed his goal.

Kanda bit his lower lip. If there was something he hated was to be rescued. Even more if the person had to give his life to rescue him. That was why the idiot could not die. Tomorrow night, the bean sprout must survive, because if he didn't Kanda wouldn't be able to go in another mission, and if he didn't get one he would lose his time (as well as his mind). He had lost too much already and the idiot could not become a reason to lose more.

The samurai noticed that in the few minutes he had been thinking he grew pretty tired, quite exhausted indeed. And whether the bean sprout survived or not, he still had to go on. So he better go back to sleep. The morning would surely be tough, better be prepared he thought.

Kanda closed his eyes and relaxed completely to convince his mind to embrace sleep. All his muscles relaxed and he was almost about to fall sleep when…

His reflexes kicked in and he jumped out of his bed just in time to avoid been hit. Without thinking he grabbed Mugen and prepared to attack. That was till he saw what happened. There was the end of a wooden stick on his pillow. A second later, and it would have been his head. But what left him perplexed was the figure that held the stick.

A weird white clothed figure was looking at the place where it had just thrown an attack. Kanda looked at it dumbfounded. The creature raised its head and looked at him. The dark eyes of the samurai met the empty eyes of a mask. The masked boy stared at his companion with the most enraged expression possible carved on its mask.

"Be-bean sprout?!" it was impossible for it to be anyone else, having that stature and white hair; it had to be the idiot! But that was not possible.

At hearing his words the body of the creature trembled, but it wasn't fear, it was more like wrath. The boy raised his weapon and launched towards the exorcist who did avoid it with a swift move. The man raised his sword and the fight started. The movements, the reactions, everything was Allen's. He had sparred with him many times, and many of those using a moku-to so this was a solid proof of this being's real identity. No, not being, this clown. Only the bean sprout would clown around.

The two warriors attacked each other relentlessly. Each attack was countered by another one, each movement increased the pace. It was like a highly coordinated dance, both knew exactly the next step, just as if those sparring session had been a rehearsal for this moment. Kanda didn't notice when it happened, but he started to feel excited, as if he had been waiting for this chance for a good while. He always enjoyed a good spar, but never felt this way. The clown saw his opportunity.

Lowering himself to the ground and making a spin motion he was able to use the stick to hit his opponent's legs and throw him out of balance causing the samurai to fall to the hard floor. Kanda was bewildered from falling for that dirty trick, and felt his classic fury escalate within him. He was going to beat the crap out of that boy!

But when he tried to stand up, he felt a sudden wave of weakness take over his body making him fall down again. Kanda opened his eyes to see the end of the stick just a few centimeters from his face. He looked at the white masked boy and saw how he glared at him as if he was a pray. _"I lost?"_ asked his mind. It was the first time this ever happened. The silence was heavy in the room, what was going to happen?

Then the boy pulled the stick a little and hit Kanda in the head as if it was a cue hitting a pool's ball. The silence came again. Only this time a murdering intent filled the air. Smoke came out of Kanda's head as a vein plopped on his head.

"BEAN SPROUT!" he yelled angry as he took the wooden stick away from the other's hands "I'm going to leave you bald for this!" the clown backed away a little as the other warrior broke the stick in two, then in two more and then threw the pieces away. Kanda was so mad he didn't even notice that the pieces disappeared before touching the floor "You damn bastard!" Kanda took Mugen from where it had fallen on the floor and pointed it to the white haired boy "Now, you better explain to me what the hell is happening or I swear I'll shave you!"

To his surprise the boy just stood casually and put both hands on his hips leaning towards him as if daring him. "YOU ARE ASKING FOR IT?!" the boy crossed his arms and moved his head in a disdainful way. "Tch"

Kanda thrust toward the boy, but the clown only moved to the side and avoided it. Kanda tried again, but with the same result. He moved and moved, but for some reason the clown seemed faster than he was before. _"Wait a second…he's not faster I'm-"_ a punch fell over his head in a very mockingly way "_slower!" _normally, Kanda would have snapped but since he was confused by his lack of mobility he took a moment to think. _"What's going on?" _he looked at the white pierrot that was balancing his weight softly from foot to foot.

"What's wrong with me?!" he demanded. The clown spin around and with his black gloved hand touched his head repeatedly as if saying_ 'your head'_ . Kanda surely wanted to cut the idiot's head! But he was feeling tired… as if he had just been in a huge battle, just as tired as he was inside of that dream of… _"The dream!?"_ now that he thought about it, it was impossible for him to be fighting the bean sprout, the boy was supposed to be dying at the medical ward; it wasn't possible to have him there. Less if he was dressed up as a clown and moving so easily. In his last dream he used too much energy, thus he was exhausted. So, for him to feel this way it could only mean that he was still dreaming. Then this figure was just a trick of his mind. He looked at the clown. The white creature was by his side and moved his head from side to side as if he were to be thinking with Kanda almost as if saying 'mmm, what could it be? Mmm' Yeah, a trick from his mind, a really frustrating trick.

"Idiot Bean sprout" the boy jumped when he heard it, his foot stomping angrily against the floor. The boy walked to the elder's bed then crouch down to reach something from under it. And pulled out a new brand wooden stick making Kanda feel even more annoyed.

The boy got closer to Kanda again and moved to hit him. Kanda used Mugen to try to guard from the attack but he was too slow. The clown poked at his hands and with expert control of his weapon made Mugen fall from its owner's hand. The white figure played with the poor sword as if it was part of a diabolo juggling routine. Kanda was about to explode.

"MUGEN KAESE BAKA MOYASHI!" he yelled out of anger, not noticing he had yelled in Japanese.

The boy held Mugen and his wooden stick on his left hand as he stood there waiting for the Japanese warrior to notice obvious his mistake. It took Kanda a while to realize it thought.

"Ugh" it was quite embarrassing or at least the clown was making sure it was. The boy brought a hand to his ear as if saying 'What?' then moved his hand in negative motion, then moved it as if it was a puppet talking. Now you didn't have to be a genius to know he was making fun of Kanda's little outburst.

"I said, GIVEME MUGEN BACK YOU IDIOT BEAN SPROUT!" the poor exorcist made an attempt to standup even though he felt very tired. The boy looked at him, and then took a thinking pose before finally shaking his head in a big NO.

Kanda tried to run towards him but stopped in his tracks as he saw the white faced clown pull at his elastic pants and letting Mugen fall inside of them. Now he was going to die!

"BEAN SPROUT!" Kanda tackled him against a wall and held him by the collar of his white shirt "Give me Mugen or I'll tear you limb by limb with my own bare hands" the clown's angry face glared at him as he glared with an equally mad face. The boy shook his head and rose an index to poke the other on the forehead "I'm warning you, give me Mugen or I'll take it myself!" the boy shrugged and mentioned with the same index to his lower part as if saying 'go ahead if you dare'. The boy was challenging him to literally inspect the insides of his pants! HA! As if that could stop him from getting Mugen back! The samurai grabbed the sides of the boy's pants and pulled them down only to find… oh, come on, you can guess it right?... yeah, another pair of pants (a.n. what else could you find!)

He tried again and again and again and again… well, you get the point… at one time he wondered how the hell did Allen manage to have all this pants and look as scrawny as always did?

"Damn it!" the boy stood with his face red from the uncontrollable rage he felt. More after the boy stood there mocking him "Where's MUGEN?!" the boy shrugged. Kanda was about to punch him, but the clown beat him to it. The samurai fell backwards from the hit as the clown started moving with his stick in hand. Kanda looked helplessly at his sudden and harsh movements. It was like a dance but because of the many times the stick hit the floor it also looked like some kind of tribal ritual. The clothes, the mask, the silly yet energetic movements, it was like theater… and like one of the many illusions he had been witness of in his life he felt the music start. There was a soft music, playing in his ears, making him almost fall pray to the entrancing movements of his 'friend'. The clown stopped his dance when he was by the door. Then as fast as he could, escaped from the room.

It took Kanda a few moments to realize that the bean sprout had fled the room with Mugen still hidden somewhere inside his pathetic disguise.

"Come back, you pathetic excuse of a clown!" he was obviously tired if he didn't came up with a good insult.

The man stood up and run as fast as his tired body could after his companion.

* * *

Kanda didn't know, but the moment he left his room, he was forced into an impossible game of cat and mouse. The clown had the time of his life jumping from chandelier to chandelier, from curtain to curtain and running away, while he, sadly, could only run fast enough not to lose him. That, of course, was because the clown stopped every few minutes to wait for him to catch up, so it was pretty obvious he was been guided somewhere. But he didn't care where. He only cared about finding his precious sword as soon as possible.

* * *

"Damn bean sprout… I don't have time for this silly game of yours…" panted the exhausted exorcist as he reached the door he had seen the boy enter just a few seconds ago. He knew where he was and knew where Allen tried to take him, but nothing mattered more than getting Mugen back.

He opened the door and entered the room without thinking twice. He didn't even bother to ask why he found himself surrounded by darkness. It was eerie, but he didn't mind. He just kept his senses alert in order to guard from any attack. He didn't need light for that. And darkness was terrifyingly soothing sometimes.

Suddenly he heard a snapping sound and turned quickly towards the noise. There was a light coming out of nowhere from the middle of the nothingness. There he saw a big weird and exaggeratedly decorated mirror. Kanda got closer with a sense of disgust. This was the type of thing his master would consider 'beautiful' while he considered it 'preposterous'. The young swordsman got closer to the thing and Tch-ed at the strange non reflecting surface. Of what use was a mirror if there was no reflection?

"Bean sprout! Come out now and give me Mugen! I don't have time for this!" he started to walk around the mirror, but he found himself in front of it again "This stupid dream is just as annoying as that brat is" he said to himself only to feel something hit him on the head. It was the wooden stick. He looked up and saw the angry clown waving a fist in the air as if scolding him for something "Come down here and say whatever you want to say in my face coward!" the scowl on the mask seemed to become harsher at his words. The clown's fist shook with rage as he pointed in a rather urgent way towards the mirror's face. The samurai growled from frustration but decided to do it just to get the idiot to come down from where he was.

He looked at the surface very closely. He stared and stared, but he couldn't see his reflection. But in the moment he was about to turn and yell at the white pierrot something started to form on the glass. It was blurry but soon it became clearer. It was his reflection, as he looked with his sleeping attire. The young warrior frowned a little. The image was starting to disappear again. _"What a bad mirror"_ he thought, till he noticed that another figure was materializing on it. This one, way shorter than his. It took a few seconds for him to recognize himself on the reflection only younger. "What's going on?" he asked to no one in particular. The figure on the mirror was his appearance at the time he started to go on missions with his master. The boy on the reflection was dressed with an old version of the Order's uniform, and had Mugen tied on his back.

Behind his younger self, another image became visible. It was the white clown. He had his black glove pointing at the sword on his reflection's back. Kanda could feel the presence of the boy behind him.

"So there's where Mugen is" he mumbled understanding the message. The clown nodded on the reflection before disappearing again. Kanda blinked in confusion, this was too much for him… especially being as tired as he was.

Behind the young Kanda a little shadow appeared. The samurai looked intently at the shorter shadow. The black apparition got closer to the unsuspected boy and raising a fist gave him a hard punch behind his head. The reflection of the younger Kanda turned around fuming with rage as the shadow run away into the darkness. The boy followed him taking Mugen with one hand as he ran and disappeared.

Kanda was confused. He didn't quite understand what was going on. But just as he was trying to analyze the situation his reflexes kicked in again, making him turn as fast as he could, but unfortunately not fast enough. All the exorcist got to see was the white fist coming at full speed towards his face. The next thing he knew he was flung against the mirror and he was so surprised, he barely registered the fact that he didn't feel the crash against it. All he knew was that he was falling quite fast. And the last thing he saw was the angry mask looking at him as he yelled.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, BEAN SPROUT!"

* * *

Well that was Kanda's first chapter. I'll try to update the next one in a week or so. Hope you liked it so far.

Oh, I also wanted to thank my friend 'Sazdx' for taking her time to read this and for helping me with my bad grammar and vocabulary usage.

Well, till the next time. Don't forget to leave your opinion in a review!


	9. Third Mask: Wrath Part II

I apologize for the long wait but finally, here it is, the second part of Kanda's dream.

This is –so far- the largest chapter I've written. I hope it's worth the wait.

Also, from this point on, there might be some distance from the real story, since I actually don't know the real past of Kanda and the others, so there might be differences.

Well, with that said, let's give the note and explanations.

Note: 1)There might be bad grammar and bad vocabulary usage.

2) If you find anything difficult to understand, please let me know.

Pairings: I know I always do this, but just to make sure it's clear, this story is not meant to have any pairings, only friendship, but you are free to interpret as you wish.

--

Things happening to Kanda and the clown

--

_Things within memories_

--

"_Thoughts"_

**Inner memories out of the dream**

Disclaimer: I don't own D gray man

Well, let's begin!

* * *

Chapter nine

Part II

Third Mask

Wrath

* * *

**They needed a ****mind for the doll they had created. They needed life energy to make it move for they could not create life themselves. Or at least… they never succeeded.**

**They needed a lifespan, they needed a soul… they needed me. **

**It was just like falling asleep. A deep and long sleep, where everything was left behind, my home, my name, my life… ****I died, and was reborn in a body way stronger than that of my own. A body so different yet so equal to mine.**

**There was no past and nothing to rely on. For a while I looked through the ****dark waters that surrounded me trying to summon a memory, something to give sense to this, but nothing came. It wouldn't come back, not till much later, and so little that they would be either like still images or freaking nightmarish illusions. **

**Under that black water**** I wished to die. I didn't know I couldn't. I didn't know I had been dead once. I was alone and afraid, and after a long long wait, my ears received a sound that I would never forget… after all, your voice was the first thing that this new I had ever heard…**

"**Hey, Are you awake?" **

"mmm…?"

"**Perhaps … Are you awake? … hey!"**

"ye…s." the fall had been more painful than he thought it would be, his head felt as if an akuma had crashed against it.

"**Raise a hand if you are awake"**

He raised his hand a little, somehow feeling a nostalgic sensation.

"**Yay! Yay! Yay!"**

"That voice…"

"**I'm so glad, 'coz I thought I was all alone!"**

"Why… that voice…" he tried to open his eyes a little but it was too bright…

"**They call you "Yu"" **

"That is…"

"**Uh? Me? It's kinda embarrassing… they call me…"**

"ALMA!" the young warrior sat up too fast for his own good. A wave of dizziness made him fall a little and his eyes weren't adjusting to the light as fast as they would normally have. "Alma?" he whispered but received verbal answer. The only thing that came to his call was a wooden stick colliding with his head. "Arhg," the samurai took a hold of his pained head as the world spin around him. It took him a few seconds to finally be able to see clearly, and what an annoying sight to wake up to.

The clown looked at him, almost demanding him to hurry up and recover from the shock. The stick in his hand was a constant threat of pain if he didn't comply.

They were in a place that looked very much like an alley, the shadows and lights were balanced enough for his eyes to relax. Even thought, in the middle of such a place, the figure of white clothing almost glistened.

Now, Kanda would normally yell at him while answering the threat with one of his own, but the lack of his sword and the fact that he was feeling abnormally tired kept him in place musing about the voice of that forgotten piece of memory that decided to show up just now. Why was it even relevant? Kanda wasn't one to think over stuff for long, but for some reason he could not let it go.

The masked boy got impatient with this newly found thoughtful attitude. Apparently he had no time to wait for Kanda to have a great epiphany at the moment. Taking the samurai by his shirt's collar he forced the young man to stand up. The exorcist looked at the boy who was currently holding him up with a bewildered expression. A vein popped up in his forehead and blood ran into his head. Yeah, old habits die hard.

"IDIOT BEAN SPROUT, LET GO OR I'LL SHAVE YOU BARE HANDED."

The clown seemed satisfied by the reaction. Kanda was freed, but before he could react he felt the end of the stick making contact with his gut and a punch on the back of his head, making him almost fall again. Kanda held his stomach as he coughed a little too hard, the sudden hit made him lose his breath. The clown was jumping from foot to foot happily (although he wore his angry mask), toying with his wooden stick. Kanda wasn't someone to think much about stuff, but when it came to physical language he was an expert. The clown was showing off. The stupid bean sprout was telling Kanda that he had control over the situation so he better obeyed or suffer the consequences. Kanda bit his lower lip as he stood up, ready to tackle the idiot boy, but before he could the white clown slipped away and without him noticing went behind him. Taking his head with his two gloved hands he forced him to turn his glance towards the end of the alley.

"What the hell are yo- "

-

"_MASTER!" A young child of around ten years old run towards an empty alley __and looked around with angry dark eyes as his hair swayed from side to side. "TCH!" the boy turned and run away from the scene as fast as he came._

-

Kanda's head wasn't been held anymore but he didn't move. His eyes were as wide as they could get. He had just seen himself (a younger version of himself) appear in front of him and not react at his presence. He was able to recognize himself even though the child had shorter hair and wore an old uniform.

Kanda felt the clown poke him in the ribs with his toy but he was too dumbfounded to care. There was something way more important at the moment. The child that came to this alley had Mugen tied to his back. As if in trance, the young warrior stood up and walked in the same direction as his past self had gone. Mugen was in that direction, he had to find his innocence.

The white pierrot watched as the young man left the alley. He leaned his weight on the stick in his hand. Get the exorcist to follow himself with no further effort than a few punches, yeah, step one completed. Piece of cake!

Making some kind of victory dance, the clown followed the distracted samurai ready to strike him again if he wandered around too much. He didn't have much time to spend on Kanda being… well, Kanda.

-

"_Master!" __called the boy exorcist as he looked from side to side not caring about the many weird looks that he received from the people passing by. He was running through a market area and many were buying their weekly stuff. But… where was his silly master?_

_Running close to a bridge he finally found him, charcoal and sketch book in hand, working patiently in his newly found masterpiece. _

-

The exorcist almost face palm himself. He remembered how many times the idiot of a master he had made them lose precious time with his drawings. As he walked angrily towards his distracted mentor and his child's self he thought that at that time in his life there was no one in the world that could make him lose his patience faster than his new master… or at least… not anymore…

Kanda shook his head, he shouldn't think about the past, there was no time to go back, only to go forward. He could almost laugh at his own words. Move forward and leave the past? Yeah, that would be easier if he wasn't moving forward pursuing a person from the past.

With that in mind he walked with more irritation towards the illusions that the annoying clown was pushing him to follow. Besides, he could see Mugen already.

-

"_MASTER!" __screamed little Kanda with all his anger trying to make the man regret his actions, but instead of receiving any fear or angry reaction the man only turned his head with a mildly surprise expression and smiled as soon as he noticed it was his cute little pupil. _

"_Ara-ara, but if it is Yu-chan," the boy flinched visibly at the distasteful honorific added to his name. "Where have you been?" _

_The boy clenched his teeth to avoid yelling something too insulting at his master's question. _

"_That is what I would like to know," he said as he took a deep breath to calm his growing need to unsheathe Mugen. _

"_Hehe, sorry about that__," General Tiedoll only smiled sheepishly knowing that his beloved apprentice was losing his temper. "I just saw this old bridge and that lovely river flowing down there and couldn't stop myself form trying to capture it in an everlasting picture"._

_Kanda groaned in frustration__._

"_You do the same with almost everything!" he protested. "We should have gotten back to the order yesterday but we have been delayed by your drawings all the way, can't you draw when we get back?"_

"_Now, now, if I do that I wouldn't be able to preserve this beautiful memory with me forever", the man chuckled softly at the fuming child._

"_What does an old bridge have to make it so beautiful anyway?" mumbled the young samurai._

"_It's not the bridge, it's the fact of being able to be here to see it," said the man trying to express his feelings._

"_Tch," the boy just turned his back on him. _

"_Hehe," Tiedoll took this as a sign of "OK, go on" and continued with his drawing. "By the way," he said as he was giving the last details "There's really no need to be so impatient to go back. You should try and relax on the way home. That way you surely _

_Would find interesting things" _

"_Tch," the boy turned his head stubbornly but his expression was almost grim as he added: "As if I could do that". _

"_Mmn?" Tiedoll stopped his hand's movements and looked down at his young pupil. "Ok. Let me ask, why do you want to hurry back? Of course ignoring the bowl of soba that is waiting for you, why are you so hasty to go back?" his tone of voice was that of a comprehensive father trying to talk with his son._

_Kanda growled a__s he blushed in embarrassment about the soba comment. It wasn't his fault that he liked the stuff so much!_

"_Once we get back, we can get another mission and leave again__," it was quite simple in the boy's mind. "Just continue"._

"_Well that's so un-child like," mocked the general._

"_I don't care. After all, I can't be considered a child, can I?" the general frowned deeply, apparently his apprentice haven't let go of the past as he would like. The young exorcist looked at the sky seeking peace within his mind "What child lives a second time limited life? I must move forward as long as I can"._

_Tiedoll sighed sadly as he closed his sketch book. This child's past always had the ability to put him down. The man put his drawing materials inside his rucksack and smiled at the boy who was still ignoring him. _

"_All right, if going back is what you really want, going back we shall" The general saw how the child stood up and looked at him with suspicion in his eyes. He sweat dropped at the sight, sometimes, Yu was very easy to read. "And no distractions, I promise". The boy's softened frown was enough for General Froi Tiedoll to know that his young apprentice was pleased enough with the offer._

-

Kanda looked at the scene happening in front of him. He had tried to take Mugen only to find that he phased through his younger self's body as if it wasn't there. It was only a picture, so Mugen was not real either. After realizing it he tried to go away, but a harsh hit on the head told him that the bean sprout wouldn't have it that way. Kanda growled, but agreed, after all, it wasn't as if he had any idea of where to go. But even thought he was following he wasn't going to give into the clown's every whim. For example, it was obvious that the bean sprout wanted Kanda to explain what was happening, but he would rather die than explain him what he was thinking of.

This scene had happened long time ago… he wasn't sure when exactly because he was used to forgetting things that weren't really important -Something that he considered an aftereffect caused by the constant illusions. But it must have been around the time when he was starting to obey his master. So his body must have been eleven or something around that. During the first year with his master he didn't have any respect for the man and would attack him without thinking. But apparently, in this time he was starting to control himself… so eleven must be…

Kanda felt something pushing him. It was the damn stick. The clown wanted him to go after his master's illusion. But he was tired of following a stupid clown's game. He didn't care if the bean sprout hit him again. He turned around as fast as he could and stole the stick from the clown's hands and broke it in half.

"Why should I?" demanded the mad exorcist. The clown stood there for a second, index to his chin, as if in deep thought. Then as if he had the greatest of all answers he clapped his hands and magically pulled a new stick from inside his left sleeve making the exorcist almost explode from the rage. After Kanda had regained a little control, the white haired boy proceeded to explain to the not so bright exorcist. Spinning his stick in his black glove he got Kanda's attention. It was like a psychiatrist holding a pendulum in front of a neurotic patient.

Then between spinning motions, Kanda could have sworn, for one second, that he saw how the stick morphed into Mugen. But as soon as it came, it was gone. Kanda was so confused he didn't notice that the stick's change of angle, therefore, he wasn't prepared to avoid it.

"Are you freaking trying to give me a concussion?!" yelled the upset warrior as he tried to hit him. The clown avoided the slow punch directed to his face by deflecting it with a single index. His angry mask seemed to shine with dark light. Kanda was taken by surprise and thrown as a sack to the floor.

The exorcist felt as if his body had been beaten by way more than just a simple surprise attack. The white pierrot looked at him with a derisive attitude as he moved his black gloved finger from his stick to tapping his forehead sending with this a clear message to Kanda 'I have something you want. Now use your head'.

Now, he really was pushing Kanda's patience. The exorcist stood up and run after the clown thinking that maybe if he could catch him he could get Mugen back. As simple minded as it sounded, that was as far as his reasoning went.

* * *

Kanda finally saw the clown reach to a stop once they where inside the city again. He was going to catch up, FINALLY! He really felt exhausted; every step he took was taking to much effort. It was as if his feet were made of granite!

But just when he was about to reach him, the clown raised his stick towards him with his black gloved hand, making Kanda come to a rushed stop. He succeeded, but only a breath away from stabbing his right eye against the wooden end of the makeshift weapon. Kanda felt cold sweet falling from his brow. During past trainings back in his childhood he learned that there where only two places where he would really regret getting hit at, one of them were his eyes (a.n.: you don't need help with the other place, right?). It was freaking painful! And apparently the idiot knew it very well. Kanda backed away slowly, letting out a shameful sigh. He felt like a little puppet playing at this clown's will.

The pierrot -seeming to understand that he had regain control- retracted his arm and with his other hand called Kanda to come closer and keep quiet. Normally, Kanda would have insulted him and denied to obey, but he felt something inside of him telling him to follow, as if it would be best that way. He got closer to the boy (alert for any possible aggressions) but the clown only enticed him with one hand to come closer.

Kanda tried to look over the white haired head and out of the alley they were currently hiding in. It was weird, but this white illusion seemed to like to hide more in dark places.

He saw his master and his younger self coming out of a store and walking on the cobblestone street. The clown was soon following and calling Kanda as well. Kanda "Tch-ed" giving up, better than resist a futile thing as this, he should only follow and finish with it.

But when the clown stopped, Kanda felt a reminiscence feeling, a foreboding sensation; something was about to happen.

-

_The young exorcist looked at his master, surprised that he was actually keeping his promise. For the last hour, he hadn't dared __to take his drawing set out. It was enough to make the boy feel satisfied enough to drop his constant scowl a little._

-

Thought Kanda would never give into the clown's petition of an explanation, within his mind he could feel how his old ideas came back to him. He tried to wish them away, but it didn't work. He remembered about the time when he had woken up in that lab. At that time he couldn't remember at all… he used to belief he had been created from zero… he could not recall that before being a simple creation he had been human, a real creature… but after death, he became this. He had asked how humans were born. Someone with a nice face, a good person, had said they were born from a mother. Mother made more sense now, he had a slight idea. It was a woman that cared someone warm that smiled. But then that same person said that he was a father… but, at that time, he still could not remember 'father' very well.

Kanda softened his gaze. He could feel the angry sadness starting to boil within his chest.

-

_His __eyes softened as he turned to the person that walked by him. His master. A man that was nice, as nice as the man in the lab. Someone that treated him right, as the man in the lab had. Was his master a father as well? He had never asked… it was embarrassing, why should he ask something like that? _

"_Maybe I am alone?" he whispered to himself "Alma used to say that very often, about being alone… about been sad…" the child slowed down his pace as he looked at his clenched fist "Maybe I am too…he's not here… she's not here either… I'm alone, am I not? … Alma?..." _

_Froi Tiedoll looked at his apprentice's confused expression, it wasn't easy to see it, but there, hidden amongst all that rage, it was very sad. _

_Kanda continued to think about the past, but something in his head screamed alert at that instant. The little exorcist jumped out of the way just in time to avoid being hit… unfortunately his master didn't have that luck. The general hit the floor in a rather comic way. The person who had collided with him stood up fast and run away. Tiedoll saw it was only a boy so he called at him. "Hey, are you ok?" but he received no answer. The child had disappeared. _

"_Master!" called Kanda looking at him as he stood up "Why do you ask if he is ok? he was at fault!" claimed the apprentice._

"_There, there. Are you not going to ask if I'm ok?" laughed the grown up._

_Kanda turned his head to the side and pouted as he mumbled a very embarrassed "you ok?"._

_Tiedoll looked at himself, dusted his pants and his jacket when he noticed something missing._

"_Ah?!" he exclaimed causing Kanda jump alarmed._

"_What?!" he asked exalted. _

"_I don't have my rucksack" answered the general with a sheepish expression. _

_Kanda yelled at him not to exaggerate about something so little like that, but then he looked around them as fast as he could before letting one of his "Tch" out while starting to run down the street._

"_Yu-chan, where are you going?!" asked the worried general._

"_YOU'VE BEEN ROBBED YOU STUPID MASTER!" yelled the child as he disappeared. "AND don't you…call…me yu-chan!" the master sweat dropped at his apprentice's antics as all the people looked at him._

-

Kanda and the clown where soon following the running younger version of the warrior.

* * *

The young boy took them to the old bridge they had been in before. The actual Kanda looked around and finally saw the figure of a young boy sitting down by the riverbank, emptying the bag he had just gotten hold of. The young exorcist had to go down some stairs to reach the lower level where the child was still obliviously throwing objects over the stoned floor.

The clown looked at his partner and then both went down there. Kanda was intrigued so he need no extra motivation to follow.

-

_The young apprentice got close to the distracted child, he was very short, __and it was impressive that he had the strength to push his master like that. The boy was throwing pencils and charcoals everywhere as he inspected the insides of the rucksack._

"_Not a single thing," sighed the child as he growled in anger. "Damn it! All that effort for this stupid bag and there's nothin' but pencils!" _

"_If there is nothing of value then give it back you little scum," a shudder run down the thief's spine while he turned around almost immediately to look at the other child. _

_The boy had dirty clothes and a scally cap that may have been the only thing in his whole attire that actually fitted his small and scrawny form. One child looked at the other, both trying to determine if they had the upper hand. _

"_You're the one who was with the big mister," stated the young boy "What do you want?!"_

_A vein popped up in Kanda's head. This little bastard demanded him an answer? How dare he?!_

"_WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I WANT?! GIVE BACK MY MASTER'S BAG OR I'LL CRUSH!" yelled the exorcist, the boy shivered._

_For a second, Kanda thought that the child was shivering from fear but soon he was proven wrong._

"_HOW DARE YOU SCREAM ORDERS AT ME, EH?!" the boy took a wooden stick that was left there as garbage and directed it towards the other boy. "WHY SHOULD I EVEN LISTEN WHAT YOU SAY, AH? STUPID GIRLY BOY?!" _

_When the world 'girly' left the child's mouth Mugen found it's way out of it's sheath and stood angrily a few centimeters from the youngster's face. _

-

The clown shook his head as if it was a really sad scene. Two frustrated children playing war, how sad.

Kanda only smirked thinking that if he only had Mugen right now that would be the first thing he would do to this clown.

-

_The stick in the boy's hand cut in half and fell to the ground. The street urchin felt cold sweat __running down his face as he fell to the floor and crawled backwards. _

"_I-i-i-it isn't fair," he blurted out, "With a w-w-weapon like that… it… it's not fair" _

"_You were the first to point a weapon at me," countered the mad samurai. _

_The child stood and brought both fist in front of him as his face turned into a scowl._

"_Yeah? Well, you must be pretty coward to think a stick like that is a weapon! But serves you right! You must be as stupid as your face lady-boy" Kanda felt as if a burning fire had been lit up inside his chest. This boy was really going to get it._

"_I don't need Mugen to teach you a lesson," throwing his sword to the side Kanda took a fighting stance, he wasn't going to show mercy till the child begged for it!_

_Both boys circled each other, one: thinking what he could do to escape; the other: thinking what he could do to kill the one who obviously didn't stand a chance._

"_What happen to that courage, eh?" said Kanda taunting his opponent, "You're only a little bastard." _

_The other seemed to crack at that._

"_You are right at that one, I'm a bastard, but I am no coward and I'm NOT LITTLE!" guided by his emotions the child threw himself against his bigger opponent and tried his best to get him, but he was weaker, shorter and slower than Kanda who soon answered his attacks with easy as he tried not to over do it. It was like with Alma, who always succeeded in making him mad. The only problem was, this child wasn't Alma, and his punches were actually hurting with wounds that wouldn't just disappear after an hour or two. If he didn't control himself, he could end up killing him. _

_But Kanda couldn't stop. He knew he was way past the point of reason but he couldn't stop. He was so angry, by so many different things -including remembering Alma- that he could not stop himself; he was going to beat the child unconscious. Unfortunately for this kid, he may not recover from it._

-

Kanda watched how his younger self beat the silly kid. He felt a little disgusted because his child self was acting in a very improper way. Picking fights was something Kanda did normally to let out some stress, but normally he picked strong opponents, like akumas, soldiers or other exorcists. Unfortunately, when his temper went out of control he would take it out in the first unfortunate creature that stood in his way. It was like that the first day he countered the bean sprout in the cafeteria. He had been so angry that he took it out with the stupid finders and got himself in a fight with the stupid clown boy. Picking on the weak wasn't something that he was proud of… it was just something he was unable to stop.

He turned to see the clown that seemed to be rooting for someone in the fight scene. That stupid excuse of an exorcist, since his appearance, Kanda usually allowed his anger out on him, it was way more satisfying. It was something to be proud of. Because he fought back, because it was a worthy battle, because it was really like with Al… No! Kanda shook his head. "Never like with Alma."

Kanda ignored the stare of the clown at his last comment and continued looking at the fight in front of them, or maybe it couldn't be considered a fight; no, not when it was this one sided. It was only a beating.

-

"_Arg__," cried the boy when the bigger one threw him to the floor. Kanda straddled him with his greater weight. Now the boy was struggling to free himself. Kanda could see his eyes and hair better since somewhere along the battle the hat fell and lay forgotten with the garbage. He had long dirty brown hair and blue grayish eyes, 'weird color' Kanda thought as he kept him trapped. There were many bruises on his face, even thought Kanda was sure he hadn't hit him there._

"_Say you're sorry," ordered the older boy, "Beg for forgiveness for having stolen from us and then insulted me."_

_Kanda applied pressure to the boy's chest making him moan in pain. "Who do you think you are, ah? Do you even know the many things that have happened for you to be able to live in this world, how many things others like us have to endure for stupid people like you?!" he took the boy's collar and slammed him against the stoned floor. The poor child tried to stop him, his little bandaged hand tried to pry his fingers from his clothes. "Do you even have an idea?" he slammed him again. So many images past through the exorcist eyes, so many things he hated to be aware of, so many times he wished he had been allowed to just die… only die and forget…_

_The boy's eyes opened barely as he looked at the child who was beating him. "Do you?" he hissed in anger "You crybaby!" Kanda was taken aback when the child managed to give him a head-butt that actually felt quite painful. The child fell back under the strength of the renewed fury in Kanda's fists. _

"_You know nothing, nothing! I've lost everything, EVERYTHING FOR SCUM LIKE YOU!" screamed the upset youngster as his fists collided with the whimpering child's face. One, two, three. Three punches that had left the poor child very dizzy. There was blood running down his nose and his lip, and he surely would get one black eye and many painful bruises. It was only a miracle he hadn't cracked his skull open… yet at least. _

"_Beg," ordered the exorcist trying to contain his growing need to kill, "Beg or I'll kill you." _

_From his trapped position, the child only looked at him, almost unable to open his right eye. And yet he looked defiantly with the left one. "G-go t-to hell," he mumbled before spitting some blood on Kanda's uniform. That was his death sentence._

_Kanda raised his fist and prepared to unleash his entire wrath on the poor child but before he could touch him someone else grasped his fist and kicked at his side sending him flying away from the whimpering child. _

_Kanda shook his head and looked surprised at his master's frown._

"_What do you think you were doing, Kanda?" the words weren't yelled, they were said in his casual voice, but the seriousness of his face and the use of his last name was enough to make Kanda shiver a little. His master was serious._

-

The clown seemed to be cheering to general Tiedoll as he moved his stick around, Kanda only Tch-ed which made him received a hit in the back of the head. But deeply inside he knew that if his master hadn't shown up he might have killed the thief boy.

-

"_He is the one who stole your things. I was just teaching him a lesson!" __declared the annoyed but slightly intimidated exorcist. _

_Tiedoll walked towards his charge and without saying a thing he slapped him. _

-

The eco of the sound of that one slap was repeated a thousand times within Kanda's mind. His master never raised a hand at him, well at least not after having stopped him. The few times he did, it was always as shocking as the last. To Kanda it was like a bucket of cold water on the head. It simply put out his burning rage. And after all, the wisest general didn't choose Tiedoll for nothing. He was the right master for such an apprentice.

-

_After a few seconds, the general kneeled beside his young apprentice who apparently was still in shock and talked to him softly._

"_Kanda, this is not a battle you should fight. __You mustn't pick a fight with someone when there's such a great difference of ability between him and you. It's abusive. "_

_The young warrior blinked at his master "He was the one who started it" his voice was very low and for once, Kanda did look like the child he was. A child that was caught doing something wrong but was too stubborn to admit it._

"_It doesn't matter who started it. Come on Kanda, look at him," the general gestured with a hand for him to look at the cowering boy who was making an unbelievable effort to disappear since the adult entered the scene. "He's not an exorcist, he isn't even a warrior, he is just a poor boy who was desperate enough to try to steal something," the grown up put a hand on his pupil's shoulder. "Look at him. Do you think he is even your age?" Kanda frowned softly as he observed the child's appearance carefully. He did seem younger. "You are way taller than him. You are way stronger and faster and way more trained for battle, don't you see it?" Kanda looked away from the shivering boy, for the first time noticing that his wrath had been directed to the wrong person… for the first time in a while… Kanda felt guilty. The master forced the boy to look again. "Don't deflect your gaze from what you did, Kanda. Look at him. You can't tell me you didn't notice he was weak. Even from here I can perfectly see that he must be starving."_

"_That isn't an excuse," mumbled the apprentice._

"_You're right. There's no excuse for stealing, but there is a reason behind it. As there is also a reason for you to have reacted like that, a reason that revolves around your own suffering. That child has his."_

"_It's no the same" _

_Tiedoll shook the boy a little letting him know he was disappointed. "Of course it's not the same. No one suffers the same. You have your own and he has his. And even if you don't believe me, he must have suffered things you wouldn't have to go through"_

"_Like what…"_

"_Starving would be one," whispered the general in the exorcist's ear. Kanda's eyes opened wide from the intensity in his master's words. "Even if you suffered horrible pain in the past and have been cursed, they never allowed you to lose your strength. They needed you in your best condition, so you don't know the pain of starving to death. You have no idea what that child suffers just by being alive," Kanda wanted to deny it but his master was right. Every time he needed food he would get it. And even if there was a long time with no food, he would reach the order or any finder and immediately get something to eat. It had always been like that, in this life… and any life…_

_Tiedoll seemed satisfied with the doubt in his charge's face. And so he stood up and walked to the poor boy who cowered in the floor as he got closer._

"_Child, you alright?" asked the worried man. But the boy only trembled. "Mn… you seem to be pretty scared of adults, ah?" The child's right hand hugged his knees against his chest tighter. "No need to worry, I'm not going to hurt you."_

_Kanda was looking curiously at the child's reaction. The thief raised his head a little to look at the man's face. His eyes were accusing him. They were screaming 'liar' with all their might. Kanda felt a little startled by that. _

"_I mean it, I won't hurt you. If I wanted to harm you, I wouldn't have stopped him, now would I?" the boy seemed to think about that as he exchanged looks from the man and to the boy. "Would you tell me you're name?" he asked softly. The boy shook his head slowly calculating the result of every action he made. "No? How about this, I'm Froi," he said kindly "Can you tell me yours now?" _

_The boy raised his head and allowed his shivering body to relax a little._

"_C-c-can't sir," he mumbled barely so softly that Kanda had to strain his ears to catch it._

"_I see," the general had no reason to demand an answer from the boy so he allowed him to keep it. "I'm very sorry for what this young one had done to you. If you only would allow me close, I could mend some of your wounds for you," but when he took a step closer, the child backed a step of distance. The master sighed; Kanda wondered how was the boy able to keep moving after the beating he received._

"_s-so…ss…sorry," said the boy with a trembling voice. The general and his apprentice turned to look at the child thief with surprise. _

"_What?" asked Kanda but received a look from his master that clearly told him to be nicer or to stay quiet. The exorcist pouted at this. _

_The little thief moved with difficulty and kneeled lowering his head almost till he touched the floor. Both his little hands tried to protect his head as he trembled. Kanda saw that the hand wrapped with bandages had some red spots. His arm was hurt before they started their little argument. He was pretty sure of it; the boy had it before the fight. _

"_I..I-I'm sorry f-for ha...having took…take..n your things, sir," the child's voice seemed to be about to brake. The general frowned sadly at this. "Please… please do not say to the police… please," begged the boy, "they… they will hurt me… they will kill me." Kanda knew the thief was crying then. His voice seemed very convinced of his words. "Please!" the child raised his head to look at the adult crying with one eye open, since the right one was already swollen. _

_The general kneeled closer to the child and softly put a hand over his shaking head. The boy jumped at the feeling, apparently he expected to be hit not just petted._

"_Uh?" the tears fell down his surprised face as he started to panic. _

"_Sorry," the general took his hand away from the scared thief, "You really fear me," he laughed a little. "You look at me with the same kind of alert gaze I receive from him," he pointed to the other boy, "You don't need to worry…" The general looked at his gloved hand and then called for his apprentice to come closer. "What do you think this is?" asked the man as he extended his hand towards his charge. Kanda touched the surface and smelled at it._

"_Blood," he said quickly._

"_Indeed," the man turned to the child and smiled, "I won't tell anyone about this on one condition," the child eyed him closely. "You must allow us to mend the wound in your head," noticing that the young one was starting to panic he added: "I don't have to touch you if you don't like it. He would do it" _

"_WHAT?!" screamed both boys at the same time, then they look at each other seething. _

"_Ara-ara, it seems you're not afraid of children, eh? Not even from the one who punched you! That's nice. Yu-chan you will tend to his head's wound," said the master standing up and laughing at his annoyed pupil's expression. _

"_Why me?!" demanded the young exorcist._

"_Because you are responsible for it, that's why," the man put a few bandages and a flask of alcohol in the boy's hand and added: "And he won't let me do it." _

_The child warrior pouted._

"_Come on Kanda, you must be an honorable man and face your mistakes, ok?" the general knew that the boy had a great sense of honor so that last phrase __made the trick_

-

"Stupid master," mumbled the samurai. The man had the ability to use every single one of Kanda's weaknesses when he saw it fit. He could read him very well and that was pretty unnerving. Kanda felt a hand on his head and turned to see the clown petting his head as if comforting him for having lost an inner war. Kanda shook in rage as he tried to contain his outburst.

"Would you at least leave the little dignity I have left in tact?!" well he couldn't contain it very well.

-

_Kanda went to the boy who was looking incredulously at him. Since his master retreated a few meters away from them, the child seemed to relax noticeably which made Kanda __annoyed._

"_It doesn't make sense__," he told the child who was looking at him defiantly again. "I'm the one who hurt you, yet you fear him more than me," a 'tch' escaped the exorcist's mouth, "cry baby."_

"_I fear adults for self defense purpose__," answered the boy with a low tone produced from his crying and an expression of boredom. "But fearing adults is shameful enough… fearing stupid brats as well will be too low, even for me." _

"_WHO ARE YOU CALLING STUPID BRAT!" yelled the annoyed exorcist._

"_Yu-chan, don't make it worse!" _

"_DON'T CALL ME THAT," the boy growled but still went to stand behind the child._

"_What are you doing?" he asked nervously._

"_Orders," answered the other before allowing the clothe damp with alcohol to make contact with the child's head wound. One could see the delight in Kanda's face as the little thief hissed from the agonizing sting in his head. _

"_Coward__," said the smirking boy._

"_I am no coward!" growled the child. _

_Between growls, hisses, insults and threats, the general enjoyed a moment of seeing his little pupil act as the child he should be._

-

This was a weird scene. It was even funny… and if he had had a better sense of humor he would have laughed, because Kanda could remember actually feeling well fighting with the little runt at the time. It was strange though… he actually couldn't remember till a few minutes ago… now he was feeling the scene almost as if he where connected to his younger reflection… and the clown by his side… he seemed to be a little connected with the child's reaction… Kanda wondered why the bean sprout seemed to almost fight with the mirage of the young exorcist every time he did something to upset the child thief… why would it matter...?

(a.n.: A little hard headed, don't you think?)

-

"_Hey, you __are doing it on purpose!" whined the child as Kanda applied pressure to his wound._

"_Of course I am you idiot! How else will it stop bleeding?" the older boy started to tie the bandage around the small head. "Now shut up or I won't be able to finish."_

_The little thief sat down deciding that he better cooperate with them._

_They remained in silence for a while, till the boy broke it._

"_Thanks," mumbled the boy as he pouted very much like Kanda had done before._

"_What about?" asked the other almost in a whisper._

"_Truth is… I've been wounded many times… but this is the first time I get treated… so … well… thanks."_

_Kanda wasn't sure what to say so he just kept in silence. He was surprise that the child didn't demanded a "You're welcome" or anything. It was weird. He suddenly felt that he needed to ask something, anything, so he asked the only thing he could think of._

"_Where's your mother?" once it was out of his mouth he would have wanted to hit himself. But incredibly the boy answered._

"_Don't know," a sigh left his mouth. "Where's yours?" he asked._

"_Don't know," answered Kanda truthfully. He had never considered that pool of water his mother, so he didn't really know._

"_I see" _

_Both__ stayed in silence, an unbelievably comforting silence, at least till his master called him._

"_Well," said the man standing up, "I think you're almost done with that," he scratched his back a little before directing a few words to the boy: "I know you were looking for money inside my rucksack, unfortunately I don't carry it there. You seemed to want to buy food right? Some people told me you've been walking around their stands for a while asking for food." The general took something from his coat's pocket. "Here, I'm going to leave you this. There isn't much but you may use it as you wish," the boy looked at him with nervousness._

"_Thanks… sir," he managed to say before hiding his face again with his bangs._

"_Hehe, no need to thank me, take that as a sorry for all the damage that Yu-chan may have done." _

"_DON'T CALL ME THAT!" _

"_OUCH! HEY WATCH IT!" screamed the boy because Kanda had pulled the bandage with too much strength._

"_Now, now,__ Yu, do it right please," said the amused master._

"_Tch." answered the boy as he finished the job._

"_Well, I'll be going ahead; you give this to the boy and collect my stuff. Then come after me," not hearing his apprentice's complaints, the general left the scene._

"_Damn it! He surely went to admire something on the way!" growled the annoyed child. Taking what his master left him he throwing it to the other boy's direction. "There!" _

_The child saw a few coins of silver and a bag with cookies._

"_Food!!!!" Kanda jumped back at the boy's joyful reaction. He was literally cuddling the bag of cookies._

"_Tch, idiot thief." _

"_What was that?" demanded the boy._

"_Heh." _

_Kanda collected the many pencils and charcoals and put them in the rucksack. Now he only needed the…_

"_Here," the thief handed the sketch book with a soft expression. "He's very good," he said making mention to the drawings._

"_As if I care," answered the exorcist closing the bag._

"_Your father is really nice__," commented the child with a soft yet strange smile._

_Kanda stood there still thinking about that. "Father…?"_

_The child looked at him confused._

"_Tch, idiot," he said angry all of a sudden, "He's not my father, he's only my master." _

"_Ah…" the boy said as he lowered his face "Then you're really lucky."_

_Kanda looked at him strange, this was quiet a weird guy._

"_Why?"_

_The boy looked at him with maybe one of the most truthful expressions he had ever seen, it was almost like how Alma used to look at him. Something weird between happy resignation and sadness._

"_You're lucky to have someone care for you, even thought you're not really related to him. I may…be … I think… I'm… jealous..." _

_Kanda watched impressed as the child turned away from him._

"_Ah, by the way, I'm not a common thief… I don't like to steal… but I was hungry…"_

"_If your hungry work for food!"_

"_I will!" countered the boy raising his left bandaged arm. "Once I leave this town and get to the next one… once no one knows me… then I'll start again!" _

_Kanda didn't get what the child meant. But he noticed something that was bothering him greatly._

"_Hey! How come you can stand after the beating I gave you!?" demanded the frustrated warrior. The __thief turned with a deviant smirk on his little face._

"_You call that a beating?! Ha! That wasn't even half the one I got last moth!" sticking out his tongue the boy added, "You are as tough as you look girly boy!" _

"_WHAT YOU SAY?!" Kanda yelled as he took Mugen in his hand. "COME HERE AND SAY IT IN MY FACE!"_

"_Not a chance!" laughed the child as he disappeared between the buildings of the city._

"_Stupid bastard," growled the boy as he started to go after his master. _

* * *

Growling between his teeth, the samurai demanded the stupid white illusion to stop his idiotic cheering movements before he lost his patience. But knowing full well that the idiot was not close to listening to him, he turned around and followed himself out of that place.

-

_The young boy walked patiently down the streets, he knew his master wouldn't be far away. And just as he predicted, the general was by the side of a fountain, making with his thumbs and indexes an imaginary frame from which he looked at the sight of the old market, dreaming about adding it to his collection. _

_The boy stood behind him and cleared his throat. _

"_Well, you didn't scream, that's a first!" commented the enthusiastic general. _

"_Tch," Kanda looked away from his smiling mentor. "Here, catch."_

_The general moved a hand to catch the flying rucksack that his apprentice so 'delicately' had thrown at him. _

"_Well then, let's go!" said the master, as he turned around with a joyful smile._

"_Won't you verify that everything is in there?" asked the tired child as he followed._

"_Nah, there's no need. There wasn't anything useful for our little thief. And I doubt you would have come here without bringing everything." The man turned to look at his apprentice with a tender look on his face. "After all, you are a very responsible young man," he said, "I'm very proud of you." _

_Kanda stopped walking when he heard his master's words. Something within him had reacted when he heard the word 'proud'. He felt a rush of emotions going through his body and to his surprise, most of them felt awesome. He felt a little tugging on his lip's corner. He felt a warm sensation spread inside and for a moment, there was nothing to hate in the world. No, the past wasn't important for a while._

_The general turned around to see why his pupil had stopped, and found himself gasping silently at the sight. He committed it to memory for he knew he, more than probably, wouldn't see it for a long time. After all, Kanda wasn't one to sport a gentle smile every day. _

_Knowing that this might be his only chance to do it, the happy general took a hold of his apprentice's hand and pulled him so that he walked at his side._

"_OI! What are you doing?!" demanded the startled boy._

"_Well, you were the one who wanted to go back so badly, yet you were just standing there, staring into space. I'm only helping Yu-chan."_

_Kanda glared at him and his silly smile. But then he noticed the gentle grasp that his master had on his smaller hand. It was so familiar yet so strange at the same time. He wanted it, but hated it as well. The boy lowered his head as soft flush spread across his white cheeks. _

"_Kun," he mumbled, but the general still heard it._

"_Ah?" he asked surprised by the lack of yelling._

"_Yu-kun," grumbled the boy " 'Chan' is an honorific for girls and little boys… it's weak… it's denigrating… mother's call that way to their children… 'kun' is stronger, it's older, it's normally how a father talks to his sons…how you refer to a young man, a warrior… it's more dignified," the general's eyes widened at the child's words. "If you are still going to call be by my first name, at least have the decency of calling me 'kun' and not 'chan'!" _

_Kanda looked up to see what his master's reaction would be. But the moment he saw his face, he regretted his own words. The general was shining with such a blinding light that Kanda had to turn a little to avoid the need to throw up. "What?!" he screamed._

"_You think of me as your father?" said the master with a happiness that threatened to drown the whole world. His smile was so big that it almost cut his face in half. The young Kanda started to back away as he shook his head dreading his master's beaming expression. "You do, don't you? You want me to call you like a father would!" the general was almost jumping from the joy._

"_No, I…. I-i-I meant to be called… I just…I" but his master's hands were advancing towards him as he tried to escape their grasp. _

"_Don't worry, I will call you YU-KUN from now on!" exclaimed the overjoyed man. "Wait till Marie-KUN knows," he added. "Now come on here, let me give you a HUG!" the boy started to run for dear live when he heard the word 'hug'._

"_NEVER!" screamed Kanda with the most frightened expression anyone could have ever seen in his face._

"_Come on! You are like a son to me too! Come here! Let father have a hug! Don't you run away from me my boy!" the general screamed as he persecuted the young child while laughing all the way._

--

"I. am. An. Idiot!" growled the exorcist while he hit his head against a brick wall.

How could he ever think he could say that to his master? Give it to the crazy general to only hear the 'father' part of his explanation. Since he did, the old man started to call him and his teammates his beloved 'sons' and made their lives way more difficult than they should be!

"How could I have done that!" demanded the angry samurai. He gave his master a new toy to play, and that in Kanda's book was unforgivable!

Just then, he noticed that his 'companion' wasn't trying to strike him with his weapon again. Turning around he saw the clown staring at him with a weird shine in his angry mask that could only be described as amusement. Moving his hand the clown signed him to continue as if saying: "Oh, please, don't mind me, go on."

The samurai turned away from the clown as he had a silent tantrum, his foot stomping angrily against the stoned floor. It was all his stupid memory's fault! "Idiot Master! Idiot clown! Idiot bean sprout! Idiot world!" he mumbled in rage.

The clown watched patiently till he saw something moving from the corner of his mask's eye. Spinning his stick around he decided it was already enough of wasting time.

The exorcist turned around with quite a bored expression in his face, already tired of getting angry with no results. "What do you want now?" he asked with so much control it was almost un-Kanda-like.

The white pierrot pointed to the other side of the street, away from where his master and his younger self had gone to. Kanda got closer to inspect the area better. There, hiding around a corner was the small thief. The boy was frowning softly as he looked at the street that the other two had disappeared from. His eyes held no anger, but they were clouded by some other emotion that Kanda knew very well… loneliness.

Alma once said that the most horrible way to be lonely was when you were surrounded by many people, yet you still felt empty inside. And Alma had been right. For a long time Kanda felt that horrible kind of solitude. But then he met his master and his teammates and Lenalee and the staff and – he wasn't even sure why he thought of this one but- even Lavi. The void inside became smaller with every single member that was added to his family. But he still remembered. He still could recall his appearance in the darkest moments of his short 'new' live. And that face, was so alike to the face of this child.

Kanda felt empathy towards the child, and that was weird for him to feel. He wasn't one to understand other's feelings; he wasn't even one to care for other's feelings. Maybe it was this weird memory lane or the constant hits he had received on his head, but he felt sympathy towards the hidden child.

The tired and wounded boy turned around and started to make his way to the less populated part of town, but suddenly a voice covered with malice came from within an alley. "FOUND YOU," it screamed and a hard object went flying making contact with the back of his head. The object, a beer bottle, knocked him out of balance. Kanda watched stunned how the little thief started to fall to the ground till a sharp sound resonated around the place.

Then everything went still, even the body of the boy, only touching the floor with the tip of a shoe, about to fall. The sound repeated again and the whole scene was engulfed in darkness leaving only a ray of light shining over the area surrounding him and the young frozen illusion.

The sound came again and this time he turned around warily to the source of the pounding, and saw the figure of the clown emerging from within the darkness as he made the end of his stick hit the stoned floor, thus creating the sound yet again.

Kanda's instinct told him that something was wrong. The clown's expression became even darker than it was before, as if he were to be planning something. The game was over, now it was serious.

With every step the clown took, Kanda's muscles tightened up reading him to move as much as he could to protect him from the possible attack. The clown turned to look at the falling figure of the boy at the side and pointed at him. The exorcist didn't allow this to distract him as he eyed –meticulously- every move the white illusion made, something was truthfully wrong here.

Noticing that he was not getting the attention he needed, the clown turned and got closer to the boy's figure. With one sweep of his stick he hit the only leg that supported the child from falling to the floor and immediately, as if by magic, the boy defrosted and fell to the ground groaning in pain as he collapsed and went limp.

The exorcist looked with slight interest how the clown took the boy's body and made him stand up, then dusted him as if he were a doll and straightened his slouched posture.

The boy raised his bandaged left arm towards the light.

"I'm not a common thief… I don't like to steal…" the boy's hand formed a tight fist. "Once I leave… once no one knows me…" his little fist shook with rage "It's not fair…I hate you."

The clown got closer to the boy and grasped his small fist in his hand. The child struggled a little as if wishing the clown would let him go; wishing he was left alone. Kanda scowled at the feeble fight the boy put up.

But his frown turned from angry to confusion and finally understanding. The clown forced the bandages off the arm of the boy, allowing Kanda to see for the first time the red deformed hand. He tried to think it was impossible, after all, if it were to be true, then his master would have noticed that the child had an innocence, but he was unable to deny the arm he had seen and fought so many times… it was Allen's anti-akuma weapon's first form.

"Bean sprout," mumbled the stunned exorcist. A million questions came to his mind, but not a single answer came by. It was disturbing.

The boy finally freed himself from the clown's hand and cradled his exposed hand against his chest.

"Time," Kanda heard the boy whisper. "I wish for time."

Kanda touched his chest over the curse that bounded his old soul to this artificial body. Yes, time was something he wished for… time to find the reason for his existence… the most important person… the most fatal meeting…

"Yes… love hurts," Kanda looked at the younger's darkening eyes. "There's no time to love… for there's no time to lose… so little time… so many things to do…"

It was as if he was hearing his deepest thoughts coming from this younger Allen's mouth. The clown hovered silently closer to the child. Kanda felt a sudden need to push the clown away.

"You have the same eyes," grumbled the boy with slight annoyance. "You know how it feels… you are the same as I. You feel cursed to exist."

The child's voice and appearance didn't fit for the depths of the things he was saying.

"Then why?" demanded the brown haired boy. "Why you don't know who I am? Why don't I know who you are?" the boy shook with unshed tears.

Kanda didn't say anything, no words at all; he had nothing to answer that. All his anger, all his rage… had no meaning now. For the boy talked with his own words… for those might even be his own tears.

"I'm a reflection of who you are. And therefore, you hate me," a humorless smile appeared on the young features. "I'm not worth your time, am I?"

Kanda took a step closer when he noticed the hands of the clown toying with the boy's brown locks.

"How many times do I have to fight to be worth your time?" asked the boy, finally facing him directly. "Cry baby… or maybe that is I?"

Kanda felt intimidated by the clown's presence now. He was feeling dread spread through his system.

"Tell me, how is your dad?" a mad glint appeared in his left eye.

The exorcist took two steps back, wishing more than nothing to wake up.

"You want more time?" the child's face turned into a sad frown. "Would you destroy anything that stands in your way to get more time?"

Kanda felt his head nod without giving it any command to do so.

"Ya! Then let me help you with that!" the enthusiastic voice of the little Allen was the cue for the clown to take the katana sword out from his left sleeve. The pierrot unsheathed Mugen with easy and softly caressed the skin on the child's throat with it's razor sharp edge.

"Stop!" jumped Kanda startled by the disgusting sight.

"You want time… waiting for someone you don't care for takes time… erase the hindrance in your path, isn't that what you must do?"

The samurai shook his head bewildered by the gentle-and even then, almost crazy-smile the child portrayed.

"No need to cry anymore Yu. If you want time, I'll gladly give you mine."

And even thought Kanda launched himself to try to reach for his sword in time, the clown was way faster than him. When he reached the boy, he was covered by a spray of hot fresh blood that spilled from the boy's opened throat.

The small body fell towards the frozen body of the exorcist as his clothes were showered by blood.

"Time…for… Yu…"

Kanda didn't know what was happening, but his heart beat so loudly, his hands shook with fright and his mouth was wide open as if a silent cry was escaping from it. He was so shocked he didn't even acknowledge the wet hot trails that were falling from his cheeks as his vision blurred slightly. Something, some weird convulsion inside his chest made him choke with his own breath creating a strangled and pained sound that escaped from his mouth. Kanda felt unbelievably sad… and not even his anger could hide that fact anymore.

The body of the child in his arms phased through his own and disappeared into thin air. Kanda felt incredibly empty as this happened… his sword killed someone again… he killed someone again… another strangled cry escaped from his chest.

"Alma…" he mumbled as he did something he hadn't done in long time, he braced himself and rocked back and forth. "I'm … so…. So-sorry…"

But there was no forgiveness, no, not in this act. Wrath was a powerful emotion, a twisted and bitter-sweet emotion.

Kanda felt a pair of arms take him from behind and for a moment he wished it was his master that had come to save him from his own mistakes again… or maybe even her… but when the hands put him into a forceful hold, he knew he wasn't in for salvation.

Turning slightly he found a furious white mask looking at him in a mocking way. It took Kanda a few moments to notice he was been dragged towards the dark void that was restrained by the only ray of light. He felt his instinct of self preservation kick in. He fought to get free but he couldn't, no matter how much he fought, or struggled, he couldn't. And then he heard a sound that made his blood run cold. It was a soft laughter, a child's laughter. An evil and twisted laughter.

Kanda's eyes locked with the death eyes of the young bloodied face. An angry smirk planted on such young façade. The boy had the sword that a few minutes before had caused his 'death' and lightly licked the red substance that stained the blade, the same red liquid that was still falling from the open wound of his throat. The sight created an instinctive reaction of fear in Kanda and for the first time, he had no defense to cover that fear.

The exorcist struggled with desperation, he couldn't let this go on, he didn't want this, he felt so weak, so feeble… so scared… the tears fell from his face and he was unable to control them.

"It isn't nice to feel weak is it?" asked the child in a hoarse voice as more blood drenched his clothes.

Kanda's head shook as he saw the dead boy walk towards him.

"You are scared of caring… too weak for loving. Why would someone like I give my time to you?" asked the angry Allen illusion.

Kanda pushed against the clown forcing him to take more steps backwards leaving them at the border of the stage.

"Now Yu… would you like for me to take your time too?" the samurai looked at the tip of his sword touching over the place where his tattoo was. "Now don't move," the child pushed the sword with all his might plunging it into the shocked Kanda's chest.

Kanda didn't actually register very well what happened. He couldn't even register the pain, all he felt was how the force of been stabbed pushed him off the edge of the light making him fall down into the darkness as his mind slowly turned off falling into his own personal oblivion.

* * *

"AH!" gasped the exorcist as he sit up so fast that he felt disorientated for a second. Then he grasped his chest and notice there was nothing there, no wound, no pain, nothing. He turned around when he felt something poke him on his shoulder.

When he saw the white faced clown, he jumped on his feet and put a good six meters between him and the white apparition. It took him a second to register the fact that he had just jumped six meters away from the clown with easy. He looked at his body and then at the clown. He felt way better then he did a few minutes ago.

The clown pointed to the side as if to answer his unspoken question. Kanda allowed himself to give a quick glance to the direction he was indicated only to see the weird mirror he had fallen into, standing proudly there, towering at him with mocking defiance.

It was a dream. Only a silly dream. Nothing had been real. The clown played gently with his stick, it was as if all the fear that that face had created in him before had no meaning now. The clown was not a sight to be feared, at least not anymore.

"What did you do?" he asked, his voice strangely at easy, as if all the rage he had at the beginning of this whole ruse was now gone. He felt at peace. Maybe it was because he had been through an emotional slaughter or maybe he didn't know what else to make out of this, but he felt no need to fight right now.

The clown shrugged throwing his stick to him. The samurai caught it and to his surprise it was Mugen that he had grasped. The sword almost sang to him in happiness for having returned to his dear accommodator's side.

The pierrot then pointed again towards the mirror, making Kanda turn to look at it. He gasped silently.

There, within the mirror's world, was the image of the young child. Allen's younger self was standing there, looking as fragile as he had inside the dream, but no wound in his throat, no blood in his clothes aside from that of the wounds that the young Kanda had inflicted upon him. The child's hand was poised against the mirror's face. The expression on his face was desolated, slightly sad, but more lost than anything.

Compelled by some weird force, the exorcist got closer to the mirror's non reflective surface. With a tenderness that was definitely not normal in him, he placed his hand slowly over the image of the boy's hand.

His eyes widened at the feeling. He could feel the warmth of the youngster's hand on the other side. And that made him wonder if he was still inside the same dream.

The child rose his head a little to look at him, and he felt words been told inside his head.

"_You are lucky,"_ the voice said.

Kanda frowned softly, not knowing if it was worth to say anything.

"_Am I worth your time?" _

**A memory came to him. **

**It was Alma**** looking at him from a gurney at the other side of the healing room. The boy had a goofy smile as he talked to his roommate. "I'm glad Yu is here. I was so lonely when recovering by myself. Now that you are here I feel better."**

"**Shut it idiot. I'm as broken as you, so sleep already!"**

"**Hehe, yeah, I got it…" then the boy looked at him with a fond smile. "Thanks Yu. I really am happy not to be alone."**

"You are alone too?" Kanda asked as gently as he could. The boy nodded. "I guess I can solve that… but… then, when you wake up I'm going beat you for taking that much of my time."

The child nodded gently as his hand pressed hardier against the mirror as if asking to be comforted, even by this unbalanced person.

Kanda felt that weird pull again. He will never admit how much he really wanted to comfort the idiot kid. But as the child started to raise his other hand to touch the hand of the older warrior on the mirror, a wooden stick collided against the mirror's surface scaring the child and making him retreat.

Kanda looked startled at the clown that had just done that to the young illusion. The boy inside the mirror was moving his mouth as if saying something in a hectic way as his eyes held much fear. The clown pushed Kanda gently away from the mirror and then hit again the surface making the image disappear inside.

Kanda looked from the white apparition to the black surface of the mirror, not quite getting what had happened. But soon enough, the clown turned to him and started to play with his stick happily as he jumped and pointed a finger at Kanda's nose as if asking 'got it?'

The exorcist wasn't sure if he did, but he only nodded.

The clown started to dance around the place with energetic movements as his stick hit the ground once too many times. A mysterious force made Kanda -completely against his will- clap at the clown.

The white figure bowed to the audience and with a last pound to the floor, a door appeared right behind him. With gallantry he indicated the samurai to go to the door.

Tired of everything, the exorcist complied. The clown opened the door for him.

Kanda stared at the endless darkness that awaited him inside the door and wondered if he really wanted to go there, but before he could make his decision he felt the clown kick him in the back and making him fall, yet again, inside another absurdly long fall.

* * *

When he woke up, his body barely reacted. His eyes opened suddenly and his breathing was a little erratic, but that was all. He was still in his bed, his sheets still covered him and it was as if nothing had happened. His eyes immediately turned to the side of his bed till they rested their stare on Mugen's figure. It was still there, nothing changed.

He sighed in relive.

Give it to the bean sprout to ruin the night, even without being there.

The warrior sighed again. It had been a very weird dream. He still could feel uncomfortable in his stomach when he remembered the boy's body bleeding into his arms. He was used to worse, but for some reason it had been too much.

But one thing he understood… he had been doing it again. He had been neglecting everyone for the time he had left was short. He knew it was wrong, his master had told him so many times but he couldn't help it. Yet when the stupid bean sprout saved his life, it was as if someone had given up his time in order to keep his going. The idiot had allowed him to continue, even thought he may not be able too go on himself. And even then, he was still here, wishing the 'moyashi' will finally disappear so he wouldn't have to stay in the same place for so long.

It was all a lie of course. No one would ever know he cared. No one should ever know that. But he wished to move on so this wouldn't be as important as it was. He found himself going against himself. Allen had given up his time for him, but he could not give up his time for him… it wasn't an honorable trade.

Kanda sat up abruptly. Of course! It wasn't a fair and honorable trade!

It was like that stupid fight he had with him when they were younger, it wasn't fair!

Ignoring the few parts of his body that still ache slightly from the already cured wounds he stood up and put on his shoes. He had to correct himself.

It was only right for him to be there and observe with silent respect the development of the soldier who had saved his life. If the idiot died, then at least he would not regret it. If the idiot survived, then he could punch him and scream at him not to do that again. Kanda had to protect his pride.

As he started walking down the halls of the new HQ he felt as if something deep within him, a wound he hadn't noticed before, was beginning to heal. He hadn't noticed yet, but one day he would admit that he had been wishing to go and see him, that he had really almost prayed for a chance to redeem himself, a chance to stop this crisis from turning into a tragedy as like it was nine years ago. He would notice, and when he finally does, he will walk around the building growling at every single person while internally he would have an unbelievable huge tantrum.

But right now, he could only think about that dream. Why had he forgotten the boy?

Why was the clown able to wake in him such terror?

Why had his master not been able to notice the innocence in the child's hand?

And more importantly, why had the clown hit the mirror scaring the young child?

So many questions, yet not even one answer.

Reaching his destination he decided to leave the questions behind for a while, after all, he wasn't a person to ponder about stuff that much.

He entered the medical wing and when he reached the door of the bean sprout's room he heard all too familiar voices speaking softly yet enthusiastically inside. The exorcist sighed again.

"Was it really like that?" asked the voice of the girl.

"Indeed my dear friend!" exclaimed the boy's voice. "And that's why I call him 'chopped-hair-Yu!"

It took only a gasp of surprise for the door to be thrown open and an activated Mugen to stand only a breath away from the red haired exorcist's nose.

"H-h-h-hi… Yu-chan…" mumbled the nervous bookman apprentice.

"What did you call me?" growled the samurai.

"Ehehe… you heard that? Well… um… Lenalee, some help here?" begged the young man.

The girl shook her head and sighed at them.

"Kanda, deactivate," she ordered with a soft frown. "I don't really mind if you get annoyed at Lavi, but you're making him lean over Allen's bed and that could disturb his rest."

"Tch, stupid rabbit," the exorcist lowered his weapon. She was the only one who knew how to control him that much.

Allowing his sword to go back to sleep he turned to look at the peaceful face of the unconscious exorcist in bed. He still felt repulsed by the tube in his mouth but was slightly comforted by the constant sound of the machine that read his heart. He was still alive.

"We were sharing with him about the past… you know… get him to know us better so when he wakes up he will let us know him better," explained Lavi, who tried to hide when the samurai threw him a glare. "It was her idea!" he said pointing accusingly at Lenalee.

She sighed at his coward friend.

"Why talk when he doesn't hear?" asked Kanda, incredibly gentle with her.

"I hope that he can hear us… at least a little… but I'm talking just to help him know we are here, that he is not in this alone. Besides," she added smiling. "Timcampy is recording everything to show him later when he _wakes up_."

He saw her smile, she was trying to be strong, but her voice wavered a little when she said 'wakes up'. She was trying to trust in him and was asking him to trust in her, but still she was not ignorant of the possible outcome of this. She was really stronger than many gave her credit for.

Without any comment, Kanda went to the wall and rested his weight against it, close to the door. He crossed his arms over his chest and relaxed there.

"Nee, Yu, you're not leaving?" asked the other boy with curiosity.

"Don't call me that," growled the samurai.

"Ahh… but, why you are here?" whined the boy rocking from side to side in his chair like a little child.

"Lavi, leave him alone."

Her tone of voice was tender and when he looked at her she was looking at him with a sweet smile. She knew. She knew his hidden reasons… maybe even better than he did… He turned his face away slightly embarrassed. No one was supposed to know… and yet she did.

"But if he is not leaving, then he has to participate!" demanded Lavi.

Before Kanda could answer back to the rabbit Lenalee intervened.

"Lavi, when Kanda feels like it, he will say something. But for now, stop moving around before you hurt your broken arm again."

It was in that instant that the distracted Junior remembered that his arm was broken and that his constant rocking in the chair had cause to move it again. The boy started to cry like a baby about his injured arm. Lenalee sweat dropped hoping that Allen didn't mind the scandal too much.

Leaning against the wall, with his face covered slightly by his hair, Kanda allowed himself to smile, a little and quick smile that was gone almost as soon as it came. He couldn't help but feel a weird kind of peace; after all, he wasn't alone anymore.

* * *

Back in the room of the mirror…

The clown was on the floor, completely exhausted. His body resembled that of a thrown away puppet. Someone was cutting of his strings… that was so sad for him.

Slowly he touched his chest; there was a red stain in it. He looked at it with bewilderment before looking at the other stains in his right glove and some in his –before- perfectly white hair. How he disliked being dirty, it just ruined the next act.

The clown turned around, he couldn't allow the audience to see everything. The music started to sound as the little recess continued. He crawled and rolled over the floor as he tried to reach for the mirror. It was tiring to be the main star of the stage, it was always like that.

Slowly and nervously he took off his mask, being careful to stay away from the view of the audience and he allowed half his body to fall through the mirror's surface as he looked for something inside. It took him a little more than the last time, but he finally found what he looked for.

Bringing out his body from within the mirror he felt and touched his new face. Ah, this mask was a challenge, definitely one of his most brilliant performances. He spun around preparing himself for this act. Ah! How he loved the props for this act, they were sure to make quite the entertainment. His clothes had recovered the immaculate white shine, he felt elated by it, so he went on dancing to the music.

With a little snap of his fingers, the door appeared and opened itself, and without stopping his spinning motions-for he was excited- he entered the darkness and disappeared in it, ready to go for his new partner to start act IV.

* * *

Ooo

And that was it! Next chapter obviously will be for the only one of the team that hadn't been visited yet… drum roll… Inspector Howard Link! Hehe, yeah, he is the next victim.

Well, I want to give my thanks to my friend 'Sazdx' who gave part of her time to correct many of my mistakes in order to make this more enjoyable for you guys.

I hope you have like it so far, thanks for reading and double thanks to those who take the time to leave a review. Don't forget to ask if anything is not clear, I'm always willing to answer and improve!

Well, till next chapter!


	10. Fourth Mask: Boredom Part I

People, I'm back!

Hehe.

Sorry for the delay, but I had much trouble with my studies lately. But after a LONG while, here it is: the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Don't own D gray man

Pairings: this story is not meant to have any pairings, there's only friendship intended, but you are free to interpret as you wish.

"Talking"

"_Dreaming/thinking"_

**

* * *

**

Fourth Mask:

**Boredom**

**Part I**

* * *

The memories might fade, but the flavor still remains. Let us try to taste a little once again my friend.

_

* * *

_

There was one thing that characterized inspector Howard Link, and that was his great ability to adapt to any situation that presented itself. No matter how sudden, no matter how bizarre, he was trained to remain calm. So when he opened his eyes to this strange -and that was saying little- sight, he was able to keep in control. Besides, it didn't take long for him to determine that he was currently asleep.

_F__ollowing his training, the inspector explored the surroundings carefully. He was –apparently- standing in the middle of completely black space. He wasn't quite sure how he was standing, for he could not identify the floor or any kind of structure for that matter. He walked a little confirming his suspicion about this place. The lack of pain in his leg proved that he was inside a dream. _

_Out of nowhere, a ray of light fell and illuminated a space slightly away from his standing figure. He was surprised to find that the now visible area was very familiar. If he was correct, it was an exact replica of the desk in his and Allen's room. Getting closer to inspect it, he discovered that there were some blank papers and others that were left unfinished –this was proven by the pen that rested on the half written page. He soon remembered that that was exactly the way he had left things before going to bed. He had been writing a report about the last mission, but he was so worn out by the anxiety of it all, that he had abandoned the job half done. Normally, Link would never dare do such a thing. He was trained to do these things fast and neatly, but this time it seemed that not even all the training in the world could keep him up. _

_The inspector sigh__ed. His fellow crow members would have reprimanded him for sure. _

_Link took the page he had been writing and read the part where he had stopped. It was a description of Allen's weird reaction to their 'guide'. He felt a soft growl escaping his throat and he was felt quite surprised at himself. Link wasn't one to resent things that had already happened, or at least he was told not to. He was a soldier, a crow, so he was supposed to remain controlled. This idea brought another disgusting thought to his head. _

_The __thought that maybe he was the only crow able to really stay in control now. He gritted his teeth as he remembered what his companions had become. He remembered the day they encounter his charge and how Koushi had completely lost control to that 'new' akuma part of him. They weren't meant to be like that, they were meant to protect… but making them become half akuma… that was… that was…_

_Link looked down at the sound__ of tearing material only to find that he had tore the paper he was holding out of contained anger. The inspector sighed at himself. He should be able to stop these things from happening. After all, he knew that it was part of the sacrifice required to save the world. He shouldn't doubt._

_Placing the ruined paper aside, the inspector decided what to do next. _

_He was indeed dreaming, therefore he was deeply asleep. His body needed sleep to recover, so it was best not to try to wake up. But being this conscious about being unconscious was quite unnerving as well. The inspector shook his head._

"_Well, since I'm already here…" he said to himself as he took a new piece of paper and the pen and began to rewrite the page he had ruined. He was conscious that in the real world, the page was still intact, and that even if he wrote something new, outside it wouldn't be written yet. But he didn't know what else to do. It was this or stare at nothing till his waking time came, and he wasn't really willing to do that. W__hy? Well… if he had to admit it -if he really had to- it would be just… boring._

"_What?" Link looked startled at the page he was writing. He had been describing Walker's attitude when suddenly he started thinking about how boring this dream was and then, when he looked at the paper he had written 'boring' three times in a row. That was weird. Link shook his head and began to rewrite the whole page again. Yep, THE WHOLE PAGE! (talking about boring people) …._

"_What?" he questioned himself as suddenly he notices that his hand had written 'boring' again, but this time he had been paying attention, how was this possible? He had been looking at what he was writing… it was as if his hand had moved on it's own… but that wasn't possible… right? _

_Then the answer was given to him by none other but from his very own hand._

_**Actually, being within a dream would make the impossible possible, right? **_

_Link didn't __say anything, he just watched dumbfounded at what his hand had just written by itself on the paper. He couldn't believe it. But he had seen it… "How…"_

_**Dream, remember?**_

"_Oh… right…wait!" Link shook his head in frustration, he wasn't about to have a conversation with his own right hand, even if in a dream, he wasn't that crazy. _

_**Boring…**_

"_What?" he said without thinking._

_**You read me pal.**_

_Now this was going __too far, his hand was writing to him and now was calling him pal? Really, the whole Walker deal had affected him much._

_**We really should have believed him**_

_Link read that and felt a little sense of guilt… yeah, he should have believed in his charge, but it wasn't like he could do it so easily… the guy had acted so.._

_**Crazy? Insane? Nuts?**_

"_OK! Stop it already!" demanded the inspector._

_**Just say it, you feel bad.**_

"_I may do, but it isn't my place, I'm just an inspector, my job was __to keep him under watch not under protection… I followed my orders." _

_**Says who?**_

"_My superiors!" exclaimed the young agitated __man; he wasn't able to keep calm for some reason._

_**Mean Leverrier?**_

"_The secretary among them, yes!" then his eyes widened at what he read next._

_**Secretary Leverrier is an ASSHOLE**_

_An__d yeah, the last adjective was in capital letters. Link got really embarrassed because of it and without thinking he tore the paper apart and threw it to the inexistent floor._

"_Insulting a higher rank official, how improper…" he said to himself as he tried to calm down. "Whatever is making me dream this is really got nothing better to do." (a.n.: surely hope he doesn't mean me…¬¬)_

_That's when his hand or more like, his whole arm, began to move on its own. The arm forced the poor inspector to lean down and take the fallen pen –making said __the man hit his head on the desk on the way- and then began to write on the desk itself._

_**You are the one with nothing to do**_

_Link looked at it feeling a little wary. "I__ have much to do!" he declared in his defense._

_**You do? What was your mission?**_

"_To keep Allen Walker under constant vigilance."_

_**Right. Now, where is Allen Walker now?**_

_The inspector took a moment to think about it. Allen walker… Allen was… he gulped a little loudly remembering where he was, and how he wa__s. Allen Walker was in his dying bed with counted hours left to live. "He's at the infirmary ward… dying."_

_**Then your charge is about to die.**_

_Link could only nod._

_**Then your mission is about to end.**_

_Link nodded again._

_**Then you'll have nothing to do**__**, AGAIN.**_

_And he could not deny that… and also he was feeling a little weird…_

_**You're scared.**_

_And he tried to deny it._

_**You are scared of going back to that.**_

_**Of being bored. All the time.**_

_**You make things seem so natural**__**.**_

_**But inside, you are scared.**_

_**You should be.**_

_**You should tremble.**_

_**You should hide.**_

_**You should disappear.**_

_Every word was being written in a frenetic speed. His arm was moving so aggressively that he had pushed everything out of the desk__. He was getting scared now. Feeling some kind of dread spread within his bloodstream, he was so disturbed by this words that he didn't notice that the things that fell had suddenly disappeared. _

_**You don't mean anything, you are no one.**_

_And that was the last straw.__ For the first time in a long while Link allowed all his panic to come out. Without thinking he used his left hand to punch his right hand at full force. The pen went flying to the 'floor' somewhere among the darkness and the hand stopped moving. Link cradled his now hurting hand. He was panting and looked at the disgusting words that covered every inch of the desk. He was glad that was over._

_But then, his eye caught some movement. And his face filled with fear as he saw how the ink fell from the letters as tears do on a face, a sentence was written then._

_**Why must you always follow orders, Link?**_

_It made a hollow sensation appear in his chest. Allen had asked him that not long before they set sail to their last mission… "I… I just-just have to." He stuttered the same answer that he had given back then._

_**Then, obey my order.**_

_Link felt the hand he was cradling come back to life and soon it was holding his neck and applying pressure._

_**Die.**_

_Link fell on the __desk looking at the grim order as his right hand tried to suffocate him, he was getting desperate, and he couldn't seem to fight back against his own hand. He was feeling the burning in his lungs, the desperate need for air, but it wasn't going to let go. He was finished. _

_And just before he felt darkness hold him, he saw the appearance of Walker's distraught face flash in front of his eyes. And then, there was darkness…_

* * *

Link awoke so fast that he actually didn't register that fact for a few minutes. He was lying on his bed looking at the ceiling, wondering if what had just happened was actually a dream or not. After having collected himself he sat up slowly as to not hurt his damaged leg. Silently he looked around the room. The desk was there, and sure enough, the unfinished report laid over it waiting to be completed. On the other side of the room, against the wall, there was a bed, unoccupied at the moment for its owner was currently in the emergency ward. The place seemed to be just as he had left it before falling asleep. He sighed with slight annoyance. He really should stop drinking chocolate before going to bed.

Link laid down and covered himself with his blanket trying to relax … he thought about that weird dream, how it suddenly went from annoying to denigrating to terrifying. And yet there was one thing that he knew was true. And that was the fact that he actually felt bored in it.

Bored…

Boredom…

That was something that inspector Howard Link was very used to. Boredom is something any crow soldier knows very well. Why you might ask. The reason was very simple. Crows were raised to be obedient soldiers, to follow every order without doubting or asking questions. They were not meant to think, or do anything aside from what their superiors told them to do, and that, unavoidably caused some problems. While on missions they worked with extreme efficacy but on their free time… well… that was the problem…

Not developing a real free will means that when no one tells you what to do, you just don't know what to do. Time passes by slower than normal and eventually your senses become dull, thus creating a perpetual sense of boredom. Most crows dealt with that by training, but even that has a limit. You can't train forever. And being a special elite troop, crows could go without missions for days, weeks, even moths, and just training and sleeping would never be enough to avoid the tedium. Some went crazy, some got depressed and commit suicide, and some just entered a state of constant meditation. That was the case with Madarao, he was constantly meditating to concentrate his energy. Link thought was the weird guy within that weird group.

Being the son of a family at the service of the black order, he was given as a gift to the church, and expected to become a soldier. Link held his families memory with little regard. To him they meant little, but don't think he was angry at them, not at all. He just never felt very attached to them. And when he went to train to become a soldier he simply decided to leave the past in the past.

Soon, the young trainee called the attention of its superiors. His abilities excelled those of the common soldiers, therefore, he was one of the few selected to become crows.

Link trained hard and trained for his only purpose in life was to serve and protect his superiors and those people wanted him to train and become stronger. He never doubted their words. He never spoke back. He never rebelled. In other words, Link lost himself within this new identity that defined him as a crow. And when the hard work finally concluded and he was ready, Link proudly took the next step in becoming an active member.

But in training no one prepares you for that horrible thing…

That terrible thing…

Boredom.

Link sometimes thought he would go crazy. You see, when you have free time, your mind always begins to think, and by thinking sometimes it comes to touch dangerous subjects, sometimes it entertains some unsubordinated ideas… and Link was not meant to ever think like that. That was why he found himself training and sleeping most of the time. He got to the point were sleep just didn't let him rest anymore. Some of his seniors watched him with pity, thinking he would drown soon. But he refused to. He fought it. But it seemed more and more difficult with every passing day.

And one night, he was just so tired and confused he couldn't stay in bed any longer. He started to walk around the sleeping quarters in silence. He didn't know were he was going but he was way beyond the point of reason. And then, when his mind was about to break, he suddenly felt a picture pop in it. It was just one simple picture but it gave him a sense of happiness he could not recall to have ever felt. Do you know what it was?

Pie.

A delicious, perfect, well baked cream pie.

And without thinking, Links feet took him to the kitchens and he started to look at every shelve, every place, anywhere he could think of to find a piece, just one piece of that dream-like pie. And in his desperation he didn't notice the person that was watching him with open amusement from behind. At least not till that person cleared his throat.

Link froze in place when he saw secretary Malcom C. Leverrier standing behind him. He knew that as a soldier, he wasn't meant to be there, and he wasn't supposed to act this way… he was ashamed of it. He apologized and tried to excuse himself, but the secretary stopped him in his tracks saying: "since you're here, I could use some assistance". Link saw the grim expression on his superior's face and entered soldier mode. He offered his help for anything… but never expected what he got. The grim expression of the superior soon became an awkward smile as the secretary declared he was just about to prepare his new recipe for chocolate mouse tart. Link thought at first that it was a t, but soon realized that the secretary was dead serious (if that could be dead serious) about it. It wasn't his dreamed pie, but it was close enough for young Link.

Thanks to his superior, Link found that night that 'something' he had been missing all this time. Cooking. Pastries to be exact. He found a hobby (weird, according to his fellow crow members) but delightful. Now he could actually look forward to his free time, and life made sense again.

But still… sometimes, when the kitchens didn't work, or when Link couldn't distract himself with some sweets… his mind was consumed by boredom and thoughts began to arise. Those dangerous "what if's". But he had been able to cope with it.

At least…, until he was promoted to inspector.

That was when the secretary had ordered him to investigate about Allen Walker and General Cross Marian. He had never become so involved in something before in hi whole life. He read and re read reports and documents taking a break only to fulfill his most primal necessities. He got to a point where he knew things about Allen Walker that he doubt the boy even knew about himself. ( a.n.: Way to go stalker!).

That's why he was so sure of himself when he was asked by the secretary to become the boy's guardian. He knew that the exorcist hated his superior more for this, but Link was used to seeing things from the other side. He was aware of the fact that in some way, Leverrier was just another soldier; that he had superiors to answer to as well, that he had been trained all his life, just like Link, to do what was needed and never less. There was no reason for hate.

That's why he tried to start things right with his new charge, and what a better way to start than with pie?

Allen Walker seemed to think the same and that made Link think that things wouldn't be so difficult. He was wrong.

Things were difficult.

If possible, even worse than he could have imagine. But also, till some point, more entertaining than he could have hoped. Allen made things difficult by acting the way he normally did, doing things his way rebelling against some orders… but strangely enough, Link found himself cooperating with him (most of the time, simply by keeping quiet). Link noticed that sometimes, he even came up with the rebelling ideas… like when the akumas attacked the order and he was the one who guided Allen to the ark door even thought Allen was banned from it. And he began to feel part of the team and not just a forceful addition, like when others joked about him or he would have conversations with Allen. The boy even called him a new piece of furniture in his room (thing that wasn't exactly to Links delight). He began to enjoy it… he really did…

He began … to care.

Link frowned at this, he shouldn't be so soft with his charge, but he had become used to worrying… like… a friend… or a brother would…

And that also made him feel guilty. Because he was there when the truth about his charge came out. He was there, casting binding spells over the poor and broken boy as the last important link of his childhood was destroyed, and he did nothing… nothing but to follow orders.

Link turned aside and closed his eyes in annoyance, he was supposed to sleep and rest, not to be thinking stupid things like those…Those were exactly the kind of thoughts he couldn't allow himself to have.

He tried to fall asleep again. And just when he was finally dozing off, he felt something weird on his bed. It was as if a sudden weight was applied to the side, as if another body was crawling up in bed. Then the 'thing' stopped and Link opened his eyes in alert. Slowly, he turned around to face this 'thing' looking carefully for any sign of bloodlust, but found none. What he found thought made a shiver run down his spine before he relaxed and became annoyed. There, looking at him with a bored expression was a white masked clown. The inspector looked at the figure that, by the way, had covered himself with his blanket, and sighed.

"Walker, would you please explain to me why you are on my bed?"

The clown shook his head in negative before snuggling against the pillow and covering himself better with the blanket, uncovering half of Link's body on the process.

Link kept looking at this white apparition. Now he was aware that he was still dreaming. He found it weird that his leg wasn't aching, but now, with Allen's appearance it made sense.

"Walker, move out of my bed," Link ordered as he tried to recover his lost blanket, only to have it yanked away again by the uninterested clown. Link wasn't going to have it. "Now Walker, don't act childishly," he said as he tried to take the blanket again, only to have it taken away. Soon he found himself struggling against this dream clown to recover his blanket.

If anyone were to see that scene, they would surely have sweet dropped at the childish attitude of those two. Even once, you could have sworn that link growled "Mine" as he tried to recover it.

The clown took one end of the clothe and pulled as the inspector did the same with the other side. They both pulled with all their strength and it seemed that the poor blanket would tear in any second. But just before that happened, clown Allen stopped and without any warning he let go of his side, thus making the poor inspector fall from the bed to the floor.

Link shook his head as he sat on the floor, really annoyed with this dream. Even asleep he could not escape Walker's taunting attitude. He turned to look at the clown in his bed only to notice that the white figure had disappeared. Quickly, he stood up and inspected his bed for any sign of his charge. He found a poker card on his pillow, it was upside down. The inspector turned it and saw the picture of a laughing clown.

"A joker," he muttered to himself and then he heard a soft clapping on the other side of the room. Link turned around to see his 'guest' clapping at him with little enthusiasm. "What's this about Walker?" he asked as he threw the card to the clown. The white pierrot took it with easy and looked at it with that bored expression and something that Link would have called nostalgia. There was something weird about the clown.

The boy turned the card to face Link and then placed it within his vest. After that, it seemed that something had taken possession of the boy's body for he began to move around as if following some kind of inexistent beat. The clown's movements were slightly inexperienced and from time to time it seemed that he almost tripped, but there was some kind of elegance to it, it simply mesmerized the inspector to the point were his own imagination seemed to place the music for this weird dance.

Link wasn't aware of how long the clown had danced, but suddenly it stopped. He shook his head trying to escape this weird state of trance only to notice that his guest was leaving his room with a sudden urgency. Link got a weird feeling that told him to follow, and he wasn't about to turn his back on his instincts. Standing up, and thanking again that his leg didn't hurt, the inspector run to follow the enigmatic figure of the white clown.

* * *

It was a weird chase. Till some point it looked as if the clown was both trying to guide him somewhere and trying to escape from him. Link was confused as to what was Allen's goal for this. Whatever it was, he ran as fast as he could.

* * *

The race stopped right outside of the medical ward. Link saw the clown disappearing through the door to Allen's room, and he knew that he had no other choice but to follow. After all, he had already come this far, it would make no sense to turn back.

The inspector took a deep breath and reached for the door's handle. He didn't recall how, but suddenly he was inside. The door closing behind him as if by magic, and he was suddenly enveloped in deep and complete darkness. His instincts flare, trying to keep him safe from anything that may come his way, but outside he remained composed. He was ready for anything, or so he thought.

"Walker!" he called. "Whatever game you're playing, know that I'm not going away!" he said with slight defiance. No dreamed clown was going to scare him… least not again.

As if to praise his courage, he heard a sudden clapping sound and with it, the appearance of one single spot of light. In the center of this mysterious light, there seemed to be one weird piece of furniture. The inspector got closer to investigate. It seemed to be some kind of mirror, but the face of it was too old and corroded to be able to reflect.

"What a weird thing," he commented as he touched the mirror's unreflecting surface. He felt slightly taken aback when he felt something touch his shoulder blade. The inspector took a defensive stance as he turned only to see the clown extending his joker card towards him. The same bored expression, same card as before. The clown seemed to be offering it to Link, but the inspector refused to take it. "I don't need that," he said as he relaxed. The clown shrugged as if saying 'if you say so'.

Then he pointed towards the mirror.

"One weird piece of furniture you have here, Walker," commented the inspector looking at the masked boy. The clown shook his head before pointing to the mirror again while tapping his head with his other hand as if saying 'no idiot, turn around'. The inspector felt slightly offended but still he turned. And when he did, he was surprised to see his own reflection looking at him.

"It… it didn't reflected a minute ago…" he said with surprise. The image of the mirror suddenly began to morph making him back away slightly only to be stopped by the clown's hand. "Walker?" he asked nervously, but the clown pointed again to the mirror, giving him no other option but to look at it. The inspector turned and saw with wide eyes his own reflection, but not his at the same time. There looking at him was young soldier in training Howard Link, dressed in his old garments. "what…?" he said as he recognized himself from his younger years.

The clown's reflection was holding the younger Link's shoulder just like the real clown was holding him in place. Suddenly, that figure began to morph as well and what took it's place was quite difficult to describe. It seemed to be a little shadow, shorter than his younger self, and the only thing he could recognize seemed to be the joker card in the small creature's hand. The shadow called young Link's attention and then offered the joker card. Young Link shook his head in negative just as he had done with the real clown. But the shadow insisted and insisted till the boy finally gave up and took it. Then the small creature ran away. Young Link soon followed it with the card in his hand as if calling him to give it back. Both mirages disappeared soon after.

"That was strange…" said the inspector. "Walker what was thi…Walker, WHAT THE HELL?" screamed the inspector as he was suddenly hoisted up into the younger boy's arms. The clown looked at the inspector face to mask and moved to place a funny kiss on the confused one's forehead (like a cartoon would). And then, without giving any warning –again – he threw the poor inspector against the mirror's surface the way you throw a bag of potatoes. Poor link tried to cover from the impact only to notice that he had phased right throw the mirror and was currently falling into an endless pit. The last thing he saw was Allen's bored masked face shaking as if the boy under it was laughing at his expense.

"This isn't funny, walker!" he yelled as he fell and everything turned to black.

* * *

Well that was it. I hope you liked it.

Thanks again to my dear friend Sazdx for helping me with some mistakes in my writing.

Well, see you again in the next chapter.


	11. Fourth Mask: Boredom Part II

What can I say? Sorry for the really long delay on updating. This chapter proved to be way more difficult to write than I thought. But on the bright side, it's quite long, 19,492 words to read, so I hope that makes it up for it.

I know it took long, but trust me on this, this story, At least THIS ONE FOR SURE, I won't leave unfinished, and It won't be long now, so please bear with me!

Disclaimer: Don't own D gray man

Pairings: this story is not meant to have any pairings, there's only friendship intended, but you are free to interpret as you wish.

"Talking"

"_Dreaming/thinking"_

* * *

**Fourth Mask**

**Boredom**

**Part II**

* * *

The inspector could feel, and that by default told him he was back on his senses. He grumbled in annoyance. He was used to Allen's clownish antics but that last stunt was too much. To throw the inspector into an endless pit! Preposterous!

Link slowly began to raise, eyes still tightly closed as he rubbed his nose. Apparently he fell headfirst. After alleviating part of his 'agony' he opened his eyes to inspect the surroundings. He was, apparently, at some kind of plaza of some unknown town. Surprised that the many people around him didn't care to offer any help even when he was obviously in pain, he tried to call to a child that passed running by him. That was when the recollection of the things that had happened finally kicked in. He had fallen from an endless pit… to a town's plaza? That wasn't possible. Not unless… the inspector seemed to connect the points. That's when he heard a soft clapping from behind him.

Turning around he saw just what he was expecting to see. The bored clown lay against some old boxes in what appeared to be an alley, clapping at him, almost as if mocking his sudden understanding of the situation.

"I'm still in a dream?" it was more a statement than a question, but the clown still nodded at it.

The inspector sighed in frustration. His day just kept on getting better and better.

The clown turned his attention back to his deck of cards. With that uncaring look he began to shuffle the cards. Every few times he would stop, take the first card, look at it, then place it back and shuffle again. Link felt almost mesmerized at the intensity that -strangely enough- the masked eyes seemed to convey at those simple actions. But after the fifteenth time he got tired and decided to approach the white clown. When he moved to the other, the dreamed Allen looked up to him, his white hand pointing to something behind him, and by the desperate way he was moving his arm, Link thought it was of great importance for him to turn around. And what a surprise he had at what he saw.

There, walking in a small squad were Madarao and his old partners of crow. All of them –though- looked way much younger, maybe in their early teens. Everyone on the squad walked in a seemingly disinterested fashion, but even then they held an aura that would make any grown up show respect. Such was their training, and they were quite proud of it, or so it appeared. Link felt a nostalgic feeling making its way into his heart. Madarao held his head high with pride for he was –already at that young age- the leader of their squad. The team moved with a quick tempo, never falling out of rhythm, each member moving like the next even thought they each had their own style at doing so. No one ever fell behind. Link felt proud of them… but then, something seemed to call Madarao's attention making the young crow raise his right hand to indicate his comrades to stop. Turning slowly, the whole group waited patiently till a small figure appeared from behind a corner. Link felt himself blush of embarrassment. There, panting slightly and with his tie done wrong was none other than young crow apprentice Howard Link, and by the way some of his comrades shook their head at his appearance, he was late.

Allowing himself to be pulled by an unknown force, Link walked closer to appreciate the scene, without him noticing, the clown disappeared from behind him. A weird shine in his masked eyes was present as he hid in the alleys of the memory.

Oo

"_Howard, you're late," declared young Madarao. The comment showed clear disappointment, and yet it was laced with some concern. _

"_Excuse me," mumbled the ashamed boy. He was still trying to catch his breath for it was slightly ragged._

"_Link… is your face a little red?" asked young Tevak with curiosity. _

"_Now that you mention it…"started Tokusa._

_Link fiddled a little, trying to right his tie. "I…"_

_Madarao stopped him from continuing by placing a gentle hand over his forehead. Link was surprised by how cold his friend's hand was. _

"_You have a fever," declared the squad leader. "Not a high one but still…"_

_The boy grumbled a little, but knew better than to deny something so obvious._

"_Might be because of the late training we did in the cold night, Link's always been kind of weak to the weather," commented Tokusa with amusement. Goushi grinned at the comment._

_The soldier in training blushed in embarrassment; he hated being recalled about his current weaknesses. Clearing his throat, Madarao called young Link's attention._

"_Howard, you think you can keep up with the rest?" he asked seriously. Link straightened his posture and nodded with determination. _

"_Of course, a fever will not make me falter, Madarao."_

_The squad leader analyzed the expression of his younger comrade and soon nodded satisfied. _

"_Good." He declared and turned to continue his way around town. Everyone followed him in complete obedience, no one mentioning anything about the sick comrade that followed them, as if nothing had happened._

Oo

Link marched behind his old squad watching silently how his younger counterpart was struggling with the effort of keeping up with the rest. The inspector used to be quite sensible to the weather when he was younger and because of that he tended to get sick a lot more than his peers. But it never stopped him, that was why he became stronger, or so he told himself. Somewhere in the middle of his musings, the inspector noticed he was missing a clown. Looking around he searched for the white haired pierrot.

"Walker? Walker, where are you?" he said in a moderate tone of voice. The boy was nowhere to be found. Link decided to keep following his younger self, after all, Walker brought him here, so he ought to come back, right?

Unknown to him thought, hidden in a dark alley, a disinterested clown watched his every move with more interest than his expression conveyed. His body leaned heavily against the imaginary wall, as he seemed to try to catch his breath, but was —sadly— failing. The clown could not enter the scene, not yet. He had to be the epitome of joke itself, being the bored clown and all, but for that he needed to recover his composure, and that was probing to be more difficult than he thought. Hopefully, with some luck, he'll be ready for the next scene of this act.

The group of young prospects for crow members reached the town's train station and formed a line outside, patiently waiting. Link saw his younger self fidgeting a little trying to make himself look slightly more presentable. The inspector found it weird though, he wasn't really sure what was going to happen, this whole thing seemed to be some kind of memory but he couldn't quite place which one.

Suddenly, he noticed that the young group straightened themselves standing straight, ready to salute someone. The inspector turned around and saw the cloaked figure of an elite crow member walking silently to the children. Link felt compelled by his training to stand in the line and stand in attention, no matter how silly it really was, he just couldn't help himself.

Oo

_The cloaked man got closer to the young team. When he stood in front of them, they saluted him with respect._

"_Good evening young soldiers," said the man with a hoarse voice. "Squad leader, please come forward." Madarao didn't think twice as he walked closer to his superior. _

_The man cleared his throat before continuing._

"_I'm afraid the plan is been delayed. The higher ups are dealing with some important matters back at the order," the man then murmured something about a 'childish general' doing as he pleased. "Therefore, your final challenges for the crow initiation are to be postponed for the next two days." If the children were disappointed, the elite crow didn't notice, they were already good at masking their feelings. "For the next two days you shall remain in this city, you've got freedom to explore it. In fact, I highly recommend you start getting familiar with the environment, if any of you pass the test it'll become an advantage for your future missions." The man pulled a small bag from within his cloak and handed it to young Madarao. "This should cover your basic needs. On the evening of the second day I expect you to come here so I may take you back to the secret meeting place. Is that understood?"_

"_Sir, yes Sir!" exclaimed the children saluting their superior as he turned around without another word, leaving the children on their own._

_When the elite soldier disappeared from sight, the children that were standing behind Madarao let out a sigh of relief; some of them wondered how Madarao was so good at handling that much pressure. Said leader turned to look at them._

"_Now what?" asked Tokusa wondering what would be their next move._

"_The superior recommended as using this time to our future advantage." Declared the squad leader. "Then we should do that exactly. We'll go and explore the city and make sure we know it like the back of our hands, next time we come here, we'll be crows." _

_Everyone nodded in determination as their leader began to walk down the street. Young Link touched his tie with unease; he hoped he hadn't made a fool of himself in front of the higher up. He was so distracted he didn't notice the group had stopped and soon found himself crashing into another body. Looking up apologetically, he noticed it was Madarao who was looking at him seriously. _

"_Ma-madarao?" he asked in confusion._

"_Everyone may come, except for you Howard." Declared the leader._

"_Bu-but…" Link started to say but was soon silenced by the elder's hand. _

"_You know better than to say 'but' to your leader's words," young Link lowered his head in shame. Madarao noticed this and placed a gentle hand over his friend's shoulder, softening his tone of voice as he added. "Howard, the last test is just around the corner, you need to be at your best, and right now you're hardly at it. Your body needs rest, so allow it to have it. We all know that soon, rest will be a luxury, take it now that you can." The younger looked at the strong soldier, feeling the truth in his words. "Now, go back to the inn and rest. If you're better tomorrow you may join the group, understood?"_

_Link turned to look at his friends and saw how they held caring gazes at him. They were the closest to family he's had in years. And he knew they were right. Link nodded in acceptance, he didn't want to but he knew he had to. The sound of feet retreating made him feel even more depressed. _

"_Damn this stupid cold!" he grumbled in anger only for his body to answer him with a loud sneeze. Sighing, the young soldier took a white handkerchief from his uniform's pocket and proceeded to clean up his slightly reddened nose. With nothing left to do and with the tiresome feeling of being sick on his shoulders, the boy began to make his way back to the inn he was staying at._

_Oo_

Adult Link watched pitifully as his young incarnation lazily moved foot after foot, making his way through the streets. The inspector remembered how annoying it used to be to get sick so easily. Fortunately for him, after two years of training at the order's crow unit, he gained a stronger immune system that kept him away from the hospital for years, except in case of a battle inflicted wound. These were the times he used to hate the most for he was separated from his squad, making him feel feeble and stupid. Stupid… stupid… mmm… something was bothering Link about that… was there something 'stupid' he was forgetting? And if so… then what was it?

At the other side of the street, a weakened white clown was spying on his current charge. Thankfully for him, Link was more than capable of following the schedule by himself, giving the clown time to put himself together. But, how was he supposed to react after he noticed a stain on his pure white sleeve. A STAIN! The bored clown rubbed with despair at the reddened stain wishing it away. The little dot seemed to be stubborn for even after a few minutes of doing so, it held strong. The poor clown let his head drop in silent acceptance. Taking a white cloth from one of his pockets he soon made a cute looking bow over the stain, hoping not to disappoint his audience for his silly mistake. After all, he was needed on the next part, and he wasn't about to stop the act for a stain! You know how the saying goes! The show must go on!

Oo

_Young Link walked among the streets with little interest on anything that surrounded him, he was feeling a headache coming, it was small, but it was making his ears buzz a little. That's why he wasn't aware enough to avoid being pushed aside by a big boy._

"_Sorry!" exclaimed the boy in apology before noticing he had pushed another kid. "Hey, you should hurry, it's about to start!" and with that, the child disappear around a corner. _

_Now, paying more attention at the street, Link saw a fair amount of children dragging their parents along with them to some unknown destination. The majority of the adults simply smiled and complied with their child's demands, they seemed to know it was alright to do so. Link, thought he knew he was supposed to go back to the inn and rest, couldn't help his childish curiosity from taking the best of him and soon found himself following the people._

_Oo_

The inspector frowned a little at his younger self childish attitude. Was he curious enough to defy an order from his squad leader? The soldier shook his head in disappointment. He was getting tired of all of this.

"Better find a way to wake myself up. I've got a lot of things to do in the real world."

Then just when he was about to turn around he felt an arm being placed over his shoulder and the weight of another person leaning close to his body. The inspector raised his gaze at the person invading his personal space and finally remembered what that 'stupid' thing he forgot was.

"Walker, fancy meeting you here," his voice was laced with annoyance as the bored clown looked at him with intensity almost as if asking 'and where where you going?' Link sighed. "Not that this isn't amusing, but I've got better things to do with my time than being asleep." The inspector felt the grip on his shoulder getting tighter, which made him nervous. "Walker, what are you-!" then without warning, the white clown pulled Link off his feet and proceeded to carry him bridal style after the younger apparition. This made Link blush hard.

"Walker I demand you put me down this instant!" The pierrot didn't pay him any attention. Link tried to escape his hold in vain, the clown was just as stubborn as he was. "I'm warning you Walker, put me down or else!"

At hearing the threat, the clown stopped and looked at Link with that boring expression, for some reason, Link saw a little shine of mischief in those dark masked eyes. "Oh no, don't you-!" but before he could finish what he was about to say he was 'let down' in a less than delicate manner, causing the poor inspector to crash against the cold floor. Looking back at his charge he noticed the clown looking at him with his head tilted to the side and his arms cross. If the clown could talk he would have been saying something like 'your fault, you asked for it.'

Link lowered his gaze to the floor as he felt his head heating up, about to explode in anger. But just before he began to rant about the younger's attitude a white gloved hand was offered to him. He looked up at the clown that was offering the hand with some eagerness. Link decided not overreact just for a dream. He took the hand and stood up, dusting his clothes off. "Try to keep this clown thing to the minimum, would you?" the clown shrugged but offer a few taps on the inspector's shoulder as if saying 'sorry, sorry'.

Link grumbled a little in annoyance before noticing his surroundings had changed.

The inspector turned around to see where they were and was surprised to see his younger self peeking around a crowd trying to see what made so many people gather in one spot. The older Link got his inner curiosity spiked by this and soon he was getting closer to see.

Oo

_As the little apprentice of crow got closer to the growing group of people he began to hear the cheerful music that could only be produced when a way too old violin was played by a lower class–and slightly tasteless- musician. _

_It was town's music, and as mentioned before, not the good one. Just to allure people to get near to the player. _

_The crowd was mostly made up of children and their parents; everyone seemed to be smiling at something. Little Link's curiosity was getting the better of him. Pressing softly against some of the bigger adults, he managed to make his way to the front. The first thing that called his attention was the slightly overweighed man playing the (as he had guessed) old violin. He had a big smile as he sent some comments to the audience like: 'Come closer, come closer' and 'It's about to start'. Standing next to this man was a sign that read in elegant calligraphy: 'Big Joy and lil' mischief', and behind that sign, there was a small makeshift tent. His young but keen mind told him he was about to watch something his superiors would call a 'complete waste of time'. _

_The boy sighed in frustration, now that he was at the front he couldn't go back. He was trapped between the children that clapped excitedly, there was no escape. Carefully, he scanned the group of people to make sure that no one of his squad was close enough to see him in this predicament. Of course, if they were close, they would avoid such a precarious situation, another reason why he felt so embarrassed about it all. Just as he could feel his already hot cheeks become even hotter, the sound of loud claps and cheering brought him back to reality. Rising his head to look at the 'scenery' he was slightly confused by what he saw._

_A big clown dressed in baggy clothes was balancing his weight over a big ball which he used to go around the 'scene' saluting the children with a brightly colored smile. The clown laughed along the children giving a signal to another, but smaller, character. A little clown, probably smaller than Link, dressed in the same fashion as the adult, was juggling five balls in his small gloved hands. At the signal, the boy began to pass them to the bigger one or 'Big Joy' (as he seemed to be called) one by one. The older laughed as he juggled them expertly making the crowd go 'Oh' and clap in excitement. All the while the music encompassed the act, making it even more hilarious to the audience. But little Link barely found any amusement in all of that. He saw his friends do even more complex stunts in a training session than that clown could ever achieve in his life. And they did it when they were the same height as the small clown, so it wasn't that impressive._

_During most of the act, the small apprentice of crow placed his concentration in trying to find a way to escape the crowd and go back to the inn, but he found none. He could feel his fever getting worse… and that headache making itself more present by the minute._

_Oo_

Link watched as his younger self got even more flustered. He could connect with the feeling. Turning his head to the side, he saw how HIS bored clown made his own juggling session with his deck of cards, shuffling them in unbelievable –not to mention physically impossible- ways. Link could feel a headache coming… he let out a sigh… this was really a long dream…

Oo

_Back with the act, the little clown walked among the children smiling at them as he bounced gracefully from foot to foot. The mob of children found it amusing that someone that seemed to be as young (or even younger) than them could be part of a clown's act. Link on his part, found it a little unnerving._

_Big Joy clapped his hands to call everyone's attention and then began to speak with a fake but funny voice._

"_Now, boys and girls, with the help of my dearest assistant, 'Lil' mischief'" the child clown stopped and saluted at the mention of his nickname. "I'm going to choose a volunteer from this merry crowd to help me with the last act. I promise my children, there will be laughs!" the children went ecstatic at the idea of participating. "Now, little one, would you do the honors?" the big clown handed a deck of cards to the younger one, who saluted comically before turning to the crowd. "Now, my dear assistant will hand a card to each child, then I'll call over one of the card's name, each card has their name written above in case anyone is not familiar. The owner of the card I call shall come forth to participate in the last round of laughs!"_

_The children agreed with enthusiasm… well, everyone but Link did._

_As the younger clown got closer and began handling the cards, little Link tried his best to hide away from him so he wouldn't have to go through more embarrassing situations. Looking for a way out, he noticed some children showing off his cards, which allowed him to read the names on them._

_The queen of hearts was dubbed "My heart's queen"._

_The ten of spades was the "10 swords of his majesty"._

_Now that he thought of it, every name seemed to have been made up to make the children feel important about having the card. 'Silly carnival tricks' Link thought. Soon, the children were whispering among themselves giggling and chuckling to their card's name. Link didn't find it very interesting, so he turned again to the 'scenery' and noticed the little clown looking around curiously with only one card left in his little gloved hand. That was the moment their eyes met for the first time. In just one second, the young soldier went from annoyed to utter panic for he noticed the clown was hopping joyfully in his direction. The other kids, eager to cooperate with 'lil' mischief', moved aside, clearing the path towards Link. _

_Link flinched at the idea of the clown hugging him, but was surprised when the boy stopped at the last second, avoiding any accidents._

_The soldier lowered his gaze to look at the smaller boy who extended the card towards him with a big and bright smile. Link looked at the card that was currently upside down and shook his head 'no', refusing to take it. _

_The smile of the clown fell slightly as his expression turned into confusion, trying once more to offer the card. Link rose his hand to push it back at the boy, shaking his head and adding a 'no thanks', with a soft voice. He couldn't allow himself to participate in such a shameful act as a carnival game. His face was dead serious as he did this, thing that seemed to make the small clown slightly annoyed, but soon covered it with another big smile._

_The clown boy took a handkerchief out from within his pocket and covered the card with it. Then removed it and the card was gone. The children that were watching applauded impressed at the magic trick while Link just kept his stoic expression. 'Mischief' made some movements with his hands and to Link's surprise, a small cloud of smoke puffed from his vest's pocket making him look at it. There, just as he had expected, was the card he had tried to refuse. The small group of children clapped again enjoying the private magic show; Link on his part was already annoyed. He was about to take the card and give it back to the stubborn clown, but before he could he felt someone place their arm over his shoulder and lean against him. Confused by this he turned to look at the person that had so aggressively violated his personal space, which turned out to be lil' mischief (By then Link understood why they had given that nickname to the child clown) who was looking at him with a really bored expression under his jolly make up. The younger boy was standing on the tips of his shoes as he leaned and whispered in the soldier's ear. _

"_Ya know, yer no fun," then added as he tapped on Link's pocket. "I'm only doing my job, so would you please play along?" the voice the clown boy had used made it clear to Link that he wasn't really asking, he was ordering him to play by the rules… it made him kind of nervous... like when Madarao handed an order that must not be refused. What the heck was with that boy?_

_To Link's surprise, the exchange between him and the clown was so fast, mostly none of the children even noticed it. The young soldier shook his head; he was really feeling the toll of his cold. _

_A small hand suddenly tugged on his coat's sleeve making him look down._

"_Mister… I got the "Lucky damsel", what did you got?" asked a small girl while proudly showing her queen of clovers._

_That made Link notice he hadn't even looked at his card. Taking it out of his pocket, he frowned a little. "Just my luck, more clowns…" he mumbled to himself. The clown was the picture of a happy jester better known as the joker. But over the figure another name was written in golden ink with beautiful calligraphy. Link couldn't help but think that by the attire worn by the joker the name fitted well. The soldier turned to the young girl that waited with curiosity and showed her the card hoping not to upset her._

"_I got the "Crowned Clown"" he said feeling his cheeks turning a brighter red, which made the girl smile at him cutely. Link wasn't used to dealing with small kids…_

_Oo_

Link turned to look at the white apparition with quite a funny expression (which was new on his normally serious visage).

"The crowned clown? Seriously? Crowned Clown?" Link wasn't sure why he was so surprised about it, after all, it was Walker who guided him into this dream… but then again, Link felt this was more than a dream… this environment felt like memory and that made him uncomfortable. According to his memory, this never actually happened.

The clown boy stared at him with his bored expression while shrugging deeply as if to say "I guess so" or "I don't know". Link was beginning to wonder if this clown knew anything at all.

It was then that the inspector, having the keen eye he had, noticed that something was different about his guide, there was a new piece of clothing that seemed to wrap around his wrist. Link was going to ask about it but his train of thought was interrupted by the sound of loud clapping, making him turn around, but not before making a mental note to ask Walker about it later.

Oo

_Big joy clapped his hands calling everyone's attention back to him. _

"_My dear audience, it seems my assistant Lil' mischief, has finished his duty!" The small clown bowed gracefully at the crowd. "Now, we shall ask the stars for the fortunate one that shall participate in the final act!" The bit clown moved his hands around slowly as if casting a spell, the violin's music turned to a mysterious melody that fitted the intended purpose. The clown turned and raised his hands as he moved slowly. "Ummmm, unnnn, dunnn," he said while shaking his hips from side to side making the young audience laugh at his antics. In the middle of all the distraction, the children failed to see the little clown's assistant making signs to the bigger one. Everyone ignored this, everyone but young apprentice of crow Link, who didn't found the whole act so amusing from the beginning. Something about the signs of the small kid made him feel unnerved, especially since the boy was throwing conspicuous looks at him every few seconds while smiling mischievously. Yes, not nice at all. _

_Link decided that for his own well being, he had to get out of there, so he begun trying to push his way out of the tumult of people. But –sadly- in his desperate attempt at escaping, he didn't pay attention to the Big Joy's voice. He also forgot that he wasn't the only one that knew which card he had anymore, and that came back to him as he felt a little hand gripping at his coat's sleeve._

"_Mister, it's you! They're calling for you!," said the little girl with shiny mirthful eyes, she was radiating excitement to be so close to the winner, but Link couldn't have felt more panicked. And when the older boy just stood there frozen, the toddler saw it fit to take the matter into her own little hands and make justice!_

"_The Crowned Clown, please come forward," called Big Joy for the third time. _

"_He's here!"" she exclaimed jumping and moving her hand making the older boy flinch internally at her high pitched squeal. "He's got the Clown! Over here Mister Joy!"_

_Suddenly, Link was the unwilling center of everyone's attention, adults and kids, all of them turned to look at him. Link felt sweat rolling down his face; his fever didn't make it any better._

"_My, young boy, don't be shy now, come here, please?" asked the big clown with a delightful smile, behind him Link could see the little clown snickering. _

_The young soldier felt his face going a little pale as he noticed there was no way out off this. Not when everyone was looking at him with expectative. Being trained as he was, he would not run away from this challenge. Taking a deep breath to calm his accelerated heart, he turned and placed a poker face over his obviously disturbed expression. If he was going to endure this, he shall keep his dignity. The boy's body moved almost mechanically to the front. _

"_My, what a serious face young one. Here, let's see if we can help you with that!" said the 'Big Joy' making a funny face to the audience and receiving laughs as reward. "For you see, there is no child I can't make laugh!" declared the man, confident in his abilities as he presented to Link his best and funniest face. _

_Link felt confused at the clown's actions. H e was pressing his hands against his cheeks puckering his lips up. The people behind him laughed, children squealing in delight, but Link couldn't get the point of their laughs. That face was weird and to some point annoying, but definitely not amusing at all. After ten seconds, the clown backed away making a thinking pose… then threw another funny face to the boy… who looked with the same stoic expression from before. So the clown tried again! And again! And… again…? Well, by the tenth, the young soldier was already quite tired of this act and was planning on leaving; being in the front of the stage gave him new escape routes. Some of the people in the crowd were getting tired as well. Soon comments went flying. Things like, "No child you can't make laugh, huh?" or, "Man, is that kid's face made out of stone?"_

_The big clown then tried juggling, then magic, then with jokes, even tried to swallow a freaking sword! But Link's expression never even moved a little. He was simply —in everyone's opinion— bored._

_Some people in the crowd soon became disappointed and, throwing a few coins to the scenery, turn to leave with their kids in tow. _

_At the sight of the retreating crowd other clowns would have given up, but 'Big Joy' seemed to take this as a personal challenge. He pulled every single trick he had ever thought, every joke, voice and face, but never got the boy's face to waver a little. A few drops of sweat fell down the clown's face… it was obvious he was close to giving up. Having noticed that the adult had —quite obviously— run out of tricks, Link tried to turn and leave; but just then, a whistle was heard from behind them, calling the attention of the remaining audience. _

_The big clown turned around slightly confused. There was 'lil' mischief' and he had a huge ball between his small gloved hands. A big smile adorned his face. The small clown winked at the bigger one's direction. Link heard the older clown whispering, "Are you sure?" to the boy who simply nodded with determination. _

_The big clown nodded back and turned to the crowd smiling pleasantly. _

"_Well, it appears that lil' mischief wants the chance to close our act, so why don't we all clap for him as he tries to help our little friend here find his smile?" People looked around with uncertainty before giving in and clapping at the rhythm of the bad violin music. Even the violinist seemed uncertain of this move. What could a clown boy do when his mentor had already been defeated?_

_The young soldier turned back to the small clown in time to see him jump over his oversized toy. Soon, the boy had complete control over his balance and began moving around the 'scenery' with it. People clapped impressed by his graceful display of skill, but Link noticed that the 'Big Joy' winced from time to time, moving his hands nervously as he watched the young one. Apparently, lil'mischief wasn't in as much control of the situation as the people of the crowd believed. _

_Then, the boy began pulling things out of nowhere —or at least it seemed so because Link couldn't explain exactly how he made some of them fit within his pockets— and started to juggle with them. A ball, a plate, a bouquet of fake flowers, a piece of carved wood and big cream pie (how it wasn't damaged in the least? Link would never know). And it was almost as if a magic spell had befallen the poor young soldier, for the moment that the pie made its entrance of the scene, little Link could not take his eyes of off it. The presence of the beautiful, perfectly baked, cream pie had made everything else disappear from existence. Link's eyes widened a little at the sight of his one greatest weakness, sweets. And soon he noticed that he was quite hungry, his watering mouth and growling stomach making it obvious. _

_In his distracted condition, the poor boy failed to notice the growing smirk on lil'mischief's face._

_Suddenly, it was as if the little boy had lost control over his toy and began to go around the place wobbling wildly. Making sounds like "Woah!" and "Ohhh!" the confused crowed backed away from the boy hoping to avoid an accident, except for young Link, who was still in a trance like daze. Might have been his cold or it might have been pie!_

"_Boy! Move!" whispered the older clown with urgency as he avoided the "death ball"._

_Link blinked (a.n.: hehe, Link blinked xD) once as he noticed for the first time the incoming ball of doom. The poor soldier boy fell to the ground on his butt, still confused by it all. _

"_Ok… Mischief, that was enough!" said 'Big Joy' with a worried smile. People were beginning to complain. _

_That's when the child clown turned at the older one with a mischievous smile. _

"_OI, Big Joy! Catch!" and without a second warning, the boy bounced from the ball into the air, throwing his stuff to the older clown who made every possible attempt to protect the audience from being hit. All the while, the clown boy seemed to be falling gracefully over the poor shocked Link, whose eyes were wider than ever. Then, just when the small boy seemed to be about to crash against the older one, he flipped and out of nowhere —and to everyone's surprise— he brought out the cream pie. And landing kneeling besides the unsuspecting soldier, he moved his arms forward, throwing the pie directly into Link's flabbergasted face. _

_The crowd went silent. The violinist stared in shock. Big Joy's jaw was almost touching the floor. Lil' Mischief chuckled to himself before pulling the pie's plate away from his victim's face —who was looking at him with a confused expression covered in cream. With a gloved index the boy took some of the cream from the other's face and brought it to his mouth tasting the sweet flavor. _

"_Mmm," said the child pleased with the cream, and then looked at the other boy with an innocent smile. "Good?" he asked in good nature. _

_The soldier mimicked the clown's actions and brought some of the cream to his mouth. It was the sweetest pie he'd ever tasted. His stoic mask fell for he couldn't contain himself, and suddenly, a small smile replaced it._

"_Good." He declared as both, he and the clown, inspected each other's smile. Soon, both —and to the crowd's and older clown's amusement— were laughing heartily. _

_The crowd erupted in cheers and claps._

_Oo_

The inspector was then overcome by a warm feeling, although, the situation was utterly ridiculous, he felt so welcomed right then by this small child. His tongue clothed with the memory of the sweet flavor of pie. The best pie he'd ever tasted then and even now. A smile broke on his face. It's been a while since he's felt this way.

Link turned to his clownish companion, eager —and surprised by it— to know his reaction to the scene. He was surprised to find the clown distractedly toying with the new ribbon on his arm. Link raised an eyebrow in slight concern.

"Walker… are you alright?" he asked, for some reason the ribbon began to look more like a makeshift bandage than a decorative piece of clothing.

The clown flinched at his charge's question; he had obviously been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. The bored clown moved his hands around dismissing the question in a frantic way. Link wasn't going to ignore it so easily.

The inspector took a hold of the clown's moving arm , his intention: to pull the ribbon, and would have succeeded if the white pierrot hadn't suddenly taken his cards out and pressed both ends of the deck so hard they went shooting at Link's face. The inspector recoiled at the weird attack. Walker could be really childish sometimes!

The clown straightened his white attire proudly and puffed his chest out at the inspector, claiming his superiority and making Link sweat drop.

"What's with you, Walker?" wondered the inspector; something about the clown seemed to be out of place, a feeling that became stronger the more the dream went on.

The clown summoned his deck with a magic pass, making them appear in his left hand. Link wasn't really impressed, less when the boy began shuffling the cards again.

"Repeating a motion is a clear sign of anxiety, did you know that, Walker?" declared the inspector with a strong voice. The clown turned his head away, choosing to ignore him. Then he brought a card up for the inspector to see. It was the 'crowned clown' or the 'joker' if you prefer. At the card's appearance, Link felt an alarm going off in his head, as if he had to remember something of vital importance, but what? He lacked the answer.

The empty eyes of the masked clown shone with delight as he swiftly threw the card at Link's head. The said inspector took longer to react than he normally would, which almost awarded him a pain in the eye from the card's corner that flew by his head, gracing at his cheek. Caught in the momentum, the inspector followed the card with his eyes till it disappeared on the street.

Link blinked one, two, three times. In his small exchange with the 'guide' the street's appearance had changed a lot. The crowd of people were gone and so was the sign in front of the tent and all the toys.

He noticed that the old clown and the violinist were the only ones in front of the tent; both seemed to be in deep conversation. His younger self was nowhere to be found.

The inspector felt a tap on his shoulder that made him turn to look at the clown that was quickly making signs to him to follow his lead. Having nothing to lose, Link went along.

Oo

_By the side of a little fountain, a small clown and a young soldier sat, both still having slight chuckling fits. Link was astounded by his own reaction, to say the least. He had never laughed so much since before he became an official soldier. He wasn't sure to be either angry or confused at himself._

_The clown took a handkerchief out of his pocket and dipped it in the cold water of the fountain. Then he offered it to the soldier. "Here!" he said. "Ya should take all the cream out before it gets too sticky!"_

_Little Link stopped moving at his words. Then proceeded to touch his face hesitatingly, feeling the soft sensation of fresh cream covering most of it. Link gulped and felt himself blush. The small clown erupted in laughter. _

"_No way! You actually forgot you had cream all over yer face? Hahaha, now that's a good one!" _

_The young soldier apprentice politely took the handkerchief from the other boy and began whipping the cream. The clown observed him all the way._

"_Ya know? You're quite the quiet one, ain't ya?" he said placing his hands on the back of his head as he leaned against the fountain with a curious expression._

"_My apologies if that's unexpected." Answered little Link._

"_Yer weird," commented the boy as he looked to the slightly clouded sky. "Kid's don't normally speak like that! You talk like an old guy." The boy closed his eyes and offered a cute smile. "That's so boring!"_

_Link felt his eyes widen as his cheeks couldn't get any more flushed. He remembered once more the slight pain in his head that he had forgotten with all the laughs, Link placed the handkerchief over his forehead, the cool feeling of the wet cloth made the pain ease. _

_The clown boy looked at him carefully from the corner of his eye. _

"_Ya know? I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable, especially knowing you're kinda sick," Link turned to look at the boy a little surprised that he had noticed that. "It was kinda obvious. Other kids, they get red from laughing, but ya never laughed at all. So you were either hot or sick. It's been cold for a while now, ya couldn't be hot, so you must've been sick." The clown shrugged with a carefree expression. "In this business you got to look at people a lot, makes part of the trick." He added with a smile._

"_Oh… " was Link's intelligent answer. "So you told the clown to choose me even knowing that?"_

_The kid snickered a little._

"_Knew you noticed, yer face was priceless. But no, I didn't tell him to choose ya," he said closing his eyes. "'Big Joy', he told me what card he was going to choose from the beginning. I was only telling him it was goin' to be difficult."_

_Link scowled a little before placing a bored expression._

"_Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that 'magic' is not supposed to be revealed to the audience."_

_The boy froze for a second before cursing under his breath, then turned to Link with a nervous expression. "Don't you dare tell anyone! If ya do, I'll have to kill ya!" the serious expression only achieved in making the soldier laugh once more. Kill him? Link would like to see him try! _

_Looking at Link's amused expression, the boy relaxed and smiled gently before relaxing back against the fountain. Silence fell between them. It wasn't awkward; it was more of the peaceful kind of silence. _

"_So… where are your folks?" he asked out of nowhere._

"_Excuse me?" said the soldier confused with the term._

"_Ya know, mom and dad? I was kinda nervous they would get angry after this lil' clown dirtied your fancy clothes," the small child confessed with a cheeky grin. Link observed the sincere expression in the other, even under all the makeup it still felt real. The soldier felt strangely compelled to trust in this silly kid, more than probable because he posed no danger at all. He turned his face to the side and looked at his hands wondering about what the boy had said. If his mother and father were here… would they get mad at his dirty clothes? Were his clothes really fancy looking? All he could think was that his clothes were a normal soldier trainee uniform. While he pondered all of this, he didn't notice the other child scrutinizing his expression as if trying to read beneath it all. "Oi… could it be… that you didn't came here with yer mom and dad?"_

_The inspector turned to look at the boy, slightly surprised that he was so perceptive. The clown's young expression seemed to be laced with some uncertainty, as if he felt he's said something he shouldn't have said. It took only a second for young Link to connect the points and know what the other was thinking._

"_I am not an orphan… not exactly if that is what you are thinking. I may not have come here with parents, but I did not come alone either," that seemed to make the younger child a little more at ease, but he seemed to have a question he wished to ask. The soldier beat him to that. "My line of work also requires me to pay close attention to those around me. I guess it is part of what you could call 'our tricks'"._

_The child blinked a few times, before bursting into a small laughing fit. _

"_Who would have thought? You can be funny too!" laughed the boy, making the soldier blush once more._

_Oo_

Link observed his younger self interacting with this small child that till a few minutes ago he didn't even recall. Somehow, he felt a small blush go to his cheeks at the happy comment the boy did. He could also be funny? Preposterous! He told himself. He was a good soldier, an inspector; he was not to be taken as a joke! And he was sure, in his memory, he hadn't said what he said to make the other laugh, but still that was the answer he got… was this boy's reaction mistaken, or was he the one in the mistake? Was there any mistake at all?

He really wished he could at least interact with one of them, after all, his guide didn't offer quite the good company.

The inspector turned with a small frown to see the clown that had lost any interest in the scene developing in front of them and was concentrating solely in playing with his cards, as if they had a mysterious answer the inspector failed to see. Frustrated, the older teen turned back to the scene.

Oo

_Two boys sat down against the fountain. One boy laughing with mirth at the other's clueless face, the other… well, utterly clueless about the motives behind the other's laugh. _

"_Ya know?" said the clownish boy after he calmed down slightly. "Ya are too tight up for yer own good!"_

_The young soldier frowned at this. 'Tight up'? 'Serious'? He was too serious for his own good? Well, he thought he wasn't serious enough! At least not yet and here was a boy saying he's too serious. The boy was, indeed, a clown._

"_I'm still not serious enough to be a good soldier," commented the child in annoyance._

"_Soldier?" asked the clown with a frown of his own. "Man, ain't ya too little to be a soldier?"_

_Young Link noticed he had slipped a little too much information, but since it was already out and the child didn't seem to pose a threat he didn't mind much._

"_You are never too young to serve others," he said as if it was something normal coming from a young lad._

"_Oh…" mumbled the other boy. "But… don't you ever have fun?"_

_Link stopped to think about it. Did he ever? Training was fun… it was, right? Overcoming difficult obstacles…fulfilling your orders… it was fun, right? He found some kind of weird pleasure in the positive comments of his squad when he did well… so maybe it was fun in some way._

"_I guess you could say I do have fun… just not your average kind of fun…" he said slightly unsure of how to explain it. _

"'_Average'? What ya mean 'average'? fun is fun right?" asked the child, now really confused as well._

_Now Link knew he was making things too complicated for the poor boy. The child wasn't just younger, he was probably less cultured than him; maybe the concept of 'average' escaped him. _

"_I mean, I don't really get the gist of the common fun," the moment he said 'gist' he could almost see a huge question mark appear over the child's head. The poor boy brought a hand to his forehead in frustration. He had to paraphrase this. Clearing his throat he decided to try again. "I mean, I don't get the fun of a clown's act," he said simplifying his idea by using an example._

_The little clown boy blinked once, then twice, and then, to the young soldier's amusement, the boy began to chuckle._

"_Oh! Now I get you!" he said between chuckles. "Ya don't see anything entertaining in what other kid's call funny. You could 've said that ya know?" the small child held his tummy as he continued. "Sorry, I still find confusing some words; old 'Joy' tries to make me learn them but, geez! They are so weird!" after a few more chuckles, the child finally calmed down and looked at the other with a serene and strangely understanding gaze. "But you know? I kinda know what you mean."_

_The soldier was surprised again by this answer. "You know?"_

"_Yeah, it was really weird for me as well. Other children seem to find fun in really strange things. A weird face makes some laugh and others cry. A tumble exercise captures their attention as if it was a miracle act. The smaller you are, the more impressed they get. They laugh at silly comments that make, for sure, no sense at all. To me, it used to make no sense at least. I would be like you, looking around confused, waiting for someone to explain, or just wishing I wasn't there at all."_

_As he talked the boy placed his arms behind his head, his figure relaxing further against the fountain. _

"_Took me a while to get it." _

"_But… you're a clown, are you not?" asked the confused soldier. _

_The boy looked at him with a bored expression as if saying 'You dumb or what?'._

"_Where you a 'soldier' all your life?" asked the child as if mocking the other. _

_Young Link felt himself blushing again, he was doing that a little too much for comfort. He made a really silly question. Once upon a time, Link was not a soldier, he was just a boy, a lonely abandoned boy. So obviously, once upon a time, the small clown was not a clown, he was just a boy himself… and maybe, he was also a lonely boy as well. _

"_I guess it's training, ya know?" commented the boy after a while. "You where trained to be serious, I guess, because you say you're still not serious enough. Well, I was trained to find the fun in these silly acts. It was complicated first; especially if you lack any sense of humor… but eventually you get good at it. I suppose being a 'soldier' wasn't easy as well."_

_The elder boy nodded slightly. "Are you still not 'funny' enough?" he asked softly. _

"_Don't mention it…" grumbled the child. "Three out of four tries I made something wrong and end up with crying children instead of happy ones… failing can be so annoying!"_

_Link felt a smile spread on his face. _

"_I… I get sick easily… and sometimes I also get restless… the other soldiers say I'm still too childish, even thought I try hard… I guess what I'm trying to say is: yes, failing is annoying."_

_The clown boy seemed to be thinking for a few seconds before he said:_

"_But you are a child, right? Being childish… I guess it's just part of what you are..."_

"_Maybe I'm young, but I'm a soldier! Not a child anymore!" exclaimed Link with weird determination._

"_Mmm… I wonder… who told you that?" asked the boy with close eyes, he seemed to be slightly annoyed. _

"_Well, the hi-" he was going to indicate that his higher ups were the ones who thought them about being good soldiers… but he stopped himself in time. He was giving too many details. "It's just how it is." He said crossing his arms, somehow, he felt childish about it. _

"_Well, you are wrong." _

_The young soldier turned to look at his companion, the boy was declaring that the people he respected where wrong. Link wasn't sure what to think. _

"_How would you know?" demanded the soldier. _

_The child looked at him with piercing eyes from under all the makeup. Then, he went and snatched the still wet handkerchief from the other's side. The boy stood up and in a sudden move, he dipped his head into the water of the fountain. Link watched him dumbfounded at his actions. The boy then brought out his head and rubbed his face furiously with the white cloth. After a few seconds of scrubbing, he lowered his hands and proceeded to look at the elder's face. His blue gray eyes stood out from his now pale skin. _

"_What do I look like?" He said with intensity. _

_Link wasn't sure what the answer to that was… what did he looked like? Well, now he looked like a half dirty and weird dressed boy. _

"_Mmm… a weird boy?" _

_Ignoring the 'weird' comment, the boy seemed satisfied. _

"_A moment ago you said I was a clown."_

"_Well, yes." _

"_But now I'm a boy."_

"_Again… yes."_

"_Then what am I, a clown or a boy?" _

_Link felt uncomfortable with the barrage of questions… what was he, a clown or a boy? Well, he was…_

"_You are a clown boy." _

_The answer seemed to bring a smile to the other child's face. The boy took a sit and let out a sigh. _

"_Yes. You are right. I'm a child that learned to be a clown. But that means, I was a boy, before I was a clown… that must mean… I'm still a boy. Not old enough to be an adult, only a child. I can cover my face in makeup and I can learn tricks of magic and act, but I'm still what I am, a child," the boy looked at Link with a small smile. "'Big joy' taught me that I wasn't really good at being a 'child' and you know what? He was right. But with time, I've been learning, though not good at it still, I'm at least able to understand that I am one."_

_Link noticed that for some weird reason, the child didn't make so many mistakes in his talking as he did a few seconds ago. This made him wonder if he was pretending to make those mistakes… or if he was pretending now. _

"_You are a child. You get restless because you are one. You get sick because your body is still small. You are what you are. You can play being a 'soldier'-"_

"_I'm a soldier," said Link with a small pout._

"_Yeah, ok, you are a 'soldier'… but you still are a child. You can learn fancy moves, fancy words and dress in fancy clothes, but inside you should know that you are something else. Even when you grow up, you will always be something more than just a 'soldier', you know?"_

_The young soldier looked at him with a thoughtful expression. No one had ever said that to him… why didn't they tell him this before? Were the higher ups unaware of this? Or was this child making it up?_

"'_Big joy' is a clown. But he is also a funny adult. Under his makeup he's got this small ticklish beard… he also got hair even though you can't see it under his wig. He likes to use his top hat so much he never takes it off! Almost like it's part of his head. He loves to have 'tea time', but his tea isn't always nice or drinkable. He is kind and a gentleman according to the old ladies that we met, and he knows so many things you would be impressed!" the soldier watched with complete attention as the child spoke, somehow, the younger's face seemed to light up at the mention of this person. "We are more than just what we do or what we look like; those things are what make our life interesting. You are more than just a 'soldier' and I can tell you that much!" _

_Link backed a little as the boy turned with a mischievous shine in his eyes and pointed at his chest with a gloved finger._

"_You are a boy that likes to act tough but has weak body that gets sick too often, that makes you frustrated. You don't know how to act with little children, less if they are girls, proven by your blushing face to the little one that talk you earlier. You were never taught much about fun; for that you don't get the point in funny things. Oh! And overall, the most important thing about you! Mate, you can't resist something sweet!" with that statement, the boy raised the half eaten plate of the cream pie to the other's face. Link felt a little unnerved that this kid had apparently being watching him since the beginning, but couldn't avoid looking at the cream pie with some hopefulness, feeling like taking another piece. _

"_No matter what anyone tells you to do, if you don't forget who you are, life will always be more fun! If you want a piece of pie, don't wait till someone tells you that you're allowed one, just take one!" To emphasize his point, the child took a piece for himself. "Be serious if you have to, but allow yourself to have fun when you can, if you don't life will become so boring, you'll go crazy!" _

"_If you just do that, you can get in trouble," mumbled the young soldier as he moved his gaze away from the younger child._

"_Ha!" laughed the boy. "What is life without some trouble in it? I'll tell ya what it is mate! It's BORING!"_

_The child laughed joyfully as he basically shoved the pie into the elder's hands. Link was confused at the boy's sudden use 'ya' instead of 'you' as he had been doing during his small rant… was the child aware of that? Link felt his headache bothering a little, but he had pie in his hands and he wasn't going to let a headache spoil that! With a simple nod to what the other boy had said, he dipped his hand into the creamy pastry and took a good piece. Maybe he didn't understand this boy's 'theory' about 'being who you are' and 'fun' but he did understood one thing quite well, a cream pie had never tasted so well._

_Oo_

Inspector Link felt some strange pressure on his chest. That boy's explanation, back then, he knew he had not actually gotten much of it. It was difficult. Link was not used to those kinds of thoughts. Those were rebellious thoughts. Free will inspired ideas that weren't encouraged within crow. But they sounded so sweet, just like the pie between his younger self's fingers. They were heartfelt and honest, coming from the mouth of a silly child that spoke with wisdom beyond his years, probably proof of all the obstacles that he had seen in his few years of life. Link wasn't stupid, even back then he had noticed that the child seemed mistrustful when the idea of adults came around, obviously evidence that at some point in his young life, this child had been subjected to some kind of abuse from others. And yet, there he was talking about being true to one's self… somehow… that seemed so familiar…

Suddenly, Links eyes widened a little as he began to place the pieces together. A soft gasp escaped his mouth. Could it be? Could that boy be…

A sudden clapping noise came from behind him. Link turned around to look at his 'guide' clapping his hands softly at him. Somehow, he could swear there was an impressed shine in those hollow mask eyes. The clown gave a soft bow to the inspector, praising him for his good insight.

"You… the… that boy is…" a soft white gloved finger was pressed against his mouth taking him by surprise. The praising time was over, and the gentle shine from before turned to something akin to suppressed anger. A threat. The inspector may have found out but somehow the clown was not happy by it. Maybe it was because Link had an unfair advantage? Link knew things about Walker that even Walker didn't know. He knew more about him than any other person in the organization, with the exception of secretary Leverrier. For instance, Link knew that Walker's hair used to be brown before turning white.

An accusing finger was pressed against his chest. Yes, the clown thought he was cheating; cheating at this weird game, because he came into this stage with previous knowledge. Link sighed and held his tongue. He didn't want to argue with a mute clown. He knew he was right, so he didn't need to voice it if that made things easier.

Suddenly a loud voice cut through the staring competition, making both, Link and the clown, turn to look back at the scene.

Oo

"_HEY! You little rascal! Yer 'father' says to come back to the tent bout now!"_

_Link watched with interest as his companion's face turned sour at the violin guy from before._

"_I'll be there in a sec!"_

"_Ya better! Not only did you risk the show today but you also threw away our food, ya better watch it before ya get it!"_

"_Got ya Mr. Sunshine sir, I'll be a good little urchin from now on. Thanks for the advice!" said the boy in mockery. Link watched amused as the man's face turned red. The boy laughed at him. "Hey Mister watch it before ya get an attack or something."_

"_You little-!" then his fierce glare turned to Link as he growled. "And what the Hell are ya still doin' there? Good for nothin' bastards, little scum, get lost, the shows over, unless you pay extra you better leave or ya'll get taste of my fist as well!"_

_Link kept staring, not really scared at the man, he could easily end this man's life without breaking a sweat even been sick, so he really had nothing to be afraid of. But the other kid didn't like the tone of voice he was using with his new 'friend'._

"_Hey, bite that tongue Ben, ya don't want me to tell 'Joy' that ya insulted a client again. Next time you will turn black and purple!" threatened the child, impressively, the man seemed to shiver at an unwanted memory. _

"_Little street urchins…" grumbled the man as he turned around. "Ya better come quick!" yelled the man as he went away slowly. _

_The young soldier watched as the boy sat again grumbling to himself about dirty fat men that didn't know how to be polite._

"_Sorry about that, Benjamin is a bother but he was the only musician we could get. Although…. He's not even good at it. Man, his violin gives me the creeps!" _

_Link nodded feeling the same about the really off key playing he heard. He was surprised though, he wasn't expecting this child to be one to understand music. _

"_Well…" said the soldier standing up and politely handing the plate back. "I think I ought to go now. I was supposed to be somewhere else. Thanks for the pie thought." _

"_You… already have to go?" asked the boy, his voice sounding a little dejected._

_Link simply nodded. The clown sighed. _

"_Well… I guess it's fine. You're sick after all. Ya better rest…" he said looking a little uncertain. "Oh, yah. If tomorrow you are better, we'll be here as well, ya can come! I want to give ya something!" he said smiling again. Link wasn't sure if he should tell the boy that he shouldn't do that, but somehow he didn't feel like ruining his 'fun'. "And maybe I'll get some pie!" _

_Link was convinced._

"_I'll see what I can do," he said nonchalantly. The boy happily offered his hand to the soldier. Link looked at the gloved hand and without really intending to, he smiled. Both shook hands and soon departed each their way._

_Oo_

The inspector saw how both children disappeared, each around a different corner of the street. He knew his younger self was going to the inn and deducted that the young clown was going to the tent he saw before.

The ex crow was a slightly annoyed that he hadn't remembered all of this back when he was researching for the secretary. If he had known he had known that child from before…

A poking finger roughly hit against his right temple making him jump from surprise. He turned to the clown that seemed to have that somber expression back on. It was as if the clown had heard his thoughts and was daring him to say that he knew.

"Well, I know. Why, is that wrong?"

The clown shook his head as if exasperated by the inspector, although his face remained masked in boredom. The whole street was deserted and Link thought that this dream had suddenly become pointless.

"Shouldn't I follow someone?" he suggested as if implying that his 'guide' had forgotten something. The clown's reaction amused the inspector for the apparition seemed miffed that he had even suggested that he had forgotten his own plot! "Well then, what am I supposed to do?" grumbled the older teen.

The pierrot stopped for a second and brought a finger to his chin as if thinking. Then crossed his arms and rubbed the chin of his mask, thinking harder. Link sweat dropped at the sight. _"He did forget, didn't he?"_ wondered the inspector. The clown turned to throw him a menacing glare as if he had heard him. Then, as if a bulb had lightened up over his head, the clown jumped with enthusiasm. He brought a white hand inside his vest and took out the deck of cards he had been playing with.

With expertise he shuffled them and took the card in the middle, swiftly holding it up to the inspectors face. Link squint his eyes to try to read the old and slightly faded letters over the card he identified as the jack of spades.

"'The soldier of God'?" he said with confusion. Not knowing the purpose of the card in this whole act.

The clown pushed it closer to Links face and with a black gloved finger indicated him to look careful to the illustration on it: The twin knights holding a sword, one up, one down. Link was almost entranced by the beauty of the card, perfect lines and baroque style; it seemed to be the work of a great painter, definitely not the type of art that should be placed on a simple playing card.

Then, he saw… or more like, he felt that the card was being turned upside down twice; the downside figure slowly making its way to the upside part before going back to the downside once more. He barely registered how his environment slowly went dark and then slowly turned lighter again. Without him being aware, the whole scenery shifted around them. People moving around the street at fast speed, images changing, everything as if someone had pushed the fast forward button on a recording. Once the upper face had reached the upside once more, the clown made a swift movement, making the card disappear as if by magic right in front of the careful gaze of the inspector.

"Wha?... what happened?" Link asked bringing a hand to his temple, that headache was declaring its presence again.

The white apparition went to shuffle his deck once more while shrugging, not giving any importance to the confused state of his charge. Link felt the urge to close his eyes and lay down for a while, he felt as if the world were to be spinning. But before he could pursue the idea further, the clown touched his shoulder and pointed at the corner of the scenery. The inspector noticed by the light around the place that it was early, maybe around seven in the morning; it was his first indication that the time had change. The place was deserted and peaceful, that at least helped calm his agitated mind.

Suddenly, from the corner that the white pierrot was signaling him to look, a small figure appeared. There, walking slowly and with some uncertainty was young Link, looking around the deserted street, searching with his eyes for something that he –apparently- hoped to be there.

That's when the inspector noticed that they were in the street where the tent used to be in the last part of the act, but now it was nowhere to be seen. It had been removed. A few pieces of wood and clothes littered around, proof that it was done in quite the haste.

Intrigued by this, Link allowed himself to watch the events, trying to ignore his tired feeling.

Oo

_The small soldier was not supposed to be there. Madarao said they should stay at the inn till middle morning before going out to explore the town together, sharing their findings with Link, who was feeling much better already. But the boy had sneaked out, not telling anyone, a really foolish move on his part, but a move he could not avoid. He really wondered what the child wanted to give him. And a piece of pie sounded really good too. He wasn't sure if the boy would be around by that time of the day, but it was his only chance so he took it. _

_But now, it seemed to have been all for naught. The child and his little crew seemed to have left town, and in quite the hurry… he wondered why he even dared to come… _

_With a sigh of dismay, little Link continue walking further down the street till he got to the old fountain where he had laughed with the clown boy the day before. He sat down on the fountain wondering how he was going to explain to his squad leader his reasons for leaving with no authorization. So concentrated he was that he didn't noticed the soft sound of small and light feet coming closer and closer. At least not till a voice brought him out of his musings._

"_Whatcha thinking 'bout mate?" said a curious voice from behind him. Link turned around fast, almost too fast, almost fast enough to make him fall into the fountain but —luckily— not fast enough. Link took a deep breath as he looked at the small boy he had been searching for. _

_The child certainly looked different without the smears of makeup in his face and his baggy clown attire. He was sporting a simple white shirt with brown pants, a little too big for him, but still not so baggy, and he seemed to have kept one of his gloves. With such plain looking clothes, the child's blue grey eyes seemed to shine a lot more. He had a childish curious expression on his face that to others would have been adorable, but to Link it was just amusing. _

"_I was wondering where your act went," he said with ease. It was funny how he could actually speak so easily with this child; yesterday he barely wanted to be near him, today it was as if he was talking to an old acquaintance. _

_At his question, the boy's eyes seemed to lose some of their shine. Something had happened in the hours they had not seen each other. Link inspected the lad closely and noticed his hair was ruffled and he had small cut on his lower lip. Also there seemed to be purple bruises forming around the child's neck, by the sizes and separation between them, they were probably the result of a big hand pressing roughly on sensible skin. Link diverted his eyes to the cobblestoned floor. Someone had hurt the clown boy. _

"_Yesterday, Benjamin —the lousy musician— and 'Big Joy', kinda had a 'discussion'…" Link deducted from the child's demeanor that it was more than just a 'discussion' and by the child's haggard appearance, it seemed he was also part of it. _

"_Benjamin, that scoundrel… he took dad's tent and stuff and run away with them!" the boy seethed as his little hands turned into fists. Link's eyes widened a little as the boy suddenly mentioned this knew figure: dad. He wasn't aware that the boy's father was with them. The child shook a little with anger, but soon, calm down and let out a sigh of frustration. "We are going to be leaving today for another town… Joy's sad… so we might have stay off stage for a while. Still, yesterday I told you to come! So I came early to wait for ya!... but…" and he began to fidget a little as he said the next part. "I wasn't sure at what time ya were comin' so I kinda was here really early and… I… well…" His expression turned sheepish as he bowed his head to try and hide his blush. "I !" he said so fast that a normal person wouldn't have understood. The child's eyes glazed a little as his pitiful expression was completed with a pouting mouth. "Soooorry." _

_Link sweat dropped. The whole scene was really not necessary, it wasn't as if the young soldier was going to get mad at the boy (he was a little disappointed at the concept of no pie, but still). He really didn't know how to deal with little kids. Sighing, the crow apprentice did the only thing he thought he could do. _

_Slowly he placed his right hand over the child's small head and with a calm expression he said:_

"_Its fine," the same way Madarao did if he ever did something unintentionally wrong. _

_Both children looked into each other's eyes, there was a silent understanding, a sensation of belonging, a fleet idea of "If we could be together longer we'll be great friends"; and then, suddenly, both children began to laugh, each at the other's antics. Mirthful laughs filled the silent and empty streets. No need for more words._

_Oo_

The feeling of companionship that flourish within the inspector, the reawaken memory of a connection with a boy he didn't know back then at all, family… friend… somewhere along those things, it all came back to Link as if he was really part of the scene of his younger self with the clown boy. He truly had thought at that time, 'if only I could be here for a while longer, we could be good friends', but he also felt a huge sense of disappointment: no they couldn't, not now and not ever. He felt almost like crying (and that was weird from him), because a part of him knew he missed something great that day by leaving. And now, looking at this memory, feeling this warmth in his chest, he felt desperate to hold on to it for a while longer… just a while longer.

Oo

_The two children sat on the fountain looking pleased and relaxed at nothing in particular. _

"_Oh yeah!" exclaimed the clown boy as he stood up, his hand quickly searching within his pants' pocket. "I was going to give you something!" _

_Young Link watched with interest as the child brought an all too familiar card from his pocket handing it to the soldier. _

_Link looked at it with wonder; he didn't hesitate in taking it this time. But as soon as he had it, he threw a curious look at the boy's face, silently asking for an explanation. _

"_It's for you," said the boy rubbing his nose, slightly pink cheeks decorating his all too pale face. "I'm leavin' town today, we might not see each other again… for… maybe… ever! So I'll give ya my special card!" the boy placed both his hands in his pants' pocket with a huge smile on his face. "That way, you'll remember me as the annoying clown that made ya eat pie! And ya'll also remember that you were a child that was more than a 'soldier' guy!" the little clown then hid his happiness with a bored expression and added. "I'm not taking it back, ya hear! So ya better treasure it! It was my favorite after all," he mumbled the last part as he crossed his arms over his chest._

_Link wasn't sure what to say. He slowly scanned the clown figure and took a moment to read the beautiful letters that named it 'crowned clown'. He felt a warm feeling in his chest as he slowly thought to himself that this was the first 'treasure' he has ever had. Never in his whole life he had had any object to call 'treasure' and that brought a weird and childish smile to his face. He looked up to the boy and nodded happily accepting this gift. The boy's expression became impressed._

"_Ya have a nice smile there, mate!" Link immediately blushed hard, making the boy laugh. _

_But every happy moment comes to an end…_

"_HOWARD!" said a booming voice making both children flinch in their positions. _

_Young Link turned his head slowly, already knowing who it was that called him and also knowing how deep in trouble he was. Standing up immediately, the boy made an effort to stand in front of the younger child, trying his best to shield him from Madarao's anger._

_From the other side of the street, the squad leader stood, looking seriously at his companion as he said with a voice full of authority:_

"_Howard, come here, now."_

_Link felt the power of the command, years of conditioning moving old gears in his head, he had to obey. He turned slightly to look at the clown boy for a second. The boy's mouth moved slightly as if trying to say something but no words managed to get out. He was clearly nervous, a thin shin of cold sweat covered his face. The newly arrived boy was taller, stronger and scarier than Link could ever be, the child wasn't stupid, he wouldn't risk talking back to Madarao. Heck, he wouldn't risk even speaking at all. Maybe… he had a chance…_

_Link sighed at his own silly thoughts, Madarao wouldn't hurt a civil, he was clearly only upset with Link, so as long as the boy didn't do something stupid, he was in no immediate danger. _

"_Howard," warned Madarao as he waited for his comrade to come to him. _

_Link swallowed and took a step forward only to feel something holding him back. The child had taken a hold of his jackets sleeve, his little hand trembling a little. Link was surprised, why was he doing that? Was the boy scared that Link could get hurt? Or was he scared that he could get hurt? Link threw another glance at the boy that now looked much like a lost puppy. Yesterday that kid had talk back to an adult far bigger than Madarao, but now he was so scared… _

_The clown boy was really a mystery, one that Link —sadly— may never solve. _

"_Stay here," Link __said vehemently__. Then, with little strength he forced the lad to let go of his sleeve. Without looking back, he walked to his squad leader._

_Once in front of Madarao, Link had no word's to defend himself, so he kept quiet. Madarao didn't have to say anything either, both knew what Link's mistake was. He disobeyed orders. He left without the squad leader's authorization. He spoke to a civil without care. He didn't act like the soldier he was, and had a superior seen him, Link would have received a beating for his insubordination. _

_As the younger lowered his head, Madarao let out a sigh. He knew Link understood his misdeeds. Only one thing left to do. The squad leader extended his hand and with the power of his authority he said:_

"_Give it to me," and he noticed Link flinching at his order. _

_Link tried to think about the things he was said yesterday, about the huge pressure he was feeling at that moment, at that order… he… he didn't want to… but… but…_

_He HAD to._

_Without a single noise on his part, the apprentice of crow brought the card he so desperately wanted to hide out from his pocket. And without thinking about it anymore, he handed his one single treasure to Madarao. _

_The older soldier didn't even look at it. He simply took it and once in his possession he tore it._

_Once._

_Twice._

_And many more._

_Link felt a shiver with every noise the card made as it was destroyed. He felt a bitter taste in his mouth and a burning sensation in his eyes. And a part of his mind wondered if the young clown was looking at this as well… looking at his favorite card been tore apart. _

_Once the card was reduced to smithereens of paper, the soldier let them fall to the floor, and ordered Link to look at him in the eye. _

"_I'm sorry Howard, but this is how things are. You are a soldier now, remember that." _

_With that, the older boy turned and began to walk. Link, stilled confused with the turmoil of his feelings within, allowed an stoic mask to cover it all as he followed his squad leader the way he knew Madarao expected him to do. _

_Link was a soldier._

_Nothing less._

_Nothing more._

_Oo_

Link looked as the young and submissive reflection retreated from the scene. He was aware that his squad leader had done nothing but what he thought best for him. He was not resentful at all. Had a superior ever found out about this, or the card he had been given, the young apprentice would have been severely punished. He could have been whipped or beaten. For his own well being, he needed to be reminded of his position and his mission. Madarao was only being a good leader; he simply took the right decision. And yet…

For some unknown reason, Link felt that something within him had been broken along with that card. His younger self felt confused and lost, and thought he did not resent his leader, he couldn't look at the elder in the eyes for a good while… till he eventually forgot…

The inspector now knew why he had forgotten. It was because of the training. The almost inhuman training every crow had to go through to become an active agent. During the whole year he was placed under that training, the conditioning, the physical torture, everything slowly erased every trace of weakness in his system. And just as he had forgotten about his days of physical illness, he had also forgotten about any possible rebelling memory he had. And if there was ever one rebellious memory he had to erase, this one had to be the most dangerous according to his superiors. Just as a light, Link simply turned it off and left it in darkness. As far as he was concerned, he never met a clown boy and he never got any card…

But that was a mistake… cause he was here right now… and the boy…

The inspector turned his head around so fast that had he been awake he would have hurt his neck. What was the boy's reaction? Was it anger? Or sadness for his favorite card?

Link saw the small child walking towards the place the pieces of his card were. The soldier saw how the white apparition walked behind the child, a hand hovering close to his head as if trying to give comfort.

The boy stopped and picked a piece up. He looked at it with what Link could identify as longing.

"Clown and pie… guess you can't save everyone," mumbled the child as a single tear fell down his cheek.

Link felt sad and wanted to say something… anything. He tried to get closer to the boy, but found out he couldn't move. There was a weird pressure in the air that made it hard for him to breath. Looking for the source, he found out that it seemed to emanate from the bored masked clown. The figure was throwing a lot of malice with a simple glance at him. Link was… dare he say it? … scared.

The white clown raised his hands and gave on single powerful clap. The whole place was bathed in darkness. Almost as if someone had turned off the lights, only leaving a small spotlight in the middle surrounding the clown, the boy and him. The small boy seemed to have been frozen for he didn't move at all. Link swallowed hard as the clown walked towards him.

The inspector took a step back before deciding to end with the whole ruse.

"So… I allowed your favorite card to be destroyed and now you're mad at me, Walker?" he said, his voice trembling a little, Link wasn't sure why he couldn't control his nerves like he normally would. "I know that boy is you, Allen Walker. Not difficult to guess, and it was confirmed when he reappeared with only one glove!" the clown suddenly stopped. He tilted his head to the side, his left hand scratching his white hair in a silly motion as if saying "Is that so? My… how sad."

That's when the inspector noticed the clown's sleeve, the one that had a new ribbon tied to it. And to his horror —although, he didn't knew why it terrified him so much— he saw a red stain spreading slowly over the cloth. The clown soon noticed where his eyes had landed and somehow the realization made his whole visage turn darker. Link feared that the clown was going to turn this dream into a nightmare. At least he did till a small voice cut through to them both.

"Gee, Mate. You alright?" to the inspector's surprise, the white clown seemed to flinch a little before turning to see the little boy's figure looking at him curiously. The clown hid his 'bleeding' arm behind his back and rubbed his neck with the other, looking as if he was apologizing to the child for something.

"Now, don't go faking, show me!" the white clown recoiled a little before allowing his hand to come to the front again. The boy shook his head with some disappointment.

"My, ya really ain't a good clown, are ya?" said the child as he crossed his arms over his chest looking at the other with bored eyes. "Well… we can't let ya ruin the act like that! A white Joy* must always present himself with pride!"

Walker nodded at the younger boy as he cowered a little to the side, almost like a child that was being scolded by his parents. The brunette child pulled his only glove a little to fit better on his small hand as he advanced towards the inspector throwing a gaze at the other clown making him recoiled once more.

"No other way I guess," he said as he stood in front of the inspector giving him a good mischievous smile. "I'll have to show ya how it's done!"

Links' fear had suddenly dissipated itself, all of it gone. The clown no longer presented a threat, not more than a scared kitty would. He turned his gaze to the boy in front of him who was skipping from foot to foot in excitement.

"Now, if you please give me your attention, Mr. Soldier Sir!" he said as he stopped all his movements and stood straight in front of him. Then with a strong voice the boy said: "Soldier! Stand straight!"

Link wasn't sure why he did it, but his body moved against his will. It forced him into position and nothing he could do would free him from there. It was as if a strong pressure had posed itself over him, as if he was tied to strings that this child was master of.

"Soldier, where are your manners? Salute!" the child commanded, making a fake salute himself before moving his hands to his back.

Link was forced once more to obey. He was trying to fight it, he was! But it just caused more strain to his body. He could feel sweat forming on his brow.

"Now soldier, to the floor and give two hundred!" laughed the boy with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Wha-?" and before the inspector could do anything about it, he fell to the floor and began making push-ups.

All the while the boy kept laughing and counting in a silly authoritative voice "One!Two! Three!" and adding things like "No, not good enough!" or "Faster!" or the most annoying "That one doesn't count!"

To poor tired Link it was a torture. Since he was trying so bad to resist following a child's orders, he found the common exercise to be three times more difficult than it should have been. It was till the point he simply surrendered and willingly followed the order.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Link finished the exercises. Too tired to stand, he stayed kneeling.

The command he had received held such authoritative power over the inspector that even after fullfilled, Link could not move at free will.

The child clown got closer to his kneeling and panting form.

"Gee... following orders sure doesn't seem fun,huh?"

Link raised his eyes to meet the boy's, who was looking down at him with a genuily curious expression, both hands in his pants' pockets balancing playfully on the ball of his feet.

"Why would you obey orders?" he asked softly.

Why? Oh, why? Link shook his head to clear his thoughts, but found his confusion growing instead. It was as if someone had placed him in some kind of Auto-pilot mode. His lips moved by themselves letting out an answer that he had not actually thought about.

"Because I'm supposed to."

The child's face made a funny expression as he stopped his movements.

"Why?" he asked again.

Link sighed.

"Because that's what a soldier does," he answered automatically.

The boy pouted a little before whispering sadly.

"Even if they told you to do something you know is wrong?"

Link's mind froze for a second. Even if it was wrong? He's done that before: followed orders when they seemed wrong. But who was he to determine if they were good or bad? At the end, in war, sometimes you had to do bad things to achieve the greater good, right?

"A soldier never questions his orders." But the answer felt wrong. It was all he had been taught since he was a child, and yet, it somehow felt wrong.

"Who told you that?" asked the boy, obviously miffed by that answer.

"My superiors."

Little Allen snorted. The inspector felt guilty by his words' effect on the boy, and also because he had always answered like that to this kind of questions. This auto pilot thing, was quite normal, part of the soldier mode, just to say what he was taught to say, nothing more, nothing less. Link closed his eyes tightly fighting his growing frustration. That was how it had always been and how it will always be.

A soft sound told him that the boy was getting closer to him. opening his eyes, he saw the child now standing right in front of him.

"But... you have your own thoughts too. You have more inside than just a soldier."

The inspector frowned sadly.

"I'm not a child anymore," he said feeling an intense pressure on his chest. "I grew up. I have to follow orders now."

The child puffed his cheeks in annoyance and turned around crossing his small arms over his chest.

"Yes, you are not a child anymore, but..." he grumbled before looking at the inspector in the eyes."Tell me Mr. Howard, when did you stop being human?"

Those eyes, those blue gray eyes, they had a weird kind of frozen fire shining in them, they burned deep into your soul and made you shiver at the same time, like a frostbite. Link could not answer to that, he was petrified.

"You are a person, are you not?" demanded the child. "You are a person that misses his friends, one that has quite the sweet tooth, on that -not knowing it- takes care of others with dedication. You are not a child anymore, but under that soldier pelt you hide in, you are the same person you were back then!"

The boy looked with expectancy at the teen's face, waiting for a reply. Link shook out of his astonishment. His confused mind only allowed him to register one emotion at the moment and it was anger. He was mad that this boy was consistently trying to destroy all he had always consider to be truth, he was not going to give in to that.

"Maybe. maybe I have all of that," he said admitting that that part might be right, but then glared at the child as he continued. "But the world requires me to take my mission seriously. To stop the akuma, to save innocent lives, WE MUST FOLLOW ORDERS!"

The clown boy, far from being afraid or annoyed at the outburst, simply looked at the teen with a bored expression. Letting out a sigh, the boy brought his hands to his hips and leaned his body closer to the inspector making them be face to face.

"So tell me, Oh! mighty soldier, have you stopped this 'akumas' yet?"

The inspector's eyes widened at the question. The boy was invading his personal space again, and that made him even more nervous.

"No... not yet," was his feeble answer.

The bored expression didn't change.

"Have you stopped innocent people from dying then?"

The inspector tried to come with an elaborate answer, but found none.

"No... I haven't."

The child huffed as he backed up crossing his arms again.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but somehow your little 'world saving plan' doesn't seem to be working very well."

"Still, I-" but the inspector never got to excuse himself for the boy shut him up with another question.

"By following orders, tell me, have you avoided hurting the people you want to protect?" he said accusiatingly.

"well... I..."

"Are you able to say you have no regrets?"

"..."

"Were you never hurt by an order you had to obey?"

"..." the inspector bit his lower lip, he was really frustrated.

"The world is a cruel place. Trust me, I know it. People die, and you can die as well."

"That's why... I have to-"

"No. No you haven't got to." said the boy with finality.

"But-" a white gloved hand was held in front of his face to silence him. The little clown wanted no excuses, and Link knew that, but he could... he could not...

"Did you know?" asked the boy as he looked to the inexistent sky as if musing over his own words. "Orders are just words," the boy looked down at Link with a sad but gentle smile. "They are only a string of words given to you. It depends completely on you if they become something more. You decide to make then into actions, between making them real or not. There is no excuse saying that someone else told you to do it. You chose to do them. You can always refuse, but you chose to accept."

Link lowered his head trying to hide from the child's gaze.

"It's not that simple..."

"Yes! Yes, it is!" interjected the child in frustration. "You're a soldier! You live to protect, you go to battle to protect that which you consider worth of protection, isn't it?"

Link recoiled a little at the child's tone of voice. "Yes…" he answered feebly.

"So, what if refusing to obey gets you in trouble? What if they punish you? What if they kill you?" growled the boy, a knowing shine passed quickly through his cold eyes. "If you are so willing to die for that in which you belief, then why can't you die as easily to protect that which you wish to protect? If their orders go against what you want to defend… then… why do you let it happen?" the last part came out a little broken, the boy had a pleading expression as he begged the soldier for an explanation he could not —for all his existence— understand.

But the inspector had none.

The boy sighed, his expression saddening as he calmed down.

"You are not a child anymore. You are big now," those ice cold eyes began melting. Suddenly, the frozen fire became pure flames of conviction. "You should be able to choose your own path now. So… if you don't like their answers, if you are not truly convinced that they are right, then why follow?"

A small smile appeared on his pale face as he continued.

"If you want a piece of this life's pie, don't expect them to give you permission, don't wait for them to order you to grab it, just do it. If they get mad at you for that, let them rant all they want," then with a mischievous smile he said: "Besides, life without trouble would be utterly boring."

The inspector's mind tried processing all this information. The only thing that was clear to him was that this boy was indeed Allen Walker. The conviction he, in his young age, seemed to have was the same he had perceived in the young exorcist's desire to save. With or without orders, following or not the superiors wishes, Allen simply wanted to protect, and even if he had to get himself in trouble, even if he risked himself becoming a traitor, he never doubted in doing what he believed had to be done to save everyone (even his own enemies sometimes). But…

The inspector's hands clenched into tight fists. This was too much for him. He could not be asked to do this. He could not change a whole life of service to suddenly start creating a new path. Howard Link didn't know how to guide himself in a world without orders; his free will was so subdued that he could barely feel it. Only in counted situations had he allowed it to take over his actions… so few… so small… but there was always something in common: they had all been because of Allen Walker. It was so unfair!

His life made complete sense before meeting Allen Walker, everything was so calculated, so perfectly thought of. He knew exactly what to do, and now, now he knew nothing at all!

"It's so confusing!" he mumbled in despair as he lowered his head in shame. "If I have to doubt it all, then in what should I believe?" he could feel small irritated tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He felt so lost, so in need of saving.

And saving he got.

A small gentle hand fell on his shaking shoulder. He raised his head and saw the boy giving him a smile, a gentle genuine smile. It was the smile Allen gave them when he was happy or satisfied with any of his comrades.

"For instance…" said the child with a soft voice; "you can start believing this," the boy stood straight and said in command "Repeat after me soldier! I am Howard Link!"

The command was there, the need was there, but something was new: the warmth, the desire to do.

And he found himself repeating.

"I…I am H-Howard Link."

The boy smiled nodding.

"I'm a teenager!" he said with strength.

"I-I'm a teenager!" answered the soldier.

"I no longer get sick easily!"

"I no longer get sick easily!" answered the inspector, feeling motivated as he did. Without him noticing, he was slowly beginning to rise.

"I care for my comrades!"

"I care for my comrades!"

"I freakin love pie!" the inspector almost fell down while sweat dropping.

"I…I like pie," he offered.

"I said: I freakin love pie!"

"I…"

"Soldier! I said: I freakin love pie!"

Closing his eyes and standing up, the inspector screamed.

"I FREAKIN LOVE PIE!"

The child looked at the panting teen with pride, then relaxing his posture, he said softly.

"And I am more than a soldier. I can make my own decisions and now that I'm aware of that, I'll try to do what I truly want for myself."

The inspector was about to repeat when the child raised his hand to stop him.

"You don't have to repeat if you don't want to, right?" he asked winking at him.

"No… I don't," answered the teen with a small smile of his own.

"Good!" said the child with a smile before giving a full command. "Now soldier! To the floor and give me twenty!"

But the inspector —to his surprise— didn't fall. Link stood for a second and notice he didn't feel the oppressing need to follow the order. A sigh of relief escaped from him at the feeling this freedom gave him.

"Excellent," said the child with a satisfied smile. "Now, don't forget our promise! As long as you're near the 'crowned clown'…"

"I'll try my best to have fun." completed Link with a gentle smile.

The boy cheered excitedly.

"I knew you could be fun!" he said between chuckles as he skipped his way back to the timid looking white clown that kept himself away from the scene all the time.

The boy raised his arms with joy as if showing something to the bored clown. The clown nodded silently to the boy and extended his dirtied arm to the little one. Link watched with amusement as the little memory covered the red stains with both hands and saying an 'Hocus Pocus' made a small cloud of white smoke appear before revealing a brand new and clean sleeve. "Ta da!" he chanted and the older white clown jumped back as if impressed at the little one's talent.

"See! This is how you make the act! Now you're ready, go back and finish it! I couldn't have made it easier for you!"

Link could only smile as the big white clown nodded with enthusiasm and took the hands of the small clown boy forcing him to take part in his small dance to nonexistent music. The little boy laughed mirthfully at this, the older clown kept his bored face but the movement of his shoulders was proof of his inner laughter. This peaceful moment lasted a few seconds, till a new sound appeared on the scene.

It was a clapping noise, the sound of only one pair of hands clapping strongly. The small Allen stopped in his tracks and turned to look into the darkness for the clapping noise. A bright smile appeared on his cute little face.

"Papa!" he said with joy. The child let go of the other clown's hands and ran to the border of the light. The big clown tried to catch him, but wasn't fast enough. The little boy waved at them before running into the darkness, laughing on his way.

For some reason he couldn't explain, Link felt a few tears falling from his eyes at this sight. As if something really sad had happened, but he wasn't sure what. He could only bring his right hand to touch the tears that had refused to fall during the entire dream but that this simple scene seemed to unleash. He sighed.

The white clown was looking at him, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his neck, the clown seemed just as uncomfortable as him. Link cleaned his eyes with his sleeve.

"Now what, Walker?" he asked with true curiosity. He would regret it later.

As soon as he had said that, the clown ran to him taking him by force into his arms, bridal style! Then walked to the border of the scenery and giving him a 'kiss' just as he had done before, he simply threw the unsuspecting teen out into the darkness.

The inspector blinked twice before registering what was happening. Since he already knew he was falling and that the clown wasn't going to stop him, he decided not to scream. Just so maybe, he could annoy that stupid Jocker.

* * *

Shaking his dizzy head, the inspector rose to his knees from where he had landed. It appeared that Walker had a liking to throw people around, a little too much. The soft sound of shuffling made him look up, just in time to see the bored clown shuffling his beloved deck once more.

The inspector stood up and noticed his surroundings had changed again; he was —apparently— back at the mirror stage. The unreflecting surface was there, behind him, just as broken as ever.

The clown looked at the inspector in the eyes before throwing him a card. The inspector's reflexes, now back to normal, reacted in time, catching it before it could touch his face. Turning it around, he saw just what he thought he would see…

The joker card with the "The crowned clown" inscription.

A small smile formed on his lips. The Inspector allowed his thumb to tenderly glide over the golden letters that were now present on it.

Looking up towards the clown, Link nodded, understanding the silent command, or petition, he had been made. In one swift movement he threw the card back to the clown who caught it and placed it back into the deck.

Then, out of nowhere Link felt the need to clap at the clown, who began making his weird little dance around the place. The inspector clapped, half forced, half wanting to. The clown danced and danced till he came to stop in front of a door Link hadn't noticed before.

The white apparition signaled Link to it, and the inspector nodded once more before going to grab the handle. Looking back at Walker's figure for the last time, the inspector opened the door allowing himself to be pulled to the other side.

* * *

When he woke up, he felt all the pain of his leg attacking him, proving that he was indeed awake. It was weird to think about it, but it actually made him feel relieved. He wasn't dreaming anymore.

The inspector slowly sat up on his bed. He was still moved by all the things this dream had brought back to him. But overall, he was intrigued about it all. The fact he had forgotten, the fact Allen had gotten mad when he connected it all, the fact the child's departure seemed to make him so sad, and apparently made the clown sad as well. He tried but could not place his finger on what it was that made him feel so uncomfortable about it.

That clown was both, amusing and scary: sometimes an annoyance, some others a deviant creature worth of darker nightmares. Link shook his head; he was thinking too much about it, no point in searching a dream for such deep implications, right?

Turning to the other side of the room, Link noticed the empty bed of his roommate. He was supposed to keep an eye on Allen walker at all times… but… was that the reason for his sudden need to see him. For some reason he wanted to see Allen, was it because of the order?

No.

No it wasn't because of that, it was because of his orders that he had left him before. This time it was something else. It was a petition. It was that petition he had not fulfilled so many years ago. The small clown's silent petition as he took hold of his coat's sleeve.

"_Please, don't leave."_

That day, he had given up on something important, something that he was slowly getting back. But what was most important, was that he could now choose to follow someone's petition instead of obeying someone's orders. He could get in trouble but…

"What is life without some trouble?" he mumbled with a little amused smile. He could almost hear a small voice in his head saying _"It's boring!"_

Taking the crouches from beside his bed, the inspector pushed himself to stand. Taking a few seconds to find his balance, he began to walk to the door, and then to the dark hallways of the black order.

* * *

Once he was close to Walker's room in the medical wing, he heard two voices bickering softly, voices that became clearer as he got closer.

"I won't!" grumbled one.

"Oh, come one! It's your turn!" whined the other.

"No, no it isn't."

"Yes, yes it is!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO!"

"YES!"

Then, there was a sudden noise of things colliding and some moaning.

"Would you stop acting so childishly?"

There was a low growling sound and a soft but whiny voice that said: "yes, mom."

Link found with no surprise that the room with the unconscious exorcist was already occupied with some visits. Lenalee Lee was looking quite mad at a scowling Kanda Yu and a laughing Lavi Bookman. It was something he was used to see. But the noise they were making was hardly welcome in the place they were at. Clearing his throat, everyone turned to see him at the door.

"I suggest lowering your voice; it could make the patients uncomfortable."

The girl exorcist stood up with a surprised expression.

"Inspector Link? What are you doing here?" she asked softly, although, he could see she was slightly nervous.

"Tch," Kanda threw him a glare as he crossed his arms. "The idiot beansprout's still unconscious; can't you stop following your orders for a while?"

Link was impressed that the samurai exorcist had said so much to him, normally he was quite silent.

"Yeah, two spot, leave Allen for a while, you can go back to stalking him when he gets better," suggested bookman Jr. but Link saw the annoyance in his uncovered eye. The inspector sighed, Allen may treat him with a weird kind of welcoming attitude, but his comrades weren't with him on that.

"Believe it or not," he began with a calm voice. "I'm here only to fulfill a promise, not following orders," with no more, he went to take sit on a chair on the side of the room, not paying any mind at the exorcists' confused expressions. He wasn't here to answer to them, he was here because he wanted to be here. Nothing more, nothing else.

There was silence as the exorcists seemed to think to themselves, sharing a silent conversation through mysterious gazes and gestures. Suddenly, Lenalee decided to speak to him, and what she said, or more like, asked took him by surprise.

"Link… did Allen-kun came to see you in your dreams?" her voice had a nervous edge to it, and the other to exorcists went from looking at her to look at the inspector.

Link looked at her with wide eyes.

And then he gave a nod.

The room fell in silence once more.

* * *

Back in the mirror room …

The poor clown lay sprawled on the floor; his body was covered by small little stains that made his elegant figure look so old and weakened. Like a toy that had been thrown to the bottom of an old toy trunk and forgotten for a long, long time.

He had to move, but he really didn't want to. He almost wanted to give up the next part. The show was almost over; surely someone else could finish it? From the darkness, music came and the soft whispers of the audience, all were encouraging the clown to continue, it was almost over and he was doing such a good job!

Crawling in his hands and knees, he made every single effort to reach the beautiful mirror. Taking his now dirty mask of he tried to place it in its rightful place… but fell down on his face, too tired to move. He was going to give up but… HE WAS THE MAIN STAR! THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

With on last effort he pushed the mask, but this time he could not stop himself from falling completely into the mirror. He disappeared from the sight of the audience that held their breath in contemplation. Then, after a while and without any warnings, a pure white figure jumped out of the mirror spinning in the air and falling to his knees making a wonderful pirouette. The audience clapped in excitement. He was back on the stage.

The clown bowed to them, and snapped his fingers making a new door appear. He could feel it: the climax of the story was near. He had to see that it was perfect. The stripped bow was rightly tied; the shirt was tidy and everything in place. Now he only had to prepare the stage, so everything went according to the plot. His last mask prepared, and his other props ready.

After a small interlude, the show will reach its peak.

* * *

Well, that was it, hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to leave a review with your opinion. And hopefully I'll have the next chapter as soon as possible.

Info:

White Joy*: is the clown that dresses mostly in white, belongs to the group of White faced clowns known for their multiple abilities from juggling to magic, and their mischievous attitude on stage.

As always thanks to my dear friend Sazdx for helping me repair some mistakes in my writing.

See you in the next part!


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